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Sunday, December 4, 2011

When I remember my potential for hilarity, I smile because God loves the world enough to know it couldn't handle me without brain damage.

I'm always trying to find the positive in things.  You know....search for a lovely thing and you will find it.  This morning I was reminded how much God love me/us and how well He knows us.

First, when I savored a half a bavarian cream doughnut at 3 points this morning for breakfast.  Yes, just one more thing to add to the whopping pile of evidence that God loves me and wants me to be happy.   Yes, I believe God cares about even the little trivial delights in my life.


Secondly, when I all of a sudden realized through a random crazy-train of thought, that perhaps my brain damage was a gift to the people who would enter into my life.....because without it, I would just be too much to handle.  If left to my own devices, unhindered.....I have the potential to be completely hilarious....even if only in my own mind.   But, due to a serious knock on the head at 15, I get so sucked into being a serious adult and trying to keep track of what is going on (and lets face it, trying to appear totally "normal") that I totally miss the funnier things.....until way later when all of a sudden I realize that making my 6'6 husband try on the red leather moccasins at Nordstrom's Rack (because they carry size 16 canoes for mammoth men like him) was totally a picture worthy moment.  I missed it.  Granted I may have missed it because I was having too much fun trying to get him to put on all the crazy looking shoes.....and laughing hysterically.   But still.....had I realized that I should be taking pictures I could have forgotten all about it, found the pictures later a relived the hilarity all over again.   Now, I will just forget it and then miss out in the future.  That is lame....but it's my cross to bear.

Perhaps I should take a page from the Bloggess (a completely and totally crazy profane woman who has a mass of health issues but somehow maintains an incredible sense of humor - I can only assume that if I weren't  ultra conservative and didn't have a brain injury that I would be exactly like her, and the world just couldn't handle two people like Jenny Lawson.  If you have no tolerance for poor language, do not read her blog.) and use my disabilities as opportunities for humor........which brought me to another thought on my crazy-train this morning.

I accepted my short comings long ago.  Brain injury and weird diet....but perhaps I should just face the label of disabled.    It might explain why I keep getting mail from the Scooter Store.....and a scooter would be seriously fun.  I'd like flames and lots of chrome on mine, thank you.

Other than in random moments when I totally let my guard down, I'm a fairly uptight, insecure chick who has allowed the fat lady to take over.   I haven't recognized the fat girl in the mirror for years.  She ate the skinny, energetic, confident girl I once was.....the one who was funnier and didn't care what other people thought.  The fat girl thinks WAY TOO MUCH about what other people think......but I have a feeling that says more about me than other people....in my head I still feel like the skinny girl, until I see a mirror and realize the fat girl is keepin her down.

Then I pondered how I would evolve once the fat girl is gone and the skinny girl is re-released to the public.  Will I drive my husband batty?   Will there be more laughter in the house?   Or will there just be a whole lot more crazy......and eye rolling and head shaking....the kids do that a lot already....

What I do know for sure is that we would most certainly own something like this:
I once saw a teapot similar to this at an antique place and have regretted not buying it ever since.  Ugly? Yes, in the most delightful hilarious way that would bring serious joy.......I mean for someone like me, who would forget that I own it.  I could rediscover it over and over in random places in the house providing repeated outbursts of laughter.   Seriously, this is how my brain works.  I forget stuff, all the time, probably more than other people realize cuz I'm awesome at hiding it and the only consistent thing I remember is I used to have an awesome, nearly perfect, memory...and sometimes I forget that I don't anymore.....yeah, that gets confusing.   (but movies are awesome cuz I get to watch them over and over like it was the first time....SEE silver lining! You can always find the lovely if you look for it!)  If anyone actually knew how many times a day I forget something and totally question whether I have the signs of early onset Alzheimer's and then freak out a little until I forget that I forgot something and then just move on like it never happened......true story.

I should probably tell you that my husband made the coffee this morning.  Normally that's my job......it turned out kinda strong.........and I forgot that I got my Green Tea supplements this week so I tossed back my vitamins this morning -  which included a green tea cap - with a double cup of extra strong coffee.   I might be just a little jacked up.  Maybe.

I'm sure I'll work it off on the treadmill later.

See ya tomorrow, less jacked up, for weigh-in Monday.

Blessings for a groovy kind of love on this blessed day of rest,
the Mrs.



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