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Monday, March 26, 2012

weigh in monday 21 - 5 bucks

+.6   yeah.....not exactly wanting to write this post today.  BUT transparency and accountability need to go hand in hand to do their work.  Right?

Today is a day that weighs heavy in more than one way.....a final meeting with the school, test results and recommendations, if any.   I have been wound so tight about this meeting for so long (since before Christmas) that I'm not sure I recall being unwound anymore.  What I desire to do this afternoon and what I need to do are very different things.

What I would love to do is march in there and tell them to keep their "findings" to themselves and any suggestions they have, they can shove.  My boy is fine, happy, content and doing very well in life.....in every one's eyes but their tiny little group.  He is not required to fit into their box.

What I know I need to do is pray all day that I will listen more than I speak, that I will be slow to anger, that I will understand what they say - especially since they choose to speak in a way that assumes I speak their teacher language - that I will not cry and be all emotional because yes - AGAIN - the meeting is right when my "femininity" chooses to arrive with bags of hormones. (Funny story - this meeting was first scheduled to happen nearly 2 weeks ago but within 48 hours of being scheduled it was changed...twice.  It's like they were trying to calculate my cycle - for maximum effect - and the original estimation was off....you did indeed calculate correctly the last time.  Thanks.  I mean what would a meeting be with me as a normal, not overly hormonal, person? We will never know....) I need to remember that while these meetings are so heavy, negative and draining to me as a mom......it doesn't mean that the outcome will be.

I've found comfort in that other mom's feel the same dread, weight and negativity attached to these meetings even when the anticipated outcome is positive.  Deconstructing your child in this way is just plain unpleasant.  Knowing others feel this same build up of yuck helps me to feel a little less "crazy mom".  

I feel as rainy and gross as the weather outside today.

5 bucks needs to go into the jar.....guess I need to make that jar now.  Awesome.

Blessings for the weight you carry to be lifted from your shoulders today,
the Mrs.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Thanks

It appears that 1,000 views has come and gone.

Like I said.....I'm not sure what a blogger does with that but I thank you for reading - whoever you are, where ever you are in the world.

The blogs of others have touched my heart and taught me so much.  A mere 5 of those 1,001 views chose to hit the "follow me" button.....or whatever that thing says.  Whether you choose that or not.....I can only hope that if you come here regularly, you find encouragement....something real, honest and transparent.

Just one woman muddling her way through life, trying to do it right....falling down a lot......but always looking to my Savior to get me through.

May the Lord bless you richly with His presence,
Many thanks,
the Mrs.

a simple life

Things from generations before me have always drawn me to them like a magnet.   There is something comforting about them.   They carry with them the sentiments of a simpler time when things moved slower.  They drew you into relationship with others instead of distracting and drawing you out into the world. Manners were important, grace and appreciation were found in easy abundance.  Pride in ones work and respect for an other's wasn't hard to come by.  Doing something well, instead of fast, was not something to think twice about.

Mr teases my Donna Reed dream sometimes (though even she might be more modern than the lifestyle I'm drawn to).  Not with malice but with love.  I take it as a sign of success.  What I'm trying to accomplish in our home is working and it helps me to keep going.

A simple life.  One where convenience isn't a priority.  Food is made from scratch, things are used and taken care of so they can be reused instead of disposed of.  Home is a place where people matter more than the things, a bowl can be broken - forgiveness served with a smile - and help with the mess received.  A life where attitude and character count more than money or grades.   Effort is applauded in successes so the focus is on the person and not the object of accomplishment.

We live in a world where a fancy phone is so impressive people covet whatever the new model is but a beautiful sunset is shrugged off.   They are one of a kind, never repeated, never seen again.  I hope, with enough time, to teach my family that a spectacular sunset is worth stopping for.....worth attracting their attention.  Gadgets come and go but the deep and true things in life are what is worth paying attention to.  

This life of simplicity that I slowly try to weave into our normal existence goes so far beyond the antique "outdated" ways......it is the substance that flows underneath.  Quality over quantity not just with things but with relationships.   Building an atmosphere to nurture the spirit as well as the body....a place so stable and unwavering it embraces and accepts all who enter, touching them so deeply they are changed when they leave.   Home is so much more than a structure.   Home is a safe haven, a recharging station, a place where we grow, contemplate who we are, what we have learned and where we discover our innermost identity.

A home that is clean and tidy can be welcoming and inviting, to the mind as well as the body, but there is a line that can be crossed.  When the focus moves too intently on the things in the home or some image that must be portrayed.  When people feel they cannot sit anywhere or that they are too low to be in the space, that line has been crossed.  Making a home is an art, an act of love and learning that takes trying and failing.  You need to make a mess of some things before you can learn to make them truly beautiful.

Simplifying life leaves more room to experience it, to love those who are in it.  Our homes, like our souls, need to be purged now and again to get rid of the useless things we hang on to.   Clutter is so much more than visual chaos.   Often it represents something deeper.....things from our past that we've not addressed.  Hurt we cling to so we can use it as a weapon when we feel threatened.  Or a mark of having become complacent...too easily overlooking things that need attention......being blind to the obvious or simple laziness.

Personally I find that my home often represents where I am internally.   When my home is in chaos, often, so am I.  When our home is cluttered, so is my mind.  I think many people are that way, in that their space is reflective of where they are inside, but not everyone identifies the connection.  

I can identify several areas where I've been slipping in my home.  I struggle to maintain a schedule that I know keeps me efficient.   It's a process after all.   Not a perfect one and it doesn't look or feel the same for any two people but we must make the effort.  It is worth the effort.   They are worth the effort.

The wise woman builds her house but the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
Prov. 14:1

Blessings to you for all the richness of a simple, un-distracted life.
the Mrs.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

a brief ponder....

I just noticed I'm approaching 1000 views.

Not exactly sure how excited I should get.....while still thinking that it's pretty darn cool.   What does one do when they reach such a number?  A little dance?  Buy myself something pretty?  A simple thank you?  This is unknown territory.

on another note - I have been trying to abstain from negativity....there is just so much of it everywhere.
Be the light you want to see.
I said.
What happens when you put that out there?  Negativity comes knocking on the door, dancing and shakin its rump right in your face.  And in your dreams, by the way.  I'm attempting to fight my way through and not engaging in conversation where there is opportunity to join in on the party.   All yesterday afternoon I opted to not answer my phone.....which may or may not have been wise considering people kept calling and then NOT leaving a message.

What else is my answering machine for?  It needs work people....otherwise it will just sit there and get fat.  No one wants that.

Blessings to us all for the mental discipline to fight the negative nelly's of the world, 
the Mrs.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Gains and losses

There's a lot of reflecting in weight loss.  On food, what we did right and what we did wrong.  Exercise...the various options and what works for you, what makes you recoil and pretend you have no idea that it has a benefit.   Techniques, counting, posture, steps, combinations of foods, beverages, water, water, water....  What made us gain weight in the first place?  Laziness, stuffing emotions, trying to fill a hole, confusing spiritual hunger for physical hunger?   When was the last time I was at this new weight?  What was I doing at that time in my life and what did I think about how I weighed at that time?

In the last week or so I've been reflecting on that last one and how it affects me today.   I've noticed a pattern in my loss.  Each time I reach a weight that I can connect with a clear moment, memory, life event....I stumble.  I stop and seem to nestle into it.  I gain.  I can't seem to figure out why though.   Is there something I need to address in that memory?   Something I need to come to terms with?  

I honestly don't know.....but those markers are a danger to my loss.....to my motivation.   I'm in that rut right now.   I had hit my weight watchers low of 165.4.....memory attachment.....I reached this weight after Mr and I went on the Atkins diet.  I was pregnant not long after.  It was a fun time in life....besides all the fear that I wouldn't be able to conceive.    Obviously I did.

Maybe it's simply the mental hurdle of then I couldn't believe that I was that heavy and I was disgusted with myself and now I can't believe I've come this far and I'm actually seeing a number that low.   What was high has now become low.  Maybe it's just the collision of two vastly different emotions over the exact same thing?

Whatever it is, the simple awareness of this pattern needs to be put to use.  I need to address each of those landmark numbers equipped to push through, find ways to refresh my motivation in those times.  I have a goal to make....it might not be a date at this point but it is a date with a number.   I know, I know, "it's not about a number, it's about being healthy" but lets be honest......healthy is sometimes represented by a number.  That's what represents healthy to me.

I wonder if it's very common for those landmark numbers to trip others up - I don't mean a plateau but more that mental rut.

I'm here now....I recognize the pattern.....and now it's time to get out of the rut, reignite the motivation and move forward again.  I have gained 4.4lbs in this rut.   Time to kick them back out and push for the 50's, I want that half way mark!  I want to kick 30lbs in the butt and leave it in the dust!

Blessings for a motivational kick in the rear!
the Mrs.

Monday, March 19, 2012

weigh in monday 20 - fresh start full of opportunity

+1   ridiculous.  

Mr's personal challenge has become a family challenge....at least for 3 of us.  The Dude has the same shape I do, chicken legs with a round belly over top.  He is very into doing things "as a family", that's his phrase.  So we've all discussed it and all three of us will participate.  I've done some "ideal weight" research for his age/height/gender and he only has about 13lbs to lose to hit his range.  

The goal will be 5lb increments to hit a reward.  $30 or 1 item - whichever is more - and we shop as a family for said reward to celebrate.  The dude will be the only one who can bank his reward to double it at the next 5lbs (there are some spendy Lego sets he has his eye on!).

This is going to be good on so many levels!  We will be working as a team and teaching our son about nutrition as we go, finding ways to work out together and defining what true health is BEFORE he hits middle school.  I think our language and dieting model has been good, he seems to have a good image of what foods are "healthy" but this will be a whole new interactive level of learning.   I'm excited for this.  Not just on a "weight"/body image level but the opportunities for conversation and bonding as a family before that season in life where kids start to pull away and feel that they can't talk to their parents.   

What a blessing this will be!

We haven't set out time frames or anything but Mr and I will have our goals and Dude will have his, not competing with each other but cheering each other on and encouraging good habits!

It's a good Monday people....even with an extra pound.......I think it's all St Patty's cream puffs by the way...I made them gluten free and they were heaven.....all 800 of them....   Okay maybe not 800 but it sure was close! :)

Blessings to you for setting and achieving your goals!
the Mrs.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Spring break and manly motivation

Spring break has been fabulous!  Mr took 3 days off this week so for 5 days we were a family of four.   I LOVE that.   We have laughed, shopped, watched movies, took down outdoor lights, tried to convince each other who should do the spring poo clean up, went to an art museum (with boyfriend in tow) and had a St Patty's day family gathering with friends which included a water fight - in MARCH.  That was crazy.

The Mr and I were back to making fat jokes and complaining about clothes.  We have both done horribly in the last several weeks.  Today he decided he needed a challenge....a motivation.   He is a golf NUT.  I mean he is crazy for it like a PMSing woman loves chocolate.  Yes, that's a lot.  So he was watching golf today after church and started lusting after the cool golf polo's.  Its funny what gets him excited....he is so laid back it's hard to get real excitement out of him but Golf does with ease.

There in lies the motivation for the challenge.....for every 5lbs he loses his reward is $30 to spend on golf clothes.  I tried to get excited about this.  I really did.  So we discussed reality, budget etc and I gave a wifely "whatever".  Then somehow he decided (guilty conscience?) that I should have the same offer but altered because I cannot possibly lose as fast as he does.  So he said $30 for every 3lbs.  "Think about it."

Official weigh in to start would be tomorrow.   Hmm......I've been telling myself that I do not want any reward until I can remove the 5lbs I put on over the last month or so that I've been struggling.  I certainly NEED the summer clothes.....and the motivation would be good....

Hmmm.....its the details I'm pondering.   3lbs seems awfully small to offer a reward for.....or is that the point?

I don't know what to do.
Any ideas?

Blessings of sunny spring time joy and energy to you, 
the Mrs.



Monday, March 12, 2012

weigh in monday 19 - grr arg

+.6   ugh.

We had a big dinner party on Saturday night.  There is a local brewery that Mr loves and he posed a challenge to others in love with this brew to attempt cooking anything they could come up with that was infused with any flavor of this beer.   And the people cheered.

For only 8 people - there was enough to feed an army!  Now granted I was responsible for nonalcoholic food, basically things that I could eat.   But baking does not equal weight loss.   I DID get on the treadmill almost every day though, so that is a step in the right direction.   But I can safely say that I did not drink anywhere near enough water the 2nd  half of the week.  Lots of mistakes were made.

I can safely say that I am way too easily influenced by my surroundings.  I am disappointed that I lost momentum somewhere along the line.....I had set expectations for myself that I would be WAY farther along by now.   I mean technically I should be leaping for joy, struggling for the finish line that was set to be ONE MONTH AWAY.  I'm not yet even to the halfway mark.  STILL.  I don't think that I set my expectations too high.....I think it was realistic.

Over the last few days as I've realized all this....I've been trying to contemplate what the deal is.  It's not the first time I've hit a certain spot and just settled into it.  An illness or reaction setting me back a bit is valid....but not for this long.  What I recognized was that each time I hit a familiar weight marker - a size/number that I clearly remember being at in the past - I seem to get stuck there for a while.   Not because I plateau in a physical way but something mental must happen.   I don't have it figured out but apparently for me, contentment along the way to my destination is a dangerous thing.

When I look in the mirror now, I don't see the absence of 25 lbs or any sort of WOW.  I have sat at this place long enough that my mind now just sees where I'm at and that it's still not where I want to be.  I no longer like the way my clothes fit and my hate for this jelly belly is steadily growing.   All things can be used for good though......

This needs to be used to fuel motivation.  Self discipline isn't my forte.   But we fall down so we can learn to get back up again, right Alfred? (Yes, that was a Batman reference)

It's spring break here this week. I have both kids home and my Mr has taken the last part of the week off so we can do something fun together.   Ahh.....timing.....you are soooo awesome.   Yep, this provides lots of challenges and temptations.   ....so do the leftover raspberry lemonade bars, the coconut banana nut bread and the container of ice cream for homemade shamrock shakes.....    DANGER Will Robinson! Danger!

Thankfully I do have lots of fruit and veg in the house....I just need to eat that instead! .....and stop eating the yummy sharp cheddar.....

What are you fighting this week to stay motivated and on track?  Do you have a game plan?

Ready? BREAK!  Lets go!

Blessings to you for motivation, the ability to say no and a desire to MOVE! :)
the Mrs.

Monday, March 5, 2012

weigh in monday 18 - inching forward

A whopping -.2 today but it's in the right direction.  I am grateful for forward momentum, however small it may be.  I feel like the pain is under as much control as it needs to be for me to get moving again.   My left shoulder is still in that "move me the wrong way and it's gonna hurt" groove but for the most part it feels fine.   So I now feel like I can put effort into moving again.

Everything is an opportunity right?  So here is my opportunity to start afresh - again - and move forward.  No looking back.   That is something that the Lord seems to remind me of so often and has really been using this weight loss journey to firmly implant this lesson.   Move forward.   Eyes on Him.   Looking back should only be to reflect and learn how to move forward more effectively....not to brood on past mistakes or pains.

The reduced movement allowed my mind too much time to roam.   This too is a good lesson.   Activity is good for the mind as well as the body.  I don't ordinarily turn on the TV during the day but Netflix called my name more times than I care to fully calculate.   My body did get it's rest but my mind didn't really need so much.

Back on the wagon again.  I managed 2 hours on the treadmill last night and it felt good to be back on that routine.  I'm off to the races.....which would be my lists for all things needing attention this week that didn't get it last week.  

Blessings on your week for fresh starts and forward momentum,
the Mrs.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Permission?

A question has been plaguing me since last Sunday.

Why do Christians need permission to act like Christ?

Mr and I sat in a meeting last Sunday at church and I found myself quietly listening to pastors excitedly talking about a ministry they'd like to start.....and the Lord telling me to "shut up and listen".  My face was probably quite loud compared to my voice because I think my eyebrows were actually sore from being furrowed in confusion.   Ultimately it was a lovely outreach idea but I kept thinking....um, Duh?   I loved their excitement and passion to mobilize people to reach out in their own communities, being salt and light to people who wouldn't ordinarily "do church".  

I ended up with more questions as to why this was needed than anything else.  

Why the need to formally organize people to reach out to un-churched people in their lives?  Shouldn't that be the natural flow of every Christian?   We come to Him by whatever means and then the growing process starts, we learn and slowly we become equipped with Truth, filled with the fruits of the Spirit and then naturally we treat the world around us as an opportunity to be a skin-on representative of Christ.   We are to be Christ to everyone we meet regardless of their relationship to Jesus.  

So I wonder....why the need for this?  Is this not happening?   Are people not being Christ-like?  If not, then why not?  Are they not equipped or are they not mature?  Or both?   If so the root of the issue is not to send out a bunch of people who will effectively bring en-mass "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians, they do not act like your Christ."  

Ephesians 4:11-16 uses repeated statements about equipping, building up the body, attain to the unity of faith and knowledge, to mature manhood, no longer be children, speak the truth in love, grow up in every way, the whole body, equipped, each part is working properly.....these are all the words I underlined in this section of scripture that was used.  Not one is about outreach but how the body needs to be attended to, developed, taught and equipped.  

John 15:4  "Abide in Me and I in you.  A the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me."

Which makes me go back to the beginning.....why do Christians need "permission" to act like Christ?  What is missing in the discipleship process if they don't know how to act like Christ?

Still thinking out loud.....still processing what it is that the Lord is trying to show me in this......and what He wants me to do about it.

Blessings of His love and mercy to be new today,
the Mrs.