Buoyancy in the moment.

Some days it feels as though I'm short on life preservers.

When I look in all directions there is someone who needs one.....perhaps they aren't drowning but they could use a lift, a break, a rest.....my first instinct is always to run headlong in to save the day with my cape waving in the breeze behind me.  What is it those flight attendants always say? Put on your own oxygen mask first, or you can't help the people around you...  I'm learning that my knee jerk reaction, to run in and save the day, isn't always the best response.   It's a response led by me, not Him.  Long ago a wise woman told me it's not always my job.  That by trying to rescue everyone, every time, I may actually be hurting them.  Training them to rely on me too much. Stealing opportunities for others to step in and be a blessing.   Stop trying to be everything to everyone.  People need to flounder before they will fight to swim.

I think I've gotten better but it hasn't gotten easier.  What I have learned is to not jump too quickly to respond.  To evaluate where I am most needed.....making sure that the needs of my family come first and that they are my first priority.  "No" is a hard word to say to anyone I care about...even when I know I need to say it.   It doesn't yet come out eloquently or as directly as it should.  I've also learned not to offer help unless I intend to follow through.  Unless I CAN.  This too is tough to not spit out the ready response of "let me know if you need anything".  

This season is teaching me that being fully in the right now, moment to moment, is where I need to learn to be.  Abandoning my own plans, great or small.  To be freed up to hear Him and do as He asks.

In this moment, I feel silenced.  Perhaps I would be too reactive....instead of responsive.  Perhaps He has plans to use someone else.  Whatever it is doesn't matter.  I'm trying to stay out and stay quiet until He ushers me forward.   It's not comfortable but that crazy sense of peace, that is only from Him, is there so I know its right.

Be buoyant.  Stay put.  Listen.  Watch.  Wait.  Shhh.   Be still.

Okay.  Teach me.



Blessings,
the Mrs.

be buoyant

Well hello!  It's me!  Yer friendly, random blogger.  Yep I've been absent.  Things have gotten dusty and stale.  Well, lets crack a window and let some fresh air in.  Its a new year and what lays before us is nothing but opportunity.

I've never been one for "New Years Resolutions".  It's always felt synonymous with "things I'll never follow through on" so I've never given it much thought beyond that.  I don't intend to make any but the sentiment of reflecting on the past and preparing for the future by setting some goals resonates differently in the here and now.   

We are in a long term season of transition here.  Be buoyant....are words that resonate deep within me.  

Websters defines "buoyant" as the ability to float, lightheartedness.  Buoy, in connection, is defined as an anchored float to guide navigation.  a life-saving device.  keep from sinking; sustain morally; encourage.  

The last month has been filled up with weighty things.  Big tests, changes in how we celebrate, family additions and heavy emotions to process.  None of this necessarily negative....just big and all at once.  For a while it felt like the pile just kept growing and the Lord just kept giving and there was this sense of being totally overwhelmed.

Be buoyant. 

Mostly I just let it come.  Riding the waves as they came, not really grasping the details but trying to be present.  I've had moments of being so overwhelmed by praise so gracious, I turned to a humble pile of tears.  My heart has given birth to a new child, stretched and challenged at how to love this woman...woman...how strange that feels to say.....when what I see and love is a little peanut of a girl who I want to hold and mend and guide and yet, I also want to learn so much from....how to love this woman right.   How be her Jesus momma with skin on and love her the way He desires her to be loved.  

Then there was the scripture.....the verses that He would bring strongly to mind and affirm them through others, media and any source He could to bring them to my face.  I took notes Lord....You saw.  There were topics and convictions and passions that were planted in mind and heart.   He showed with a clear awareness that I poured too much out.  My balance has been off for too long and I lost my ability to draw from the well with efficiency....leaving me dry and out of resources to fill up those around me.

December became about bookmarks and pause buttons.  As a wave would come there would be one thing that would be clear and within my grasp to hold on to.   A verse - bookmark that, we'll come back to it.  A theme or idea - press the pause button here, we'll come back to it.   I didn't know when but I knew He would bring me to a quiet time to put it all together.   As usual, He is so faithful.

Little indulgences with little consequences brought on overconfidence.  New Years Eve was celebrated with an extravagance that I'd been looking forward to.  A beautiful bottle of wine I purchased before Christmas just for the occasion.   We had a lovely gathering of friends and so much laughter that sides were sore and voices were left gritty.  I knew there would be a consequence but it was an infrequent indulgence....a day or two of my body being sore would be okay (alcoholic beverages are on my no-no list of items that will cause a reaction.  I generally indulge lightly only every few months.)...but not this time.  

"Sometimes God has to put us flat on our backs before we are looking up at Him."

~ Jack Grahm

Tis true.  However unpleasant these times are I know that that I will glean so much from them.  More than a week later and my body is still reacting.  Still tender and sore, weak and shaky. But....looking up at Him is more productive and peace producing than anything else I could be doing in this life.  While my body is disturbed, my heart and mind are totally at rest.   It is good.  

Together, as I've laid in a nest of pillows, He's shown me my focus for this year.  Scripture as my outline and two phrases to remember.

• Read the Sermon on the Mount - Matthew 5,6, 7 - and read it often.
• Read scripture daily - I will be using a bible ap on my iPod to read through the New Testament and Psalms.  
• 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
• Joshua 1:8-9 "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.  For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
• James 1:2-4 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
• Be buoyant.
• "If it matters, you make the time.  If it doesn't, you make excuses." ~Ann Voskamp

I don't know what lies ahead but He does.  I trust that this focus, His anchor, will keep me buoyant through whatever comes our way and hopefully, by that trust....I can be His light to help guide others through the waves.

Blessings to you for solid beginnings, a view where your horizon is full of opportunity and joy that keeps you buoyant.

the Mrs.

Out of the muck.

Analysis paralysis.

A good friend asked the Facebook world if they have those moments when everything gets so overwhelming that you just freeze because you have no idea where to start.  One of the comments named the moment: Analysis paralysis.   Quite clever, accurate really.

The timing was interesting as just the day before I was having one of those days.  The world felt heavy.  I was in my head, trying to keep a million plates spinning.  This typically results in an outward display of nothingness....as all my hard work is in my head and my body just can't follow that act.

I've experienced this a million times and typically the result has been me wallowing in the muck. My nature is to nurture and sometimes I can get a little lost in the needs of those around me.  Wallowing in the muck only produces more muck in my attitude.   I would go to this place of self pity.  A "Where am I in all this?  Look at all the good that I do! What about ME!" place.  Its ugly and worldly.  A "lookit me" display of epic proportions, danced out in my head with interpretive ribbon dances and wildly cheering fans (generally they are all me as well).  Interpretive dance....frankly, it makes me laugh inappropriately.   It's ridiculous.  Somehow, the Lord gets in there and grabs my face, pulling my attention away from myself just long enough that I can snap out of the prideful haze I've created.
 
This time, I changed the game.  This time I chose to look at it from another angle.  This time I felt myself slipping into the muck and said No.  Not this time.  Instead I took time to stop and feel overwhelmed and then ask myself why, what was so big?  I started to talk with the Lord about what I was feeling and the extensive list in my head.......some were tasks, some were people in general that were weighing on my heart, some were upcoming events and things needed to plan for, frustration at playing calendar cop and getting nowhere, Christmas shopping, people asking for help or guidance, people placed on my heart to intercede for, Mr studying like crazy for the next test and then leaving for a week of training, gifts to make, regular household duties and cooking.....there was sooo much going on in my head!

First, I needed it out of my head.  I pulled out a notebook and laid it on my desk with a pen.  At the top I wrote "Write it down - THEN sort it out".   I moved though the next few hours of general tasks just thinking, talking with the Lord about everything and as something was brought to mind, on the list it went.  Slowly the overwhelming feeling started to release.  As it did, I started to become aware that I was overwhelmed because I was trying to be in charge of it all.  I was trying to keep all the plates spinning by myself.  Instead.....I should have taken the plates down and put them in His hands to hold....the only safe, unbreakable place.

My perspective started to shift.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed I started to feel incredibly blessed.....overwhelmingly blessed.  Instead of feeling self important, I felt humble.....how blessed am I that people trust me with their heart, count on me for guidance, stability and support?  People have confidence in me and feel safe to be vulnerable with me, trusting that I will comfort them and remind them of His Truth in their life.  ......suddenly, instead of feeling prideful and puffed up......I became keenly aware of how utterly insufficient I am apart from Him.  There is nothing I can do for any of them without Him.  A whole new kind of "overwhelmed" came over me.  Suddenly, it all looked different.

It was still a full page of "stuff" to figure out.  There are still a lot of tasks to try and manage.  The "stuff" didn't change, but how I see it did.  Did the heaviness disappear instantly?  No.  It got a lot lighter and still is.....but that's because I'm still loosening my grip on it.  Still translating inside what I'm trying to keep control of, what my job actually is.

Reminding myself that its not about me.  Even when I want it to be.  I'm just a tool.  Time to clear the muck out of the conduit, ensure the lines are clear so there's no more interference.

"Peace I leave you; My peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."   ~ John 14:27

Blessings for clear lines, clear perspective and only blessings that are overwhelming.

the Mrs.

Who sets the pace?

There is this standard....one that is blurry and confusing.  It's taught in every church and yet, it never looks the same.  It is discussed in every small group and is in the heart of every follower of Christ.  It pokes at our guilt and doesn't fit in a nice, neat, easily defined box.  We use it to judge and put fellow followers down.  We use it to falsely elevate and comfort ourselves into believing we have it right.  We quietly use it to dismantle the fabric of our faith and change what was done into what we need to do.

What is my life supposed to look like if I'm living for You?  Not in a dusty sandals kind of way but in this messed up culture of technology and distraction.....what is it supposed to look like now?  Not by culture or by group, by city or by church....just by me....what is MINE supposed to look like?  

How often do we compare someone else's outward faith to our own?  We see that Susie, and Bonnie, and Blair all are disciplined in a morning routine of devotion.  They regularly post a scripture they read that morning and appear to be the epitome of humble perfection.   Then there is Lisa and Donna and Carrie....from outward appearances (because lets face it regardless of who you are seeing, that is ALL you are seeing) they participate in bible studies, talk about morning quiet time, are perfectly put together and yet they are emasculating to their husbands and they gossip but boy can they serve coffee with a smile at church.  You could pick out a whole other group who can speak deeply about the Lord and use His name in vain in the next sentence.  With no hesitation to curse or speak badly of another.  

No matter how "perfect" or "flawed" our fellow follower is....the vision of what our own faith in action is supposed to look like is flawed.  No two of us are the same.  We are each unique, our lives, our personalities and our histories.  So how on earth would my faith take the shape naturally to be like someone else's?  Not one of my friends has a brain injury.  Scripture speaking about coming to the Lord "in the morning", church, books, people and all manner of resources talking about how we are to wake early in the morning and meet with Him because that is what is right.......and then there is the "first fruits" of our time.  Does first fruits mean simply the first moments or the best moments?   Was it the first actual fruits harvested or was it the best of the best of the harvest?  My best is not in the morning.  I'm frankly not sure when my best is or if it's even at the same time each day.  So in my random chaos of a mind....what is my best?  What and when are my first fruit moments?  

I've spoken previously about a desire to be ceaseless with Him.  My desire does not wane but my behavior does.  I am easily distracted and driven off course.....tossed to and fro by the waves.  I would love to be disciplined like other women I know, those who have that set time and place where they sit to read His Word and talk with Him.  It is not something that comes naturally to me.   It is forced and uncomfortable because it doesn't feel genuine.  I've heard people speak about how some things you just need to do, before the feeling comes and it feels natural.  I get that....but I don't know how to get past the feeling that it is dishonoring to Him to force something like that.  Does it then become legalism from a lukewarm heart?

Is that what it is supposed to look like for me?  Is a morning "devotion" time what He wants for me?  Does He want that kind of action to be a part of my faith life?  Or is it His plan for me to be random?  Am I being tossed by the waves or am I giving myself over to move where and how He wants me to?  Am I seeing my faith through the eyes of my Father or the eyes around me?  Perhaps that spiritual fire doesn't burn the same in each of us.....because it isn't meant to?   What if some of us are meant to burn bright and crackly....noisemakers for God and some are meant to burn deeply....quiet and consistent....an understated heat that keeps the flame going for others....so they can dance with a colored light or shoot off loud crackling sparks?  

Lately I keep hearing messages that feel the the push of "should".   How we should love.  How we should minister.  How we should reach out.  They are all good messages.  All deeply good and right things to preach.  .....but.....inside....it makes something in my spirit twist.  My mind rings with do not conform.....because would He have created us each so lovingly, interestingly, different if He wanted us to conform to one way, one idea of how to do things?   Do not conform to this world can mean more than just the Godless worldling society.....it can also mean conforming to man's boxed idea of how a Christ Follower should function.   It feels like something is missing....some genuine connection to the reality of relationship.  

I love my husband more than air.  It is a love that burns deeply even when we don't speak for hours, I know he is there, I know he loves me and I do not doubt it.  Because I deeply respect him, I do not speak badly of him when he isn't around....I do not curse his name, or behave differently simply because he isn't in the room.  I remain myself - striving to be consistently me (for good or bad) no matter who is around.  Perhaps its the brain injury that makes me this way but I often wonder why others are not the same.  They behave differently depending on who they are with.....they put down their husbands, children or whomever, simply because the other isn't physically present.   I see people make statements on facebook about their children, about wanting to get away from them, how annoying they are or just insulting them.....and I get sick to my stomach because these statements are actually visible to those children.   Why?  How are people so unaware of their words?  

As Christ Followers, it's similar....but worse.   If you actually believe, would you drop the F-bomb right in the face of Jesus?  Cuz...ya just did.   He doesn't just appear like a genie at your beck and call, only to hear what you say at those times.  He is ALWAYS present.  Always hears.  Every curse and every prayer.  He hears every condemning thought you utter in the silence of your mind, every negative word you utter about your spouse, friend or child.....or the stranger in the checkout lane.  EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM MATTER.  They are not dismissed, they are heard and echo in heaven. 

No wonder we can't find common ground.  No wonder we can't find unity in the body of Christ.  The 10 commandments were helps, guides, bumpers on the path to the heavenly pins.  But.....gee those are old....that old testament stuff well, Jesus came so we really don't need that stuff anymore right?  No.  He adhered to them.  He followed them.  We are supposed to follow Him.  When did rules become evil infringements on our rights?  When did we stop realizing that rules are to protect, not to hurt?  

When will we get it together and realize that your walk and my walk are on the same path but our stride is different?  We wear different shoes.  Some walk fast and others slow.  Some have a limp and some run wild.  Some fall.  We are supposed to pick each other up and smile, hug and love and point in the right direction....and then let them go back on their way....not tether them to our side trying to teach them to walk the way we do.   

Jesus, what is my walk supposed to look like?  What is the measure of my stride supposed to be?  Fix my pace and my gate to fit Your plan for my walk.  I don't want to tether anyone to me Lord.  Help me to walk with others when You want me to and to walk alone when You've set that time to be just for You and I.  Help me to know one from the other Lord.  Keep the stones from my hands, I have no right to cast even one.  As others pass me, help me to cheer them on.  When others fall in my path, help me to take their hand and pull them up with love and compassion, urge them to move forward and leave the past behind.  Remind me to constantly drop seeds of joy on my way and to always, always pull weeds by the root.  Don't ever let me believe the lie that you are not walking with me just as intimately as every other person on this path.  I am never higher or lower than anyone else.  May I never be too proud to let someone else help me up when I fall.  

Blessings on your walk with Him, may He set your pace and show you that it is yours alone.

the Mrs.

weigh in monday 18 - inching forward

A whopping -.2 today but it's in the right direction.  I am grateful for forward momentum, however small it may be.  I feel like the pain is under as much control as it needs to be for me to get moving again.   My left shoulder is still in that "move me the wrong way and it's gonna hurt" groove but for the most part it feels fine.   So I now feel like I can put effort into moving again.

Everything is an opportunity right?  So here is my opportunity to start afresh - again - and move forward.  No looking back.   That is something that the Lord seems to remind me of so often and has really been using this weight loss journey to firmly implant this lesson.   Move forward.   Eyes on Him.   Looking back should only be to reflect and learn how to move forward more effectively....not to brood on past mistakes or pains.

The reduced movement allowed my mind too much time to roam.   This too is a good lesson.   Activity is good for the mind as well as the body.  I don't ordinarily turn on the TV during the day but Netflix called my name more times than I care to fully calculate.   My body did get it's rest but my mind didn't really need so much.

Back on the wagon again.  I managed 2 hours on the treadmill last night and it felt good to be back on that routine.  I'm off to the races.....which would be my lists for all things needing attention this week that didn't get it last week.  

Blessings on your week for fresh starts and forward momentum,
the Mrs.

be present

The current moment has a purpose.  The current trial, has a purpose.   When something is uncomfortable the last thing we seem to want to do is settle into it.  God doesn't work the way we do or the way we want Him to.

John 14:27 - "My peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled neither let them be afraid."

We need to be present in the current moment.   To fully engage in the current season instead of wasting it wishing for the next one to start.   Paul talked about being content with weakness in 2 Corinthians 12.  "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (v. 9)  Just prior to this loving answer from the Lord, Paul argues and pleads with Him to remove this pain but recognizes that the pain is humbling him.  He uses the word "conceited" twice, in the same verse (7) to describe where his character is going.  Pride is so sneaky......but how much more clever is the Lord to know exactly what Paul needed in his life that would heal him from pride.   Paul learned to be content with weakness because "when I am weak, then I am strong." (v. 10)  

Sometimes it is not our bodies that need healing but something else, something deeper and our bodies are used to heal that other sickness.   Hurt, pride, holding on to anger, guilt.....any number of things that hold us back......God sees them and He alone knows how to truly heal them.

I was doing dishes and praying for a sick friend as all this came to mind.   I began to sing, as I often do while doing dishes or when I simply run out of words....  I realized that like couples have a song that they call "theirs", reflective of their love.....so do we.  Simple words.  Deep and true but ones that my heart can sing without any accompaniment.  I wondered if other people have a song with Him all their own....  Not just a favorite worship song but that one song that echoes your heart and pours out to Him as your deepest most humble, heartfelt praise.

Blessings of contentment to you, for settling in to His peace in the present moment,
the Mrs.

weigh in Monday 16 - just swell

I'm not headed in the right direction.  A gain of 2 this week is not encouraging.

There are some mystery issues happening though and one of them is swelling...this may be playing a part.  For the last month I've woken up with swollen hands.  They've woken me up during the night aching and gradually I've ended up where I am right now which is swollen and having pain in both arms.  Initially I thought perhaps I'd consumed something or done a bit too much boxing and that was causing the hand issue.  But now I'm struggling shoulder to fingertips so that means something is being eaten.  ANY thing that could cause pain, also causes bloating and weight gain for me.

Ordinarily I would put in a good 2 hours on the treadmill on Sunday night while Mr plays volleyball, instead I opted for a movie under the covers of a warm, heated bed (oh how I love a heated mattress pad!).

So this week I'm going to eliminate anything with vinegar.  It's on my list of no, no's but in small doses only causes a bit of gut trouble.  So I made myself a list of vinegar containing things I may not eat this week: Ketchup, mustard, salsa (NOOOOO, this has become a daily staple to flavor wraps, sandwiches and replaced salad dressing), mayo, pickles, guac singles and BBQ sauce (not that I eat bbq often now that I'm not eating meat but it is good to dip some cheeses in).   I'll watch my salt intake as well, just in case.

Hopefully the vinegar is the issue.....well, I don't actually "hope", I did just buy a bunch of salsa for the pantry but at the very least I can make my own in the future and add some plants to my garden list.   This week my focus needs to be drinking LOTS of detox water, green tea and sweating on the treadmill as much as I can to get whatever is in my system, OUT.   By the end of the week I hope to be able to pull the cheese drawer open with my left arm without gasping from the pain.

Ceaseless moments
Such is life!  These are merely the details.  It does provide a topic of conversation between He and I and this morning I did have to apologize for a pain inspired inappropriate word uttered in the silence of my own mind....He does hear and see all.   I find the weekends hardest to hold His presence firmly in my mind.  More people, noise, things to do and distract the mind.   I am a weak minded person to begin with - meaning that maintaining focus on any one thing is a struggle for me - when I am having a reaction of some sort a mental component always comes with.  A slowing down and drowsiness that creeps in so slowly that I don't notice my mind isn't as sharp.   Yesterday morning in church, just before service, it got my full attention.  A friend sat behind me and asked how the week was, I so struggled to find words that her initial response was to think the week had been bad.  Honestly I just couldn't find words and was a bit confused for a moment.  Pain struck during service and raising my hands in praise was not part of worship, holding my pen to take notes wasn't really worth the discomfort. But He and I had our words and the songs were lyrically focused to Him instead of about Him.  I appreciate these songs more in worship.

Blessings are only shallowly hidden. My mind is mushy from whatever it is, the pain becomes a blessing.....like a light guiding you through dense fog, twinges of pain clear the mind for a moment, getting my attention and helping me to focus in again....on Him, not the pain.   While I cannot report success for long periods of time yet, I can say that the frequency of my attention is increasing.  This is good.

Blessings to you for an uncovering of their abundance in your life,
the Mrs.

Pursuing ceaseless

Several times I've shared about this beautiful little book Practicing His Presence.  It is a compilation of letters and journal entries from Frank Laubach and Brother Lawrence about their "experiment of filling every minute with the thought of God".   The funny thing is that they did not know each other.  Brother Lawrence died in 1691 and Frank Laubach in 1970.   The similarities are uncanny though.  The descriptions of feeling, struggling to keep their minds attentive and how easily, at first, they are distracted.  Then the triumphant descriptions when they describe their successes......all so similar.

About ten years ago, I began a similar journey....without ever having heard about either of these men or this book.    I was a young wife and mother, struggling.....questioning my life decisions and desperately lonely.  At the time, knowing that I alone could not fix my marriage or cause my husband to grow in faith....I determined I had one viable option in my control.   The Lord would be my husband, my companion.

"For the Lord your maker is your husband, 

the Lord of hosts is His name;

 and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,

 the God of the whole earth He is called.

For the Lord has called you

like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,

like a wife of youth when she is cast off,

says your God.

For a brief moment I deserted you,

but with great compassion I will gather you."

~ Isaiah 54:5-7 

If the Lord was my spouse then, as in any relationship, I needed to converse with Him.   Develop our relationship to be more than random, blurted requests.   If He, being good and perfect, was my spouse then He would want to hear what was on my heart.....instead of the silence of "He knows, so why tell."  There is joy in someone you love wanting to share things with you.  So I began talking.  About anything and everything and I asked questions and sometimes I just kept silent but still holding a total awareness of His presence.   It was difficult at first and I failed miserably more often than not in the beginning.  Eventually it became easier...after months and months of effort.

At some point I discussed this relationship effort with someone at our church and I was introduced to the above book.   I was awestruck by the descriptions....the successes and the failures.....while the composition of the explanation was more articulate, more mature than I could have described at the time....it blew my mind that I was reading someone else's words, that could have been documenting my experience.   It was my mountain top.

Reaching the top of anything usually means there is no place to go but down.  Personal tragedy struck in the death of my mother almost 8 years ago and while at first I clung to Him, somehow......my grasp was loosened and I fell to the valley, where I stayed for near two years.   Now I see so much more clearly how He allows things to grow and stretch us.   There are times where we need to be taught the tough stuff of walking on our own.

I have spent the last 6 years looking back at that mountain top while trying to climb the next.   More times than I can count He has reminded me that I cannot move forward successfully while looking backward.  That is what has caused me to stumble and fall over and over again.  Had I just left it behind, stopped looking back, I would have been able to focus on Him, right in front of me, instructing me in how to climb.  Instead I operated out of my own will and confidence and missed the foot holds and the firm ledges to grasp.

Recently, as I am re-reading through this book of Practicing...I began to wonder.  "Should I be recording my experience of rekindling the intimacy of this relationship with You?  Is it ours alone to share or, like these men, would it somehow be beneficial - to someone, anyone - for me to share this journey in a more public fashion?"  This was my very real question earlier this week.   I shared it with my husband who wisely did not try to answer but encouraged me to keep asking.   Yesterday, while I waited in the car for Dude to be released from school, I once again picked up the book and was met with the answer......"October 12, 1930  How I wish, wish, wish that a dozen or more persons who are trying to hold God endlessly in mind would all write their experiences so that each would know what the other was finding as a result!  The results, I think, would astound the world.  At least the results of my own effort are astounding to me." 

and

"September 28, 1931   When one has struck some wonderful blessing that all mankind has a right to know about, no custom or false modesty should prevent him from telling it, even though it may mean the unbarring of his soul to the public gaze."

I tipped my head back against the headrest, smiling and said "Okay, I'll do it.".....and sighed that sigh that comes when you know that giving in to His wishes are so much easier than sitting in your insecurities and coming up with excuses as to why you really shouldn't do this.   Surrender to the One who knows infinitely more, that is infinitely more satisfying.

So here is your introduction.....your foretaste to future sharing of this experience.  

If this experience is so similar between 3 people who have not been alive during the same span of time...how is this not what we were truly meant for?  Is this not the relationship we were meant to have with our creator? When Jesus told us to "Abide in Me."  "By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit ans so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has love Me so have I loved you. Abide in My love." In John 15.....isn't this what He was talking about?  Abiding, staying with Him at all times and in all circumstances.  Is this not what He did?   The model that He set for us?    To be Christ like.....means to be like Christ.  To do as He did.  So if He, being fully human and fully divine but denouncing that privilege to show us what an abiding relationship with God was meant to be.....isn't this the ultimate pursuit?

"What I want to prove is that the thing can be done by all people under all conditions, but I have not proven it yet.  This much I do see - what an incredibly high thing Jesus did."  Frank Laubach June 1, 1930.

Taste and see that the Lord is good!

Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!

~ Ps. 34:8

Blessings of ceaseless sharing of your heart with He alone who can hold it without harm, 

the Mrs.