Out of the muck.

Analysis paralysis.

A good friend asked the Facebook world if they have those moments when everything gets so overwhelming that you just freeze because you have no idea where to start.  One of the comments named the moment: Analysis paralysis.   Quite clever, accurate really.

The timing was interesting as just the day before I was having one of those days.  The world felt heavy.  I was in my head, trying to keep a million plates spinning.  This typically results in an outward display of nothingness....as all my hard work is in my head and my body just can't follow that act.

I've experienced this a million times and typically the result has been me wallowing in the muck. My nature is to nurture and sometimes I can get a little lost in the needs of those around me.  Wallowing in the muck only produces more muck in my attitude.   I would go to this place of self pity.  A "Where am I in all this?  Look at all the good that I do! What about ME!" place.  Its ugly and worldly.  A "lookit me" display of epic proportions, danced out in my head with interpretive ribbon dances and wildly cheering fans (generally they are all me as well).  Interpretive dance....frankly, it makes me laugh inappropriately.   It's ridiculous.  Somehow, the Lord gets in there and grabs my face, pulling my attention away from myself just long enough that I can snap out of the prideful haze I've created.
 
This time, I changed the game.  This time I chose to look at it from another angle.  This time I felt myself slipping into the muck and said No.  Not this time.  Instead I took time to stop and feel overwhelmed and then ask myself why, what was so big?  I started to talk with the Lord about what I was feeling and the extensive list in my head.......some were tasks, some were people in general that were weighing on my heart, some were upcoming events and things needed to plan for, frustration at playing calendar cop and getting nowhere, Christmas shopping, people asking for help or guidance, people placed on my heart to intercede for, Mr studying like crazy for the next test and then leaving for a week of training, gifts to make, regular household duties and cooking.....there was sooo much going on in my head!

First, I needed it out of my head.  I pulled out a notebook and laid it on my desk with a pen.  At the top I wrote "Write it down - THEN sort it out".   I moved though the next few hours of general tasks just thinking, talking with the Lord about everything and as something was brought to mind, on the list it went.  Slowly the overwhelming feeling started to release.  As it did, I started to become aware that I was overwhelmed because I was trying to be in charge of it all.  I was trying to keep all the plates spinning by myself.  Instead.....I should have taken the plates down and put them in His hands to hold....the only safe, unbreakable place.

My perspective started to shift.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed I started to feel incredibly blessed.....overwhelmingly blessed.  Instead of feeling self important, I felt humble.....how blessed am I that people trust me with their heart, count on me for guidance, stability and support?  People have confidence in me and feel safe to be vulnerable with me, trusting that I will comfort them and remind them of His Truth in their life.  ......suddenly, instead of feeling prideful and puffed up......I became keenly aware of how utterly insufficient I am apart from Him.  There is nothing I can do for any of them without Him.  A whole new kind of "overwhelmed" came over me.  Suddenly, it all looked different.

It was still a full page of "stuff" to figure out.  There are still a lot of tasks to try and manage.  The "stuff" didn't change, but how I see it did.  Did the heaviness disappear instantly?  No.  It got a lot lighter and still is.....but that's because I'm still loosening my grip on it.  Still translating inside what I'm trying to keep control of, what my job actually is.

Reminding myself that its not about me.  Even when I want it to be.  I'm just a tool.  Time to clear the muck out of the conduit, ensure the lines are clear so there's no more interference.

"Peace I leave you; My peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."   ~ John 14:27

Blessings for clear lines, clear perspective and only blessings that are overwhelming.

the Mrs.

the cake to my diabetic soul.

"The Devil knows just what I like and just how I like it." ~ Deon Sanders

I'm not typically given to quoting athletes but I heard him say this once and it struck me as a deep truth to remember.  So into my quote book it went.

It comes to mind often....surprisingly often actually.  One of those things that makes me aware of the Lord's deep caring of my character.  The Devil may know my buttons to push but the Lord knows me, as a whole person and provides the reminders He knows that I need.

Have you ever taken a class on spiritual gifts? When I first took the class I'd never heard of "spiritual gifts" before, even having attended christian schools all my life.  It was new to me and it opened my eyes to how specially the Lord had been working in my life in a way I'd not been equipped to see before.  My relationship with the Lord became more intimate and I saw that I had a useful purpose in life - I was useful to Him!  It was a major marker in my faith walk.  Like with anything though it can have it's drawbacks.

While taking this class was tremendously positive, it lacked a firm focus on the fact that gifts are only a tool.  We are tools and like a hammer, are only useful if the carpenter picks us up to use us.  Gifts are not individual super powers to be used willy nilly.  They do not make one person more important or special than another.  A hand is no more important than a foot.  We don't praise the hammer for pounding the nail, we praise the carpenter for his skills in knowing just the right tools to use.  It should be the same with us.  We are only as useful as our relationship is close to Him.  The farther we get the more rust forms and we don't quite function as accurately or efficiently as we could.

The farther we get, the more credit we take, the more we depend on ourselves instead of Him.   Suddenly we find ourselves as a hammer on a bench glowing about how wonderful and awesome we are, yet completely useless.  Nonfunctional and totally unaware of how far we've slipped.

Been there, done that.

The thing is, we help each other get there too.  We give each other credit for the amazing things that happen as a result of our prayers.  I'm rambling off target again, I know but stay with me.  When we know what someones gift is, we give them the credit instead of God. We reduce them to that gift, tie them to it and limit them to its use.  People have often referred to me as a "Prayer Warrior".  A title that indulged my gluttonous ego. I loved it and it sucked me in to a place where I felt powerful and singled out......and every time it would cause me to stumble and fall face first into the fluffy frosted sweetness.  My gift became my badge, my identity and then who I was as a whole person seemed to disappear to everyone - including me - except God.  In His wisdom He would pull me away from whatever I was doing and set me back into a sort of "time out".   Seclusion, not isolation, but a quiet time where opportunities for me to put my foot in my mouth were farther apart, compliments were not needed, where silence helped me review and see things with new eyes, talk to Him, confess and repent...again.  Followed by a refreshment and a newly adjusted perspective.  I've been in an extended time out.  He's shown me what ministry He wants me to do and cleared me of assumptions and rules I thought I needed to follow.  He stopped my running after peace and made me sit and experience it as He put it in my lap.

He's shown me my weakness and He's shown me how it is fed.  Compliments and credit.  Now He is teaching me how to turn my weakness into a way to glorify Him.  I've so much to learn here....how to phrase a correction, turn a compliment into a praise of Him...redirecting their attention to Him and off of me.  Some respond with an intense tone that I need to stop being so "humble" and accept the praise and ownership that He has blessed me with "tremendous gifts".   No.  Here is the plain ugly truth:

I am as arrogant and prideful as they come.   Jesus and the Devil both know it too.  Compliments turn me into a fat kid in a room full of cake and no supervision.  Jesus knows I have to turn my nose up at a compliment like its poison because the temptation to stuff my pride with those luscious words is too great a detriment to my diabetic soul.  

How to handle those moments?  I haven't mastered that yet.  Right now I think I verbally flail around until the delectable morsel ends up knocked in the dirt.  It's awkward and ungraceful....and can border on offending.  On the upside I didn't devour it.......though sometimes I do secretly dig it out of the dirt.  While my spirit is covered in dirt filled frosting I turn to Him and don't even have to say "oops I did it again".  He knows.

When you know the Lord has used someone in your life to bless you......affirm them by telling them that the Lord has used them in a mighty way to bless you in your life.  Share it with them but give credit where credit is due.....to Him and Him alone.  

"The Devil knows just what I like and just how I like it." 

Frosted.

Blessings of grace and truth, moments of beauty free from flailing.

the Mrs.

Who sets the pace?

There is this standard....one that is blurry and confusing.  It's taught in every church and yet, it never looks the same.  It is discussed in every small group and is in the heart of every follower of Christ.  It pokes at our guilt and doesn't fit in a nice, neat, easily defined box.  We use it to judge and put fellow followers down.  We use it to falsely elevate and comfort ourselves into believing we have it right.  We quietly use it to dismantle the fabric of our faith and change what was done into what we need to do.

What is my life supposed to look like if I'm living for You?  Not in a dusty sandals kind of way but in this messed up culture of technology and distraction.....what is it supposed to look like now?  Not by culture or by group, by city or by church....just by me....what is MINE supposed to look like?  

How often do we compare someone else's outward faith to our own?  We see that Susie, and Bonnie, and Blair all are disciplined in a morning routine of devotion.  They regularly post a scripture they read that morning and appear to be the epitome of humble perfection.   Then there is Lisa and Donna and Carrie....from outward appearances (because lets face it regardless of who you are seeing, that is ALL you are seeing) they participate in bible studies, talk about morning quiet time, are perfectly put together and yet they are emasculating to their husbands and they gossip but boy can they serve coffee with a smile at church.  You could pick out a whole other group who can speak deeply about the Lord and use His name in vain in the next sentence.  With no hesitation to curse or speak badly of another.  

No matter how "perfect" or "flawed" our fellow follower is....the vision of what our own faith in action is supposed to look like is flawed.  No two of us are the same.  We are each unique, our lives, our personalities and our histories.  So how on earth would my faith take the shape naturally to be like someone else's?  Not one of my friends has a brain injury.  Scripture speaking about coming to the Lord "in the morning", church, books, people and all manner of resources talking about how we are to wake early in the morning and meet with Him because that is what is right.......and then there is the "first fruits" of our time.  Does first fruits mean simply the first moments or the best moments?   Was it the first actual fruits harvested or was it the best of the best of the harvest?  My best is not in the morning.  I'm frankly not sure when my best is or if it's even at the same time each day.  So in my random chaos of a mind....what is my best?  What and when are my first fruit moments?  

I've spoken previously about a desire to be ceaseless with Him.  My desire does not wane but my behavior does.  I am easily distracted and driven off course.....tossed to and fro by the waves.  I would love to be disciplined like other women I know, those who have that set time and place where they sit to read His Word and talk with Him.  It is not something that comes naturally to me.   It is forced and uncomfortable because it doesn't feel genuine.  I've heard people speak about how some things you just need to do, before the feeling comes and it feels natural.  I get that....but I don't know how to get past the feeling that it is dishonoring to Him to force something like that.  Does it then become legalism from a lukewarm heart?

Is that what it is supposed to look like for me?  Is a morning "devotion" time what He wants for me?  Does He want that kind of action to be a part of my faith life?  Or is it His plan for me to be random?  Am I being tossed by the waves or am I giving myself over to move where and how He wants me to?  Am I seeing my faith through the eyes of my Father or the eyes around me?  Perhaps that spiritual fire doesn't burn the same in each of us.....because it isn't meant to?   What if some of us are meant to burn bright and crackly....noisemakers for God and some are meant to burn deeply....quiet and consistent....an understated heat that keeps the flame going for others....so they can dance with a colored light or shoot off loud crackling sparks?  

Lately I keep hearing messages that feel the the push of "should".   How we should love.  How we should minister.  How we should reach out.  They are all good messages.  All deeply good and right things to preach.  .....but.....inside....it makes something in my spirit twist.  My mind rings with do not conform.....because would He have created us each so lovingly, interestingly, different if He wanted us to conform to one way, one idea of how to do things?   Do not conform to this world can mean more than just the Godless worldling society.....it can also mean conforming to man's boxed idea of how a Christ Follower should function.   It feels like something is missing....some genuine connection to the reality of relationship.  

I love my husband more than air.  It is a love that burns deeply even when we don't speak for hours, I know he is there, I know he loves me and I do not doubt it.  Because I deeply respect him, I do not speak badly of him when he isn't around....I do not curse his name, or behave differently simply because he isn't in the room.  I remain myself - striving to be consistently me (for good or bad) no matter who is around.  Perhaps its the brain injury that makes me this way but I often wonder why others are not the same.  They behave differently depending on who they are with.....they put down their husbands, children or whomever, simply because the other isn't physically present.   I see people make statements on facebook about their children, about wanting to get away from them, how annoying they are or just insulting them.....and I get sick to my stomach because these statements are actually visible to those children.   Why?  How are people so unaware of their words?  

As Christ Followers, it's similar....but worse.   If you actually believe, would you drop the F-bomb right in the face of Jesus?  Cuz...ya just did.   He doesn't just appear like a genie at your beck and call, only to hear what you say at those times.  He is ALWAYS present.  Always hears.  Every curse and every prayer.  He hears every condemning thought you utter in the silence of your mind, every negative word you utter about your spouse, friend or child.....or the stranger in the checkout lane.  EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM MATTER.  They are not dismissed, they are heard and echo in heaven. 

No wonder we can't find common ground.  No wonder we can't find unity in the body of Christ.  The 10 commandments were helps, guides, bumpers on the path to the heavenly pins.  But.....gee those are old....that old testament stuff well, Jesus came so we really don't need that stuff anymore right?  No.  He adhered to them.  He followed them.  We are supposed to follow Him.  When did rules become evil infringements on our rights?  When did we stop realizing that rules are to protect, not to hurt?  

When will we get it together and realize that your walk and my walk are on the same path but our stride is different?  We wear different shoes.  Some walk fast and others slow.  Some have a limp and some run wild.  Some fall.  We are supposed to pick each other up and smile, hug and love and point in the right direction....and then let them go back on their way....not tether them to our side trying to teach them to walk the way we do.   

Jesus, what is my walk supposed to look like?  What is the measure of my stride supposed to be?  Fix my pace and my gate to fit Your plan for my walk.  I don't want to tether anyone to me Lord.  Help me to walk with others when You want me to and to walk alone when You've set that time to be just for You and I.  Help me to know one from the other Lord.  Keep the stones from my hands, I have no right to cast even one.  As others pass me, help me to cheer them on.  When others fall in my path, help me to take their hand and pull them up with love and compassion, urge them to move forward and leave the past behind.  Remind me to constantly drop seeds of joy on my way and to always, always pull weeds by the root.  Don't ever let me believe the lie that you are not walking with me just as intimately as every other person on this path.  I am never higher or lower than anyone else.  May I never be too proud to let someone else help me up when I fall.  

Blessings on your walk with Him, may He set your pace and show you that it is yours alone.

the Mrs.

confession

I'm a fairly black and white person.  Something is either right or wrong, true or false, good or bad.  Though, there are also things that I am unqualified to know.  Things I won't weigh in on which frustrates my husband to no end.  My standard answer to those topics "That's for God to decide when it's time, not me."  I'm not trying to get out of a tight spot or avoid giving a controversial opinion....it is genuinely how I feel.  God is the ultimate judge and there are some things that simply are to big for my small human mind to wrap itself around.  And who am I know think I know the mind of my God with certainty?

I hate the conversation of being judgmental.  I honestly do.  It is filled with snares and stumbling blocks and faintly defined borderlines between judgment and conviction, condemnation and accountability, superiority and humility.  I fall into each and every trap with the best of intentions.  I hold myself to a high standard and quite honestly find myself too often in a place of wonder.  I wonder if my standards are higher than others.  If I've somehow misunderstood what the conduct of a Christ follower should be.  Why I am so often surprised by people who call themselves Christians but behave like they've never met Christ.....and in some cases like they've never heard of Him.   I wonder what it is about me that my mind is so easily blown by the Choose Your Own Adventure Christians, you know the ones that know what the bible says but only live by and believe in the principals they choose to be worthy....or maybe easy is more accurate.

Is it good or bad that it doesn't occur to me that a Christ follower would not control their language?  It really never ceases to shock me that people who in every aspect of their visible walk to the world seem to be so close in relationship to Christ and then they take the Lord's name in vain in open conversation.   Curses just fall out of their mouths without shame, hesitation or apology.  

Language.  Why the Lord has it so pressed into my feeble mind and heart to pay attention to it, I don't know.  Yet there it is.   The structure of a sentence - is it focused on the positive or the negative?  A comment - does it cut down or build up?  A conversation or story - where is the focus, on the circumstance or the person?  Helpless or helpful?   End of the world or joyful in all circumstances?   Are 4 letter words being spoken out of heightened emotion or is it just part of their vocabulary?

It makes me sad, confused and at the same time totally convicted because I don't want to stand in judgment of someone else's walk.  We are all in different places and we are all in various seasons in life and learning.  It nags me though, honestly.   My heart is stabbed when another throws God's name around in vain but when another Christ follower does it....I don't know that I have the right words to even describe what that feels like.  Not just that my heart is offended, my spirit sickened but that in the biggest more important context - it has not even occurred to them how they hurt Him!  Has it?   If it had wouldn't they stop?  I am brought to silence each and every time, my mind screeches to a halt and my tongue goes dead.  Then my mind explodes in different directions my mouth cannot even articulate.  Do they know what they just said?  Why did they say it?  Have they considered how the use of His name in that way negates anything they say to His glory?  How can you boast about God's goodness while using His name to curse?   What does it say to the world if His representatives are spewing curse words?  What if the only thing they do is whine and complain in negative language the way the Worldlings do?  What distinguishes them, sets them apart?  

The Lord gives hope to the hopeless.  So why do so many seem unable to apply this to their lives??

It plagues me.  I have yet to learn how to calm my mind quickly enough to free up my mouth to say anything. To gain control of my shock so that whatever words I might deliver would be delivered in a loving way and not in a condemning tone.  I hate that in those weak moments where I'm knocked off balance my pride can get elevated and my attitude can get judgy.  It is in these moments where sadness hits me and I think.....its no wonder we all get such a bad rap.  We just don't represent Him well.

The silver lining in it all.....He is perfect where we are not.  His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in our weakness.  He is good.  He is the source for any goodness we embody.  He is the resource for our change.  He created us in His image, so there is not one of us that is unable to change and grow.  Not one of us is beyond help, it's never too late to change an attitude or a life.  Free will.  We all have a choice....we just have to make one.

Blessings of strength to chose Him in everything, embrace His grace and remain weak enough that you are required to cling to Him for strength beyond yourself.
the Mrs.

forced perspective

How many times have you heard someone grieving a lost loved one say: "Appreciate the time you have. Hug your loved ones and don't take time for granted."?  

We've all heard it a million times.  We hug and love and a short time later....forget.  Because we don't know, we don't have that force and necessity to realize that each and every moment should be taken in because it's the only one, just like that one.  Eventually we all become the person who preaches to others to appreciate every single moment, because we didn't.

What if we knew, not the day or the hour or even the month, but a general sense of how much time we had with someone?  What if there was an awareness that 1, 2, 10 or even 20 years was all there was left?  Would we waste it in fear of the last moment or would we pay more attention in the little moments?  

Would we love more deeply?  

Would we tell them more often what we love about them?  

Would we wish for more time to "get more done"?

Would we get less done to spend more time differently?

Would we love more extravagantly?

Would we give more?

Would we take less?

Would we receive more easily?

Would we be more patient?

Would we be more helpful?

Would we be more kind?

Would we be more intentional with our words and actions?

Would we spoil them more?

Would we re-categorize what is really important? 

Would we be angry less?

Would we laugh more easily?

Would we blame less?

Would we apologize more?

Would we address misunderstanding with more grace?

Would we be more fun?

Would we work less?

Would we smile more?

Would we desire things less?

Would we desire time and touch more?

Would we be more creative in our expressions of love?

Would we ask for more, or less, of the people around us? 

Would we listen and hear more clearly what they say...and what they mean?

Would we concentrate more on the needs of others?

Would we concentrate on our own needs less?

Would we create a legacy worth remembering?

Would we create a legacy worth teaching?

What would be important to us if we truly understood what today was and wasn't?  Would our priorities be arranged differently?  Would we waste our time worrying that we are wasting our time?  Or would we simply slow down and have a greater appreciation for all the little things?

The conundrum is this: Some would receive knowing how much time is left as a gift and would focus on what they could do for others in the time that was left.  Others would receive knowing with fear and dread, they would live out the rest of their time using the end as an excuse to be self focused.  There are vast positions in-between those extremes where some would fall into place but I think those two would comprise the majority.

So if this kind of information would change our perspective for the positive, why can we not change our perspective without it?  If not knowing means we might waste today having no idea that tomorrow we will kiss the grill of a bus.....why then does not knowing make love and time less urgent?  It seems illogical that this not knowing gives us this strange false confidence that our time here is infinite.  It's strange to really think about how unaware we are of our choices.  We love and woo so deeply when first we fall in love because we know that a lack of effort might bring that "end date" more quickly than we'd like.  Later however, things change...fade.  We start holding more tightly to grievances instead of each other.  We overlook blessings in our lives, straining for the things we desire that are just out of reach. Why does not knowing not wake us up? 

Just something I've been pondering lately.  Watching how people love each other....and how they don't.  Wondering what it takes to change a person's focus, their perspective of time, effort, life...their circumstances and relationships.   

Is it better to know, or not to know? 

Don't be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.

~Matt. 6:34

I can't help but think that Jesus modeled this for us.  This man, all divine and all human, completely connected to His Father in heaven.  He knew the limits of His time here, He warned people He wouldn't be around to forever touch and hug.  They didn't hear Him.  I wonder if they had truly understood what He was telling them, if they would have spent their time with Him differently.  Would they have paid closer attention?  Would they have hugged and laughed more?  Would they have poured out perfume on Him themselves, instead of looking at it as a waste?  Would they have recognized how the God of the universe chose to spend His 33 years here?  Would they have seen that He chose to spend His last 3 with them? Would they have fallen asleep during His last moments, His prayers, tears and urging to stay awake? What was that like for Him? To know and know they didn't have a clue.  Someday it will be amazing to sit at His feet and listen to the stories.....though I suspect, sitting at His feet, I may not care about those questions anymore.

Blessings of easy, over-exposed love and a perspective on life that is beautifully unforced.

the Mrs.

a Good Friday indeed

Some times, more than others, the clear markers of beginnings and endings are more welcome.   Mondays and Fridays are clear markers of time for me.  Weekends just kinda float around, hovering like a cloud of pretend vacation.  They are an entity all their own...filled with both recovery and preparation.

This week wasn't what I expected, it wasn't full of productivity in my home or gardens....instead there was a very active hamster in my head that just wouldn't give up his wheel.   His sweat became my tears, his body aches became my heartache. Unfortunately he kept the endorphins for himself and didn't share those.  Selfish bugger.

Keeping focused on the positive in all things, the ability to laugh and see the silver lining, the lovely in the disaster.....is an attitude I try so hard to maintain.  When the heart aches and the mind reels from the sheer extremes it encounters in a short period of time.....the dizzy spinning makes it hard to maintain focus on any one thing.

This morning I am struck with opportunity.  The hustle of morning routine is cut short, no school today means there is only my Mr to send off this morning.   As I approached my desk with my big mug of coffee (it's a big mug morning - yes, yes, I know that's more points because it's more dessert than coffee. Stop pooing my parade...I'm trying to be positive here), I noticed the sun shining in the dirty front window and smiled at the highlighted "nose art" the little dogs left behind.  Mr called as he pulled out of the driveway because he didn't want me to miss seeing the pair of ducks just sitting in the front yard.  From where I sit right now I can see the beautiful pale green of developing leaves emerging on once bare branches.  Stuff to smile about.

Growth is usually accompanied by growing pains.  Also accompanied by some awkwardness as things slowly find their balance again.  Growth is tremendously valuable....as is pain.  There are few other things in life that allow us to come along side each other and provide comfort.  To be able to say "I understand" as a truth is a comfort that cannot be purchased.  To have people not just speak but show you how valuable you are to them, what you have added to their life, is priceless.

Make it a priority in life to both speak and show people how much value they add to your life.  Write letters, bring flowers, hugs and words of praise and encouragement. Speaking and showing are both equally important, sometimes verbal words ring hollow but physical efforts - pen to paper, time to write it out, time to choose something that has meaning deeper than appearances, the knowledge of being thought of beyond your use - "I saw this and it reminded me of you" - there are a million ways to show someone without grand gestures.  Often, those simple little things are the grandest gestures....the most cherished memories.

A simple letter.  I wrote here how I felt I should share with someone the positive impact they had on my life. Never had I imagined that she questioned her value or that she'd made any positive contribution to the life of another.   It was one of those moments where the impact my letter had on her, snapped back and impacted me as well......that we should never assume by appearances, actions or assumptions that anyone truly knows how valued they are.   When we assume they know just how loved, amazing and valued they are we are withholding blessing from them......  Depriving them of a gift, where we step in and give them a gift that beats the devil back for them and stop the mental momentum that they are completely disposable and wouldn't be missed if they were snuffed out right this moment.
Imagine that moment in a movie where the bad guy is standing just behind a door, gun in hand, facing their next victim.  All of a sudden that unknowing person flings open the door, smashing into the bad guy, knocking the gun away and the bad guy out cold.  Saving the other person without having even been aware that anything was going on.  Without intention, they are a hero.  You can be a hero simply by telling someone else, that they are yours.
As people we are much more apt to share with someone when they have offended us, than when they have had a positive impact on us.......when you really stop to think about that....it's kinda twisted.   Reproof and correction are necessary for growth in life, I'm not saying it shouldn't be addressed but the balance is what I'm concerned with.   Anger and rejection are more often aired out than encouragement and blessing....praise of an other's greatness.  

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;

a stranger, not your own lips.

Prov. 27:2

Its important to praise goodness.  Everyone needs encouragement.....it brings balance to the lies, the negative self talk......the temptations of the enemy to bring us right back to the dirt with him.  We need to be quick to praise....quick to see the lovely in those around us.....even when we have to dig deep for it.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

as God in Christ forgave you.  Eph. 4:32

Blessings for tender and forgiving hearts this Easter, may He shine through you and on you.

the Mrs.

weigh in monday 17- I'll take what I can get

A -.4 isn't much but it's better than nothing!  Way better than a +, so I'll take it and be happy about it.

Moving back up the scale, when I was so close to the halfway mark I could taste it, is not fun.  Like anything though it is an opportunity for reflection.  Seeking out what was in my control and what wasn't.   What could I have done differently?  

If pain is making working out more difficult then I need to carefully monitor food, points, calories...whatever it takes.  Monitoring food seems like a full time job in and of itself.  Food is no longer fun.....I'm not saying that I never enjoy it or that what and how I eat is boring, bland or gross but the amount of work and thought that goes into it daily kinda sucks the fun out of "entertainment eating".  The "ooh lets go out" excitement is gone.  I eat nicer things at home than when I go out.  

Hmm....I don't like the negativity here.   Yes, it's real. Real is not always positive.  BUT the bigger reality is that there is always a choice in how we approach or perceive our circumstances.  My choice should be to seek out the blessing because that is just as real as any negative aspect BUT it is worth so much more.  

Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.  

~Prov. 15:17

It's kind of a Daniel diet....I guess.  (Dan. 1:8-16) Daniel was better for it.  Stronger, healthier....this is blessing.  To eat only what the Lord made......how can that not be good!   

I'm not setting much in the way of a goal for myself right now.  I don't quite have this pain figured out.  It's better, not quite as bad as last week but muscles are still pressure sensitive and joints are still sore.  Again, not as bad though.  So my only goal is to seek Him.  He knows whats going on and why and I'll rest in that.

Blessings to you this week for peace, joy and a positive perspective in whatever circumstance you find yourself, 

the Mrs.

story time

Once upon a time....not so long ago....there was a young girl.  It was the early spring in her life and all around her was grey, appearing lifeless.   She wondered if anything would ever bloom.  Would life always be so dark, so endlessly tiring?  Fruitlessly she searched within her own power to change her surroundings.  An iron fist had no power.  A nagging voice, no effect.  The melodramatic sigh of dissatisfaction brought forth no melody.

"Turn around." a Whisper came.

Time and again the Whisper called but she'd forgotten the familiar voice she once knew and waved it away as nothing.

Alone in spirit, grieved and afraid of her future the girl wondered about the choices she'd made.  Tears too frequent a companion and too little a comfort, her will finally broke.  The Whisper came again....stronger.

"Turn around."


And she did.  The Light shone on her darkness and she was no longer afraid.

"Fear not for you will not be ashamed."  came the whisper that washed over her.  "I, the Lord your Maker will be your husband.  I have called you, like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit, with great compassion I will gather you."  she imagined this was how the raging storm felt when Jesus calmed it with a word.....the stillness of it.

A simple command followed: "Talk to me."


So she did.  She started talking all the time.  They laughed and they walked together.  She talked.

Her heart poured out to Him and all the hurt, dreams and wishes poured out.

"Ask." came the new Whisper.  So she did.

Lord, keep us safe.
And He did.

Lord, give my husband a new wife....and let it be me.
And He did.

Lord, open his heart to going to church.
And He did.


Lord, make him yours.
And He did.


Lord, help us to feed our family and pay our bills.
And He did.

Lord, give us a new home.
And He did.


Lord, save my marriage.
And He did.


Lord, help his work...prosper him.
And He did.

Lord, make my husband a godly man and a godly father.
And He did.




Lord, let him love me like You do...show him how.
And He did.

Lord, I love You.  Make me worthy of all Your gifts.  Help me see them and never overlook them.
And He is.


She looked around and all the world is in bloom.  Time to grow, is what was needed.  Patience and the Hand of the gardener.  While she talked and shared, He was Whispering to others.....growing and tending to them as only He can.   She needed to let them grow, in their own way and time....their soil was different.  Their needs, different.   In His hands, all grows to perfection in His time.

"For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but My steadfast love shall not depart from you, and My covenant of peace shall not be removed", says the Lord who has compassion on you.

~ Isaiah 54:10

Blessings of His never ending love, 

the Mrs.

Think on these things....

Yesterday, as I struggled with the weight of the impending meeting, it was a battle to think of anything else.

The Word tells us "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9)   Our emotions get the better of us all too often don't they?  We get wrapped up in the fear, pain, or even the joy of an experience and lose all sense of judgement and can't grasp of the reality of the big picture.

I found myself there yesterday.....as was obvious in my post.  Each time I tried to share with Him my fears and hesitations about it, my mind would wander off into rehearsing how I would come to my son's defense.   Time and again, I would have to come to a stop and realize how pointless the train of thought was.

Stop, turn around.


Start again, move forward and ask for peace.  Trust that He has this under control and His plan for my son is better than any dream I could come up with for him.


Breathe.  Focus.


As I got ready I pulled out my iPod and selected two songs.  Thy Word.  and Doxology.    I listened and soaked it in.


Then I moved to sit at the new place I've carved out in the house (a "command central for mom" I guess) I knew I needed to stop and refocus.  Be still.  I looked up at the wall and the neon green post it I put there months ago screamed at me.

Yes.  I hear You.  You're right.  I'm focusing on all the wrong things.


I sat with that a moment.  I grabbed my devotional "Morning and Evening" by Charles Spurgeon.  I opened it's broken and worn pages and read the entry for Morning.  "My Heavenly Father".  Sweet reminders in the words of how much He cares and how much more He desires for us.  I settled into that for a bit.  Then I reopened my Bible to where I'd left off the day before....1 John 2 "Christ Our Advocate" was the heading to that chapter.

I hear You.  Okay....I'll stop thinking and start talking.  Today I dropped the ball....or maybe more specifically.....I took it from Your more capable hands.   I'm no good on my own.....with You I can do anything.  I'm sorry.   Take it back.  I'm Yours.  He is Yours.  This, is Yours.


I left early to sit in the pickup line.  Jesus Culture in the CD player started up with the engine....I hear You.

Opening my book - Practicing His Presence - the next chapter meeting me where I needed "Recalling the wandering mind".   The first phrase: "Yours is not an unusual experience."    Further on: "If your mind sometimes wanders or withdraws from the Lord, do not be upset or disquieted.  Trouble and disquiet serve more to distract the mind further from God than to recollect it."

By the time I entered the meeting I was at peace.  When we left I remarked to my husband that it was the very first team meeting (in the 1.5 years our son has been at this school) that was more positive than negative. The very first time I heard genuine comments about how responsible he is, how confident he is....

True.   Honorable. Just.  Pure.  Lovely.  Commendable.  Any excellence...

....anything worthy of praise....

He took care of my heart.....cast away my doubt and fear and reminded me who is really in charge.  I praised Him on the way home.  Resting in His hand, joyfully.

This morning that post-it drew me in again.   Sharing with at least two people....His words not mine.....firmly replanting the reminder in my own mind as I did.  Warming my heart that they needed it as much as I did.  

Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.

~ Jeremiah 29:12-13

Blessings of deep, abiding love, drawing you nearer to Him, 

the Mrs.

hidden in the secret spaces.....blessings richer than gold

I love words.  They get under my skin and into my head...changing my spirit, my attitude...my words.


In my home there are words everywhere.  Some are visible, some are hidden.  Some are quotes, many are scripture.  Some words motivate and encourage, other words guard or bless.

As a manager or "keeper" of the home my work is more than keeping a clean home and caring for the day to day activities, schedules and meals.   Beyond the work of managing, I am also monitoring the heart of our home.   Some say that the wife is the heart of the home and is some ways I suppose that may be true...but I think it would be more accurate to say that I set the stage and create the environment for the heart of our home.  As wives and mothers the environment we create may be one of the most important aspects of our work.

"If momma ain't happy, ain't no one happy".....I've always hated this phrase.  To me it has always evoked thoughts of a cranky, controlling woman who has to have it her way or the highway.  Yuck.  The fact is though, you can replace "momma" with any member of the family and the statement is just as true.  The effect that a negative attitude has on the people around it is powerful.  Have you ever noticed how even one sour person in a room of 10 or more can bring the whole room down?   The atmosphere we create in our homes can either encourage or dissipate negativity.   We send our family members out in the morning and over the course of the day they encounter many people and situations.  When they come back home they can still be carrying that with them and bringing it right into the house.   If your husband is in a particularly stressful season at work, the stress he brings home can be transferred to everyone in the house.  If the perspective of Dad's home coming is "watch out, dad is going to be cranky" the tension will mount and when Dad comes home...his  stress is then encouraged to stay, fed by the tension and apprehension in the home.   But if the perspective of the home was "Dad has had a tough day today so lets try to encourage him when he gets here", his stress is melted away and doesn't have a fighting chance of sticking around.  The home is a secure, united, sanctuary where all are refilled and refreshed to go back out into the world when it is time.

One of the ways that I nurture our environment is through prayer and scripture in our home.  Most of the artwork on our walls includes words or scripture.  The unseen is what has the most powerful affect though.

Years ago, when I was on my very first prayer team, I was introduced to prayer walking.  The team would meet before, during and after a class at church.  We prayed with the leaders, we prayed for the participants and while they gathered for dinner we prayed in the room where they would worship and listen to the nights speaker.  While they listened to the speaker, we were in the rooms where they would soon meet in groups to discuss the evening topic.

We prayed for them as individuals and as groups.  We prayed for the environment - that there would be grace and safety to be vulnerable, we prayed for their faith, their protection, for the work the Lord was doing in their hearts, for their conversations and for their leaders and families and the people they would encounter during the week before they came back for the next class.   In some rooms we even prayed away the burdens that may have been left there from previous groups - grief and divorce care groups that met there earlier in the week.  We covered a range of prayer and concerns I'd never have conceived of before.   What I learned there, I eventually started to apply to my own home.

In my kitchen I would pray for our nourishment - that our food would be protected and that He would guide me to making healthy choices and meals for our family, but also that they would be financially smart choices for our budget.  I didn't limit it to the food we ate....I would pray about His nourishing our family relationships, blessing the conversations and interactions that happened there.   I asked that He would use meal times to feed our family spiritual nutrients as well as physical and relational nutrients.

As I folded laundry I would pray for the person I was folding for.  When I made a bed I prayed for their rest and refreshment, their dreams, comfort and security.  In the main gathering rooms I prayed over the relationships and the conversations that happened there.   The social gatherings of friends and family...the conflicts between kids and tensions between spouses, the opportunities for ministry and joy and laughter.

Friends, I saw change.  The Lord bends down to listen, He hears our prayers. (Ps. 116:1-2)  I saw change in my family and I felt change in me.  I saw arguing diminish and conversation replace it.  I felt peace in the absence of tension.  And people notice....  They can't put their finger on it, they can't identify what it is but they comment.   "Your home feels so good."  "Its soft here."  "I love coming here, it's like a vacation." "I feel so at home, so welcome."


This is the work of the Lord.  Flawed as I am I am not capable of creating that.  Obedience to His prompting always results in great blessing.

What words hide in the secret places of our home?  In the four corners of our property there are either rocks with scripture on them or a steak driven into the earth.

I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture.

John 10:9

The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.  The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all evil; He will keep your life. The Lord will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

Psalm 121:5-8

He will love you, bless you and multiply you.  He will also bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your wine and your oil, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock, in the land that He swore to your fathers to give you.

Deut. 7:13

The main entrance to our home is our kitchen door....here people enter into blessing.

Blessed you shall be when you com in and blessed you shall be when you go out.

Deut. 28:6

Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place - the Most High, who is my refuge - no evil shall be allowed to befall you, no plague come near your tent.

Psalm 91:9-10

Whether words are spoken at our kitchen table or not....blessing is present...

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they shall be satisfied.

Matt. 5:6

Our living room hides teaching and encouragement...

On the contrary, the members of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and those members of the body that we think less honorable we clothe with  greater honor and our less respectable members are treated with greater respect; whereas our more respectable members do not need this.  But God has so arranged the body, giving the greater honor to the inferior member that there maybe no dissension within the body, but the members may have the same care for one another.  If one member suffers, all suffer together with it, if one member is honored all rejoice together in it.

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.

1 Cor. 12:22-27

Therefore encourage one another and build up each other, as indeed you are doing.

1 Thess. 5:11

All over the house there are scriptures......the laundry room is not so subtle.  On the main wall (painted red by previous owners) the first thing you see when you enter the room is Proverbs 31:10-31 in white, hand written in paint pen from one end to the other.  On the cupboards printed out verses are taped that speak of controlling the tongue and what a wife should be.  The freezer speaks of managing harvest well, the ceiling speaks of where a husband who has a nagging wife is better off...

A good deep clean of a house, goes so much further than the corners and the nooks and crannies that only we can see.........a true deep cleaning goes to the depths of the heart and then pours out the mouth, laying every negative at the feet of Jesus and leaving behind only the fruit of His spirit....love for those we encounter.   For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Matt 12:34b  It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth that defiles.  Matt. 15:10-11

My kitchen window bears the lessons that need to change my heart or the focus my mind lacks.  It changes as  He prompts.  A black permanent marker to write and a green scrubby to remove. So when I wash dishes I don't just see the yard but His Word.  Bathroom mirrors often have a scripture or message on them....where ever the eye naturally rests....where we spend the most time standing still.....it sinks in.  It encourages.  It transforms.

The Word is powerful.  For the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.  Hebrews 4:12

Blessings for a clean heart, transformed mind and an unbridled passion for Him, 

the Mrs.

Have you told them?

Renee over at What's in an identity asked the question: Who has God put in your life that has made a difference and have you told them?


Immediately one person came to mind.   And yes, I have told her.

She watched me before and after school when I was a kid.  She cleaned homes for a living and often brought me with on days I didn't have school.  She showed me the basics of cooking...not that I picked up on the cooking part much.....it was why she was cooking that stuck with me.   She would make huge batches of food and put it in smaller containers.  When she went to clean peoples homes, many of the people were older, she cleaned out the fridge and left them meals.  

This woman modeled for me what it means to be a christian.  She is full of selfless love.  She was like a second mother to me.  At first I thought she was crazy.   In the morning she would bound down the hall in her night gown with a loud cheery "Good Morning GOD!!!" in this joyous sing-song voice. I was dropped off before she woke up for the day, her high school kids would leave the door open when they left for me, and I would go watch cartoons until she got up.  On the way to school she would ask me in the car - "Have you talked to God today?"

Now, I was in elementary school.....I think in first and second grade when she started to watch me.  It was a christian school but still....this kind of personal "chat with Me" God was not someone I'd been introduced to.  God was still in the stories to me but she introduced me to His Person.  I watched her and soaked it in quietly.  She never preached to me or pushed me....but she lived what she said.   She served those who were in need right in front of her, she did what she could with what she had.

Several years ago I wrote her a letter to tell her how she had impacted my life.  That her example was a model of what I now, as a grown woman with a husband and children of my own, strive for.  I learned more about what I wanted to be when I grew up from watching her than from anything I've ever done in my life.

The Lord used her to plant seeds in my young life that are still growing today.  After she received my letter, I found out from one of her daughters that this letter had a profound effect on her.  She proudly and tearfully shared the letter with her daughters, her small group and confessed that she thought she'd had no effect on anyone.  That she'd done nothing to expand the kingdom.   Knowing the effect she had on my life gave her joy and peace.  It encouraged her walk.

I was shocked at her response.  I was shocked at her self-doubt.  This was a lesson I never forgot....when someone is a gift to you....tell them.  Tell them how you appreciate them, tell them why and how they have impacted you.   Share with them the imprint they have left in your life.  Tell them often and tell them well.

Sometimes it doesn't sink in the first time....surprise has a way of dulling your ability to fully appreciate a compliment...some are just too humble to receive it all.   If you can't say I love you too much, then you can't tell someone how much you appreciate them too often.

You are appreciated.  You are loved.  Thank you for being here.  Thank you for reading.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.  ~ Hebrews 10:24-25

Blessings of love and grace, 
the Mrs.

on track

just a quick note

I feel jazzed today.....not as in "jazz hands" though I'm in a mood where I would.

Third day in a row of getting my rear on the treadmill and doing a session of wii boxing.  In. A. Row. People. My house is suffering from my divided attention BUT my temple is thriving.

I'm already on my 3rd bottle of water - yep the detox stuff I posted yesterday - and I'm feeling energetic and motivated.

Why is it that after only a short time doing any sort of physical activity you suddenly feel like you are walkin around like superman?  "See my new muscles?"   I know the changes I feel are not visible yet but I'm glad that I feel motivated.  I've caught myself thinking that since I doubled my goal last week I want to bust that one out this week....or on the opposite end that if I don't reach 2lbs it's no biggie because last week was awesome.   BOTH ways of thinking are bad...I am trying to remind myself that last week is over.  The only goal I am to think about, consider, strive for is this weeks goal 2 lbs.  That's it.   No comparing or looking back or making excuses.  Only this week matters.  Eye on the prize!

The only prize I have in mind is to get rid of this gut and recognize myself in the mirror again.  Encouragement and striving forward to reach the goal is where my focus must lie.    And with that the Lord places this verse on my heart.....

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that isset before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.   ~Hebrews 12:1-2

Blessings of persevering energy to you, 

the Mrs.

When the burn of insignificance lingers.....

Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, 

they have neither storehouse nor barn, 

and yet God feeds them.

Of how much more value are you than the birds!

Luke 12:24

As the Father has loved Me,

so have I loved you.

Abide in My love.

John 15:9

Can a woman forget her nursing child, 

and not have compassion on the son of her womb?

Surely they may forget, 

yet I will not forget you.

See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.

You walls are continually before Me.

Is. 49:15-16

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Ps 147:3

I love those who love Me,

and those who seek Me diligently will find Me.

Prov. 8:17

Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; 

He will never let the righteous fall.

Ps. 33:22

I am your Creator.  

You were in My care even before you were born.

Is 44:2

Draw close to God and God will draw close to you.

James 4:8

No mere man has ever seen, hear or even imagined what wonderful things 

God has ready for those who love the Lord.

1 Cor. 2:9

Because the Lord is my Shepherd, 

I have everything I need.

Ps. 23:1

Be still,

and know

that I am God.

Ps. 46:10

For the Lord God is living among you.  He is a mighty Savior.  

He will take delight in you with gladness. 

With His love, He will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

Zeph. 3:17

For God has said, I will never fail you.

I will never abandon you.

Heb. 13:5

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;

He rises up to show you compassion.

Is. 30:18

The Lord will fight for you and you have only to be silent.

Ex. 14:14

My soul thirsts for You.

Ps. 143:6

You O Lord are a shield for me.

Ps. 33:3

To the world you may be one, but to One you are the world.

Blessings, 

the Mrs.

A Holy Love

This verse keeps coming to me....and once again I find myself seeing a familiar verse with new eyes.

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife, loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of His body."  Eph. 5:25-30

I have heard this piece of scripture so many times.....but something struck me when I read it with the intensity that the Lord has placed on my heart to be aware of words.   As Christ loved the church....that is an amazing selfless love.  To be instructed to love someone in the same way that Jesus loves us.    Everything Jesus did was for us.....beginning to end.   Literally.....in His life and His death....it was all for us.    He put Himself into the hands of people that He knew would eventually kill Him because it was for our benefit. 

He was born to save us.....to guide us.....to show us what we are capable of.   He left His glory behind, His choir of angels did not come with Him.....His radiant robes stayed behind, His power and glory all set aside and He came into the world with 2 things.......His purpose: to save us......and His constant companion: His Father.

He set it all aside so We could see what it looked like for a human to fully set aside their intentions, pride, will and desires for self and fully surrender to the Lord, depending on Him for ALL THINGS.

So Jesus said to them, "Truly, truly, I say to you,  the Son can do nothing of His own accord, but only what He sees the Father doing.  For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise."  John 5:19

How amazing is that!?   He gave up so much just to show us what we were missing!   Love. 

Nourish....and cherish......those are beautiful commands given to man that we are then the recipients of.  He presents Eve to Adam....a holy, unblemished gift.....glorious and wonderful.   Later after they are both soiled and totally imperfect....He tells man in a new way how to care for this gift.   Jesus shows him how to care for this gift by caring for man ~all of humanity~  Himself in the same way.  

It is a holy love.....a holy gift this relationship.   I feel like the gift keeps getting more and more clear as I pull back the wrapping and discover more and more in His Word.......

....instruction manuals yield so much information. 

"If you abide in My Word, you are truly My disciples, and you will know the Truth and the Truth will set you free."    John 8:31-32

Loving blessings, 

the Mrs.

P.s.  I do not share these scriptures or thoughts to condemn or convict any man, nor to equip any woman with a weapon to wield against any man.  

words

"the teaching of kindness is on her tongue"  Prov.31:26


My mommy heart aches just a little to be able to hold the child of my heart ~ but not my womb ~ in my arms.  To have difficult conversations, to hold your child accountable to their words and actions.....and then have to walk away....leaving them with your words, hugs, love and forgiveness.....but not your presence....is hard.


The Lord has been impressing on me deeply that I need to be aware of my words.  My tone.  My face....it can screw up my words.....their intentions and inflection mean something different coming from a sour face.


What I don't say in my silence carries as much weight as the words I choose to make audible.   


"...train yourself for Godliness..." 1 Tim. 4:7


It is quite the workout to be disciplining myself to be aware of my tone, my expression and editing my words to reflect kindness, gentleness, respect and honor to Mr ~which includes {but is not limited to} not interrupting him {seriously this is such a huge flaw I have....I interrupt everyone when they talk, for fear that I will forget what I have to say...and the reason is best left for another time}, not making disapproving faces when he talks {my face has a life of it's own, by the way}, being careful not to contradict him in a way that invalidates or overrides what he says.


All day I was trying to keep my mind in scripture that would keep me from faltering.


"The one who gives an answer before he listens ~ this is foolishness and disgrace for him." Prov. 18:13


"Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth, keep watch over the door of my lips!"  Ps. 141:3


I said "I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth as with a muzzle!"   Ps 39:1

Training is hard work.  It must be intentional.   It must be consistent and constant.  Environment contributes to our training....garbage in -> garbage out.   Part of my training is monitoring who and what I am listening to.  Are they examples of what I am training toward or trying to discipline out of me?   Listen to their tone.  Watch their face.   Really hear their words....are they wise?  Are they kind?  Encouraging, gentle, authentic, sarcastic, harsh, negative.....godly?   Can I picture Jesus saying what they are saying with the same expression and tone?   .....would that be holding them to too high a standard??  Unfair to that person?  No.


If it is what I am commanded to aspire to then it is not unfair.   It is part of training.   I don't mean to say that I am eliminating all people from my life who have not perfected their Christ-likeness......I'd be one lonely person.  But just like if I was training for a marathon I'd need to watch what I ate.....I'd need to carefully read labels.    So I'm trying to read the nutrition labels of the people around me.   Is what they are feeding me full of nutrition, goodness and fruits of the spirit?    OR......are there lesser quality fillers being fed to me that do not fill me up with the life giving qualities that spur me forward instead of planting seeds of doubt or even bitterness.  


My sarcasm comes quite naturally, thank you very much.  I do not need that part of me fed.   Frankly that monster needs to go on a diet. 


I'm trying to be aware.   I'm trying to be purposeful about keeping my filters clean and sifting through the noise of life.


I'm in training.  Goal number 1:  Refine thought and speech by daily reading His Word.


Blessings to you on the journey, the Mrs.