life is crazy. God is good.

What a week!

The Dude came home last Thursday hit by a truck of a bug and quickly hit a 103 fever.  He has been sick ever since and until today, just kept getting worse instead of better.  Urgent care on Saturday and a doctors appointment yesterday....all tests ran were negative - which is a positive.  

Instead of getting better, last night he got worse.  Labored breathing and a sore chest.....a trip to the ER was recommended by the on-call doc.

His O2 levels were up and down; 94 up to 96 and down to 92.

I now have a pharmacy on my kitchen table.  Antibiotics, inhaler, steroid, codeine cough syrup, motrin....today the exhaustion is bringing out the drug jokes.  He thinks they are funny so that's a good sign.

It was scary watching him struggle.  Closing his eyes to focus on breathing in and out as tears slowly rolled from the corners of his eyes.  So proud of how calm he was, how intelligent he responded in the car when I asked him how he was doing "If I focus on something it helps" so I watched him in the dark, mouth the words to the country song on the radio with his eyes closed and seat reclined.  He stayed calm.  It was a clear mark of growth in him.....gone was the boy who would panic at the thought of the unexpected.  Blood draws, finger pricks, urine samples, chest x-ray, EKG......all clear and he was calm.  The longer we were there, the better he seemed to get.  After 5 hours of tests and waiting (2am) we were exhausted.  Mr and I started to feel silly and wonder if we'd over reacted and ran through random what ifs.  As our Dude tried to sleep, I put my head down on my Mr's knee for a moment and lifted a few more please and thank yous to the Lord.  The stress, fog and exhaustion cleared for a moment and I looked up at Mr...."People are praying.  People are praying that this illness will have no effect, that tests will be clear, that there will be nothing found and that he will get better and that it will be nothing.  People are praying and He answered.  That's why he's gotten better, that's why we are sitting here feeling like we shouldn't have come.  Prayers were answered."  And just as suddenly, the waves of nausea I'd been fighting since we walked in - were gone, the faint feeling I'd been begging Him to take away, was gone.  I knew that once again my amazing God came through for us.

God always answers prayers.  Not always the way we want Him to or think He will, but always there is an answer.  Sometimes we just have to look at things a little differently.....from a more heavenly angle.

This momma is exhausted.  Someone has left some pretty decent sized matching luggage under my eyes and my inner crazy lady appears to be making her way outward.  Humor is good people.  On the upside I did keep my "freak out on the inside" as per our family rule.  Its the best line from a bad movie..."Keep your freak out on the inside.  When you freak out on the outside that's when people die."  You know, in movies theres always the calm collected person who survives and the people who freeze and freak out get killed by the weird aliens or whatever.  Yes, we apply movies to real life a lot.  Humor helps reality.

Blessings to you for minimal freak outs, a smooth and gloriously uneventful weekend.
the Mrs.

veggies made me do it

To some the changes I've made recently would seem extreme.  ....frankly in the past I considered something like this extreme or excessive.  I've struggled to wrap my head around someones choice to just be a vegetarian....let alone a vegan.

Why in the world would anyone CHOOSE to give up BACON???

Yet, here I am.  Eating plant strong and feeling the best I have in years.  The energy levels that I am feeling are seriously blowing my mind.  I (you may want to sit for this) got on the treadmill the other day just because I was feeling like I NEEDED to expend some energy!  .....aliens have not invaded my body.....I don't think...

My mind is so much clearer. I don't feel like I'm walking in a fog anymore.  I feel stronger and like I have a spark, my spunk is back!  I asked Mr if he'd noticed any differences and he said that he sees more energy and that I seem happier.  Happier?  Yes, that is one of the crazy things I've noticed....I wasn't UNhappy before.  I would say that in general I am a fairly happy and positive person but now?  Pollyanna ain't got nuthin on me!

I feel like I am actually getting to watch myself change in the mirror every day.  My face looks different.  My cheek bones are starting to be more defined, my jawline too and that second chin I thought would never ever make its way back to wherever it was from.....its disappearing.  Clothes fit differently.  Shorts that were tight not that long ago slide on easily now and with extra room in some places!  New clothes I bought only 2 weeks ago are now baggy!  I had to buy new undies too. The weight is coming off slowly, but the fat....the visible markers of weight.....are melting off.  I can see it in my hands, face, shoulders, legs....all over!  Yesterday my brother in law saw a new picture of me on facebook....."this may seem like a dumb question but is that you?"  I assured him that it was me and he proceeded to tell me how great I looked in the funniest best way possible that a younger brother in law can. It made my day!

I cancelled my weight watchers account.  Yep, I did.  I don't have any need to count or measure anything anymore.  $$$ saved.

If you've been reading here for long you know that my struggle with food has been exhausting and consuming.  My relationship with food has been more based on fear than nutrition.  When I talked about food my only perspective was to preach about its danger.....this didn't go over well in many ways....but it was authentic.  It was my truth and where I was standing, food had lost its goodness and was more of a cage for me.  It was about restriction.   

Not any more.

For the first time in several years I feel a freedom and enjoyment with food that goes beyond my kitchen.  Last night we planned to go out to dinner to celebrate the Dude graduating from elementary school. (no kids menu for him, thank you)  I checked out the menu ahead of time and decided I'd have a greek salad, no chicken, cheese or pita and a plain baked potato on the side.  NO ANXIETY.  No fear.  Hesitation and negativity were not my dinner companions.  There was no cloud of resentment or boredom hovering over me.  I didn't need to struggle to not make negative comments about being bored by the same old restaurant dinner.  I enjoyed it.  Even my very first baked potato without butter was good!   I felt full and satisfied at the end.  No mental cloud or wave of confusion, no bloating or intestinal discomfort.  I felt GOOD.  I enjoyed going out!  

This is one of those times where I feel so good I want to shout to the world that everyone should do this!  Everyone should eat this way!!  Like the euphoria of falling in love making you want to fix up everyone you know so they too can be THIS happy.  Yep, that's how amazing this is.  But I've learned from my past.  Preaching to people who haven't asked or expressed interest....doesn't get you anywhere.  Kinda works the same way with Jesus sadly.  Restraint is my companion now.  I have made choices that are working for me.  I have made choices that are enhancing my life and even my relationships....because my attitude is positive.  Preaching the poisons and sins of meat and processed foods will get you nowhere fast....and reduce your conversations quite a bit too.  Before - fear and restraint were heavy in my conversation.  Now, I am taking a new approach.  I am living.  I am living my choices, making them with joy and enjoyment and letting the world see the change in my body, my demeanor...me.   I am choosing to allow the world to ask instead of getting on a soapbox and pointing my finger at the offenders.  My job is to take care of MY body, not everyone else's.  The nurturer in me struggles with that.  Others in my life need to make their own food choices....even those closest to me....and I need to be able to respect them even if their nutritional choices concern or disgust me.  It's not going in my body, so I need to shut up and be an example instead of a downer.

In my heart I would love for everyone I know to try this for a week, 2 weeks or take the Engine 2 challenge. I would love for everyone I know to feel this good and see the benefits that I have.  Reality tells me that most will look at the choice I'm making and slap on the "vegan politics" and see "restriction" in neon flashing over my head.  I don't feel restricted though.  My craving for meat or dairy is totally gone.  Has it been tough to learn to do a few things differently?  Sure.  All new adventures have their challenges and puzzles to solve but among all the food based Rubik's cube puzzles I've had to solve, this one has been the easiest.  

Do I miss ice cream? Yep.  But I'll figure that one out in time.  For now I've figured out how to make amazing sherbet.  (I'll show you how soon!)  I have discovered the most amazing maple banana nut breakfast cookies and I am totally in love with them.  They are so fast and easy to make!  Double the recipe and freeze some.  When you are in a pinch and don't have time for a full meal - grab and go!  I've done it, it helps!  I'll show you those too!  Last night I had popcorn.  How?  I popped organic kernels in a paper bag in the microwave, drizzled a little walnut oil on and sprinkled with salt.  It was good enough (even though I did slightly burn it) that Mr stole more than a handful...or three.

I hope to start being able to show you more of how I'm doing this and that it isn't hard at all.  If you want me to address anything specific let me know.....though that would require someone to comment....ever....for this to not be just a one way conversation.  ehem.  Just sayin.

Blessings for a wonderful weekend to officially kick off summer!

the Mrs.

story time

Once upon a time....not so long ago....there was a young girl.  It was the early spring in her life and all around her was grey, appearing lifeless.   She wondered if anything would ever bloom.  Would life always be so dark, so endlessly tiring?  Fruitlessly she searched within her own power to change her surroundings.  An iron fist had no power.  A nagging voice, no effect.  The melodramatic sigh of dissatisfaction brought forth no melody.

"Turn around." a Whisper came.

Time and again the Whisper called but she'd forgotten the familiar voice she once knew and waved it away as nothing.

Alone in spirit, grieved and afraid of her future the girl wondered about the choices she'd made.  Tears too frequent a companion and too little a comfort, her will finally broke.  The Whisper came again....stronger.

"Turn around."


And she did.  The Light shone on her darkness and she was no longer afraid.

"Fear not for you will not be ashamed."  came the whisper that washed over her.  "I, the Lord your Maker will be your husband.  I have called you, like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, with great compassion I will gather you."  she imagined this was how the raging storm felt when Jesus calmed it with a word.....the stillness of it.

A simple command followed: "Talk to me."


So she did.  She started talking all the time.  They laughed and they walked together.  She talked.

Her heart poured out to Him and all the hurt, dreams and wishes poured out.

"Ask." came the new Whisper.  So she did.

Lord, keep us safe.
And He did.

Lord, give my husband a new wife....and let it be me.
And He did.

Lord, open his heart to going to church.
And He did.


Lord, make him yours.
And He did.


Lord, help us to feed our family and pay our bills.
And He did.

Lord, give us a new home.
And He did.


Lord, save my marriage.
And He did.


Lord, help his work...prosper him.
And He did.

Lord, make my husband a godly man and a godly father.
And He did.




Lord, let him love me like You do...show him how.
And He did.

Lord, I love You.  Make me worthy of all Your gifts.  Help me see them and never overlook them.
And He is.


She looked around and all the world is in bloom.  Time to grow, is what was needed.  Patience and the Hand of the gardener.  While she talked and shared, He was Whispering to others.....growing and tending to them as only He can.   She needed to let them grow, in their own way and time....their soil was different.  Their needs, different.   In His hands, all grows to perfection in His time.

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but My steadfast love shall not depart from you, and My covenant of peace shall not be removed", says the Lord who has compassion on you.

~ Isaiah 54:10

Blessings of His never ending love, 

the Mrs.

Think on these things....

Yesterday, as I struggled with the weight of the impending meeting, it was a battle to think of anything else.

The Word tells us "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9)   Our emotions get the better of us all too often don't they?  We get wrapped up in the fear, pain, or even the joy of an experience and lose all sense of judgement and can't grasp of the reality of the big picture.

I found myself there yesterday.....as was obvious in my post.  Each time I tried to share with Him my fears and hesitations about it, my mind would wander off into rehearsing how I would come to my son's defense.   Time and again, I would have to come to a stop and realize how pointless the train of thought was.

Stop, turn around.


Start again, move forward and ask for peace.  Trust that He has this under control and His plan for my son is better than any dream I could come up with for him.


Breathe.  Focus.


As I got ready I pulled out my iPod and selected two songs.  Thy Word.  and Doxology.    I listened and soaked it in.


Then I moved to sit at the new place I've carved out in the house (a "command central for mom" I guess) I knew I needed to stop and refocus.  Be still.  I looked up at the wall and the neon green post it I put there months ago screamed at me.

Yes.  I hear You.  You're right.  I'm focusing on all the wrong things.


I sat with that a moment.  I grabbed my devotional "Morning and Evening" by Charles Spurgeon.  I opened it's broken and worn pages and read the entry for Morning.  "My Heavenly Father".  Sweet reminders in the words of how much He cares and how much more He desires for us.  I settled into that for a bit.  Then I reopened my Bible to where I'd left off the day before....1 John 2 "Christ Our Advocate" was the heading to that chapter.

I hear You.  Okay....I'll stop thinking and start talking.  Today I dropped the ball....or maybe more specifically.....I took it from Your more capable hands.   I'm no good on my own.....with You I can do anything.  I'm sorry.   Take it back.  I'm Yours.  He is Yours.  This, is Yours.


I left early to sit in the pickup line.  Jesus Culture in the CD player started up with the engine....I hear You.

Opening my book - Practicing His Presence - the next chapter meeting me where I needed "Recalling the wandering mind".   The first phrase: "Yours is not an unusual experience."    Further on: "If your mind sometimes wanders or withdraws from the Lord, do not be upset or disquieted.  Trouble and disquiet serve more to distract the mind further from God than to recollect it."

By the time I entered the meeting I was at peace.  When we left I remarked to my husband that it was the very first team meeting (in the 1.5 years our son has been at this school) that was more positive than negative. The very first time I heard genuine comments about how responsible he is, how confident he is....

True.   Honorable. Just.  Pure.  Lovely.  Commendable.  Any excellence...

....anything worthy of praise....

He took care of my heart.....cast away my doubt and fear and reminded me who is really in charge.  I praised Him on the way home.  Resting in His hand, joyfully.

This morning that post-it drew me in again.   Sharing with at least two people....His words not mine.....firmly replanting the reminder in my own mind as I did.  Warming my heart that they needed it as much as I did.  

Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.

~ Jeremiah 29:12-13

Blessings of deep, abiding love, drawing you nearer to Him, 

the Mrs.

sunday sweetness

Smile on my face all day.

The Lover and Creator of my soul reminded me personally that He doesn't just listen but He hears.  Not just my prayers for others but those uttered wishes for myself.  

The gift of worship, delivered precisely the way I needed.....asked.

A song, uttered beautifully, from the mouth of a wonderful friend.

Testimony.   Perfect assurance.  He is providing, working, and knitting together a community of people.....even if I can't personally see or feel it yet.   The ones who really need it...do.

The morning felt like a customized gift, just for me.   A sweet "I love you".

I relaxed into that.  Smile on my lips.  Tears in my eyes.  Full, warm heart.

It's been a great day.   Have I done anything particularly spectacular?  Not really.  But I worked my buns off just now.   Nearly an hour on the treadmill.  I don't run.  I don't go nearly as fast as others.  Generally I top out at 3.5 with my short chicken legs moving with as much rhythm as I can muster without tripping.  Then I moved to the wii.    Whoever says video games serve no good purpose have not met this machine.   I know there are many systems, many games.   I have not been introduced to them so I cannot speak to that but I can shout the praise of this.....this new and amazing thing.  I got it for Christmas.  Gold's Gym.  I sweat.  No, not that girly "glisten".  I'm talkin dripping, I need a towel, kind of sweat.  I got the boxing gloves to go with it....cuz basically that's all it is.  Boxing.

It's true.  When you find something that you connect with and enjoy - go for it!   Your workout will be so much more successful.  You will WANT to put more into it.   Right now......my arms feel like lead as I am trying to type this.  I had to stop in, share my beautiful morning......and tell you:

I am seriously excited about weigh in tomorrow.

Excited.

I think it's going to be a good one!  I can't wait to see how I did this week.

Also.  I wanted to share a post from a blogger that I find inspired and offers pictures of food that will make you lick the screen.   Food porn.  Plain and simple.  Its not all calorie laden, hip exploding, waist expanding  gloriousness but also heaps of veggies.....my favorite ones are roasted to beautiful perfection.   She has been on the journey to lose.  She lost 135 lbs and has the most healthy, well balanced view of food that I've ever encountered.  She writes beautifully and has been asked to write a book.  Today she answered a letter from a reader about how she handled slipping up on her diet.  Go read.  Be encouraged and comforted with reality.   This girl is wise beyond her years and the way she strings a sentence together is a thing of beauty.

See you tomorrow.  Sweet dreams and peaceful sleep.

Blessings of a beautiful, brand new tomorrow and all the hope it offers, 

the Mrs.