Some days it feels as though I'm short on life preservers.
When I look in all directions there is someone who needs one.....perhaps they aren't drowning but they could use a lift, a break, a rest.....my first instinct is always to run headlong in to save the day with my cape waving in the breeze behind me. What is it those flight attendants always say? Put on your own oxygen mask first, or you can't help the people around you... I'm learning that my knee jerk reaction, to run in and save the day, isn't always the best response. It's a response led by me, not Him. Long ago a wise woman told me it's not always my job. That by trying to rescue everyone, every time, I may actually be hurting them. Training them to rely on me too much. Stealing opportunities for others to step in and be a blessing. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. People need to flounder before they will fight to swim.
I think I've gotten better but it hasn't gotten easier. What I have learned is to not jump too quickly to respond. To evaluate where I am most needed.....making sure that the needs of my family come first and that they are my first priority. "No" is a hard word to say to anyone I care about...even when I know I need to say it. It doesn't yet come out eloquently or as directly as it should. I've also learned not to offer help unless I intend to follow through. Unless I CAN. This too is tough to not spit out the ready response of "let me know if you need anything".
This season is teaching me that being fully in the right now, moment to moment, is where I need to learn to be. Abandoning my own plans, great or small. To be freed up to hear Him and do as He asks.
In this moment, I feel silenced. Perhaps I would be too reactive....instead of responsive. Perhaps He has plans to use someone else. Whatever it is doesn't matter. I'm trying to stay out and stay quiet until He ushers me forward. It's not comfortable but that crazy sense of peace, that is only from Him, is there so I know its right.
Be buoyant. Stay put. Listen. Watch. Wait. Shhh. Be still.
Okay. Teach me.