It's been an odd kind of week. The first week of the big transition......it totally would have been nice for it to start off on a relatively normal week. On the plus side it's been a good opportunity for the kids to see how to encourage someone. They have been around to watch me prepare cards and little treats and see his face when he sees all three of us come down the stairs with a card we all signed and a mason jar full of chex mix that Wonderteen made. These are the moments they learn from. Today they might be small but my hope is that they will stick and one day emerge in their own marriage, illuminated by a whole new perspective on what it meant.
Yesterday's verse: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Eph. 4:29
(Note: As I share about this challenge I'll be speaking about the prior day...because, lets face it I'm not going to give away the days surprises. I know that Mr reads this and there will be no spoiler alerts!)
This "Husband Challenge" feels more far reaching than I anticipated. Its not just applicable to our husbands but to the world we encounter. Family, friends, strangers....anyone who happens to be in front of us. One of the effects I've noticed (but not been pleased with) is that where I've been disciplining myself to not bring down my husband, my words and tone have been a bit more negative with our kids. I'm trying to be more aware of what that is, why that is and trying to be aware of it before it is spoken instead of after. It could be due to the nature of this week......never truly alone, the sound of cartoons in my ear (like right now I have Spongebob yelling in my ear because the TV in the living room is literally 3 feet to the left of my desk), its not been a good week for sleep - Mr is restless and each night my sleep is filled with dream after intense dream that leaves me tired in the morning but without memory of what they were other than it was crazy intense.
The Lord is stirring something within me during this time that I can only describe as intense because I don't have direction for it. My desire is to get into my bible to listen and search but the house is just not equipped to provide the quiet I need at this time. Do you ever have those times where He just plants words, phrases and comments from all kinds of random sources that seem to be lit up in neon to pay attention to? That's what He's up to in my life right now. In that place where I know He is up to something because my spirit is so agitated that I can physically feel it....buzzing....vibrating with....I'm not even sure what yet.
There inlays an additional challenge.....pursue whatever this is that the Lord is pressing in with while maintaining an intentional focus on my husband without falling into a temptation to direct all my focus onto what the Lord is doing in my own life. Also....attempting to carve out moments to address these things with Him, seek out the scriptures He is presenting even though the timing is not convenient.... Maybe....these are part of the experience......testing my focus, working out those muscles of discipline and awareness. The Lord is never singularly focused. He is the multitasker of all mutitaskers. :)
Today, focus will be on my Mr. It's his birthday today! He has roughly a half day of studying but after that it will be a day of spoiling and fun! I can't wait to give him his gifts and see his face. He's been working so hard and has had focus I know that I couldn't pull off in his shoes, watching him makes me burst with pride and love and I may easily become the gushiest wife on the planet that makes people want to hurl.
But that's okay, I don't mind.
Blessings to you of edifying speech, a guard over your mouth that only allows passage to words filled with grace.
the Mrs.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
30-Day Challenge Day 2
What a week to start....filled with opportunity to encourage and test my self discipline.
It's Mr's birthday this coming weekend. Monday started his first day of his new job - which is basically to study his brains out so he can pass his series 7 and 66 exams before Christmas. It also happens to be MEA week here and the Dude is off school Wednesday through Friday and Wonderteen will be here tonight for a bit, then off to a church group sleepover and then back here during the day tomorrow. During all this Mr needs to be studying downstairs in his new home office.
He has a rigorous schedule to keep up with. Daily quizzes and tests need to be accomplished and the schedule is 6 days a week. This was an opportunity to set up a nice space for him downstairs. I purchased black shelves and frames for the wall, ordered some prints from Shutterfly so he can have some nice pictures on the wall and set up a buffet surface with some healthy snacks, tissues, paper plates and such just like he had in his work office. Uncluttering was maybe the biggest job as that particular area had become a catchall for the random things removed from other areas of the house. Now he has a nice chair and coffee table along with his desk area so he can have a change of pace.
His birthday Saturday offers opportunities to bless him. I decided to have fun with it and give him little gifts each day leading up to it. Yesterday was flowers and a hilarious card that talks - "the pocket hot dog", it made us both laugh.
The kids being home this week will present unique challenges. Extra traffic to the basement shower, extra volume and footsteps....boredom and bodies upstairs in my space. The practice of editing my words has been something I've been working on for many years now. My mother was very negative and berating of my father. Early in our marriage we both recognized those patterns coming through in my speech and it made neither of us happy. In the beginning it was as if I had no control of it or clue as to how to choose different words. My mind saw the down side, the 'poor me', finger pointing perspective all too easily. If I couldn't edit my thoughts how would I ever edit what came out of my mouth?
My journey began there to change my view of the world, my circumstances and fully embrace the fact that all things are a choice. My free will goes beyond just my ability to choose the Lord or reject Him. I have the choice to train my mind. I can choose how I see a situation, how I receive and react to words spoken to me, I can choose what I say and how I feel and what I think. It is ALL a choice and to believe anything less is a lie, an excuse to not put in the work it takes.
"out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"
Matt 12:34b
What is the abundance of your heart? Listen to your words and you'll find out. If you think it isn't an accurate reflection.......look closer. Either you are lying to yourself that your heart is filled with something other than it is, you are in denial about the tone of your words or you need to seriously ask yourself why your heart and your mouth don't match.
It is a change that takes a lot of work. I think when Mr told me that I had a joyful spirit I finally felt like I had purged out that person I thought I was genetically doomed to be. I know there is a whole nature vs nurture theory but beyond my physical looks I choose to believe that what is in me, who I am, is not and will never be beyond my control to choose.
So in this challenge I am encouraging my husband but I am also gifting him with an improved wife in the process. A wife whose attitude is improved by the training of her mind.
Things are in a big transition in our home and family. This challenge couldn't come at a better time...time to train up my mind and make sure my attitude stays in check. This is a time to not allow my circumstances to give me permission to be sour but to hold my mind and my tongue captive to obey Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5) It is not my job to measure myself against another but to do and be what He asks of me.
Blessings to you for the discipline to hold your mind captive and discover the abundance of your heart,
the Mrs.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
An update, a weigh in and heavy compliment
Well mark me absent. Sorry. A lot of life happens in August!
So that porch project I mentioned a while back......or at least I think I mentioned it.....who really keeps track? It circled the bowl for a while and disappeared, thanks to city codes. So that idea morphed into "lets just get some patio furniture and make that weird, uninviting space more inviting" because hey!, good timing, furniture in the patio variety is going on clearance everywhere. On a Monday morning I saw a tent sale outside a new furniture store and it was full of patio stuff. Tuesday evening we went to check it out and it was gone. Like the tent never was. So we went inside thinking we'd ask or at least find the last few reject pieces to look at. Nothing. Since we were there we figured we should look around because we made the trip and we've been thinking about (and saving for) new living room furniture for years but not decided what we really wanted. Turned out they were having a big sale. We took the week to think about it and set a budget. Saturday we looked again, calculated over and over, discussed, sat, laid down, rearranged and measured, sat some more, made ourselves reaaaaaally comfy and finally decided. Part of the new set arrives on Thursday! A sectional big enough that, for the first time since we've been married, my 6'6 husband can actually lay down comfortably and all of us will be able to be on it, at the same time, EVEN if he is laying down! I'm a tad excited. We haven't owned a new piece of furniture (that wasn't someone else's first) in about 10 years. A new coffee table and end table arrive in about 6 weeks (on back order).
School prep is in full swing. One boy down and one girl to go. Tomorrow its schedule pick up and then off to shop for her new fashion identity for this year. She's been Pinteresting like crazy!
The Dude's bedroom Transformation is 99% complete. Just a few little things left to hang.....which I keep forgetting about.
I am currently in conflicted mommy mode. I am so excited and ready for school to start and to get into a normal rhythm as well as get some alone time back and be able to get things done in the house in a more efficient manner.......but school starting also means that we go back to barely seeing Wonderteen. It feels forever between weekends and considering how much closer we've all gotten this summer, it will probably feel worse. Watching these kids grow and come into themselves is so amazing and the school year tends to bring on explosive growth. It always seems that school starts and within a month I'm noticing big "growing up" changes in conversation and responsibility.
Weigh-ins have continued. I feel like I've been driving toward 160 with a bungee cord attached to my butt. I push to get there and right when I think its within my reach I am pulled back a pound....or even two. It's been frustrating. Though while the number dance has been happening I've noticed definition happening. My face continues to change, my collar bones and arms look different. Watches and rings continue to get bigger. Belts are still losing notches and those shorts that started to feel baggy are now looking baggy and unflattering. I finally had to bite the bullet and get the girls some new gear......yes, I had to do the dreaded bra shopping again. Though this time I actually purchased. When they measured me they didn't tell me "uh, you need an F, we don't carry those". Instead I heard the great news that I officially am down a band size into the 30's instead of the 40's but.....lets just say that a double turned into a triple and now that my mid section is starting to slim more, the girls are just.....OUT THERE.
As of yesterday I am solidly at 160.0. I didn't buy avocados this week, I am going to avoid oil like the plague, I bought one bar of chocolate and marked each piece with a day of the week so I can have one square per day and it will be easy to see when I have had too many. Though I didn't eat one yesterday.....amazing. This week I am hoping to FINALLY get into the 150's and break through this wall. I read about all these people who make the switch to a plant based diet and just start dropping pounds left and right....it's not happening for me! Its frustrating but I know that my body has held on to the pounds tightly. Friends are dropping as much, or even in one case double, what I have already lost and they've done it in at least half the time. I've now been doing this for well over a year and I'm only down 32 lbs. I'm not saying that 32 isn't any big deal - it is a big deal and it's a lot of weight - I just really thought I'd be done by now. Exercise....well, that really hasn't been happening. It took several weeks for my hips to recover from the cabin jogging I did and a couple weeks ago, then I attempted the treadmill and my hips went all kinds of painful crazy. So it appears that being a runner is not in my future and I've been avoiding the treadmill as I like feeling comfortable walking. Once school starts I plan to start working some Pilate's into my day, as that is gentle on the joints, can be done in short increments and most positions are laying down which should be easy on the hips.
In more romantic news....Last week Mr schemed with the kids to get me out on a surprise date. He sent me flowers and asked me out just like he did for our very first date. We went out to dinner and to see the new Batman in Imax (still loved it by the way). While we were at dinner he stopped and looked at me, really looked at me, and told me that since we've been married, I've never been more beautiful. Other than the first 6 months we were together (when I was a tiny 115 and a size 4....who knows what size that would be today though) I've been heavy. It started with beginning birth control and packing on a whopping 50 pounds in less than 5 months. It just wouldn't come off.....that combined with the diet change of "mommy and daddy's groceries" to "living on your own groceries" it just did bad things to my body and I haven't looked the same since. For years I've looked in the mirror and not recognized myself. Flipping back and forth between a vision in my head being smaller than reality and then looking in the mirror and feeling much larger than reality. Now however...in my head I see myself at my goal weight and size and my body feels uncomfortably big and in the way. It causes frustration.....and humor......one day I was laying down and put my hand down at my waist and felt this bulge. At first I thought "what the heck is that!" and then.....I realized it was a fat roll and laughed myself silly. Even the fat that is still there is different. Everything is changing, fitting differently, looking differently....my face probably fascinates me the most. I've seen this fat girl so long and focused on what I wanted my body to look like for so long that my new slimmer face surprises me. When I see pictures, I think whoa....that is me??? Crazy.
The heavy compliment? It came from Mr as we walked into the furniture store. We were having a conversation about people we know with negative attitudes, how it seems like they search for things to complain about and can't seem to see the good in anything. Then Mr says "They don't have a joyful spirit and aren't lucky enough to have a wife who has a joyful spirit to teach them." It went something like that...but it really hit me and I didn't know what to say as I felt tears start to well up. Of course those had to be stuffed down because we were going into the store and I really didn't need to be that girl at the moment. Those words though....it is a heavy compliment. Its both something to live up to and affirming something I've striven for most of my life. To take all of the trials and challenges life has handed me and make myself better with them.....never bitter. It's always been a challenge to mentally not pull the "oh poor me" card or fall into that trap the world seems to set for people "oh you've been through so much, I'd be a little angry at the world too". NO. Adversity is NO excuse for a bad attitude, anger, bitterness or an invasive negativity that is toxic to everyone around you. Adversity is an opportunity, to grow, to learn, to be stretched, to have the ability to stand in someone else's shoes and be able to mean it when you say I understand. Adversity is an opportunity to gain wisdom. Don't focus on the love and support you needed and didn't get - you can't go back and change your experience in life any more than you can change the ingredients in last nights dinner. Focus on how you can use that experience. Love and support someone else the way you needed it. Give to others what you wish you'd received. Missing out is not a valid reason for withholding from others. It might just bring you healing in the process.
A joyful spirit.... Wow. Me? He really thinks that of me? ......that may be the compliment of a lifetime.
Blessings to you, for a joyful spirit in all things transitional and stationary, may the blessing of laughter and joy bubble up from within your soul and be displayed on your face.
the Mrs.
So that porch project I mentioned a while back......or at least I think I mentioned it.....who really keeps track? It circled the bowl for a while and disappeared, thanks to city codes. So that idea morphed into "lets just get some patio furniture and make that weird, uninviting space more inviting" because hey!, good timing, furniture in the patio variety is going on clearance everywhere. On a Monday morning I saw a tent sale outside a new furniture store and it was full of patio stuff. Tuesday evening we went to check it out and it was gone. Like the tent never was. So we went inside thinking we'd ask or at least find the last few reject pieces to look at. Nothing. Since we were there we figured we should look around because we made the trip and we've been thinking about (and saving for) new living room furniture for years but not decided what we really wanted. Turned out they were having a big sale. We took the week to think about it and set a budget. Saturday we looked again, calculated over and over, discussed, sat, laid down, rearranged and measured, sat some more, made ourselves reaaaaaally comfy and finally decided. Part of the new set arrives on Thursday! A sectional big enough that, for the first time since we've been married, my 6'6 husband can actually lay down comfortably and all of us will be able to be on it, at the same time, EVEN if he is laying down! I'm a tad excited. We haven't owned a new piece of furniture (that wasn't someone else's first) in about 10 years. A new coffee table and end table arrive in about 6 weeks (on back order).
School prep is in full swing. One boy down and one girl to go. Tomorrow its schedule pick up and then off to shop for her new fashion identity for this year. She's been Pinteresting like crazy!
The Dude's bedroom Transformation is 99% complete. Just a few little things left to hang.....which I keep forgetting about.
I am currently in conflicted mommy mode. I am so excited and ready for school to start and to get into a normal rhythm as well as get some alone time back and be able to get things done in the house in a more efficient manner.......but school starting also means that we go back to barely seeing Wonderteen. It feels forever between weekends and considering how much closer we've all gotten this summer, it will probably feel worse. Watching these kids grow and come into themselves is so amazing and the school year tends to bring on explosive growth. It always seems that school starts and within a month I'm noticing big "growing up" changes in conversation and responsibility.
Weigh-ins have continued. I feel like I've been driving toward 160 with a bungee cord attached to my butt. I push to get there and right when I think its within my reach I am pulled back a pound....or even two. It's been frustrating. Though while the number dance has been happening I've noticed definition happening. My face continues to change, my collar bones and arms look different. Watches and rings continue to get bigger. Belts are still losing notches and those shorts that started to feel baggy are now looking baggy and unflattering. I finally had to bite the bullet and get the girls some new gear......yes, I had to do the dreaded bra shopping again. Though this time I actually purchased. When they measured me they didn't tell me "uh, you need an F, we don't carry those". Instead I heard the great news that I officially am down a band size into the 30's instead of the 40's but.....lets just say that a double turned into a triple and now that my mid section is starting to slim more, the girls are just.....OUT THERE.
As of yesterday I am solidly at 160.0. I didn't buy avocados this week, I am going to avoid oil like the plague, I bought one bar of chocolate and marked each piece with a day of the week so I can have one square per day and it will be easy to see when I have had too many. Though I didn't eat one yesterday.....amazing. This week I am hoping to FINALLY get into the 150's and break through this wall. I read about all these people who make the switch to a plant based diet and just start dropping pounds left and right....it's not happening for me! Its frustrating but I know that my body has held on to the pounds tightly. Friends are dropping as much, or even in one case double, what I have already lost and they've done it in at least half the time. I've now been doing this for well over a year and I'm only down 32 lbs. I'm not saying that 32 isn't any big deal - it is a big deal and it's a lot of weight - I just really thought I'd be done by now. Exercise....well, that really hasn't been happening. It took several weeks for my hips to recover from the cabin jogging I did and a couple weeks ago, then I attempted the treadmill and my hips went all kinds of painful crazy. So it appears that being a runner is not in my future and I've been avoiding the treadmill as I like feeling comfortable walking. Once school starts I plan to start working some Pilate's into my day, as that is gentle on the joints, can be done in short increments and most positions are laying down which should be easy on the hips.
In more romantic news....Last week Mr schemed with the kids to get me out on a surprise date. He sent me flowers and asked me out just like he did for our very first date. We went out to dinner and to see the new Batman in Imax (still loved it by the way). While we were at dinner he stopped and looked at me, really looked at me, and told me that since we've been married, I've never been more beautiful. Other than the first 6 months we were together (when I was a tiny 115 and a size 4....who knows what size that would be today though) I've been heavy. It started with beginning birth control and packing on a whopping 50 pounds in less than 5 months. It just wouldn't come off.....that combined with the diet change of "mommy and daddy's groceries" to "living on your own groceries" it just did bad things to my body and I haven't looked the same since. For years I've looked in the mirror and not recognized myself. Flipping back and forth between a vision in my head being smaller than reality and then looking in the mirror and feeling much larger than reality. Now however...in my head I see myself at my goal weight and size and my body feels uncomfortably big and in the way. It causes frustration.....and humor......one day I was laying down and put my hand down at my waist and felt this bulge. At first I thought "what the heck is that!" and then.....I realized it was a fat roll and laughed myself silly. Even the fat that is still there is different. Everything is changing, fitting differently, looking differently....my face probably fascinates me the most. I've seen this fat girl so long and focused on what I wanted my body to look like for so long that my new slimmer face surprises me. When I see pictures, I think whoa....that is me??? Crazy.
The heavy compliment? It came from Mr as we walked into the furniture store. We were having a conversation about people we know with negative attitudes, how it seems like they search for things to complain about and can't seem to see the good in anything. Then Mr says "They don't have a joyful spirit and aren't lucky enough to have a wife who has a joyful spirit to teach them." It went something like that...but it really hit me and I didn't know what to say as I felt tears start to well up. Of course those had to be stuffed down because we were going into the store and I really didn't need to be that girl at the moment. Those words though....it is a heavy compliment. Its both something to live up to and affirming something I've striven for most of my life. To take all of the trials and challenges life has handed me and make myself better with them.....never bitter. It's always been a challenge to mentally not pull the "oh poor me" card or fall into that trap the world seems to set for people "oh you've been through so much, I'd be a little angry at the world too". NO. Adversity is NO excuse for a bad attitude, anger, bitterness or an invasive negativity that is toxic to everyone around you. Adversity is an opportunity, to grow, to learn, to be stretched, to have the ability to stand in someone else's shoes and be able to mean it when you say I understand. Adversity is an opportunity to gain wisdom. Don't focus on the love and support you needed and didn't get - you can't go back and change your experience in life any more than you can change the ingredients in last nights dinner. Focus on how you can use that experience. Love and support someone else the way you needed it. Give to others what you wish you'd received. Missing out is not a valid reason for withholding from others. It might just bring you healing in the process.
A joyful spirit.... Wow. Me? He really thinks that of me? ......that may be the compliment of a lifetime.
Blessings to you, for a joyful spirit in all things transitional and stationary, may the blessing of laughter and joy bubble up from within your soul and be displayed on your face.
the Mrs.
Monday, February 13, 2012
weigh in monday 15 - fail
SO I'm up 1.8. Lame. I'm supposed to be moving closer to my 30lb halfway mark not farther away! It was a crazy week, I got a cold and made excuses that I didn't have time for the treadmill and didn't count much. I was busy and most days couldn't place the treadmill as priority but where there is a will there is a way and obviously there wasn't much of a will last week.
Time to make this week better. hmm....I think I said something like that last monday.....
Valentine's day tomorrow.....I'm thinking I'm not going to be the star valentine. Mr went out and got himself new golf shoes and his clubs re-gripped. Why do men do these things right before a holiday? Its like going on a shopping spree right before Christmas. So I don't know what do do now but I'll have to figure out something...I can't tell you what because HE READS THIS. Crazy man.
So I'm cutting this short before I say the wrong thing and give whatever little thing I do away.
Ah...laundry beckons.....and weekend birthday party dishes I was too tired to do. I need a vacation from my weekend. And a nap. maybe two.
Blessings of mushy, squooshy love,
the Mrs.
Time to make this week better. hmm....I think I said something like that last monday.....
Valentine's day tomorrow.....I'm thinking I'm not going to be the star valentine. Mr went out and got himself new golf shoes and his clubs re-gripped. Why do men do these things right before a holiday? Its like going on a shopping spree right before Christmas. So I don't know what do do now but I'll have to figure out something...I can't tell you what because HE READS THIS. Crazy man.
So I'm cutting this short before I say the wrong thing and give whatever little thing I do away.
Ah...laundry beckons.....and weekend birthday party dishes I was too tired to do. I need a vacation from my weekend. And a nap. maybe two.
Blessings of mushy, squooshy love,
the Mrs.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
He whispers
...and it echos loudly in my heart.
Marriage. There are a few around me...marriages I pray for, worry about...wives I want to take under my wing to calm their anxiety. Guide them away from mistakes I made. Teach them what I've learned.
The Lord presses into my heart to put our experiences to use....sometimes it aches. When I am the most discontent with some area of life.....I know He is about to move, or move me. I feel it now. Wives, marriage, mentor....it presses. "train the young women to love their husbands and children" Titus 2:4
Teach them.......I'm trying.
The most dangerous prayers are the shortest. Teach me. Use me. I'm Yours.
In the last few days, despite the chaos and the cold that has been clouding my head and making me exhausted.....He has been so clear. Like a puzzle there are little pieces coming to mind that I haven't thought of in so long. Phrases. Stories. Comments made to me so long ago. Write.
For a long time now He has been teaching me about the power of the written word. Come to My Word, come to Me. Much as I love scripture, its been a battle to change the feelings of it as a text book into seeing it as a love letter. My entire education was scripture based but in those days, it was education without emotion. It was the details and the history that was taught, not the love and the reason behind the details. He has been working on changing that for a long time. I see it now, but many times it is a battle to pick it up for Love, not study. Oh how the enemy knows our weakness.
I used to be an avid reader. Not novels....no, but non-fiction. I have book after book on spiritual disciplines, humility, spiritual gifts, christian living, prayer, reference book after reference book....anything I could get my hands on that could teach me. I did this intensely for many years......but in the last few....He pressed. Not their word but Mine. Stop relying on man to teach you what He already has. Each time I would try to pick up a new book....I couldn't finish it. I couldn't get through a whole page without being distracted.....reminded. I've spent the last 3 years (or is it 4? I've lost track now...) with very few books I felt I had permission to read. So many books have been suggested to me and in my heart I hear the whisper......No, not that one. Only Me. I can only smile and agree.......thanking the person with a transparent look that clearly says I won't be reading that book. I can hide nothing....I am an open book.
When you give something up, suddenly it seems to have a spotlight on it. If you diet, suddenly everyone on the planet has chocolate. You see it everywhere. In the last few years I've felt like a watcher...an observer of scripture, the presence or lack of it, has had a spotlight on it. People share enthusiastically about books they are reading and I hear the weight they are giving to the words of man. They speak of an author as if they have heard the Word of God itself......the Lord can use mere man, yes.....but what I don't hear is discernment. Have they weighed the words against The Word? A nugget of truth can so easily be manipulated into looking like a boulder. In church, sermons sound different, I notice clearly if they are based on the Word or if the Word is used as a prop to support the message they want to deliver. If it's full of God's Word or void of it....so much so that at times, I get distracted by verses flooding my mind that could have been used. Verses used out of context screech like an alarm. I hear talk of modeling things after another church and I hear idolatry. Please, follow Him not them. I see church classes and themes built around books.....and how they aren't the minority but the majority. It isn't inherently wrong to teach based on some book but what I notice is how off balance it is. Stack it all up on a scale and it will tip to the worlds side. People rely too heavily on someone else to teach them about the Word instead of trusting the Word itself. The Word is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Heb. 4:12
He whispers. I listen. I watch. I wait. I pray........Use me, I'm Yours.
Marriage. There are a few around me...marriages I pray for, worry about...wives I want to take under my wing to calm their anxiety. Guide them away from mistakes I made. Teach them what I've learned.
The Lord presses into my heart to put our experiences to use....sometimes it aches. When I am the most discontent with some area of life.....I know He is about to move, or move me. I feel it now. Wives, marriage, mentor....it presses. "train the young women to love their husbands and children" Titus 2:4
Teach them.......I'm trying.
The most dangerous prayers are the shortest. Teach me. Use me. I'm Yours.
In the last few days, despite the chaos and the cold that has been clouding my head and making me exhausted.....He has been so clear. Like a puzzle there are little pieces coming to mind that I haven't thought of in so long. Phrases. Stories. Comments made to me so long ago. Write.
For a long time now He has been teaching me about the power of the written word. Come to My Word, come to Me. Much as I love scripture, its been a battle to change the feelings of it as a text book into seeing it as a love letter. My entire education was scripture based but in those days, it was education without emotion. It was the details and the history that was taught, not the love and the reason behind the details. He has been working on changing that for a long time. I see it now, but many times it is a battle to pick it up for Love, not study. Oh how the enemy knows our weakness.
I used to be an avid reader. Not novels....no, but non-fiction. I have book after book on spiritual disciplines, humility, spiritual gifts, christian living, prayer, reference book after reference book....anything I could get my hands on that could teach me. I did this intensely for many years......but in the last few....He pressed. Not their word but Mine. Stop relying on man to teach you what He already has. Each time I would try to pick up a new book....I couldn't finish it. I couldn't get through a whole page without being distracted.....reminded. I've spent the last 3 years (or is it 4? I've lost track now...) with very few books I felt I had permission to read. So many books have been suggested to me and in my heart I hear the whisper......No, not that one. Only Me. I can only smile and agree.......thanking the person with a transparent look that clearly says I won't be reading that book. I can hide nothing....I am an open book.
When you give something up, suddenly it seems to have a spotlight on it. If you diet, suddenly everyone on the planet has chocolate. You see it everywhere. In the last few years I've felt like a watcher...an observer of scripture, the presence or lack of it, has had a spotlight on it. People share enthusiastically about books they are reading and I hear the weight they are giving to the words of man. They speak of an author as if they have heard the Word of God itself......the Lord can use mere man, yes.....but what I don't hear is discernment. Have they weighed the words against The Word? A nugget of truth can so easily be manipulated into looking like a boulder. In church, sermons sound different, I notice clearly if they are based on the Word or if the Word is used as a prop to support the message they want to deliver. If it's full of God's Word or void of it....so much so that at times, I get distracted by verses flooding my mind that could have been used. Verses used out of context screech like an alarm. I hear talk of modeling things after another church and I hear idolatry. Please, follow Him not them. I see church classes and themes built around books.....and how they aren't the minority but the majority. It isn't inherently wrong to teach based on some book but what I notice is how off balance it is. Stack it all up on a scale and it will tip to the worlds side. People rely too heavily on someone else to teach them about the Word instead of trusting the Word itself. The Word is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Heb. 4:12
When did He become not enough?
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be My disciples. As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:4-11
Blessings of Sonshine and whispers,
the Mrs.
Friday, February 3, 2012
"cuz yer hot"
So apparently there is a down side to downsizing.
When your husband is late to work because he hit the snooze button too many times....he's late "because you're hot".
It's becoming an excuse for a lot of things. The compliment wrapped in humor used as a distraction from whatever the question might be.
I'm not buying what you're selling, Mr.
Though I will confiscate it and use it for motivation to get on that treadmill.
But don't think that I will believe that you forgot to do the dishes because my 'hottness' distracted you.
I'm not yet halfway to my goal weight so you better get a hold of yourself or when I actually get there, you'll be a drooling mess incapable of completing a task. We can't have you getting fired because your wife is hot. This, would not be good.
Am I the smallest I've been since about when we got married? Yep. But do you remember when we met? Think on that my love, and no, I will not eventually fit into your pocket. Sorry.
It is funny what happens when you downsize. More sass, less....well, you get the point. Though the downside is that when goofing with Mr it's a whole lot harder to stand my ground. I used to be able to, at the very least, push hard enough to get him to take a step back...(picture a Yogi and Boo boo moment)....now, he can kinda just pick me up and move me. Granted that's kinda fun too in a "sweet, I'm less fat" kind of accomplishment.
I don't really care that valentines day is coming up.....lately......every morning I wake up feeling like it's valentines day. We might be the mushiest couple that I know but I have more gratitude in my heart, than I have words, for what the Lord has done in our marriage. I can say that in the last 6 years, each new day finds me falling more in love with Mr than I was the day before.
Who needs valentines day when everyday you have your valentine?
Blessings of abounding love,
the Mrs.
When your husband is late to work because he hit the snooze button too many times....he's late "because you're hot".
It's becoming an excuse for a lot of things. The compliment wrapped in humor used as a distraction from whatever the question might be.
I'm not buying what you're selling, Mr.
Though I will confiscate it and use it for motivation to get on that treadmill.
But don't think that I will believe that you forgot to do the dishes because my 'hottness' distracted you.
I'm not yet halfway to my goal weight so you better get a hold of yourself or when I actually get there, you'll be a drooling mess incapable of completing a task. We can't have you getting fired because your wife is hot. This, would not be good.
Am I the smallest I've been since about when we got married? Yep. But do you remember when we met? Think on that my love, and no, I will not eventually fit into your pocket. Sorry.
It is funny what happens when you downsize. More sass, less....well, you get the point. Though the downside is that when goofing with Mr it's a whole lot harder to stand my ground. I used to be able to, at the very least, push hard enough to get him to take a step back...(picture a Yogi and Boo boo moment)....now, he can kinda just pick me up and move me. Granted that's kinda fun too in a "sweet, I'm less fat" kind of accomplishment.
I don't really care that valentines day is coming up.....lately......every morning I wake up feeling like it's valentines day. We might be the mushiest couple that I know but I have more gratitude in my heart, than I have words, for what the Lord has done in our marriage. I can say that in the last 6 years, each new day finds me falling more in love with Mr than I was the day before.
Who needs valentines day when everyday you have your valentine?
Blessings of abounding love,
the Mrs.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
story time
Once upon a time....not so long ago....there was a young girl. It was the early spring in her life and all around her was grey, appearing lifeless. She wondered if anything would ever bloom. Would life always be so dark, so endlessly tiring? Fruitlessly she searched within her own power to change her surroundings. An iron fist had no power. A nagging voice, no effect. The melodramatic sigh of dissatisfaction brought forth no melody.
"Turn around." a Whisper came.
Time and again the Whisper called but she'd forgotten the familiar voice she once knew and waved it away as nothing.
Alone in spirit, grieved and afraid of her future the girl wondered about the choices she'd made. Tears too frequent a companion and too little a comfort, her will finally broke. The Whisper came again....stronger.
"Turn around."
And she did. The Light shone on her darkness and she was no longer afraid.
"Fear not for you will not be ashamed." came the whisper that washed over her. "I, the Lord your Maker will be your husband. I have called you, like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, with great compassion I will gather you." she imagined this was how the raging storm felt when Jesus calmed it with a word.....the stillness of it.
A simple command followed: "Talk to me."
So she did. She started talking all the time. They laughed and they walked together. She talked.
Her heart poured out to Him and all the hurt, dreams and wishes poured out.
"Ask." came the new Whisper. So she did.
Lord, keep us safe.
And He did.
Lord, give my husband a new wife....and let it be me.
And He did.
Lord, open his heart to going to church.
And He did.
Lord, make him yours.
And He did.
Lord, help us to feed our family and pay our bills.
And He did.
Lord, give us a new home.
And He did.
Lord, save my marriage.
And He did.
Lord, help his work...prosper him.
And He did.
Lord, make my husband a godly man and a godly father.
And He did.
Lord, let him love me like You do...show him how.
And He did.
Lord, I love You. Make me worthy of all Your gifts. Help me see them and never overlook them.
And He is.
She looked around and all the world is in bloom. Time to grow, is what was needed. Patience and the Hand of the gardener. While she talked and shared, He was Whispering to others.....growing and tending to them as only He can. She needed to let them grow, in their own way and time....their soil was different. Their needs, different. In His hands, all grows to perfection in His time.
"Turn around." a Whisper came.
Time and again the Whisper called but she'd forgotten the familiar voice she once knew and waved it away as nothing.
Alone in spirit, grieved and afraid of her future the girl wondered about the choices she'd made. Tears too frequent a companion and too little a comfort, her will finally broke. The Whisper came again....stronger.
"Turn around."
And she did. The Light shone on her darkness and she was no longer afraid.
"Fear not for you will not be ashamed." came the whisper that washed over her. "I, the Lord your Maker will be your husband. I have called you, like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, with great compassion I will gather you." she imagined this was how the raging storm felt when Jesus calmed it with a word.....the stillness of it.
A simple command followed: "Talk to me."
So she did. She started talking all the time. They laughed and they walked together. She talked.
Her heart poured out to Him and all the hurt, dreams and wishes poured out.
"Ask." came the new Whisper. So she did.
Lord, keep us safe.
And He did.
Lord, give my husband a new wife....and let it be me.
And He did.
Lord, open his heart to going to church.
And He did.
Lord, make him yours.
And He did.
Lord, help us to feed our family and pay our bills.
And He did.
Lord, give us a new home.
And He did.
Lord, save my marriage.
And He did.
Lord, help his work...prosper him.
And He did.
Lord, make my husband a godly man and a godly father.
And He did.
Lord, let him love me like You do...show him how.
And He did.
Lord, I love You. Make me worthy of all Your gifts. Help me see them and never overlook them.
And He is.
She looked around and all the world is in bloom. Time to grow, is what was needed. Patience and the Hand of the gardener. While she talked and shared, He was Whispering to others.....growing and tending to them as only He can. She needed to let them grow, in their own way and time....their soil was different. Their needs, different. In His hands, all grows to perfection in His time.
"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but My steadfast love shall not depart from you, and My covenant of peace shall not be removed", says the Lord who has compassion on you.
~ Isaiah 54:10
Blessings of His never ending love,
the Mrs.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
its always the last place you look
Dude! Not only did I get the list checked off, but I managed to make a pot of chili, a pan of chicken and put in a work out that has me groaning each time I try to stand up. It was one heck of a Tuesday!
Finally found my mojo!
That thing seemed to fall off the planet toward the end of fall. I couldn't get the motivation to move at the pace I wanted to. My mind wouldn't think efficiently and I felt like I was sitting down on the job.
My famous lists were ineffective, unfinished or missing in action. Any zest for life was dull and waxy.....more about accomplishing the basics and making sure no one was miserable. Perhaps I set a high standard....but so what. Never do I expect perfection - from myself or others but I've always felt that the ability to improve is endless. "When you know better, do better." When I accomplish a new high, a new level of excellence in any particular task, skill or pursuit of knowledge the first thing I feel is "wow! I'm capable of more than I thought!" which is quickly followed by "if I can do this, then I can do better!" Not because I require challenge. Not because I am unsatisfied with my best. But because complacency leads to laziness.
Is it this way for everyone? When I get too comfortable, too confident in something.....pride rears its ugly head. When my pride rears it is not long before the auto pilot switch is flipped. I become less aware of those around me. I assume more and ask less. I lean on my own understanding more than I lean on His leading. The biggest problem with that is usually, no one calls me on it. No one questions me or forces me to stop in my tracks and really look at where I am standing. In brambles. Off the path and "ahead" of the Lord.....trying to lead instead of follow. I envision Him standing there, hands on His hips with this playful, knowing smile.....waiting to see the moment my expression changes as I have that light-bulb moment of awareness of where I am....
Almost with a chuckle, He acknowledges "Yep, you did it again. Now turn around and come on back." Hand outstretched, smiling at me, loving watching me learn how to course correct...pleased that I don't get quite as far away as I used to.
He doesn't have to come get me anymore. I don't wander so far that I can't see how to get back. Now He patiently waits for me to notice I've gone off track. Always teaching me. Always improving me.....refining me.
Fall found me in the brambles. Confused, weary and feeling completely sucked dry of any goodness at all. Honestly, at times just the thought of having contact with people made me recoil. Already a solitary person, this drove me deeper into quiet solitude. My regular weekday is naturally quiet and fairly void of people but when the weekend arrived, dread would slowly build as Sunday morning approached. Once I got there I would hide as best I could, pretend I didn't see people.....hope they wouldn't see me and maybe, just maybe the Lord would block out the world and it would just be He and I in that pew. .....He doesn't work like that though... I still find myself hiding a bit. Trying to shake off the label and maybe have an identity of my own.....maybe just maybe, at some point, feel a part of the place....at home. Trying to have moments where I say Hi....first. Too often I am unaware that "don't speak unless spoken to" is still ingrained in my behavior.....I am not that child anymore.....but usually I wait, for eye contact, for someone else to make the first move.....giving that silent permission. Adults can speak freely.......but I also have a desire in my heart to listen more than I speak.....when I do speak I often speak too much. Ah, the conundrum of two conflicting intentions!
For now I renew my conversation with Him. I can feel more energy in those conversations with Him now. Before, when my mind and spirit were so tired I didn't know what to say......or what to share. The more I talk with Him the more energy fills me. The more efficient I become. When my mind wanders He draws back my attention and with a quick apology for drifting off we enter back into conversation. At this point my ability to focus on Him is growing but I still spend more time drifting than in focus. Still.....there is a "riding a bike" kind of feeling....in moments of conversation over mindless tasks - when focus is easier - I remember the feeling of being able to be fully aware of Him, conversing with Him in the quiet of my mind, while having a conversation with others. Memories like that spur me on.....and I talk about that with Him.
This week it seems something is different. I have an energy and an active heart again. He reminds me that He is my energy. He is my sufficiency. He is my Light, the love I give, the drive to serve and care for my family. HE is my mojo. Funny how when you lose it, you forget what it really is in the first place. Makes it hard to find when you don't remember what it looks like.
Today I focus on today. I will talk with Him as I go about my business hopefully remembering to write things down as He brings them to mind (He so helps me to be more efficient) or ask Him to remind me...He's good at that too. :) Tomorrow will take care of itself but I will be talking to Him a lot about the Dude's IEP meeting tomorrow. Its time for speech review and any meeting with this group of teachers makes my guts churn. I'll be asking Him to start preparing my heart and mind today....for tomorrow. I'll be talking to Him about doing the same for the teachers and staff involved. .....empty me of any trace of bitterness or resentment....fill me instead with grace and wisdom. Make me soft when my human heart wants to harden for protection.
Blessings of His sweet embrace today, knowing that He bends down to listen to YOU, that He hears and answers your prayers.....no matter how big or small....with His infinitely perfect love.
the Mrs.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
sunday sweetness
Smile on my face all day.
The Lover and Creator of my soul reminded me personally that He doesn't just listen but He hears. Not just my prayers for others but those uttered wishes for myself.
The gift of worship, delivered precisely the way I needed.....asked.
A song, uttered beautifully, from the mouth of a wonderful friend.
Testimony. Perfect assurance. He is providing, working, and knitting together a community of people.....even if I can't personally see or feel it yet. The ones who really need it...do.
The morning felt like a customized gift, just for me. A sweet "I love you".
I relaxed into that. Smile on my lips. Tears in my eyes. Full, warm heart.
It's been a great day. Have I done anything particularly spectacular? Not really. But I worked my buns off just now. Nearly an hour on the treadmill. I don't run. I don't go nearly as fast as others. Generally I top out at 3.5 with my short chicken legs moving with as much rhythm as I can muster without tripping. Then I moved to the wii. Whoever says video games serve no good purpose have not met this machine. I know there are many systems, many games. I have not been introduced to them so I cannot speak to that but I can shout the praise of this.....this new and amazing thing. I got it for Christmas. Gold's Gym. I sweat. No, not that girly "glisten". I'm talkin dripping, I need a towel, kind of sweat. I got the boxing gloves to go with it....cuz basically that's all it is. Boxing.
It's true. When you find something that you connect with and enjoy - go for it! Your workout will be so much more successful. You will WANT to put more into it. Right now......my arms feel like lead as I am trying to type this. I had to stop in, share my beautiful morning......and tell you:
The Lover and Creator of my soul reminded me personally that He doesn't just listen but He hears. Not just my prayers for others but those uttered wishes for myself.
The gift of worship, delivered precisely the way I needed.....asked.
A song, uttered beautifully, from the mouth of a wonderful friend.
Testimony. Perfect assurance. He is providing, working, and knitting together a community of people.....even if I can't personally see or feel it yet. The ones who really need it...do.
The morning felt like a customized gift, just for me. A sweet "I love you".
I relaxed into that. Smile on my lips. Tears in my eyes. Full, warm heart.
It's been a great day. Have I done anything particularly spectacular? Not really. But I worked my buns off just now. Nearly an hour on the treadmill. I don't run. I don't go nearly as fast as others. Generally I top out at 3.5 with my short chicken legs moving with as much rhythm as I can muster without tripping. Then I moved to the wii. Whoever says video games serve no good purpose have not met this machine. I know there are many systems, many games. I have not been introduced to them so I cannot speak to that but I can shout the praise of this.....this new and amazing thing. I got it for Christmas. Gold's Gym. I sweat. No, not that girly "glisten". I'm talkin dripping, I need a towel, kind of sweat. I got the boxing gloves to go with it....cuz basically that's all it is. Boxing.
It's true. When you find something that you connect with and enjoy - go for it! Your workout will be so much more successful. You will WANT to put more into it. Right now......my arms feel like lead as I am trying to type this. I had to stop in, share my beautiful morning......and tell you:
I am seriously excited about weigh in tomorrow.
Excited.
I think it's going to be a good one! I can't wait to see how I did this week.
Also. I wanted to share a post from a blogger that I find inspired and offers pictures of food that will make you lick the screen. Food porn. Plain and simple. Its not all calorie laden, hip exploding, waist expanding gloriousness but also heaps of veggies.....my favorite ones are roasted to beautiful perfection. She has been on the journey to lose. She lost 135 lbs and has the most healthy, well balanced view of food that I've ever encountered. She writes beautifully and has been asked to write a book. Today she answered a letter from a reader about how she handled slipping up on her diet. Go read. Be encouraged and comforted with reality. This girl is wise beyond her years and the way she strings a sentence together is a thing of beauty.
See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams and peaceful sleep.
Blessings of a beautiful, brand new tomorrow and all the hope it offers,
the Mrs.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Weigh in Monday 7 - on to the next set of 10s!
My Monday mojo is groovin today, I am SO ready to get this week started off right. Last week was anything but productive as I still have junk and projects strewn about unfinished and I think we know how my insanity level skyrockets when there is clutter......oh yes, I think we do.
So I've got a catch up list going and I don't know that I can get it all done today but you can be darn tootin sure I'm gonna try. Yeah....I said tootin.....you can giggle....I am.
SO - on to the main topic of this fine day!
I scored a -1.2 this week! Which frankly leaves me feeling VERY happy due to my poor decision making on Saturday night. We made homemade pizza for dinner. Gluten free pizza crust from a mix and my choice in toppings was great - nice thin layer of sauce, chopped green pepper, diced tomato, sun-dried tomato bits, green olives and a very very thin layer of finely shredded cheese. What I didn't take into consideration is that portion wise, while it was a small pizza, certainly personal size and the crust was thin......it was probably twice the amount I'm used to eating in one sitting and normally at least 50% of what I eat is a vegetable or fruit.
So I ended up feeling like my guts were made of iron for the rest of the night. The next morning, Sunday, I'd actually gained a pound (from the previous Monday's weight) and spent yesterday thinking I'd messed up my whole week with one meal. I worked out for about 2 hours - 100 minutes on the treadmill and some wii boxing. I carefully monitored what I ate and when we went out for dinner last night with friends, I asked for: White rice, asparagus and sauteed mushrooms. When I got it, I cut up the asparagus into small bites and mixed the whole lot together. It was actually very good! Filling and few points.
I would have been happy with even one pound lost so to have gone over that is great! Now this week I need to learn from that and make sure that in every plate of food I am careful to monitor my portions.
Stats so far:
Lost this week: 1.2 - bringing me to 169!!! Yay 60's!!
Total lost since start of WW (5/23/11): 23.2
Total lost since October 24 (new goal new attitude): 12.2 (well isn't that interesting? I've lost half my total since I adjusted my goals and attitude, in less time than the first half....hmmm)
Total left to go: 39
And the mini goal was to hit a total loss of 29lbs by December 26th, leaving 5.8 lbs to lose in order to meet that goal. Can I do 5.8 in two weeks? That's a short term goal of -2.9 two weeks in a row! Holy cow. I guess we will see!
It is really cool to see the stats like that. I get frustrated that my middle isn't shrinking as fast as the rest and therefore not exactly showing my progress well. My support and encouragement is coming primarily from my husband because....apparently its frowned on to compliment a woman on her weight loss? I don't know. My poor Mr has been in so many awkward situations where he gets these over the top compliments and I get nothing. He wants so much for me to be encouraged and he is doing an amazing job of encouraging me! I am eating up all the compliments he is showering on me. I love it! We all know though, that getting a compliment from outside the home - from people who don't see you on a daily basis, the difference should be really noticeable right? - it carries a different significance to it. It's like verbal proof of the accomplishment so far. I guess I just get to look forward to those moments... So far, they just aren't happening. I was discouraged yesterday.....well, maybe not discouraged but a little wounded, after one more of those awkward moments. A kind friend tried valiantly to save it and it was still a tremendous jab. At some point, someone will have to notice. Right?
On to the next 2 pounds! Last week is behind me and it's time again to strive forward toward the next goal!!
Blessings for a motivational kicker Monday!
the Mrs.
So I've got a catch up list going and I don't know that I can get it all done today but you can be darn tootin sure I'm gonna try. Yeah....I said tootin.....you can giggle....I am.
SO - on to the main topic of this fine day!
I scored a -1.2 this week! Which frankly leaves me feeling VERY happy due to my poor decision making on Saturday night. We made homemade pizza for dinner. Gluten free pizza crust from a mix and my choice in toppings was great - nice thin layer of sauce, chopped green pepper, diced tomato, sun-dried tomato bits, green olives and a very very thin layer of finely shredded cheese. What I didn't take into consideration is that portion wise, while it was a small pizza, certainly personal size and the crust was thin......it was probably twice the amount I'm used to eating in one sitting and normally at least 50% of what I eat is a vegetable or fruit.
So I ended up feeling like my guts were made of iron for the rest of the night. The next morning, Sunday, I'd actually gained a pound (from the previous Monday's weight) and spent yesterday thinking I'd messed up my whole week with one meal. I worked out for about 2 hours - 100 minutes on the treadmill and some wii boxing. I carefully monitored what I ate and when we went out for dinner last night with friends, I asked for: White rice, asparagus and sauteed mushrooms. When I got it, I cut up the asparagus into small bites and mixed the whole lot together. It was actually very good! Filling and few points.
I would have been happy with even one pound lost so to have gone over that is great! Now this week I need to learn from that and make sure that in every plate of food I am careful to monitor my portions.
Stats so far:
Lost this week: 1.2 - bringing me to 169!!! Yay 60's!!
Total lost since start of WW (5/23/11): 23.2
Total lost since October 24 (new goal new attitude): 12.2 (well isn't that interesting? I've lost half my total since I adjusted my goals and attitude, in less time than the first half....hmmm)
Total left to go: 39
And the mini goal was to hit a total loss of 29lbs by December 26th, leaving 5.8 lbs to lose in order to meet that goal. Can I do 5.8 in two weeks? That's a short term goal of -2.9 two weeks in a row! Holy cow. I guess we will see!
It is really cool to see the stats like that. I get frustrated that my middle isn't shrinking as fast as the rest and therefore not exactly showing my progress well. My support and encouragement is coming primarily from my husband because....apparently its frowned on to compliment a woman on her weight loss? I don't know. My poor Mr has been in so many awkward situations where he gets these over the top compliments and I get nothing. He wants so much for me to be encouraged and he is doing an amazing job of encouraging me! I am eating up all the compliments he is showering on me. I love it! We all know though, that getting a compliment from outside the home - from people who don't see you on a daily basis, the difference should be really noticeable right? - it carries a different significance to it. It's like verbal proof of the accomplishment so far. I guess I just get to look forward to those moments... So far, they just aren't happening. I was discouraged yesterday.....well, maybe not discouraged but a little wounded, after one more of those awkward moments. A kind friend tried valiantly to save it and it was still a tremendous jab. At some point, someone will have to notice. Right?
On to the next 2 pounds! Last week is behind me and it's time again to strive forward toward the next goal!!
Blessings for a motivational kicker Monday!
the Mrs.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Mommy bumbles it
My boy is home today. We've been dealing with a random and mysterious sore throat for a few weeks. When I say that I feel so delinquent. It has been here today, gone tomorrow, sometimes just annoying and other days making him feel yucky enough to stay home.....then mysteriously, he's fine. No fever, no runny nose or cough....just this one mysterious symptom. I thought it was a cold that just wouldn't let go...until yesterday. I got a call from the nurse at school. He'd been there twice...but "no fever".....this time he was in tears, he wanted to come home. I arrived to pick him up and he was clearly miserable, crying but trying to be brave...."but I don't want to miss school". ugh......my heart.
He is 10. The sweetest most un-10 year old boy you've ever met. He is an odd jewel of a person. It is captivating watching him grow, seeing who the Lord has made him to be emerge from childhood and into this boy......dare I say, young man. Perhaps I'm biased....but he impresses me, simply with being who he is. Uncomplicated, totally transparent, honest to a fault, give him a rule and he will live and die by it. He impresses me.
He then tells me that his face hurts, just beneath each eye. This is new. Sinus infection?? He's a kid....I've never had one myself so I can only go from the descriptions of others. We went straight to urgent care. I asked the Lord to please let us not have to wait for hours, let the freezing temps keep people home and let us get in quickly. I stashed bunny crackers and an apple juice box in my purse before I left the house, knowing this is where we would end up. The Lord is faithful and there wasn't even one person ahead of us. We got in less than 20 minutes from walking in the door.
Another negative strep test and a quick look in the nose.....massive sinus infection. She even grunted a half gasp at how bad it was. I could have crawled in a hole....how could I have missed this. We talked. I asked a million questions. The result; he has allergies and the drainage down his throat has been causing the sore irritated throat. Laying down relieves things which is why he feels so much better after laying on the couch for a day. A few days later it's built up again and he doesn't feel well. Mystery solved. Kinda... Now we have a whole new mystery.
I explained how I was reluctant to bring him in because he gets a sore throat every time he gets sick, no fever ever but he doesn't feel well and we get sent home, "drink lots of fluids, rest and wait". So that's what I did this time. She comforted me saying I couldn't have known what was going on, that doctors wouldn't have looked at allergies as the cause due to his age. The Dude's calm, laid back demeanor told her that he is clearly not a complainer and is a tough kid. She pressed on all his sinuses and his reactions were minor but he did say it hurt. I could tell from her comments and reactions she was expecting more drama from him.
"Anyone in your family have allergies?" again, I feel like I should shrink. How could I have missed this? I had allergies as a kid. So badly that instead of seeing a regular pediatrician I saw an allergy specialist for every sniffle and complaint I had. I was constantly sick with something or other and was at the doctor so often we had a close relationship. He took me on as one of his youngest patients, because he'd begun treating my mother while she was pregnant with me. He gave me tongue depressors to take home and I would bring them back to him decorated and drawn on, I would draw him pictures and name my stuffed animals after his nurses. When I was older, he was at a conference so I had to see a colleague of his. When he came in to see me he brought my folder, full and heavy. When he sat it down on the desk, he looked at me and said I must be special.......one by one he pulled out every tongue depressor and picture I'd brought him over the years.
Now I need to pull those memories back out of the archives and find someone to bring the Dude to. Once the sinus infection is cleared up. Time to test and see what he is allergic to.....and I'm curious to see if there is a food connection. Granted I see a food connection to everything......but still, it is the one constant source of input the body has that can trigger adverse affects. It has been true in my life and I know that it can be true for him. Has been since he was an infant.
So today I let him stay home....perhaps out of guilt. Though I know that one more day of letting his body rest and the medication do it's work will only help, not hurt. He looks so much better today than last night.....last night he looked like he'd been in a fight. His eyes were puffy and dark.....the light hurt his eyes and he was uncomfortable....but he didn't complain. He would just answer honestly when I asked.....so I know I need to ask more often and better questions.....because he won't complain, not unless it's bad.
What a kid. He is the epitome of a living breathing answer to prayer.....his name means "God has heard". I asked for him, begged for him....and I do mean himjust one. He did and I am blessed.
Blessings of abundance, peace and the encompassing awareness of His presence and love,
the Mrs.
He is 10. The sweetest most un-10 year old boy you've ever met. He is an odd jewel of a person. It is captivating watching him grow, seeing who the Lord has made him to be emerge from childhood and into this boy......dare I say, young man. Perhaps I'm biased....but he impresses me, simply with being who he is. Uncomplicated, totally transparent, honest to a fault, give him a rule and he will live and die by it. He impresses me.
He then tells me that his face hurts, just beneath each eye. This is new. Sinus infection?? He's a kid....I've never had one myself so I can only go from the descriptions of others. We went straight to urgent care. I asked the Lord to please let us not have to wait for hours, let the freezing temps keep people home and let us get in quickly. I stashed bunny crackers and an apple juice box in my purse before I left the house, knowing this is where we would end up. The Lord is faithful and there wasn't even one person ahead of us. We got in less than 20 minutes from walking in the door.
Another negative strep test and a quick look in the nose.....massive sinus infection. She even grunted a half gasp at how bad it was. I could have crawled in a hole....how could I have missed this. We talked. I asked a million questions. The result; he has allergies and the drainage down his throat has been causing the sore irritated throat. Laying down relieves things which is why he feels so much better after laying on the couch for a day. A few days later it's built up again and he doesn't feel well. Mystery solved. Kinda... Now we have a whole new mystery.
I explained how I was reluctant to bring him in because he gets a sore throat every time he gets sick, no fever ever but he doesn't feel well and we get sent home, "drink lots of fluids, rest and wait". So that's what I did this time. She comforted me saying I couldn't have known what was going on, that doctors wouldn't have looked at allergies as the cause due to his age. The Dude's calm, laid back demeanor told her that he is clearly not a complainer and is a tough kid. She pressed on all his sinuses and his reactions were minor but he did say it hurt. I could tell from her comments and reactions she was expecting more drama from him.
"Anyone in your family have allergies?" again, I feel like I should shrink. How could I have missed this? I had allergies as a kid. So badly that instead of seeing a regular pediatrician I saw an allergy specialist for every sniffle and complaint I had. I was constantly sick with something or other and was at the doctor so often we had a close relationship. He took me on as one of his youngest patients, because he'd begun treating my mother while she was pregnant with me. He gave me tongue depressors to take home and I would bring them back to him decorated and drawn on, I would draw him pictures and name my stuffed animals after his nurses. When I was older, he was at a conference so I had to see a colleague of his. When he came in to see me he brought my folder, full and heavy. When he sat it down on the desk, he looked at me and said I must be special.......one by one he pulled out every tongue depressor and picture I'd brought him over the years.
Now I need to pull those memories back out of the archives and find someone to bring the Dude to. Once the sinus infection is cleared up. Time to test and see what he is allergic to.....and I'm curious to see if there is a food connection. Granted I see a food connection to everything......but still, it is the one constant source of input the body has that can trigger adverse affects. It has been true in my life and I know that it can be true for him. Has been since he was an infant.
So today I let him stay home....perhaps out of guilt. Though I know that one more day of letting his body rest and the medication do it's work will only help, not hurt. He looks so much better today than last night.....last night he looked like he'd been in a fight. His eyes were puffy and dark.....the light hurt his eyes and he was uncomfortable....but he didn't complain. He would just answer honestly when I asked.....so I know I need to ask more often and better questions.....because he won't complain, not unless it's bad.
What a kid. He is the epitome of a living breathing answer to prayer.....his name means "God has heard". I asked for him, begged for him....and I do mean himjust one. He did and I am blessed.
I love the Lord because He hears and answers my prayers. Because He bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath! ~Ps. 116:1-2
The Lord is so faithful. He has answered so many prayers. So many custom orders slowly revealed in His perfect timing. He hears. He knows.
Blessings of abundance, peace and the encompassing awareness of His presence and love,
the Mrs.
Monday, December 5, 2011
thinks too much and too often......would make a seriously awesome monk.
my mind seems to have it's own steering wheel and GPS system that it refuses to share with me.
I am fiercely protective of people I care about....or people I've just met who happen to hit just the right note in my soul. Though frankly I doubt that I make that great of a friend. I am a solitary, lone wolf kinda person who rarely craves the company of people. Unless you are my Mr, he is the one and only person in the whole world whose company I crave like lungs crave oxygen......and I would still need time alone. Even as a child I preferred to be alone. This worried my mother and when she was irritated enough, she would simply tell me that I was grounded and if I wanted to come out of my room I was required to play with the neighbor girl.
Really? There's barbies in there. Sounds cool. See ya when I need food.
When she realized that was a massive failed experiment, she just started telling me that I had to play with her. That worked....until I figured out how to make her want to go home....like trying to force feed her peppers....which she didn't like. Or the time I convinced her that the beetle made of iron (I think it was for taking your boots off) near the fireplace was actually a family pet.....and alive.....and I tried to make her pet it.....she kinda freaked out....and ran home....screaming..... I only chased her a little...
Oh come on! I was like 6! ....okay maybe 8...or 10...but still.
It's always been there. A few years ago I thought I'd just be honest (cuz that's the best policy right?) and say out loud that I really didn't like people much. Didn't quite go over how I thought.....a tad awkward......turns out only other people who don't like people tend to like people who say that. Transparency apparently has limits.
Yes, I do have friends. Friends I love dearly but frankly I'm not a great communicator so they totally get the short end of the stick. I get lost in time. I forget when the last time I talked to someone was and could go months without speaking to them and think it was just last week that we had that great chat. I forget I have friends. I forget that they might need me. I forget that sometimes people need their friends to initiate contact or even ask questions instead of just assuming they will spew out all their thoughts without a prompt.....which means I'm probably a crappy friend more often than not. Unless it's email or facebook....I don't reach out. I'm not trying to be a jerk or avoiding people.....honestly, it really just doesn't occur to me. Fortunately I have a few friends who really see me for who I am. They have an abundance of grace for me and either accept or tolerate mymassive many negative qualities.
Change is something I strive for....to grow, to weed out these negative character traits. Unfortunately, I forget them more often than not because I do spend much of my time alone.....I simply am not out of touch or irritating to me. My friends are angels...they understand that they will have to initiate conversations, phone calls or visits.....I wish I was better at that but honestly I just get all kinds of awkward and it really is better for everyone if they take the lead.
I am fiercely protective of people I care about....or people I've just met who happen to hit just the right note in my soul. Though frankly I doubt that I make that great of a friend. I am a solitary, lone wolf kinda person who rarely craves the company of people. Unless you are my Mr, he is the one and only person in the whole world whose company I crave like lungs crave oxygen......and I would still need time alone. Even as a child I preferred to be alone. This worried my mother and when she was irritated enough, she would simply tell me that I was grounded and if I wanted to come out of my room I was required to play with the neighbor girl.
Really? There's barbies in there. Sounds cool. See ya when I need food.
When she realized that was a massive failed experiment, she just started telling me that I had to play with her. That worked....until I figured out how to make her want to go home....like trying to force feed her peppers....which she didn't like. Or the time I convinced her that the beetle made of iron (I think it was for taking your boots off) near the fireplace was actually a family pet.....and alive.....and I tried to make her pet it.....she kinda freaked out....and ran home....screaming..... I only chased her a little...
Oh come on! I was like 6! ....okay maybe 8...or 10...but still.
It's always been there. A few years ago I thought I'd just be honest (cuz that's the best policy right?) and say out loud that I really didn't like people much. Didn't quite go over how I thought.....a tad awkward......turns out only other people who don't like people tend to like people who say that. Transparency apparently has limits.
Yes, I do have friends. Friends I love dearly but frankly I'm not a great communicator so they totally get the short end of the stick. I get lost in time. I forget when the last time I talked to someone was and could go months without speaking to them and think it was just last week that we had that great chat. I forget I have friends. I forget that they might need me. I forget that sometimes people need their friends to initiate contact or even ask questions instead of just assuming they will spew out all their thoughts without a prompt.....which means I'm probably a crappy friend more often than not. Unless it's email or facebook....I don't reach out. I'm not trying to be a jerk or avoiding people.....honestly, it really just doesn't occur to me. Fortunately I have a few friends who really see me for who I am. They have an abundance of grace for me and either accept or tolerate my
Change is something I strive for....to grow, to weed out these negative character traits. Unfortunately, I forget them more often than not because I do spend much of my time alone.....I simply am not out of touch or irritating to me. My friends are angels...they understand that they will have to initiate conversations, phone calls or visits.....I wish I was better at that but honestly I just get all kinds of awkward and it really is better for everyone if they take the lead.
The solitary life of a monk, I would rock. To be silent, in silence and have no one but God to talk to....THAT I could be successful at. He knows me. He loves me and He understands all my crazy and my serious. He gets me. I forget to talk to Him too.....but He doesn't get mad or feel neglected. I know He's always with me....I think He's probably laughing at me many times, simply enjoying the random awkwardness that I provide a situation. That makes me smile to think that lowly me could actually bring a smile or a chuckle to His face. I love that He loves me in spite of my darkness, my faults and maybe He even loves me because of it a little....no, God doesn't do things little. He does things complete. If He loves, He loves completely. If He is present, He doesn't just "show up a little bit", He is there in ALL His fullness and glory.
God does not do things half way.
I love Him and He loves me......and He knows I would totally shave my head for Him. Cuz I've done it before. Yup. He knows me. But He also knows I love pants. I would hate to live in a bathrobe. He knows me.
yeah. I know I think too much and too often....and usually it's fairly random or highly concentrated....my daughter calls it OSD. "Ooh Shiny! Disorder".
Yup, she's awesome too.
Blessings for friendships as deep and wide as the love of Christ,
the Mrs.
Monday, November 21, 2011
weigh in Monday - 4 grr arg but YAY!
Happy Monday!
So....weigh in today didn't go as well as I'd hoped BUT it went in the right direction. Baby steps, right people?
Today was a whopping .8 loss.....I was tempted to re-weigh myself 30 minutes later to see if I could eek out another .2 and at least say it was a full pound but.....no way that timing would have allowed that this morning.
BUT! Wait there's more!
What I did realize is that my .8 has brought me down to my lowest WW weight to date! Can't believe I'm putting this out there but wiser people with math skillz could probably put it together without much effort. Grr arg, I am .6 shy of my 10%! BUT...
That means I have lost a total of .........(yes I'm getting out my calculator, stop laughing) 18.4 lbs! yeah....I'm currently 173.6.
I can remember the last time I weighed that. I can remember the day clearly when I stepped on a new scale in a blue bathroom and saw 177 and nearly fell over.....right after I checked to see that it was working correctly and stepped on the scale about 3 more times.
YAY! I'm almost at 10% and will KICK that goal in the rear as I charge past it this week! YAY! I now weigh less than I did when I realized that I'd gone past "gaining a few pounds" and officially reached fat. (I know for many, that is not what it means for YOU - lets not focus on numbers - for my frame and height 5'3, this IS what it means FOR ME). I look forward to the day that I'm not in an "obese" category.
For now I am celebrating the little victories.....like the fact that I am SO close to wearing size medium tops....that I can thrift for clothes easily and actually find things in my size! Cuz seriously....who doesn't like both clothes and crazy cheap prices? I can say "gosh I so need a belt or I'm going to lose my pants" and actually mean it. I can give away clothes because they are TOO BIG!
Slowly but surely, I am getting there, step by step.
On to a whole other YAY. A parental one. Yesterday at church we were proud blubbery parents. We attend a very small, second campus church. It's only a year and a half old and the congregation is maybe at 100 on a good day. Sunday school classes are small and the upper grades have a max of 6-8 kids in 3-5th grade. Our Dude is in 5th grade and has become the class pray-er....for lack of a better term. We were asked to start working with him to formulate a prayer to be prayed over the Operation Christmas Child shoe-boxes they were assembling. I showed him an example and then he wrote his own prayer on a note card. Before service started he showed his teacher and the worship leader overheard their conversation. He asked to read it and then asked if he could read it to the congregation before the children were dismissed to class.
We had both already read the prayer, we had already told him how proud we were of him. But then the worship leader prefaced his reading the Dude's little purple note card with how important it is to listen to the children. How he had overheard the conversation and asked if he could read it to everyone. The Spirit moved as he read it and we both welled up as our son ran up on stage at the end to get his note card back and go to class. Our son's commentary......"Its a pretty special day for me."
I will leave you with this angelic prayer for the day...typed with errors and everything. :)
Dear God, Thank you for putting Christ in our bodys with generousity and Grace. Please help our gifts show them the love of Jesus. So that they will be able to give you thanks no matter what. Help us do the same. Thank you for all you have done for us. Amen.
Blessings of the warm gushy variety,
the Mrs.
So....weigh in today didn't go as well as I'd hoped BUT it went in the right direction. Baby steps, right people?
Today was a whopping .8 loss.....I was tempted to re-weigh myself 30 minutes later to see if I could eek out another .2 and at least say it was a full pound but.....no way that timing would have allowed that this morning.
BUT! Wait there's more!
What I did realize is that my .8 has brought me down to my lowest WW weight to date! Can't believe I'm putting this out there but wiser people with math skillz could probably put it together without much effort. Grr arg, I am .6 shy of my 10%! BUT...
That means I have lost a total of .........(yes I'm getting out my calculator, stop laughing) 18.4 lbs! yeah....I'm currently 173.6.
I can remember the last time I weighed that. I can remember the day clearly when I stepped on a new scale in a blue bathroom and saw 177 and nearly fell over.....right after I checked to see that it was working correctly and stepped on the scale about 3 more times.
YAY! I'm almost at 10% and will KICK that goal in the rear as I charge past it this week! YAY! I now weigh less than I did when I realized that I'd gone past "gaining a few pounds" and officially reached fat. (I know for many, that is not what it means for YOU - lets not focus on numbers - for my frame and height 5'3, this IS what it means FOR ME). I look forward to the day that I'm not in an "obese" category.
For now I am celebrating the little victories.....like the fact that I am SO close to wearing size medium tops....that I can thrift for clothes easily and actually find things in my size! Cuz seriously....who doesn't like both clothes and crazy cheap prices? I can say "gosh I so need a belt or I'm going to lose my pants" and actually mean it. I can give away clothes because they are TOO BIG!
Slowly but surely, I am getting there, step by step.
On to a whole other YAY. A parental one. Yesterday at church we were proud blubbery parents. We attend a very small, second campus church. It's only a year and a half old and the congregation is maybe at 100 on a good day. Sunday school classes are small and the upper grades have a max of 6-8 kids in 3-5th grade. Our Dude is in 5th grade and has become the class pray-er....for lack of a better term. We were asked to start working with him to formulate a prayer to be prayed over the Operation Christmas Child shoe-boxes they were assembling. I showed him an example and then he wrote his own prayer on a note card. Before service started he showed his teacher and the worship leader overheard their conversation. He asked to read it and then asked if he could read it to the congregation before the children were dismissed to class.
We had both already read the prayer, we had already told him how proud we were of him. But then the worship leader prefaced his reading the Dude's little purple note card with how important it is to listen to the children. How he had overheard the conversation and asked if he could read it to everyone. The Spirit moved as he read it and we both welled up as our son ran up on stage at the end to get his note card back and go to class. Our son's commentary......"Its a pretty special day for me."
I will leave you with this angelic prayer for the day...typed with errors and everything. :)
Dear God, Thank you for putting Christ in our bodys with generousity and Grace. Please help our gifts show them the love of Jesus. So that they will be able to give you thanks no matter what. Help us do the same. Thank you for all you have done for us. Amen.
Blessings of the warm gushy variety,
the Mrs.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
sweet November
it evokes all kinds of emotions for me....
the anticipation of snow....the silent sound of it falling....
watching the snow fall, lit only by Christmas lights....
Christmas lights get me every time......this season is so full of joy for me.......nostalgic romance....
My husband and I met at the end of September. He lived in an apartment complex that now would probably seem much less romantic.....but at 20, living on your own, independence, was quite romantic.....the complex being called Camelot only added to the romance of it all.
The main living area contained hardly any furnishings, only one real chair and a couch that was really just a glorified cushion that folded up into a squishy couch looking thing. A broken desk stood on one end in the corner, serving as a corner "entertainment unit" holding the TV and VCR. One wall was all windows, stretching from the living room all the way through the kitchen/dining area. The room seemed big from so little filling it.
We'd had a conversation about stars one night...he knew many constellations and I knew but one....the big dipper......he thought it was funny and shocking all at the same time. Me with my snooty education knew nothing about the stars. The next time I came......he surprised me. He turned off the lights and led me to the middle of the big room and on one of the many bare walls in that same living room......he had placed glow in the dark stars in the shape of the big dipper with a crescent moon.
He hung the moon and the stars for me.
Cheap glow in the dark stars, stuck to a bare wall with yellow "tacky stuff"......still makes those butterflies flutter. Those stars and the long stretch of windows....he hung Christmas lights around the inside. Long hours of talking and getting to know each other in that room....lit only by the stars and the lights.....the windows frosted at the edges.....watching the snow fall in mountains that cars would get stuck in....including mine. We had to search for things to use as a shovel.....laughing in the middle of the night because I was surely going to be in trouble for coming home late....
Christmas lights remind me of the magic of falling in love. The lightness and wonder of seeing everything about someone with excitement and newness.....everything looks beautiful in Christmas light.
Yes, I'm a romantic. Yes, if I could have Christmas lights up all year I would. Mr, has a rule though....they can not be lit until thanksgiving and its probably better that way.....to save it as something special, something to anticipate and not be taken forgranted. I don't care much for the new LED lights....sure they are pretty and the color is crisp and clear.....but they offer none of the soft gentle light that I love.....no romance. Those old inefficient lights with the color that wares off of those tiny bulbs....the strands that half light up because you can't find the one single bulb that went out.......those are the ones I love. Efficient doesn't belong in romance....it doesn't have a place in Christmas either. Jesus wasn't about efficient......He romanced us with simplicity, with His very nature.....because He is enough. He is Love, romance, soft and gentle love that makes all things beautiful in it's Light.
I can't wait to put up Christmas lights.....the more the better.....no matter how cheesy it looks.
Blessings of His romantic love to you,
the Mrs.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
ceaseless
Relationships and communication can be a struggle sometimes. The world is constantly talking to us about US. Products, advertisements, articles, news, radio, christian or secular.....they all come at us from a similar perspective. It's about you - what are you doing, wearing, going, saying, thinking, eating, praying, serving...how do you look, what do others think about you, what does it say about you.....before you know it....you've let it become about you.
I know that in my own mind I've been stuck in that rut. I try to force myself out for a while, a moment, an hour, longer.....but then I'm right back in that rut without even realizing it. Hmm.....here again, we arrive at goals.
Do you find yourself muttering to......yourself? Rehearsing a conversation or rehashing one that is long since over but now that you've had time to think about it you would be so much more articulate? I do that. I've always had that struggle.....I'm sure it's insecurity.....and possibly part inherited because I've noticed my father doing it since I was a kid.....maybe its a weird gene.... Whatever it is, I'm setting a goal to stop it. Again. Granted I've had this goal for years and many times. The goal is not just to stop, but to replace it, with conversation with Him.
My Lord who wants me to share with Him what is on my heart because I want to talk with Him. There was a time in my life where I'd reached a spiritual mountain top of ceaseless conversation with the Lord. I would talk with Him silently while in conversation with others, while doing the dishes, folding laundry.....He was my constant companion in everything I did. I could feel Him near and it became so natural and automatic, I couldn't not talk to Him.....it was a beautiful relationship.
While I love Him dearly still, somehow....through the ups and downs of life and trials.....my focus got distracted and it came off of Him and on to me. Our conversation went from ceaseless to sparse, from conversation to "prayer". That kind of formal thing where you are asking for help and stuff but not really having a conversation where you are waiting for the response.....because you expect one. Often I feel like prayer - for me - is a one way conversation where I am talking at Him instead of with Him. I miss the with. For too long my focus was on going back to where I used to be, the old mountain top. He has shown me that the old mountain top is gone but I learned valuable things there that I can apply to climbing a new mountain top with Him.
Like everything there are steps.....I cannot fight my human nature so completely that with a snap of a finger I can just jump up there. The Lord uses things to teach us, stretch and grow us through discipline and training. We are to "train yourself for godliness" 1 Tim 4:7. So in the same way that I know that I know the Lord can do whatever He wills in whatever way He chooses.....that He can just as easily drop me on that mountain top as cause it to rise up beneath me.....He doesn't want me to arrive there not knowing how I got there. He loves me too much to take away the learning process. If I don't learn how to get there, how will I know how to stay? I have already learned the value of His constant company by having lost it.....not because He left, but because I did. It is never He who leaves or abandons us, it is always us who provides the distance.(Heb.13:5) We get distracted and remove our focus from Him, we walk off to explore instead of walking with Him so closely we can feel His warmth.
So my ultimate goal is to climb that mountain with Him. The first step is to relearn how to hold my mind captive - 2 Cor. 10:5 - so that my flesh does not rule.
Each time I catch myself mumbling, rehearsing, planning a facebook or blog post.....I stop. I apologize and I begin to have the conversation with Him. It is a discipline and a challenge. In the past.....on that old mountaintop......it was out of an earthly need in my heart, an ache that needed filling. I had no idea there was a book about it.....people long before had written journals about their experience in this practice.
"Practicing His Presence" By Brother Lawrence/Frank Laubach
It is small, beautiful and draws me in every time....the sweet familiarity....
Now, in this season as I approach a new mountain....it is not an ache I need filled.....it is a longing for a rekindled relationship, a missing of the closeness we once shared. A void that can only be filled by Him.
The new goal - that can have no timeline - is pursuing the ceaseless conversation.
....I think there is only one step.....talk to Him.
Love and blessings,
the Mrs.
I know that in my own mind I've been stuck in that rut. I try to force myself out for a while, a moment, an hour, longer.....but then I'm right back in that rut without even realizing it. Hmm.....here again, we arrive at goals.
Do you find yourself muttering to......yourself? Rehearsing a conversation or rehashing one that is long since over but now that you've had time to think about it you would be so much more articulate? I do that. I've always had that struggle.....I'm sure it's insecurity.....and possibly part inherited because I've noticed my father doing it since I was a kid.....maybe its a weird gene.... Whatever it is, I'm setting a goal to stop it. Again. Granted I've had this goal for years and many times. The goal is not just to stop, but to replace it, with conversation with Him.
My Lord who wants me to share with Him what is on my heart because I want to talk with Him. There was a time in my life where I'd reached a spiritual mountain top of ceaseless conversation with the Lord. I would talk with Him silently while in conversation with others, while doing the dishes, folding laundry.....He was my constant companion in everything I did. I could feel Him near and it became so natural and automatic, I couldn't not talk to Him.....it was a beautiful relationship.
While I love Him dearly still, somehow....through the ups and downs of life and trials.....my focus got distracted and it came off of Him and on to me. Our conversation went from ceaseless to sparse, from conversation to "prayer". That kind of formal thing where you are asking for help and stuff but not really having a conversation where you are waiting for the response.....because you expect one. Often I feel like prayer - for me - is a one way conversation where I am talking at Him instead of with Him. I miss the with. For too long my focus was on going back to where I used to be, the old mountain top. He has shown me that the old mountain top is gone but I learned valuable things there that I can apply to climbing a new mountain top with Him.
Like everything there are steps.....I cannot fight my human nature so completely that with a snap of a finger I can just jump up there. The Lord uses things to teach us, stretch and grow us through discipline and training. We are to "train yourself for godliness" 1 Tim 4:7. So in the same way that I know that I know the Lord can do whatever He wills in whatever way He chooses.....that He can just as easily drop me on that mountain top as cause it to rise up beneath me.....He doesn't want me to arrive there not knowing how I got there. He loves me too much to take away the learning process. If I don't learn how to get there, how will I know how to stay? I have already learned the value of His constant company by having lost it.....not because He left, but because I did. It is never He who leaves or abandons us, it is always us who provides the distance.(Heb.13:5) We get distracted and remove our focus from Him, we walk off to explore instead of walking with Him so closely we can feel His warmth.
So my ultimate goal is to climb that mountain with Him. The first step is to relearn how to hold my mind captive - 2 Cor. 10:5 - so that my flesh does not rule.
Each time I catch myself mumbling, rehearsing, planning a facebook or blog post.....I stop. I apologize and I begin to have the conversation with Him. It is a discipline and a challenge. In the past.....on that old mountaintop......it was out of an earthly need in my heart, an ache that needed filling. I had no idea there was a book about it.....people long before had written journals about their experience in this practice.
"Practicing His Presence" By Brother Lawrence/Frank Laubach
It is small, beautiful and draws me in every time....the sweet familiarity....
Now, in this season as I approach a new mountain....it is not an ache I need filled.....it is a longing for a rekindled relationship, a missing of the closeness we once shared. A void that can only be filled by Him.
The new goal - that can have no timeline - is pursuing the ceaseless conversation.
....I think there is only one step.....talk to Him.
Love and blessings,
the Mrs.
Monday, October 3, 2011
So much for consistency!
Okay....so I said I'd be writing more about life in general and not limit myself huh....so why haven't I been on?
I am still not in the swing of the season. Strangely it's taking longer than usual BUT I have pulled out my schedules again and am going to get back on track. I have seen so many people have routines in their Homemaking binders, or whatever you may call yours, and they all vary so much. I came to the conclusion that a rotation worked best for me. So I work with four sheets, one for each week of the month and I have four sets - one for each season. Because lets face it, I'm not gardening in February when there is 5 feet of snow outside.
I also got myself a day planner....hmm....maybe I mentioned that already...anyhoo...so far I feel like it's helping. As the kids get older and with my Mr's work stuff I need to keep things organized or something will fall straight off the radar!
I am still not in the swing of the season. Strangely it's taking longer than usual BUT I have pulled out my schedules again and am going to get back on track. I have seen so many people have routines in their Homemaking binders, or whatever you may call yours, and they all vary so much. I came to the conclusion that a rotation worked best for me. So I work with four sheets, one for each week of the month and I have four sets - one for each season. Because lets face it, I'm not gardening in February when there is 5 feet of snow outside.
I also got myself a day planner....hmm....maybe I mentioned that already...anyhoo...so far I feel like it's helping. As the kids get older and with my Mr's work stuff I need to keep things organized or something will fall straight off the radar!
Here's my schedule and day planner. I have a copy of my schedule in my binder (of which I now have two! - one for home and one for family) but the ones I use are in plastic sleeves and held together by a metal ring. That way I can move them easily from place to place without messing with my binder but still keep track of what I need to be doing.
I am in an epic fail cycle with weight watchers. Before school started I took a break from counting and managed to hold still for nearly a month....then....September hit and I just seemed unable to get back on track and I couldn't figure it out. Now we are in October and I have regained about 5lbs - 5! It may not seem like much but considering where the weight goes and my 5'3 frame - they are visible. TOTALLY visible and they mock me. Lame. SO, I had some sort of light bulb moment and realized that my fairly extensive vitamin regimen was off. I hadn't taken vit C in weeks and a couple of other things were out.....so I wondered....and then I read some random link between hunger and vitamin C levels and figured, what the heck! SO I reordered and restocked - and guess what just came to the door!
Yup those are all mine.
I've never been so excited to pop pills. :) Hopefully I can get my body back to feeling normal - for me - and crack the whip on points and getting activity in daily. Something has got to give!
On other notes - today is the 13th anniversary of the day I married my Mr. All those years ago people didn't think we'd make it. It was silly for us young 21 and 22 year olds with a little one to think we could be grown ups. But we did it. Today I am so proud of our story. I am so thrilled and blessed to have had a front row seat to watch what the Lord was going to do in our lives, how He was going to grow my Mr into such an amazing (not to mention smokin hot) man of God. Our anniversary is so cool because it's also the anniversary of us becoming a family. I got a package deal - wife and mother in one swoop! She's gone from my punkin head to my wonder teen - she went to homecoming last weekend! Craziness.
Happy anniversary to the most amazing man I know. I could not have dreamed up a man as wonderful as God has made you. I am blessed to be your wife and with each year I fall more deeply head over heels for you. I love you so much!
I'll be back......hopefully sooner than later.... :)
Blessings,
the Mrs.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Hand over the pants...
I confess.....I'm a long time pants stealer. I was raised in a pants stealing family. I was such a pants stealer that I didn't know it was stealing. It was normal and I had no clue it was wrong or there was a better way to live.
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. 1 Cor. 10:22
uh oh....{seriously God? isn't that just a little sexist? I mean really? I can do anything he can and probably better....wait that sounds like a song...
....hmmmm...okay so my argument about girls being more mature is out....}
To the woman He said,"I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you."
Genesis 3:16
Part of the consequence of that very first sin was that the beautifully ordained pairing of man and woman would now be tainted by a power struggle for leadership. We are still struggling for power....it's no wonder that men are always saying that they don't understand us. We simultaneously desire them and fight them for leadership....if those aren't conflicting messages I don't know what is.
Submit. Respect. Head of the house. Who wears the pants in your family? Typically the fruits of these words are conflict and discomfort. But why? The fruit of the Lord's Words and commands are sweet. They multiply into goodness and righteousness and all things profitable. So where does it all go terribly wrong? Us. We keep shoveling our sinful pride into the roots of those words, fertilizing it and covering up the Truth of His desires with our modern day denials that those statements are no longer culturally relevant. Except they weren't cultural statements......it was prophecy. He was sharing with us why He didn't want us eating of the tree in the first place.
Submit.......we use this word to turn over papers and then wait to see if they will be accepted; it feels like the precursor to a fight but when Paul tells us in Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord." It doesn't tell us "all men" or "you have no say" but that this submission is a yielding to the man's leadership in the marriage relationship. I think too often we get uncomfortable with this and stop looking....and miss what he tells the husbands next. Verse 25-27 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." I won't dive into that too much because I have already addressed that beautiful command of love here. But later, Peter urges the same sentiment. In 1 Peter 3, we are again told to (v1) "...be subject to your own husband..." but after we are given instruction, he then addresses our husbands again. Verse 7: "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayer may not be hindered."
Hindered. A husbands prayers can be hindered by the way he cares....or does not care for his wife. I think that we forget this....as wives we are all too eager to point out our husbands flaws for our own prideful dance of "I can do anything better". Yet, it is not yielding, it is not loving, it is not encouraging, it is not helping.
"However, let each of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Eph. 5:33
It is a battle waged since the beginning of time. Society tells us what to think and say and do but it is always filled with such venom. Commercials market products to women by demeaning men and making men look like ignorant fools. TV shows depict the men to be bumblers and that the women are who really know what is going on and are the wise figures who are really in charge......but condescend to allow the men to believe they are still "wearing the pants".
We joke easily. Men rib each other about how they know it's the women who are really in charge. But under that I sometimes sense a primal wound. They were created to lead and we have stolen their pants.....leaving them to stand out in public, exposed and often humiliated.
It is a continuous battle but one I will continue to fight within myself......I will hand over the pants as often as I realize I've stolen them. They weren't made for me, they don't fit well and the Lord did say "You shall not steal."
An excellent wife, who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband trust in her,
and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm,
all the days of her life.
Prov. 31:10-12
Blessings to you on the journey and may the depth of His love for you be revealed more fully during this Easter season.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
A Holy Love
This verse keeps coming to me....and once again I find myself seeing a familiar verse with new eyes.
"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body." Eph. 5:25-30
I have heard this piece of scripture so many times.....but something struck me when I read it with the intensity that the Lord has placed on my heart to be aware of words. As Christ loved the church....that is an amazing selfless love. To be instructed to love someone in the same way that Jesus loves us. Everything Jesus did was for us.....beginning to end. Literally.....in His life and His death....it was all for us. He put Himself into the hands of people that He knew would eventually kill Him because it was for our benefit.
He was born to save us.....to guide us.....to show us what we are capable of. He left His glory behind, His choir of angels did not come with Him.....His radiant robes stayed behind, His power and glory all set aside and He came into the world with 2 things.......His purpose: to save us......and His constant companion: His Father.
He set it all aside so We could see what it looked like for a human to fully set aside their intentions, pride, will and desires for self and fully surrender to the Lord, depending on Him for ALL THINGS.
So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of His own accord, but only what He sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise." John 5:19
How amazing is that!? He gave up so much just to show us what we were missing! Love.
Nourish....and cherish......those are beautiful commands given to man that we are then the recipients of. He presents Eve to Adam....a holy, unblemished gift.....glorious and wonderful. Later after they are both soiled and totally imperfect....He tells man in a new way how to care for this gift. Jesus shows him how to care for this gift by caring for man ~all of humanity~ Himself in the same way.
It is a holy love.....a holy gift this relationship. I feel like the gift keeps getting more and more clear as I pull back the wrapping and discover more and more in His Word.......
....instruction manuals yield so much information.
"If you abide in My Word, you are truly My disciples, and you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free." John 8:31-32
Loving blessings,
the Mrs.
P.s. I do not share these scriptures or thoughts to condemn or convict any man, nor to equip any woman with a weapon to wield against any man.
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