Some days it feels as though I'm short on life preservers.
When I look in all directions there is someone who needs one.....perhaps they aren't drowning but they could use a lift, a break, a rest.....my first instinct is always to run headlong in to save the day with my cape waving in the breeze behind me. What is it those flight attendants always say? Put on your own oxygen mask first, or you can't help the people around you... I'm learning that my knee jerk reaction, to run in and save the day, isn't always the best response. It's a response led by me, not Him. Long ago a wise woman told me it's not always my job. That by trying to rescue everyone, every time, I may actually be hurting them. Training them to rely on me too much. Stealing opportunities for others to step in and be a blessing. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. People need to flounder before they will fight to swim.
I think I've gotten better but it hasn't gotten easier. What I have learned is to not jump too quickly to respond. To evaluate where I am most needed.....making sure that the needs of my family come first and that they are my first priority. "No" is a hard word to say to anyone I care about...even when I know I need to say it. It doesn't yet come out eloquently or as directly as it should. I've also learned not to offer help unless I intend to follow through. Unless I CAN. This too is tough to not spit out the ready response of "let me know if you need anything".
This season is teaching me that being fully in the right now, moment to moment, is where I need to learn to be. Abandoning my own plans, great or small. To be freed up to hear Him and do as He asks.
In this moment, I feel silenced. Perhaps I would be too reactive....instead of responsive. Perhaps He has plans to use someone else. Whatever it is doesn't matter. I'm trying to stay out and stay quiet until He ushers me forward. It's not comfortable but that crazy sense of peace, that is only from Him, is there so I know its right.
Be buoyant. Stay put. Listen. Watch. Wait. Shhh. Be still.
Okay. Teach me.
Blessings,
the Mrs.
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label training. Show all posts
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
The redundant invitation.
When will Christians stop with the redundant invitation?
When will there be an awareness of how arrogant it is?
Would you consider going to your neighbors house, greeting them as you enter and then proceed to invite them to join you?
Well, that would be rude, wouldn't it?
Why is the same invitation made at church every Sunday?
"Father, we invite you to join us here today." ....in Your house....that You gave us....on the planet You created.....and told us many times over how You are always with us.....Omnipresent God that You are....yeah, never mind....um.....ahem...can I join You?
God has no need for our arrogant invitations. He's been waiting for our RSVP.
Christianise is a messed up language. Its full of misdirecting phrases and stuff man made up. What bothers me the most is that these phrases plant seeds in the minds of people....seeds of a false image of God. I don't believe they are intended.....I think they are little phrases spoken ages ago that just somehow became accepted without being questioned.
Like the woman who cut off the ends of her pot roast. (Tell me you haven't heard this story somewhere before....) Her daughter asks her mom why she cuts the ends off her pot roast....it seems a waste of meat. The mom says "My mother always did it....so I do too." The daughter asks why grandma did it. The mom can't come up with an answer so she calls to ask and the answer is surprising. "Well, my oven and my pan were small so I cut the ends off so it would fit."
How often do we just accept things as truth, as necessary, without examination?
Where on earth did this theory come from that says we should invite God into our presence? Why do people not see the arrogance of that?
I'll add another phrase "Give us more of you God....Send more of your Holy Spirit."
That one makes me bite my lip to keep from uttering "Do you really think God phones it in? Is He really just kinda half-assing His presence right now?"
"God showed up." Another face palm moment.
God is all knowing, all powerful and fully present....everywhere, every time and at the same time. God does not give of Himself in partiality. He doesn't say "Well you folks don't raise your hands enough so I'm not going to bother hanging out too long." No. He only gives with the fullness of Himself.
WE, the ignorant, arrogant people of this planet are the ones who need to give of ourselves. WE need to accept HIS invitation. WE need to SHOW UP. He is already there....has been since before time began. This is His creation and we cannot, do not have the ability to stop Him from being right there with us...we are breathing His very breath.
When I hear people use these phrases I hear a message being taught....seeds being planted....that God has limitations. That God is a God who can be blocked, that He is small enough that He needs our meager invitation. That He is a God who chooses where to be present and how present to be....a God that is contrary to the God of grace.
It is we who show up in body but not in mind or heart. Which is exactly what He asks for.
When will we stop asking Him to do all the work and take responsibility for our part? He showed up before we did and He's waiting for us to show up. God is fully present here in every molecule in and around us, waiting for us to be fully present and aware of Him. God has no need for our invitation, He wants our RSVP.
Say yes.
Blessings for new awareness of the fullness of His presence, the expanse of His power and love and grace and for the courage to jump in with both feet.....because you know that He will catch you. He never misses.
the Mrs.
When will there be an awareness of how arrogant it is?
Would you consider going to your neighbors house, greeting them as you enter and then proceed to invite them to join you?
Well, that would be rude, wouldn't it?
Why is the same invitation made at church every Sunday?
"Father, we invite you to join us here today." ....in Your house....that You gave us....on the planet You created.....and told us many times over how You are always with us.....Omnipresent God that You are....yeah, never mind....um.....ahem...can I join You?
God has no need for our arrogant invitations. He's been waiting for our RSVP.
Christianise is a messed up language. Its full of misdirecting phrases and stuff man made up. What bothers me the most is that these phrases plant seeds in the minds of people....seeds of a false image of God. I don't believe they are intended.....I think they are little phrases spoken ages ago that just somehow became accepted without being questioned.
Like the woman who cut off the ends of her pot roast. (Tell me you haven't heard this story somewhere before....) Her daughter asks her mom why she cuts the ends off her pot roast....it seems a waste of meat. The mom says "My mother always did it....so I do too." The daughter asks why grandma did it. The mom can't come up with an answer so she calls to ask and the answer is surprising. "Well, my oven and my pan were small so I cut the ends off so it would fit."
How often do we just accept things as truth, as necessary, without examination?
Where on earth did this theory come from that says we should invite God into our presence? Why do people not see the arrogance of that?
I'll add another phrase "Give us more of you God....Send more of your Holy Spirit."
That one makes me bite my lip to keep from uttering "Do you really think God phones it in? Is He really just kinda half-assing His presence right now?"
"God showed up." Another face palm moment.
God is all knowing, all powerful and fully present....everywhere, every time and at the same time. God does not give of Himself in partiality. He doesn't say "Well you folks don't raise your hands enough so I'm not going to bother hanging out too long." No. He only gives with the fullness of Himself.
WE, the ignorant, arrogant people of this planet are the ones who need to give of ourselves. WE need to accept HIS invitation. WE need to SHOW UP. He is already there....has been since before time began. This is His creation and we cannot, do not have the ability to stop Him from being right there with us...we are breathing His very breath.
When I hear people use these phrases I hear a message being taught....seeds being planted....that God has limitations. That God is a God who can be blocked, that He is small enough that He needs our meager invitation. That He is a God who chooses where to be present and how present to be....a God that is contrary to the God of grace.
It is we who show up in body but not in mind or heart. Which is exactly what He asks for.
"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."
Matthew 22:37
When will we stop asking Him to do all the work and take responsibility for our part? He showed up before we did and He's waiting for us to show up. God is fully present here in every molecule in and around us, waiting for us to be fully present and aware of Him. God has no need for our invitation, He wants our RSVP.
Say yes.
Blessings for new awareness of the fullness of His presence, the expanse of His power and love and grace and for the courage to jump in with both feet.....because you know that He will catch you. He never misses.
the Mrs.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Who do you think you are?
I think everyone has that moment when they utter the words "who am I?" Its a question that bubbles up from the depths of a soul.
When something is cracked and broken.
We are a culture that looks outside of ourselves to find our identity. We seek labels and neat packaging with clear indicators of the contents. We ask people who we are, who they think we are. We eagerly wait for responses and for some reason.....we believe them.
It's taken as truth, generally unquestioned. Until we have taken in so much conflicting "truth" that the labels and layers of packaging are so thick we really aren't sure of the contents anymore.
Then suddenly....something deep inside those layers cracks under the pressure and out bubbles "Who. Am. I.?"
When people tell us who they think that we are...shouldn't it be taken as a comment instead of a fact? ...something to be weighed and measured for truth, dismissed when false and simply taken as affirmation of what is already known if true. But perhaps it simply says "In this moment, this is what I see in you." And that in general often says more about the person delivering the comment. They are telling you what you are to them, maybe what they see in you that is in themselves - whether they like it or not.
There are times where something ugly sprouts unnoticed. We are always growing. Frankly there are things, like weeds, that initially look like they could be a fruitful plant, so we watch....and wait to see what it emerges into. Sometimes we don't notice that it's become something thorny and ugly and bears no fruit until it has matured and needs to be removed by the root so it doesn't return. But this - this kind of uprooting, this kind of "commentary" that points out those weeds in our character can only be affirmed.....should only be affirmed by someone who isn't full of their own weeds. Someone who can see you clearly. Someone who can lovingly help you to pull the weed without damaging the fruitful plants around it.
Currently I find myself more secure in who I am than I have ever been in my life....perhaps its age...season in life....or the fruit of labor. At the same time I find I am seeing people around me in crisis over who they are. Desperately seeking the answer to the question: Who am I?
A friend posted this song:
When something is cracked and broken.
We are a culture that looks outside of ourselves to find our identity. We seek labels and neat packaging with clear indicators of the contents. We ask people who we are, who they think we are. We eagerly wait for responses and for some reason.....we believe them.
It's taken as truth, generally unquestioned. Until we have taken in so much conflicting "truth" that the labels and layers of packaging are so thick we really aren't sure of the contents anymore.
Then suddenly....something deep inside those layers cracks under the pressure and out bubbles "Who. Am. I.?"
When people tell us who they think that we are...shouldn't it be taken as a comment instead of a fact? ...something to be weighed and measured for truth, dismissed when false and simply taken as affirmation of what is already known if true. But perhaps it simply says "In this moment, this is what I see in you." And that in general often says more about the person delivering the comment. They are telling you what you are to them, maybe what they see in you that is in themselves - whether they like it or not.
There are times where something ugly sprouts unnoticed. We are always growing. Frankly there are things, like weeds, that initially look like they could be a fruitful plant, so we watch....and wait to see what it emerges into. Sometimes we don't notice that it's become something thorny and ugly and bears no fruit until it has matured and needs to be removed by the root so it doesn't return. But this - this kind of uprooting, this kind of "commentary" that points out those weeds in our character can only be affirmed.....should only be affirmed by someone who isn't full of their own weeds. Someone who can see you clearly. Someone who can lovingly help you to pull the weed without damaging the fruitful plants around it.
Currently I find myself more secure in who I am than I have ever been in my life....perhaps its age...season in life....or the fruit of labor. At the same time I find I am seeing people around me in crisis over who they are. Desperately seeking the answer to the question: Who am I?
A friend posted this song:
What struck me was...there is your answer. When there is nothing left of us, when we are broken and on our knees and we find Him.....we find ourselves.
When we try to "figure out who we are" we are typically looking with the eyes of the world. What they see, what their measure for success is, the worlds measure of worth. None of that matters.
I am not worth X if I don't accomplish Y. Who says? Who says that you are not exactly what you were meant to be right here in this moment? Do you honestly think that the God of the universe, the one who created you before time began, before you were even one single cell, didn't know you would be this beautiful mess right here right now? You think He didn't know you'd make the mistakes you have? You think He didn't already know you'd choose to compromise what He created you to be? You think He wouldn't give you a way out? No.
He made you. You want to know who you really are? Find Him. Find your Creator and He will show you what He designed you to be.....a reflection of Himself. He knew the flaws in yourself that you would add to His design but He wrote the program, so they aren't permanent....they can be corrected.
The Lord is always before us but we have such a habit of looking behind us. Trying to change where we laid our footsteps and calculate the 'what ifs' into something that might end in a more pleasing present.
We cannot change the past. We can learn from it, that is all.
Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; give me life in Your ways."
~Psalm 119:37
Do not search for your identity in the eyes of people around you. They didn't create you. They don't see you completely. The world tells us to "find ourselves"....honestly the way the world tells us to do so is to forget the world around us and look only at ourselves. Focus deeply on "me". Yes, there are seasons where we need to closely self-monitor. When we are training new patterns and trying to uproot weeds, this does take some careful introspection to find them and get the whole root. Guess who the ultimate gardener is?
The first One.
When we focus only on ourselves, the way the world would tell us to, our eyes are not on Him. We make ourselves an idol before Him.....something we are carefully crafting independently from Him. What that really is....what it really amounts to.....fruitless labor. We cannot undo what He has created. We cannot change the purpose He created us for....the purpose is still there. Used improperly for a time perhaps, but the purpose still remains.
We do so much out of selfish desire. We whine "what about me" all too often. You know, I think I've finally found out that when I am whining about me, that is the precise moment that I am the most miserable. When I am in full out "its not about me" mode.....I am the most at peace. I am the most confident and capable person when I am simply a serving vessel. I'm sure I'll have those moments where I will slop out an exhausted "hey I'm over here, what about me"....we all will at some point and I'm nowhere near perfect. But I think I finally get it.....when I make it about me....I make things miserable. I wasn't designed for me, I was designed for Him....when I am all about Him....I fulfill my purpose and find contentment.
I am not who you say that I am. What you think I am may affirm who He created me to be, but it does not define me. Your label doesn't stick anymore. The layers of packaging are disappearing and what is left is who He made. Who He asks me to be.
Who are you?
He's told you time and time again.
You are His.
You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek me with all your heart.
~Jeremiah 29:13
Blessings of beautiful brokenness that leads you to see who you really are....in His eyes only.
the Mrs.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
If you teach a man to fish....
Opportunities knock.
To be in a unique place, time or relationship.
The most unexpected of blessings. You weren't looking for it, asking for it or even thinking about it....and then there it is. Out of nowhere, you are over the moon crazy about it. You are willing to fight and sacrifice all while being totally baffled at how instant it was. It changes you....how you see the world.
A random encounter last May at a wedding brought something completely off my radar and put it right in my face. It was a God moment....one of those instances where He grips your heart and you cannot even conceive of not acting on the request. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that I'd be in the place I am right now.
Its a girl.
We have adopted her right into our hearts and love her like crazy.
Okay she isn't a girl. She's a full grown woman. A beautiful, 27 year old, blue eyed, sassy creation that loves the Lord and people in a way I've never encountered and she blows my mind every time she talks.
We adopted a missionary.
I didn't realize it all those months ago. It's a small thing to do, I thought. We agreed to be a regular supporter while she was in New Zealand for her second season, this time in leadership. Working through YWAM first in a school setting then co-leading a group out into the mission field.
"Missionary." It always had this untouchable, strange, Mother Theresa vibe about it.....people who dressed funny and went out into the jungle and tried to bring Jesus to people who probably couldn't understand them. It was a totally foreign, alien concept. Probably because I really didn't think about it much....didn't really make time to even listen.
Now, my eyes are opened and I'm learning. The phrase "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime." It just keeps coming to me. She is raising up missionaries in a missionary school....in my ignorant nutshell of a description. How beautiful is that? One pebble tossed into the lake creates ripples but toss a handful of pebbles in and watch how far those ripples reach.
I never expected how profoundly it would effect me....us. How it would expand our view of love... How God's power would be on display. How deeply touched my heart would be or how many tears I'd shed for this....near stranger that was becoming like a child to me. Birthed into my heart. How much God would expand my understanding of how He works.....across space and time and that He would choose me...me to speak comfort and love to someone on the other side of the world. Something I thought was so small....was revealed to be much bigger than I ever anticipated.
It's been humbling, confusing and amazing all at once.
She's being called to go again. This time she has a mere 6 weeks to raise the funds for a full year. There's a travel visa to purchase, plane ticket, a new backpack to live out of on outreach....supplies I had no idea were needed.
I want to introduce you to her.
Our little missionary child....Mandi.
Prayerfully consider if the Lord may want you to help support her too. I could not be more proud of her, who she is, her heart for the Lord or the way she loves people with every cell in her being.
This is a young woman who will change nations, one heart at a time.
Blessings to you of abundance, grace and a cup that overflows.
the Mrs.
To be in a unique place, time or relationship.
The most unexpected of blessings. You weren't looking for it, asking for it or even thinking about it....and then there it is. Out of nowhere, you are over the moon crazy about it. You are willing to fight and sacrifice all while being totally baffled at how instant it was. It changes you....how you see the world.
A random encounter last May at a wedding brought something completely off my radar and put it right in my face. It was a God moment....one of those instances where He grips your heart and you cannot even conceive of not acting on the request. Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that I'd be in the place I am right now.
Its a girl.
We have adopted her right into our hearts and love her like crazy.
Okay she isn't a girl. She's a full grown woman. A beautiful, 27 year old, blue eyed, sassy creation that loves the Lord and people in a way I've never encountered and she blows my mind every time she talks.
We adopted a missionary.
I didn't realize it all those months ago. It's a small thing to do, I thought. We agreed to be a regular supporter while she was in New Zealand for her second season, this time in leadership. Working through YWAM first in a school setting then co-leading a group out into the mission field.
"Missionary." It always had this untouchable, strange, Mother Theresa vibe about it.....people who dressed funny and went out into the jungle and tried to bring Jesus to people who probably couldn't understand them. It was a totally foreign, alien concept. Probably because I really didn't think about it much....didn't really make time to even listen.
Now, my eyes are opened and I'm learning. The phrase "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime." It just keeps coming to me. She is raising up missionaries in a missionary school....in my ignorant nutshell of a description. How beautiful is that? One pebble tossed into the lake creates ripples but toss a handful of pebbles in and watch how far those ripples reach.
I never expected how profoundly it would effect me....us. How it would expand our view of love... How God's power would be on display. How deeply touched my heart would be or how many tears I'd shed for this....near stranger that was becoming like a child to me. Birthed into my heart. How much God would expand my understanding of how He works.....across space and time and that He would choose me...me to speak comfort and love to someone on the other side of the world. Something I thought was so small....was revealed to be much bigger than I ever anticipated.
It's been humbling, confusing and amazing all at once.
She's being called to go again. This time she has a mere 6 weeks to raise the funds for a full year. There's a travel visa to purchase, plane ticket, a new backpack to live out of on outreach....supplies I had no idea were needed.
I want to introduce you to her.
Our little missionary child....Mandi.
Prayerfully consider if the Lord may want you to help support her too. I could not be more proud of her, who she is, her heart for the Lord or the way she loves people with every cell in her being.
This is a young woman who will change nations, one heart at a time.
Blessings to you of abundance, grace and a cup that overflows.
the Mrs.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Out of the muck.
Analysis paralysis.
A good friend asked the Facebook world if they have those moments when everything gets so overwhelming that you just freeze because you have no idea where to start. One of the comments named the moment: Analysis paralysis. Quite clever, accurate really.
The timing was interesting as just the day before I was having one of those days. The world felt heavy. I was in my head, trying to keep a million plates spinning. This typically results in an outward display of nothingness....as all my hard work is in my head and my body just can't follow that act.
I've experienced this a million times and typically the result has been me wallowing in the muck. My nature is to nurture and sometimes I can get a little lost in the needs of those around me. Wallowing in the muck only produces more muck in my attitude. I would go to this place of self pity. A "Where am I in all this? Look at all the good that I do! What about ME!" place. Its ugly and worldly. A "lookit me" display of epic proportions, danced out in my head with interpretive ribbon dances and wildly cheering fans (generally they are all me as well). Interpretive dance....frankly, it makes me laugh inappropriately. It's ridiculous. Somehow, the Lord gets in there and grabs my face, pulling my attention away from myself just long enough that I can snap out of the prideful haze I've created.
This time, I changed the game. This time I chose to look at it from another angle. This time I felt myself slipping into the muck and said No. Not this time. Instead I took time to stop and feel overwhelmed and then ask myself why, what was so big? I started to talk with the Lord about what I was feeling and the extensive list in my head.......some were tasks, some were people in general that were weighing on my heart, some were upcoming events and things needed to plan for, frustration at playing calendar cop and getting nowhere, Christmas shopping, people asking for help or guidance, people placed on my heart to intercede for, Mr studying like crazy for the next test and then leaving for a week of training, gifts to make, regular household duties and cooking.....there was sooo much going on in my head!
First, I needed it out of my head. I pulled out a notebook and laid it on my desk with a pen. At the top I wrote "Write it down - THEN sort it out". I moved though the next few hours of general tasks just thinking, talking with the Lord about everything and as something was brought to mind, on the list it went. Slowly the overwhelming feeling started to release. As it did, I started to become aware that I was overwhelmed because I was trying to be in charge of it all. I was trying to keep all the plates spinning by myself. Instead.....I should have taken the plates down and put them in His hands to hold....the only safe, unbreakable place.
My perspective started to shift. Instead of feeling overwhelmed I started to feel incredibly blessed.....overwhelmingly blessed. Instead of feeling self important, I felt humble.....how blessed am I that people trust me with their heart, count on me for guidance, stability and support? People have confidence in me and feel safe to be vulnerable with me, trusting that I will comfort them and remind them of His Truth in their life. ......suddenly, instead of feeling prideful and puffed up......I became keenly aware of how utterly insufficient I am apart from Him. There is nothing I can do for any of them without Him. A whole new kind of "overwhelmed" came over me. Suddenly, it all looked different.
It was still a full page of "stuff" to figure out. There are still a lot of tasks to try and manage. The "stuff" didn't change, but how I see it did. Did the heaviness disappear instantly? No. It got a lot lighter and still is.....but that's because I'm still loosening my grip on it. Still translating inside what I'm trying to keep control of, what my job actually is.
Reminding myself that its not about me. Even when I want it to be. I'm just a tool. Time to clear the muck out of the conduit, ensure the lines are clear so there's no more interference.
A good friend asked the Facebook world if they have those moments when everything gets so overwhelming that you just freeze because you have no idea where to start. One of the comments named the moment: Analysis paralysis. Quite clever, accurate really.
The timing was interesting as just the day before I was having one of those days. The world felt heavy. I was in my head, trying to keep a million plates spinning. This typically results in an outward display of nothingness....as all my hard work is in my head and my body just can't follow that act.
I've experienced this a million times and typically the result has been me wallowing in the muck. My nature is to nurture and sometimes I can get a little lost in the needs of those around me. Wallowing in the muck only produces more muck in my attitude. I would go to this place of self pity. A "Where am I in all this? Look at all the good that I do! What about ME!" place. Its ugly and worldly. A "lookit me" display of epic proportions, danced out in my head with interpretive ribbon dances and wildly cheering fans (generally they are all me as well). Interpretive dance....frankly, it makes me laugh inappropriately. It's ridiculous. Somehow, the Lord gets in there and grabs my face, pulling my attention away from myself just long enough that I can snap out of the prideful haze I've created.
This time, I changed the game. This time I chose to look at it from another angle. This time I felt myself slipping into the muck and said No. Not this time. Instead I took time to stop and feel overwhelmed and then ask myself why, what was so big? I started to talk with the Lord about what I was feeling and the extensive list in my head.......some were tasks, some were people in general that were weighing on my heart, some were upcoming events and things needed to plan for, frustration at playing calendar cop and getting nowhere, Christmas shopping, people asking for help or guidance, people placed on my heart to intercede for, Mr studying like crazy for the next test and then leaving for a week of training, gifts to make, regular household duties and cooking.....there was sooo much going on in my head!
First, I needed it out of my head. I pulled out a notebook and laid it on my desk with a pen. At the top I wrote "Write it down - THEN sort it out". I moved though the next few hours of general tasks just thinking, talking with the Lord about everything and as something was brought to mind, on the list it went. Slowly the overwhelming feeling started to release. As it did, I started to become aware that I was overwhelmed because I was trying to be in charge of it all. I was trying to keep all the plates spinning by myself. Instead.....I should have taken the plates down and put them in His hands to hold....the only safe, unbreakable place.
My perspective started to shift. Instead of feeling overwhelmed I started to feel incredibly blessed.....overwhelmingly blessed. Instead of feeling self important, I felt humble.....how blessed am I that people trust me with their heart, count on me for guidance, stability and support? People have confidence in me and feel safe to be vulnerable with me, trusting that I will comfort them and remind them of His Truth in their life. ......suddenly, instead of feeling prideful and puffed up......I became keenly aware of how utterly insufficient I am apart from Him. There is nothing I can do for any of them without Him. A whole new kind of "overwhelmed" came over me. Suddenly, it all looked different.
It was still a full page of "stuff" to figure out. There are still a lot of tasks to try and manage. The "stuff" didn't change, but how I see it did. Did the heaviness disappear instantly? No. It got a lot lighter and still is.....but that's because I'm still loosening my grip on it. Still translating inside what I'm trying to keep control of, what my job actually is.
Reminding myself that its not about me. Even when I want it to be. I'm just a tool. Time to clear the muck out of the conduit, ensure the lines are clear so there's no more interference.
"Peace I leave you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." ~ John 14:27
Blessings for clear lines, clear perspective and only blessings that are overwhelming.
the Mrs.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
the cake to my diabetic soul.
"The Devil knows just what I like and just how I like it." ~ Deon Sanders
I'm not typically given to quoting athletes but I heard him say this once and it struck me as a deep truth to remember. So into my quote book it went.
It comes to mind often....surprisingly often actually. One of those things that makes me aware of the Lord's deep caring of my character. The Devil may know my buttons to push but the Lord knows me, as a whole person and provides the reminders He knows that I need.
Have you ever taken a class on spiritual gifts? When I first took the class I'd never heard of "spiritual gifts" before, even having attended christian schools all my life. It was new to me and it opened my eyes to how specially the Lord had been working in my life in a way I'd not been equipped to see before. My relationship with the Lord became more intimate and I saw that I had a useful purpose in life - I was useful to Him! It was a major marker in my faith walk. Like with anything though it can have it's drawbacks.
While taking this class was tremendously positive, it lacked a firm focus on the fact that gifts are only a tool. We are tools and like a hammer, are only useful if the carpenter picks us up to use us. Gifts are not individual super powers to be used willy nilly. They do not make one person more important or special than another. A hand is no more important than a foot. We don't praise the hammer for pounding the nail, we praise the carpenter for his skills in knowing just the right tools to use. It should be the same with us. We are only as useful as our relationship is close to Him. The farther we get the more rust forms and we don't quite function as accurately or efficiently as we could.
The farther we get, the more credit we take, the more we depend on ourselves instead of Him. Suddenly we find ourselves as a hammer on a bench glowing about how wonderful and awesome we are, yet completely useless. Nonfunctional and totally unaware of how far we've slipped.
Been there, done that.
The thing is, we help each other get there too. We give each other credit for the amazing things that happen as a result of our prayers. I'm rambling off target again, I know but stay with me. When we know what someones gift is, we give them the credit instead of God. We reduce them to that gift, tie them to it and limit them to its use. People have often referred to me as a "Prayer Warrior". A title that indulged my gluttonous ego. I loved it and it sucked me in to a place where I felt powerful and singled out......and every time it would cause me to stumble and fall face first into the fluffy frosted sweetness. My gift became my badge, my identity and then who I was as a whole person seemed to disappear to everyone - including me - except God. In His wisdom He would pull me away from whatever I was doing and set me back into a sort of "time out". Seclusion, not isolation, but a quiet time where opportunities for me to put my foot in my mouth were farther apart, compliments were not needed, where silence helped me review and see things with new eyes, talk to Him, confess and repent...again. Followed by a refreshment and a newly adjusted perspective. I've been in an extended time out. He's shown me what ministry He wants me to do and cleared me of assumptions and rules I thought I needed to follow. He stopped my running after peace and made me sit and experience it as He put it in my lap.
He's shown me my weakness and He's shown me how it is fed. Compliments and credit. Now He is teaching me how to turn my weakness into a way to glorify Him. I've so much to learn here....how to phrase a correction, turn a compliment into a praise of Him...redirecting their attention to Him and off of me. Some respond with an intense tone that I need to stop being so "humble" and accept the praise and ownership that He has blessed me with "tremendous gifts". No. Here is the plain ugly truth:
I'm not typically given to quoting athletes but I heard him say this once and it struck me as a deep truth to remember. So into my quote book it went.
It comes to mind often....surprisingly often actually. One of those things that makes me aware of the Lord's deep caring of my character. The Devil may know my buttons to push but the Lord knows me, as a whole person and provides the reminders He knows that I need.
Have you ever taken a class on spiritual gifts? When I first took the class I'd never heard of "spiritual gifts" before, even having attended christian schools all my life. It was new to me and it opened my eyes to how specially the Lord had been working in my life in a way I'd not been equipped to see before. My relationship with the Lord became more intimate and I saw that I had a useful purpose in life - I was useful to Him! It was a major marker in my faith walk. Like with anything though it can have it's drawbacks.
While taking this class was tremendously positive, it lacked a firm focus on the fact that gifts are only a tool. We are tools and like a hammer, are only useful if the carpenter picks us up to use us. Gifts are not individual super powers to be used willy nilly. They do not make one person more important or special than another. A hand is no more important than a foot. We don't praise the hammer for pounding the nail, we praise the carpenter for his skills in knowing just the right tools to use. It should be the same with us. We are only as useful as our relationship is close to Him. The farther we get the more rust forms and we don't quite function as accurately or efficiently as we could.
The farther we get, the more credit we take, the more we depend on ourselves instead of Him. Suddenly we find ourselves as a hammer on a bench glowing about how wonderful and awesome we are, yet completely useless. Nonfunctional and totally unaware of how far we've slipped.
Been there, done that.
The thing is, we help each other get there too. We give each other credit for the amazing things that happen as a result of our prayers. I'm rambling off target again, I know but stay with me. When we know what someones gift is, we give them the credit instead of God. We reduce them to that gift, tie them to it and limit them to its use. People have often referred to me as a "Prayer Warrior". A title that indulged my gluttonous ego. I loved it and it sucked me in to a place where I felt powerful and singled out......and every time it would cause me to stumble and fall face first into the fluffy frosted sweetness. My gift became my badge, my identity and then who I was as a whole person seemed to disappear to everyone - including me - except God. In His wisdom He would pull me away from whatever I was doing and set me back into a sort of "time out". Seclusion, not isolation, but a quiet time where opportunities for me to put my foot in my mouth were farther apart, compliments were not needed, where silence helped me review and see things with new eyes, talk to Him, confess and repent...again. Followed by a refreshment and a newly adjusted perspective. I've been in an extended time out. He's shown me what ministry He wants me to do and cleared me of assumptions and rules I thought I needed to follow. He stopped my running after peace and made me sit and experience it as He put it in my lap.
He's shown me my weakness and He's shown me how it is fed. Compliments and credit. Now He is teaching me how to turn my weakness into a way to glorify Him. I've so much to learn here....how to phrase a correction, turn a compliment into a praise of Him...redirecting their attention to Him and off of me. Some respond with an intense tone that I need to stop being so "humble" and accept the praise and ownership that He has blessed me with "tremendous gifts". No. Here is the plain ugly truth:
I am as arrogant and prideful as they come. Jesus and the Devil both know it too. Compliments turn me into a fat kid in a room full of cake and no supervision. Jesus knows I have to turn my nose up at a compliment like its poison because the temptation to stuff my pride with those luscious words is too great a detriment to my diabetic soul.
How to handle those moments? I haven't mastered that yet. Right now I think I verbally flail around until the delectable morsel ends up knocked in the dirt. It's awkward and ungraceful....and can border on offending. On the upside I didn't devour it.......though sometimes I do secretly dig it out of the dirt. While my spirit is covered in dirt filled frosting I turn to Him and don't even have to say "oops I did it again". He knows.
When you know the Lord has used someone in your life to bless you......affirm them by telling them that the Lord has used them in a mighty way to bless you in your life. Share it with them but give credit where credit is due.....to Him and Him alone.
"The Devil knows just what I like and just how I like it."
Frosted.
Blessings of grace and truth, moments of beauty free from flailing.
the Mrs.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
organizing my thoughts...
...and my day.
Yesterday was one of those days where I wish there was some kind of Bean-O for the brain. I couldn't seem to maintain any train of thought and caught myself just sitting there or wandering trying to figure out what on earth to do next. I wanted to do none of it. It was the brain fartiest of days.
So in an attempt to wake the sleeping hamster in the wheel I had two cups of coffee. It didn't work. Yes, I know, I "gave it up" but I'm not blindly cutting things out for all time so that I feel restricted. I'm making choices. Coffee is not a "can't" it's a "I don't want it daily". Though, in the last week I've been hitting that slump that comes when sleep hasn't quite been as restful or long as it should be for too many days. So I've been reaching for what is easy and tastes oh so yummy. So yesterday, in a brief moment of coffee induced clarity, I realized that the coffee was probably part of the problem. My water intake hasn't been where it usually is either. I've not dropped to a point where I can push the precious save button on the scale in a couple of weeks and I've not been as organized in my work day as I'd like to be.
Time to get organized!
I use a planner and calendar. But that really isn't enough. I have my pre-made seasonal schedules that are a great guide but on a day to day basis - especially while so much is still shifting in this season of transition - I need something daily that I can modify. There are scriptures I feel drawn to spend time in, blog posts I think I should write, people I should connect with and because it is basically just floating around in my skull it's not happening. What I do know is that when I get really organized and get it out of my head and visually onto paper, I am much more efficient with managing my day, time and tasks. The wonderful result is that my interactions with people become deeper and more intentional.
I need something daily. Something to fill out and check off as I go. Yep, I ended up on Pinterest. I know.....you knew it. I ended up at Simple Mom and found her free printable "Daily Docket". It was oh so close to what I wanted but needed some modification to fit my goals.
Yesterday was one of those days where I wish there was some kind of Bean-O for the brain. I couldn't seem to maintain any train of thought and caught myself just sitting there or wandering trying to figure out what on earth to do next. I wanted to do none of it. It was the brain fartiest of days.
So in an attempt to wake the sleeping hamster in the wheel I had two cups of coffee. It didn't work. Yes, I know, I "gave it up" but I'm not blindly cutting things out for all time so that I feel restricted. I'm making choices. Coffee is not a "can't" it's a "I don't want it daily". Though, in the last week I've been hitting that slump that comes when sleep hasn't quite been as restful or long as it should be for too many days. So I've been reaching for what is easy and tastes oh so yummy. So yesterday, in a brief moment of coffee induced clarity, I realized that the coffee was probably part of the problem. My water intake hasn't been where it usually is either. I've not dropped to a point where I can push the precious save button on the scale in a couple of weeks and I've not been as organized in my work day as I'd like to be.
Time to get organized!
I use a planner and calendar. But that really isn't enough. I have my pre-made seasonal schedules that are a great guide but on a day to day basis - especially while so much is still shifting in this season of transition - I need something daily that I can modify. There are scriptures I feel drawn to spend time in, blog posts I think I should write, people I should connect with and because it is basically just floating around in my skull it's not happening. What I do know is that when I get really organized and get it out of my head and visually onto paper, I am much more efficient with managing my day, time and tasks. The wonderful result is that my interactions with people become deeper and more intentional.
I need something daily. Something to fill out and check off as I go. Yep, I ended up on Pinterest. I know.....you knew it. I ended up at Simple Mom and found her free printable "Daily Docket". It was oh so close to what I wanted but needed some modification to fit my goals.
Yep.....I'm a technological genius and have no idea why this came out sideways. Nor how to change it.
But I'm guessing you can get the idea. Basically this is my first try and I already have modifications I want to make. Essentially what you see is: Top left - water intake. I use 20oz bottles so I have 3 water glasses to check off. The narrow bar on the top right is for the day or date. Left column: "training ~ focus" is for a scripture or thought that I'm focusing on. Right now that would be the verse of the day for the 30-day challenge. "Events" - meetings, tests, birthdays etc - highlight items to be aware of. "Priority Items" - things that need to get done if nothing else does. "Daily's" - this would be where my seasonal schedule comes in. Here is where I will put my regular daily household tasks. These are to be done first before other tasks, I'll get to that one in a minute. Right hand column: "meet Me here" - scripture, devotional, whatever I'm pulled to or working through. "Whats for dinner" - I think that one is easy....but there is also a "prep" spot there so I know if I need to pull something out to thaw or the prep might take extra time. "Connect with" - emails, phone calls etc. "Organizing extras" - this is the project area. The space where those random things creep into the day that I want to tackle but distract me from my "daily's". Now, I can write it down and once the daily's are done, I can move on to this spot. "Tomorrow" - things that didn't get done, extras I don't want to forget or just reminders. The bottom has a "sometime this week" spot for random things.
I'd like to redistribute some of the space, the "daily's" box is larger than I need and a "Notes" area would be helpful so I don't have random notebooks all over with things written that I find a month later.... Keeping things in one place where I can address it and organize it in conjunction with my planner will stream line things and free up extra time that I would otherwise spend wandering about the house between chores. Not to mention the amount of notebooks lying around. I might even get more of those "52" things checked off!
Today will be the test run, notes on how to modify it and such and see just how much it helps. Granted today is not a day full of tasks. I'll be pickling veggies at the request of a friend but today is officially "food processing/cooking day" so it works. I don't always use it as such but today I will.
Blessings for organized productivity to you, with dashes of inspiration.
the Mrs.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
30-day Husband Encouragement Challenge - day 5
It's been an odd kind of week. The first week of the big transition......it totally would have been nice for it to start off on a relatively normal week. On the plus side it's been a good opportunity for the kids to see how to encourage someone. They have been around to watch me prepare cards and little treats and see his face when he sees all three of us come down the stairs with a card we all signed and a mason jar full of chex mix that Wonderteen made. These are the moments they learn from. Today they might be small but my hope is that they will stick and one day emerge in their own marriage, illuminated by a whole new perspective on what it meant.
Yesterday's verse: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Eph. 4:29
(Note: As I share about this challenge I'll be speaking about the prior day...because, lets face it I'm not going to give away the days surprises. I know that Mr reads this and there will be no spoiler alerts!)
This "Husband Challenge" feels more far reaching than I anticipated. Its not just applicable to our husbands but to the world we encounter. Family, friends, strangers....anyone who happens to be in front of us. One of the effects I've noticed (but not been pleased with) is that where I've been disciplining myself to not bring down my husband, my words and tone have been a bit more negative with our kids. I'm trying to be more aware of what that is, why that is and trying to be aware of it before it is spoken instead of after. It could be due to the nature of this week......never truly alone, the sound of cartoons in my ear (like right now I have Spongebob yelling in my ear because the TV in the living room is literally 3 feet to the left of my desk), its not been a good week for sleep - Mr is restless and each night my sleep is filled with dream after intense dream that leaves me tired in the morning but without memory of what they were other than it was crazy intense.
The Lord is stirring something within me during this time that I can only describe as intense because I don't have direction for it. My desire is to get into my bible to listen and search but the house is just not equipped to provide the quiet I need at this time. Do you ever have those times where He just plants words, phrases and comments from all kinds of random sources that seem to be lit up in neon to pay attention to? That's what He's up to in my life right now. In that place where I know He is up to something because my spirit is so agitated that I can physically feel it....buzzing....vibrating with....I'm not even sure what yet.
There inlays an additional challenge.....pursue whatever this is that the Lord is pressing in with while maintaining an intentional focus on my husband without falling into a temptation to direct all my focus onto what the Lord is doing in my own life. Also....attempting to carve out moments to address these things with Him, seek out the scriptures He is presenting even though the timing is not convenient.... Maybe....these are part of the experience......testing my focus, working out those muscles of discipline and awareness. The Lord is never singularly focused. He is the multitasker of all mutitaskers. :)
Today, focus will be on my Mr. It's his birthday today! He has roughly a half day of studying but after that it will be a day of spoiling and fun! I can't wait to give him his gifts and see his face. He's been working so hard and has had focus I know that I couldn't pull off in his shoes, watching him makes me burst with pride and love and I may easily become the gushiest wife on the planet that makes people want to hurl.
But that's okay, I don't mind.
Blessings to you of edifying speech, a guard over your mouth that only allows passage to words filled with grace.
the Mrs.
Yesterday's verse: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Eph. 4:29
(Note: As I share about this challenge I'll be speaking about the prior day...because, lets face it I'm not going to give away the days surprises. I know that Mr reads this and there will be no spoiler alerts!)
This "Husband Challenge" feels more far reaching than I anticipated. Its not just applicable to our husbands but to the world we encounter. Family, friends, strangers....anyone who happens to be in front of us. One of the effects I've noticed (but not been pleased with) is that where I've been disciplining myself to not bring down my husband, my words and tone have been a bit more negative with our kids. I'm trying to be more aware of what that is, why that is and trying to be aware of it before it is spoken instead of after. It could be due to the nature of this week......never truly alone, the sound of cartoons in my ear (like right now I have Spongebob yelling in my ear because the TV in the living room is literally 3 feet to the left of my desk), its not been a good week for sleep - Mr is restless and each night my sleep is filled with dream after intense dream that leaves me tired in the morning but without memory of what they were other than it was crazy intense.
The Lord is stirring something within me during this time that I can only describe as intense because I don't have direction for it. My desire is to get into my bible to listen and search but the house is just not equipped to provide the quiet I need at this time. Do you ever have those times where He just plants words, phrases and comments from all kinds of random sources that seem to be lit up in neon to pay attention to? That's what He's up to in my life right now. In that place where I know He is up to something because my spirit is so agitated that I can physically feel it....buzzing....vibrating with....I'm not even sure what yet.
There inlays an additional challenge.....pursue whatever this is that the Lord is pressing in with while maintaining an intentional focus on my husband without falling into a temptation to direct all my focus onto what the Lord is doing in my own life. Also....attempting to carve out moments to address these things with Him, seek out the scriptures He is presenting even though the timing is not convenient.... Maybe....these are part of the experience......testing my focus, working out those muscles of discipline and awareness. The Lord is never singularly focused. He is the multitasker of all mutitaskers. :)
Today, focus will be on my Mr. It's his birthday today! He has roughly a half day of studying but after that it will be a day of spoiling and fun! I can't wait to give him his gifts and see his face. He's been working so hard and has had focus I know that I couldn't pull off in his shoes, watching him makes me burst with pride and love and I may easily become the gushiest wife on the planet that makes people want to hurl.
But that's okay, I don't mind.
Blessings to you of edifying speech, a guard over your mouth that only allows passage to words filled with grace.
the Mrs.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
30-Day Challenge Day 2
What a week to start....filled with opportunity to encourage and test my self discipline.
It's Mr's birthday this coming weekend. Monday started his first day of his new job - which is basically to study his brains out so he can pass his series 7 and 66 exams before Christmas. It also happens to be MEA week here and the Dude is off school Wednesday through Friday and Wonderteen will be here tonight for a bit, then off to a church group sleepover and then back here during the day tomorrow. During all this Mr needs to be studying downstairs in his new home office.
He has a rigorous schedule to keep up with. Daily quizzes and tests need to be accomplished and the schedule is 6 days a week. This was an opportunity to set up a nice space for him downstairs. I purchased black shelves and frames for the wall, ordered some prints from Shutterfly so he can have some nice pictures on the wall and set up a buffet surface with some healthy snacks, tissues, paper plates and such just like he had in his work office. Uncluttering was maybe the biggest job as that particular area had become a catchall for the random things removed from other areas of the house. Now he has a nice chair and coffee table along with his desk area so he can have a change of pace.
His birthday Saturday offers opportunities to bless him. I decided to have fun with it and give him little gifts each day leading up to it. Yesterday was flowers and a hilarious card that talks - "the pocket hot dog", it made us both laugh.
The kids being home this week will present unique challenges. Extra traffic to the basement shower, extra volume and footsteps....boredom and bodies upstairs in my space. The practice of editing my words has been something I've been working on for many years now. My mother was very negative and berating of my father. Early in our marriage we both recognized those patterns coming through in my speech and it made neither of us happy. In the beginning it was as if I had no control of it or clue as to how to choose different words. My mind saw the down side, the 'poor me', finger pointing perspective all too easily. If I couldn't edit my thoughts how would I ever edit what came out of my mouth?
My journey began there to change my view of the world, my circumstances and fully embrace the fact that all things are a choice. My free will goes beyond just my ability to choose the Lord or reject Him. I have the choice to train my mind. I can choose how I see a situation, how I receive and react to words spoken to me, I can choose what I say and how I feel and what I think. It is ALL a choice and to believe anything less is a lie, an excuse to not put in the work it takes.
"out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks"
Matt 12:34b
What is the abundance of your heart? Listen to your words and you'll find out. If you think it isn't an accurate reflection.......look closer. Either you are lying to yourself that your heart is filled with something other than it is, you are in denial about the tone of your words or you need to seriously ask yourself why your heart and your mouth don't match.
It is a change that takes a lot of work. I think when Mr told me that I had a joyful spirit I finally felt like I had purged out that person I thought I was genetically doomed to be. I know there is a whole nature vs nurture theory but beyond my physical looks I choose to believe that what is in me, who I am, is not and will never be beyond my control to choose.
So in this challenge I am encouraging my husband but I am also gifting him with an improved wife in the process. A wife whose attitude is improved by the training of her mind.
Things are in a big transition in our home and family. This challenge couldn't come at a better time...time to train up my mind and make sure my attitude stays in check. This is a time to not allow my circumstances to give me permission to be sour but to hold my mind and my tongue captive to obey Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5) It is not my job to measure myself against another but to do and be what He asks of me.
Blessings to you for the discipline to hold your mind captive and discover the abundance of your heart,
the Mrs.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
A 30 Day Challenge.
Okay so maybe I didn't make it back yesterday...
A new challenge has presented itself. One entirely different from the last. Not about food, weight or exercise...or is it?
The food would be His Word.
The weight would be the responsibility.
The exercise would be discipline...of the mind and the tongue.
While meandering through Pinterest last week I ran across a pin with a sweet looking picture of what appears to be a bride and groom sitting in the back of a truck bed at sunset. The comment under it simply said "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge". Intrigued, I followed the links.
What I found was something scriptural, focused genuinely on building up the man, daily entries were short and to the point, convicting without being condemning and gave a daily challenge that was entirely doable but also stretching. My first reaction was to simply pin it to my "for our marriage" board and check it out later. The Lord seemed to have other plans. It didn't just sit quietly at the back of my brain. It jumped full force to the front of my brain with full out jazz hands that could not be ignored. A list of wives slowly came to mind....some who would simply enjoy the beauty that it existed and others who would love the guide and encouragement to the season in life they are in. Share it. So I did.
My expectation was at zero. I thought I'd share it and if I got any response back it would be a "Thanks, that's neat!" and nothing else. What I got.....was much more. Inbox messages of thanks and confession of struggling in the area. Requests to do this as a group and support each other. Surprise was about all I could muster at first.....then I had to chuckle at the Lord a bit. He knows my passions, He knows my buttons and where to get me. This would be it. Being a godly wife by the Book is one of my greatest passions, held second only to my passion at being as consistently Christ-like as I can be - which I am significantly less successful at. But the two connect and stretch each other....and encouraging another wife in this area is exciting. Four, is even more!
Yesterday was our first official start date. On day One the two challenges are set up:
A new challenge has presented itself. One entirely different from the last. Not about food, weight or exercise...or is it?
The food would be His Word.
The weight would be the responsibility.
The exercise would be discipline...of the mind and the tongue.
While meandering through Pinterest last week I ran across a pin with a sweet looking picture of what appears to be a bride and groom sitting in the back of a truck bed at sunset. The comment under it simply said "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge". Intrigued, I followed the links.
What I found was something scriptural, focused genuinely on building up the man, daily entries were short and to the point, convicting without being condemning and gave a daily challenge that was entirely doable but also stretching. My first reaction was to simply pin it to my "for our marriage" board and check it out later. The Lord seemed to have other plans. It didn't just sit quietly at the back of my brain. It jumped full force to the front of my brain with full out jazz hands that could not be ignored. A list of wives slowly came to mind....some who would simply enjoy the beauty that it existed and others who would love the guide and encouragement to the season in life they are in. Share it. So I did.
My expectation was at zero. I thought I'd share it and if I got any response back it would be a "Thanks, that's neat!" and nothing else. What I got.....was much more. Inbox messages of thanks and confession of struggling in the area. Requests to do this as a group and support each other. Surprise was about all I could muster at first.....then I had to chuckle at the Lord a bit. He knows my passions, He knows my buttons and where to get me. This would be it. Being a godly wife by the Book is one of my greatest passions, held second only to my passion at being as consistently Christ-like as I can be - which I am significantly less successful at. But the two connect and stretch each other....and encouraging another wife in this area is exciting. Four, is even more!
Yesterday was our first official start date. On day One the two challenges are set up:
- You can't say anything negative about your husband...to your husband...or to anyone else about your husband.
- Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your husband and to someone else about your husband.
What came to my mind was "hold your mind captive to the obedience of Christ" the verse in 2 Corinthians 10. So When I went to look it up I found that all of Chapter 10 was just pure goodness on this subject. Not specifically for wives but on the discipline of the mind and how that is so important. A mind run loose is a dangerous thing and it can trample anyone, yourself included.
Sound interesting? Want to join in?
Blessings for a disciplined mind and tongue and encouragement that flows easily from and to you.
the Mrs.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Who sets the pace?
There is this standard....one that is blurry and confusing. It's taught in every church and yet, it never looks the same. It is discussed in every small group and is in the heart of every follower of Christ. It pokes at our guilt and doesn't fit in a nice, neat, easily defined box. We use it to judge and put fellow followers down. We use it to falsely elevate and comfort ourselves into believing we have it right. We quietly use it to dismantle the fabric of our faith and change what was done into what we need to do.
What is my life supposed to look like if I'm living for You? Not in a dusty sandals kind of way but in this messed up culture of technology and distraction.....what is it supposed to look like now? Not by culture or by group, by city or by church....just by me....what is MINE supposed to look like?
How often do we compare someone else's outward faith to our own? We see that Susie, and Bonnie, and Blair all are disciplined in a morning routine of devotion. They regularly post a scripture they read that morning and appear to be the epitome of humble perfection. Then there is Lisa and Donna and Carrie....from outward appearances (because lets face it regardless of who you are seeing, that is ALL you are seeing) they participate in bible studies, talk about morning quiet time, are perfectly put together and yet they are emasculating to their husbands and they gossip but boy can they serve coffee with a smile at church. You could pick out a whole other group who can speak deeply about the Lord and use His name in vain in the next sentence. With no hesitation to curse or speak badly of another.
No matter how "perfect" or "flawed" our fellow follower is....the vision of what our own faith in action is supposed to look like is flawed. No two of us are the same. We are each unique, our lives, our personalities and our histories. So how on earth would my faith take the shape naturally to be like someone else's? Not one of my friends has a brain injury. Scripture speaking about coming to the Lord "in the morning", church, books, people and all manner of resources talking about how we are to wake early in the morning and meet with Him because that is what is right.......and then there is the "first fruits" of our time. Does first fruits mean simply the first moments or the best moments? Was it the first actual fruits harvested or was it the best of the best of the harvest? My best is not in the morning. I'm frankly not sure when my best is or if it's even at the same time each day. So in my random chaos of a mind....what is my best? What and when are my first fruit moments?
I've spoken previously about a desire to be ceaseless with Him. My desire does not wane but my behavior does. I am easily distracted and driven off course.....tossed to and fro by the waves. I would love to be disciplined like other women I know, those who have that set time and place where they sit to read His Word and talk with Him. It is not something that comes naturally to me. It is forced and uncomfortable because it doesn't feel genuine. I've heard people speak about how some things you just need to do, before the feeling comes and it feels natural. I get that....but I don't know how to get past the feeling that it is dishonoring to Him to force something like that. Does it then become legalism from a lukewarm heart?
Is that what it is supposed to look like for me? Is a morning "devotion" time what He wants for me? Does He want that kind of action to be a part of my faith life? Or is it His plan for me to be random? Am I being tossed by the waves or am I giving myself over to move where and how He wants me to? Am I seeing my faith through the eyes of my Father or the eyes around me? Perhaps that spiritual fire doesn't burn the same in each of us.....because it isn't meant to? What if some of us are meant to burn bright and crackly....noisemakers for God and some are meant to burn deeply....quiet and consistent....an understated heat that keeps the flame going for others....so they can dance with a colored light or shoot off loud crackling sparks?
Lately I keep hearing messages that feel the the push of "should". How we should love. How we should minister. How we should reach out. They are all good messages. All deeply good and right things to preach. .....but.....inside....it makes something in my spirit twist. My mind rings with do not conform.....because would He have created us each so lovingly, interestingly, different if He wanted us to conform to one way, one idea of how to do things? Do not conform to this world can mean more than just the Godless worldling society.....it can also mean conforming to man's boxed idea of how a Christ Follower should function. It feels like something is missing....some genuine connection to the reality of relationship.
I love my husband more than air. It is a love that burns deeply even when we don't speak for hours, I know he is there, I know he loves me and I do not doubt it. Because I deeply respect him, I do not speak badly of him when he isn't around....I do not curse his name, or behave differently simply because he isn't in the room. I remain myself - striving to be consistently me (for good or bad) no matter who is around. Perhaps its the brain injury that makes me this way but I often wonder why others are not the same. They behave differently depending on who they are with.....they put down their husbands, children or whomever, simply because the other isn't physically present. I see people make statements on facebook about their children, about wanting to get away from them, how annoying they are or just insulting them.....and I get sick to my stomach because these statements are actually visible to those children. Why? How are people so unaware of their words?
As Christ Followers, it's similar....but worse. If you actually believe, would you drop the F-bomb right in the face of Jesus? Cuz...ya just did. He doesn't just appear like a genie at your beck and call, only to hear what you say at those times. He is ALWAYS present. Always hears. Every curse and every prayer. He hears every condemning thought you utter in the silence of your mind, every negative word you utter about your spouse, friend or child.....or the stranger in the checkout lane. EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM MATTER. They are not dismissed, they are heard and echo in heaven.
No wonder we can't find common ground. No wonder we can't find unity in the body of Christ. The 10 commandments were helps, guides, bumpers on the path to the heavenly pins. But.....gee those are old....that old testament stuff well, Jesus came so we really don't need that stuff anymore right? No. He adhered to them. He followed them. We are supposed to follow Him. When did rules become evil infringements on our rights? When did we stop realizing that rules are to protect, not to hurt?
When will we get it together and realize that your walk and my walk are on the same path but our stride is different? We wear different shoes. Some walk fast and others slow. Some have a limp and some run wild. Some fall. We are supposed to pick each other up and smile, hug and love and point in the right direction....and then let them go back on their way....not tether them to our side trying to teach them to walk the way we do.
Jesus, what is my walk supposed to look like? What is the measure of my stride supposed to be? Fix my pace and my gate to fit Your plan for my walk. I don't want to tether anyone to me Lord. Help me to walk with others when You want me to and to walk alone when You've set that time to be just for You and I. Help me to know one from the other Lord. Keep the stones from my hands, I have no right to cast even one. As others pass me, help me to cheer them on. When others fall in my path, help me to take their hand and pull them up with love and compassion, urge them to move forward and leave the past behind. Remind me to constantly drop seeds of joy on my way and to always, always pull weeds by the root. Don't ever let me believe the lie that you are not walking with me just as intimately as every other person on this path. I am never higher or lower than anyone else. May I never be too proud to let someone else help me up when I fall.
Blessings on your walk with Him, may He set your pace and show you that it is yours alone.
the Mrs.
Friday, September 14, 2012
confession
I'm a fairly black and white person. Something is either right or wrong, true or false, good or bad. Though, there are also things that I am unqualified to know. Things I won't weigh in on which frustrates my husband to no end. My standard answer to those topics "That's for God to decide when it's time, not me." I'm not trying to get out of a tight spot or avoid giving a controversial opinion....it is genuinely how I feel. God is the ultimate judge and there are some things that simply are to big for my small human mind to wrap itself around. And who am I know think I know the mind of my God with certainty?
I hate the conversation of being judgmental. I honestly do. It is filled with snares and stumbling blocks and faintly defined borderlines between judgment and conviction, condemnation and accountability, superiority and humility. I fall into each and every trap with the best of intentions. I hold myself to a high standard and quite honestly find myself too often in a place of wonder. I wonder if my standards are higher than others. If I've somehow misunderstood what the conduct of a Christ follower should be. Why I am so often surprised by people who call themselves Christians but behave like they've never met Christ.....and in some cases like they've never heard of Him. I wonder what it is about me that my mind is so easily blown by the Choose Your Own Adventure Christians, you know the ones that know what the bible says but only live by and believe in the principals they choose to be worthy....or maybe easy is more accurate.
Is it good or bad that it doesn't occur to me that a Christ follower would not control their language? It really never ceases to shock me that people who in every aspect of their visible walk to the world seem to be so close in relationship to Christ and then they take the Lord's name in vain in open conversation. Curses just fall out of their mouths without shame, hesitation or apology.
Language. Why the Lord has it so pressed into my feeble mind and heart to pay attention to it, I don't know. Yet there it is. The structure of a sentence - is it focused on the positive or the negative? A comment - does it cut down or build up? A conversation or story - where is the focus, on the circumstance or the person? Helpless or helpful? End of the world or joyful in all circumstances? Are 4 letter words being spoken out of heightened emotion or is it just part of their vocabulary?
It makes me sad, confused and at the same time totally convicted because I don't want to stand in judgment of someone else's walk. We are all in different places and we are all in various seasons in life and learning. It nags me though, honestly. My heart is stabbed when another throws God's name around in vain but when another Christ follower does it....I don't know that I have the right words to even describe what that feels like. Not just that my heart is offended, my spirit sickened but that in the biggest more important context - it has not even occurred to them how they hurt Him! Has it? If it had wouldn't they stop? I am brought to silence each and every time, my mind screeches to a halt and my tongue goes dead. Then my mind explodes in different directions my mouth cannot even articulate. Do they know what they just said? Why did they say it? Have they considered how the use of His name in that way negates anything they say to His glory? How can you boast about God's goodness while using His name to curse? What does it say to the world if His representatives are spewing curse words? What if the only thing they do is whine and complain in negative language the way the Worldlings do? What distinguishes them, sets them apart?
The Lord gives hope to the hopeless. So why do so many seem unable to apply this to their lives??
It plagues me. I have yet to learn how to calm my mind quickly enough to free up my mouth to say anything. To gain control of my shock so that whatever words I might deliver would be delivered in a loving way and not in a condemning tone. I hate that in those weak moments where I'm knocked off balance my pride can get elevated and my attitude can get judgy. It is in these moments where sadness hits me and I think.....its no wonder we all get such a bad rap. We just don't represent Him well.
The silver lining in it all.....He is perfect where we are not. His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in our weakness. He is good. He is the source for any goodness we embody. He is the resource for our change. He created us in His image, so there is not one of us that is unable to change and grow. Not one of us is beyond help, it's never too late to change an attitude or a life. Free will. We all have a choice....we just have to make one.
Blessings of strength to chose Him in everything, embrace His grace and remain weak enough that you are required to cling to Him for strength beyond yourself.
the Mrs.
I hate the conversation of being judgmental. I honestly do. It is filled with snares and stumbling blocks and faintly defined borderlines between judgment and conviction, condemnation and accountability, superiority and humility. I fall into each and every trap with the best of intentions. I hold myself to a high standard and quite honestly find myself too often in a place of wonder. I wonder if my standards are higher than others. If I've somehow misunderstood what the conduct of a Christ follower should be. Why I am so often surprised by people who call themselves Christians but behave like they've never met Christ.....and in some cases like they've never heard of Him. I wonder what it is about me that my mind is so easily blown by the Choose Your Own Adventure Christians, you know the ones that know what the bible says but only live by and believe in the principals they choose to be worthy....or maybe easy is more accurate.
Is it good or bad that it doesn't occur to me that a Christ follower would not control their language? It really never ceases to shock me that people who in every aspect of their visible walk to the world seem to be so close in relationship to Christ and then they take the Lord's name in vain in open conversation. Curses just fall out of their mouths without shame, hesitation or apology.
Language. Why the Lord has it so pressed into my feeble mind and heart to pay attention to it, I don't know. Yet there it is. The structure of a sentence - is it focused on the positive or the negative? A comment - does it cut down or build up? A conversation or story - where is the focus, on the circumstance or the person? Helpless or helpful? End of the world or joyful in all circumstances? Are 4 letter words being spoken out of heightened emotion or is it just part of their vocabulary?
It makes me sad, confused and at the same time totally convicted because I don't want to stand in judgment of someone else's walk. We are all in different places and we are all in various seasons in life and learning. It nags me though, honestly. My heart is stabbed when another throws God's name around in vain but when another Christ follower does it....I don't know that I have the right words to even describe what that feels like. Not just that my heart is offended, my spirit sickened but that in the biggest more important context - it has not even occurred to them how they hurt Him! Has it? If it had wouldn't they stop? I am brought to silence each and every time, my mind screeches to a halt and my tongue goes dead. Then my mind explodes in different directions my mouth cannot even articulate. Do they know what they just said? Why did they say it? Have they considered how the use of His name in that way negates anything they say to His glory? How can you boast about God's goodness while using His name to curse? What does it say to the world if His representatives are spewing curse words? What if the only thing they do is whine and complain in negative language the way the Worldlings do? What distinguishes them, sets them apart?
The Lord gives hope to the hopeless. So why do so many seem unable to apply this to their lives??
It plagues me. I have yet to learn how to calm my mind quickly enough to free up my mouth to say anything. To gain control of my shock so that whatever words I might deliver would be delivered in a loving way and not in a condemning tone. I hate that in those weak moments where I'm knocked off balance my pride can get elevated and my attitude can get judgy. It is in these moments where sadness hits me and I think.....its no wonder we all get such a bad rap. We just don't represent Him well.
The silver lining in it all.....He is perfect where we are not. His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in our weakness. He is good. He is the source for any goodness we embody. He is the resource for our change. He created us in His image, so there is not one of us that is unable to change and grow. Not one of us is beyond help, it's never too late to change an attitude or a life. Free will. We all have a choice....we just have to make one.
Blessings of strength to chose Him in everything, embrace His grace and remain weak enough that you are required to cling to Him for strength beyond yourself.
the Mrs.
Friday, April 6, 2012
a Good Friday indeed
Some times, more than others, the clear markers of beginnings and endings are more welcome. Mondays and Fridays are clear markers of time for me. Weekends just kinda float around, hovering like a cloud of pretend vacation. They are an entity all their own...filled with both recovery and preparation.
This week wasn't what I expected, it wasn't full of productivity in my home or gardens....instead there was a very active hamster in my head that just wouldn't give up his wheel. His sweat became my tears, his body aches became my heartache. Unfortunately he kept the endorphins for himself and didn't share those. Selfish bugger.
Keeping focused on the positive in all things, the ability to laugh and see the silver lining, the lovely in the disaster.....is an attitude I try so hard to maintain. When the heart aches and the mind reels from the sheer extremes it encounters in a short period of time.....the dizzy spinning makes it hard to maintain focus on any one thing.
This morning I am struck with opportunity. The hustle of morning routine is cut short, no school today means there is only my Mr to send off this morning. As I approached my desk with my big mug of coffee (it's a big mug morning - yes, yes, I know that's more points because it's more dessert than coffee. Stop pooing my parade...I'm trying to be positive here), I noticed the sun shining in the dirty front window and smiled at the highlighted "nose art" the little dogs left behind. Mr called as he pulled out of the driveway because he didn't want me to miss seeing the pair of ducks just sitting in the front yard. From where I sit right now I can see the beautiful pale green of developing leaves emerging on once bare branches. Stuff to smile about.
Growth is usually accompanied by growing pains. Also accompanied by some awkwardness as things slowly find their balance again. Growth is tremendously valuable....as is pain. There are few other things in life that allow us to come along side each other and provide comfort. To be able to say "I understand" as a truth is a comfort that cannot be purchased. To have people not just speak but show you how valuable you are to them, what you have added to their life, is priceless.
Make it a priority in life to both speak and show people how much value they add to your life. Write letters, bring flowers, hugs and words of praise and encouragement. Speaking and showing are both equally important, sometimes verbal words ring hollow but physical efforts - pen to paper, time to write it out, time to choose something that has meaning deeper than appearances, the knowledge of being thought of beyond your use - "I saw this and it reminded me of you" - there are a million ways to show someone without grand gestures. Often, those simple little things are the grandest gestures....the most cherished memories.
A simple letter. I wrote here how I felt I should share with someone the positive impact they had on my life. Never had I imagined that she questioned her value or that she'd made any positive contribution to the life of another. It was one of those moments where the impact my letter had on her, snapped back and impacted me as well......that we should never assume by appearances, actions or assumptions that anyone truly knows how valued they are. When we assume they know just how loved, amazing and valued they are we are withholding blessing from them...... Depriving them of a gift, where we step in and give them a gift that beats the devil back for them and stop the mental momentum that they are completely disposable and wouldn't be missed if they were snuffed out right this moment.
Imagine that moment in a movie where the bad guy is standing just behind a door, gun in hand, facing their next victim. All of a sudden that unknowing person flings open the door, smashing into the bad guy, knocking the gun away and the bad guy out cold. Saving the other person without having even been aware that anything was going on. Without intention, they are a hero. You can be a hero simply by telling someone else, that they are yours.
As people we are much more apt to share with someone when they have offended us, than when they have had a positive impact on us.......when you really stop to think about that....it's kinda twisted. Reproof and correction are necessary for growth in life, I'm not saying it shouldn't be addressed but the balance is what I'm concerned with. Anger and rejection are more often aired out than encouragement and blessing....praise of an other's greatness.
This week wasn't what I expected, it wasn't full of productivity in my home or gardens....instead there was a very active hamster in my head that just wouldn't give up his wheel. His sweat became my tears, his body aches became my heartache. Unfortunately he kept the endorphins for himself and didn't share those. Selfish bugger.
Keeping focused on the positive in all things, the ability to laugh and see the silver lining, the lovely in the disaster.....is an attitude I try so hard to maintain. When the heart aches and the mind reels from the sheer extremes it encounters in a short period of time.....the dizzy spinning makes it hard to maintain focus on any one thing.
This morning I am struck with opportunity. The hustle of morning routine is cut short, no school today means there is only my Mr to send off this morning. As I approached my desk with my big mug of coffee (it's a big mug morning - yes, yes, I know that's more points because it's more dessert than coffee. Stop pooing my parade...I'm trying to be positive here), I noticed the sun shining in the dirty front window and smiled at the highlighted "nose art" the little dogs left behind. Mr called as he pulled out of the driveway because he didn't want me to miss seeing the pair of ducks just sitting in the front yard. From where I sit right now I can see the beautiful pale green of developing leaves emerging on once bare branches. Stuff to smile about.
Growth is usually accompanied by growing pains. Also accompanied by some awkwardness as things slowly find their balance again. Growth is tremendously valuable....as is pain. There are few other things in life that allow us to come along side each other and provide comfort. To be able to say "I understand" as a truth is a comfort that cannot be purchased. To have people not just speak but show you how valuable you are to them, what you have added to their life, is priceless.
Make it a priority in life to both speak and show people how much value they add to your life. Write letters, bring flowers, hugs and words of praise and encouragement. Speaking and showing are both equally important, sometimes verbal words ring hollow but physical efforts - pen to paper, time to write it out, time to choose something that has meaning deeper than appearances, the knowledge of being thought of beyond your use - "I saw this and it reminded me of you" - there are a million ways to show someone without grand gestures. Often, those simple little things are the grandest gestures....the most cherished memories.
A simple letter. I wrote here how I felt I should share with someone the positive impact they had on my life. Never had I imagined that she questioned her value or that she'd made any positive contribution to the life of another. It was one of those moments where the impact my letter had on her, snapped back and impacted me as well......that we should never assume by appearances, actions or assumptions that anyone truly knows how valued they are. When we assume they know just how loved, amazing and valued they are we are withholding blessing from them...... Depriving them of a gift, where we step in and give them a gift that beats the devil back for them and stop the mental momentum that they are completely disposable and wouldn't be missed if they were snuffed out right this moment.
Imagine that moment in a movie where the bad guy is standing just behind a door, gun in hand, facing their next victim. All of a sudden that unknowing person flings open the door, smashing into the bad guy, knocking the gun away and the bad guy out cold. Saving the other person without having even been aware that anything was going on. Without intention, they are a hero. You can be a hero simply by telling someone else, that they are yours.
As people we are much more apt to share with someone when they have offended us, than when they have had a positive impact on us.......when you really stop to think about that....it's kinda twisted. Reproof and correction are necessary for growth in life, I'm not saying it shouldn't be addressed but the balance is what I'm concerned with. Anger and rejection are more often aired out than encouragement and blessing....praise of an other's greatness.
Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
a stranger, not your own lips.
Prov. 27:2
Its important to praise goodness. Everyone needs encouragement.....it brings balance to the lies, the negative self talk......the temptations of the enemy to bring us right back to the dirt with him. We need to be quick to praise....quick to see the lovely in those around us.....even when we have to dig deep for it.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
as God in Christ forgave you. Eph. 4:32
Blessings for tender and forgiving hearts this Easter, may He shine through you and on you.
the Mrs.
Monday, March 5, 2012
weigh in monday 18 - inching forward
A whopping -.2 today but it's in the right direction. I am grateful for forward momentum, however small it may be. I feel like the pain is under as much control as it needs to be for me to get moving again. My left shoulder is still in that "move me the wrong way and it's gonna hurt" groove but for the most part it feels fine. So I now feel like I can put effort into moving again.
Everything is an opportunity right? So here is my opportunity to start afresh - again - and move forward. No looking back. That is something that the Lord seems to remind me of so often and has really been using this weight loss journey to firmly implant this lesson. Move forward. Eyes on Him. Looking back should only be to reflect and learn how to move forward more effectively....not to brood on past mistakes or pains.
The reduced movement allowed my mind too much time to roam. This too is a good lesson. Activity is good for the mind as well as the body. I don't ordinarily turn on the TV during the day but Netflix called my name more times than I care to fully calculate. My body did get it's rest but my mind didn't really need so much.
Back on the wagon again. I managed 2 hours on the treadmill last night and it felt good to be back on that routine. I'm off to the races.....which would be my lists for all things needing attention this week that didn't get it last week.
Blessings on your week for fresh starts and forward momentum,
the Mrs.
Everything is an opportunity right? So here is my opportunity to start afresh - again - and move forward. No looking back. That is something that the Lord seems to remind me of so often and has really been using this weight loss journey to firmly implant this lesson. Move forward. Eyes on Him. Looking back should only be to reflect and learn how to move forward more effectively....not to brood on past mistakes or pains.
The reduced movement allowed my mind too much time to roam. This too is a good lesson. Activity is good for the mind as well as the body. I don't ordinarily turn on the TV during the day but Netflix called my name more times than I care to fully calculate. My body did get it's rest but my mind didn't really need so much.
Back on the wagon again. I managed 2 hours on the treadmill last night and it felt good to be back on that routine. I'm off to the races.....which would be my lists for all things needing attention this week that didn't get it last week.
Blessings on your week for fresh starts and forward momentum,
the Mrs.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
be present
The current moment has a purpose. The current trial, has a purpose. When something is uncomfortable the last thing we seem to want to do is settle into it. God doesn't work the way we do or the way we want Him to.
John 14:27 - "My peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled neither let them be afraid."
We need to be present in the current moment. To fully engage in the current season instead of wasting it wishing for the next one to start. Paul talked about being content with weakness in 2 Corinthians 12. "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." (v. 9) Just prior to this loving answer from the Lord, Paul argues and pleads with Him to remove this pain but recognizes that the pain is humbling him. He uses the word "conceited" twice, in the same verse (7) to describe where his character is going. Pride is so sneaky......but how much more clever is the Lord to know exactly what Paul needed in his life that would heal him from pride. Paul learned to be content with weakness because "when I am weak, then I am strong." (v. 10)
Sometimes it is not our bodies that need healing but something else, something deeper and our bodies are used to heal that other sickness. Hurt, pride, holding on to anger, guilt.....any number of things that hold us back......God sees them and He alone knows how to truly heal them.
I was doing dishes and praying for a sick friend as all this came to mind. I began to sing, as I often do while doing dishes or when I simply run out of words.... I realized that like couples have a song that they call "theirs", reflective of their love.....so do we. Simple words. Deep and true but ones that my heart can sing without any accompaniment. I wondered if other people have a song with Him all their own.... Not just a favorite worship song but that one song that echoes your heart and pours out to Him as your deepest most humble, heartfelt praise.
Blessings of contentment to you, for settling in to His peace in the present moment,
the Mrs.
Blessings of contentment to you, for settling in to His peace in the present moment,
the Mrs.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Pursuing ceaseless
Several times I've shared about this beautiful little book Practicing His Presence. It is a compilation of letters and journal entries from Frank Laubach and Brother Lawrence about their "experiment of filling every minute with the thought of God". The funny thing is that they did not know each other. Brother Lawrence died in 1691 and Frank Laubach in 1970. The similarities are uncanny though. The descriptions of feeling, struggling to keep their minds attentive and how easily, at first, they are distracted. Then the triumphant descriptions when they describe their successes......all so similar.
About ten years ago, I began a similar journey....without ever having heard about either of these men or this book. I was a young wife and mother, struggling.....questioning my life decisions and desperately lonely. At the time, knowing that I alone could not fix my marriage or cause my husband to grow in faith....I determined I had one viable option in my control. The Lord would be my husband, my companion.
If the Lord was my spouse then, as in any relationship, I needed to converse with Him. Develop our relationship to be more than random, blurted requests. If He, being good and perfect, was my spouse then He would want to hear what was on my heart.....instead of the silence of "He knows, so why tell." There is joy in someone you love wanting to share things with you. So I began talking. About anything and everything and I asked questions and sometimes I just kept silent but still holding a total awareness of His presence. It was difficult at first and I failed miserably more often than not in the beginning. Eventually it became easier...after months and months of effort.
At some point I discussed this relationship effort with someone at our church and I was introduced to the above book. I was awestruck by the descriptions....the successes and the failures.....while the composition of the explanation was more articulate, more mature than I could have described at the time....it blew my mind that I was reading someone else's words, that could have been documenting my experience. It was my mountain top.
Reaching the top of anything usually means there is no place to go but down. Personal tragedy struck in the death of my mother almost 8 years ago and while at first I clung to Him, somehow......my grasp was loosened and I fell to the valley, where I stayed for near two years. Now I see so much more clearly how He allows things to grow and stretch us. There are times where we need to be taught the tough stuff of walking on our own.
I have spent the last 6 years looking back at that mountain top while trying to climb the next. More times than I can count He has reminded me that I cannot move forward successfully while looking backward. That is what has caused me to stumble and fall over and over again. Had I just left it behind, stopped looking back, I would have been able to focus on Him, right in front of me, instructing me in how to climb. Instead I operated out of my own will and confidence and missed the foot holds and the firm ledges to grasp.
Recently, as I am re-reading through this book of Practicing...I began to wonder. "Should I be recording my experience of rekindling the intimacy of this relationship with You? Is it ours alone to share or, like these men, would it somehow be beneficial - to someone, anyone - for me to share this journey in a more public fashion?" This was my very real question earlier this week. I shared it with my husband who wisely did not try to answer but encouraged me to keep asking. Yesterday, while I waited in the car for Dude to be released from school, I once again picked up the book and was met with the answer......"October 12, 1930 How I wish, wish, wish that a dozen or more persons who are trying to hold God endlessly in mind would all write their experiences so that each would know what the other was finding as a result! The results, I think, would astound the world. At least the results of my own effort are astounding to me."
I tipped my head back against the headrest, smiling and said "Okay, I'll do it.".....and sighed that sigh that comes when you know that giving in to His wishes are so much easier than sitting in your insecurities and coming up with excuses as to why you really shouldn't do this. Surrender to the One who knows infinitely more, that is infinitely more satisfying.
So here is your introduction.....your foretaste to future sharing of this experience.
If this experience is so similar between 3 people who have not been alive during the same span of time...how is this not what we were truly meant for? Is this not the relationship we were meant to have with our creator? When Jesus told us to "Abide in Me." "By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit ans so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has love Me so have I loved you. Abide in My love." In John 15.....isn't this what He was talking about? Abiding, staying with Him at all times and in all circumstances. Is this not what He did? The model that He set for us? To be Christ like.....means to be like Christ. To do as He did. So if He, being fully human and fully divine but denouncing that privilege to show us what an abiding relationship with God was meant to be.....isn't this the ultimate pursuit?
"What I want to prove is that the thing can be done by all people under all conditions, but I have not proven it yet. This much I do see - what an incredibly high thing Jesus did." Frank Laubach June 1, 1930.
About ten years ago, I began a similar journey....without ever having heard about either of these men or this book. I was a young wife and mother, struggling.....questioning my life decisions and desperately lonely. At the time, knowing that I alone could not fix my marriage or cause my husband to grow in faith....I determined I had one viable option in my control. The Lord would be my husband, my companion.
"For the Lord your maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is His name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth He is called.
For the Lord has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you."
~ Isaiah 54:5-7
At some point I discussed this relationship effort with someone at our church and I was introduced to the above book. I was awestruck by the descriptions....the successes and the failures.....while the composition of the explanation was more articulate, more mature than I could have described at the time....it blew my mind that I was reading someone else's words, that could have been documenting my experience. It was my mountain top.
Reaching the top of anything usually means there is no place to go but down. Personal tragedy struck in the death of my mother almost 8 years ago and while at first I clung to Him, somehow......my grasp was loosened and I fell to the valley, where I stayed for near two years. Now I see so much more clearly how He allows things to grow and stretch us. There are times where we need to be taught the tough stuff of walking on our own.
I have spent the last 6 years looking back at that mountain top while trying to climb the next. More times than I can count He has reminded me that I cannot move forward successfully while looking backward. That is what has caused me to stumble and fall over and over again. Had I just left it behind, stopped looking back, I would have been able to focus on Him, right in front of me, instructing me in how to climb. Instead I operated out of my own will and confidence and missed the foot holds and the firm ledges to grasp.
Recently, as I am re-reading through this book of Practicing...I began to wonder. "Should I be recording my experience of rekindling the intimacy of this relationship with You? Is it ours alone to share or, like these men, would it somehow be beneficial - to someone, anyone - for me to share this journey in a more public fashion?" This was my very real question earlier this week. I shared it with my husband who wisely did not try to answer but encouraged me to keep asking. Yesterday, while I waited in the car for Dude to be released from school, I once again picked up the book and was met with the answer......"October 12, 1930 How I wish, wish, wish that a dozen or more persons who are trying to hold God endlessly in mind would all write their experiences so that each would know what the other was finding as a result! The results, I think, would astound the world. At least the results of my own effort are astounding to me."
and
"September 28, 1931 When one has struck some wonderful blessing that all mankind has a right to know about, no custom or false modesty should prevent him from telling it, even though it may mean the unbarring of his soul to the public gaze."
I tipped my head back against the headrest, smiling and said "Okay, I'll do it.".....and sighed that sigh that comes when you know that giving in to His wishes are so much easier than sitting in your insecurities and coming up with excuses as to why you really shouldn't do this. Surrender to the One who knows infinitely more, that is infinitely more satisfying.
So here is your introduction.....your foretaste to future sharing of this experience.
If this experience is so similar between 3 people who have not been alive during the same span of time...how is this not what we were truly meant for? Is this not the relationship we were meant to have with our creator? When Jesus told us to "Abide in Me." "By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit ans so prove to be my disciples. As the Father has love Me so have I loved you. Abide in My love." In John 15.....isn't this what He was talking about? Abiding, staying with Him at all times and in all circumstances. Is this not what He did? The model that He set for us? To be Christ like.....means to be like Christ. To do as He did. So if He, being fully human and fully divine but denouncing that privilege to show us what an abiding relationship with God was meant to be.....isn't this the ultimate pursuit?
"What I want to prove is that the thing can be done by all people under all conditions, but I have not proven it yet. This much I do see - what an incredibly high thing Jesus did." Frank Laubach June 1, 1930.
Taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
~ Ps. 34:8
Blessings of ceaseless sharing of your heart with He alone who can hold it without harm,
the Mrs.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
He whispers
...and it echos loudly in my heart.
Marriage. There are a few around me...marriages I pray for, worry about...wives I want to take under my wing to calm their anxiety. Guide them away from mistakes I made. Teach them what I've learned.
The Lord presses into my heart to put our experiences to use....sometimes it aches. When I am the most discontent with some area of life.....I know He is about to move, or move me. I feel it now. Wives, marriage, mentor....it presses. "train the young women to love their husbands and children" Titus 2:4
Teach them.......I'm trying.
The most dangerous prayers are the shortest. Teach me. Use me. I'm Yours.
In the last few days, despite the chaos and the cold that has been clouding my head and making me exhausted.....He has been so clear. Like a puzzle there are little pieces coming to mind that I haven't thought of in so long. Phrases. Stories. Comments made to me so long ago. Write.
For a long time now He has been teaching me about the power of the written word. Come to My Word, come to Me. Much as I love scripture, its been a battle to change the feelings of it as a text book into seeing it as a love letter. My entire education was scripture based but in those days, it was education without emotion. It was the details and the history that was taught, not the love and the reason behind the details. He has been working on changing that for a long time. I see it now, but many times it is a battle to pick it up for Love, not study. Oh how the enemy knows our weakness.
I used to be an avid reader. Not novels....no, but non-fiction. I have book after book on spiritual disciplines, humility, spiritual gifts, christian living, prayer, reference book after reference book....anything I could get my hands on that could teach me. I did this intensely for many years......but in the last few....He pressed. Not their word but Mine. Stop relying on man to teach you what He already has. Each time I would try to pick up a new book....I couldn't finish it. I couldn't get through a whole page without being distracted.....reminded. I've spent the last 3 years (or is it 4? I've lost track now...) with very few books I felt I had permission to read. So many books have been suggested to me and in my heart I hear the whisper......No, not that one. Only Me. I can only smile and agree.......thanking the person with a transparent look that clearly says I won't be reading that book. I can hide nothing....I am an open book.
When you give something up, suddenly it seems to have a spotlight on it. If you diet, suddenly everyone on the planet has chocolate. You see it everywhere. In the last few years I've felt like a watcher...an observer of scripture, the presence or lack of it, has had a spotlight on it. People share enthusiastically about books they are reading and I hear the weight they are giving to the words of man. They speak of an author as if they have heard the Word of God itself......the Lord can use mere man, yes.....but what I don't hear is discernment. Have they weighed the words against The Word? A nugget of truth can so easily be manipulated into looking like a boulder. In church, sermons sound different, I notice clearly if they are based on the Word or if the Word is used as a prop to support the message they want to deliver. If it's full of God's Word or void of it....so much so that at times, I get distracted by verses flooding my mind that could have been used. Verses used out of context screech like an alarm. I hear talk of modeling things after another church and I hear idolatry. Please, follow Him not them. I see church classes and themes built around books.....and how they aren't the minority but the majority. It isn't inherently wrong to teach based on some book but what I notice is how off balance it is. Stack it all up on a scale and it will tip to the worlds side. People rely too heavily on someone else to teach them about the Word instead of trusting the Word itself. The Word is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Heb. 4:12
He whispers. I listen. I watch. I wait. I pray........Use me, I'm Yours.
Marriage. There are a few around me...marriages I pray for, worry about...wives I want to take under my wing to calm their anxiety. Guide them away from mistakes I made. Teach them what I've learned.
The Lord presses into my heart to put our experiences to use....sometimes it aches. When I am the most discontent with some area of life.....I know He is about to move, or move me. I feel it now. Wives, marriage, mentor....it presses. "train the young women to love their husbands and children" Titus 2:4
Teach them.......I'm trying.
The most dangerous prayers are the shortest. Teach me. Use me. I'm Yours.
In the last few days, despite the chaos and the cold that has been clouding my head and making me exhausted.....He has been so clear. Like a puzzle there are little pieces coming to mind that I haven't thought of in so long. Phrases. Stories. Comments made to me so long ago. Write.
For a long time now He has been teaching me about the power of the written word. Come to My Word, come to Me. Much as I love scripture, its been a battle to change the feelings of it as a text book into seeing it as a love letter. My entire education was scripture based but in those days, it was education without emotion. It was the details and the history that was taught, not the love and the reason behind the details. He has been working on changing that for a long time. I see it now, but many times it is a battle to pick it up for Love, not study. Oh how the enemy knows our weakness.
I used to be an avid reader. Not novels....no, but non-fiction. I have book after book on spiritual disciplines, humility, spiritual gifts, christian living, prayer, reference book after reference book....anything I could get my hands on that could teach me. I did this intensely for many years......but in the last few....He pressed. Not their word but Mine. Stop relying on man to teach you what He already has. Each time I would try to pick up a new book....I couldn't finish it. I couldn't get through a whole page without being distracted.....reminded. I've spent the last 3 years (or is it 4? I've lost track now...) with very few books I felt I had permission to read. So many books have been suggested to me and in my heart I hear the whisper......No, not that one. Only Me. I can only smile and agree.......thanking the person with a transparent look that clearly says I won't be reading that book. I can hide nothing....I am an open book.
When you give something up, suddenly it seems to have a spotlight on it. If you diet, suddenly everyone on the planet has chocolate. You see it everywhere. In the last few years I've felt like a watcher...an observer of scripture, the presence or lack of it, has had a spotlight on it. People share enthusiastically about books they are reading and I hear the weight they are giving to the words of man. They speak of an author as if they have heard the Word of God itself......the Lord can use mere man, yes.....but what I don't hear is discernment. Have they weighed the words against The Word? A nugget of truth can so easily be manipulated into looking like a boulder. In church, sermons sound different, I notice clearly if they are based on the Word or if the Word is used as a prop to support the message they want to deliver. If it's full of God's Word or void of it....so much so that at times, I get distracted by verses flooding my mind that could have been used. Verses used out of context screech like an alarm. I hear talk of modeling things after another church and I hear idolatry. Please, follow Him not them. I see church classes and themes built around books.....and how they aren't the minority but the majority. It isn't inherently wrong to teach based on some book but what I notice is how off balance it is. Stack it all up on a scale and it will tip to the worlds side. People rely too heavily on someone else to teach them about the Word instead of trusting the Word itself. The Word is living and active, sharper than any two-edge sword, piercing to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. Heb. 4:12
When did He become not enough?
"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be My disciples. As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full." John 15:4-11
Blessings of Sonshine and whispers,
the Mrs.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Think on these things....
Yesterday, as I struggled with the weight of the impending meeting, it was a battle to think of anything else.
The Word tells us "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9) Our emotions get the better of us all too often don't they? We get wrapped up in the fear, pain, or even the joy of an experience and lose all sense of judgement and can't grasp of the reality of the big picture.
I found myself there yesterday.....as was obvious in my post. Each time I tried to share with Him my fears and hesitations about it, my mind would wander off into rehearsing how I would come to my son's defense. Time and again, I would have to come to a stop and realize how pointless the train of thought was.
Stop, turn around.
Start again, move forward and ask for peace. Trust that He has this under control and His plan for my son is better than any dream I could come up with for him.
Breathe. Focus.
As I got ready I pulled out my iPod and selected two songs. Thy Word. and Doxology. I listened and soaked it in.
Then I moved to sit at the new place I've carved out in the house (a "command central for mom" I guess) I knew I needed to stop and refocus. Be still. I looked up at the wall and the neon green post it I put there months ago screamed at me.
Yes. I hear You. You're right. I'm focusing on all the wrong things.
I sat with that a moment. I grabbed my devotional "Morning and Evening" by Charles Spurgeon. I opened it's broken and worn pages and read the entry for Morning. "My Heavenly Father". Sweet reminders in the words of how much He cares and how much more He desires for us. I settled into that for a bit. Then I reopened my Bible to where I'd left off the day before....1 John 2 "Christ Our Advocate" was the heading to that chapter.
I hear You. Okay....I'll stop thinking and start talking. Today I dropped the ball....or maybe more specifically.....I took it from Your more capable hands. I'm no good on my own.....with You I can do anything. I'm sorry. Take it back. I'm Yours. He is Yours. This, is Yours.
I left early to sit in the pickup line. Jesus Culture in the CD player started up with the engine....I hear You.
Opening my book - Practicing His Presence - the next chapter meeting me where I needed "Recalling the wandering mind". The first phrase: "Yours is not an unusual experience." Further on: "If your mind sometimes wanders or withdraws from the Lord, do not be upset or disquieted. Trouble and disquiet serve more to distract the mind further from God than to recollect it."
By the time I entered the meeting I was at peace. When we left I remarked to my husband that it was the very first team meeting (in the 1.5 years our son has been at this school) that was more positive than negative. The very first time I heard genuine comments about how responsible he is, how confident he is....
The Word tells us "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9) Our emotions get the better of us all too often don't they? We get wrapped up in the fear, pain, or even the joy of an experience and lose all sense of judgement and can't grasp of the reality of the big picture.
I found myself there yesterday.....as was obvious in my post. Each time I tried to share with Him my fears and hesitations about it, my mind would wander off into rehearsing how I would come to my son's defense. Time and again, I would have to come to a stop and realize how pointless the train of thought was.
Stop, turn around.
Start again, move forward and ask for peace. Trust that He has this under control and His plan for my son is better than any dream I could come up with for him.
Breathe. Focus.
As I got ready I pulled out my iPod and selected two songs. Thy Word. and Doxology. I listened and soaked it in.
Then I moved to sit at the new place I've carved out in the house (a "command central for mom" I guess) I knew I needed to stop and refocus. Be still. I looked up at the wall and the neon green post it I put there months ago screamed at me.
Yes. I hear You. You're right. I'm focusing on all the wrong things.
I sat with that a moment. I grabbed my devotional "Morning and Evening" by Charles Spurgeon. I opened it's broken and worn pages and read the entry for Morning. "My Heavenly Father". Sweet reminders in the words of how much He cares and how much more He desires for us. I settled into that for a bit. Then I reopened my Bible to where I'd left off the day before....1 John 2 "Christ Our Advocate" was the heading to that chapter.
I hear You. Okay....I'll stop thinking and start talking. Today I dropped the ball....or maybe more specifically.....I took it from Your more capable hands. I'm no good on my own.....with You I can do anything. I'm sorry. Take it back. I'm Yours. He is Yours. This, is Yours.
I left early to sit in the pickup line. Jesus Culture in the CD player started up with the engine....I hear You.
Opening my book - Practicing His Presence - the next chapter meeting me where I needed "Recalling the wandering mind". The first phrase: "Yours is not an unusual experience." Further on: "If your mind sometimes wanders or withdraws from the Lord, do not be upset or disquieted. Trouble and disquiet serve more to distract the mind further from God than to recollect it."
By the time I entered the meeting I was at peace. When we left I remarked to my husband that it was the very first team meeting (in the 1.5 years our son has been at this school) that was more positive than negative. The very first time I heard genuine comments about how responsible he is, how confident he is....
True. Honorable. Just. Pure. Lovely. Commendable. Any excellence...
....anything worthy of praise....
He took care of my heart.....cast away my doubt and fear and reminded me who is really in charge. I praised Him on the way home. Resting in His hand, joyfully.
This morning that post-it drew me in again. Sharing with at least two people....His words not mine.....firmly replanting the reminder in my own mind as I did. Warming my heart that they needed it as much as I did.
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.
~ Jeremiah 29:12-13
Blessings of deep, abiding love, drawing you nearer to Him,
the Mrs.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
its always the last place you look
Dude! Not only did I get the list checked off, but I managed to make a pot of chili, a pan of chicken and put in a work out that has me groaning each time I try to stand up. It was one heck of a Tuesday!
Finally found my mojo!
That thing seemed to fall off the planet toward the end of fall. I couldn't get the motivation to move at the pace I wanted to. My mind wouldn't think efficiently and I felt like I was sitting down on the job.
My famous lists were ineffective, unfinished or missing in action. Any zest for life was dull and waxy.....more about accomplishing the basics and making sure no one was miserable. Perhaps I set a high standard....but so what. Never do I expect perfection - from myself or others but I've always felt that the ability to improve is endless. "When you know better, do better." When I accomplish a new high, a new level of excellence in any particular task, skill or pursuit of knowledge the first thing I feel is "wow! I'm capable of more than I thought!" which is quickly followed by "if I can do this, then I can do better!" Not because I require challenge. Not because I am unsatisfied with my best. But because complacency leads to laziness.
Is it this way for everyone? When I get too comfortable, too confident in something.....pride rears its ugly head. When my pride rears it is not long before the auto pilot switch is flipped. I become less aware of those around me. I assume more and ask less. I lean on my own understanding more than I lean on His leading. The biggest problem with that is usually, no one calls me on it. No one questions me or forces me to stop in my tracks and really look at where I am standing. In brambles. Off the path and "ahead" of the Lord.....trying to lead instead of follow. I envision Him standing there, hands on His hips with this playful, knowing smile.....waiting to see the moment my expression changes as I have that light-bulb moment of awareness of where I am....
Almost with a chuckle, He acknowledges "Yep, you did it again. Now turn around and come on back." Hand outstretched, smiling at me, loving watching me learn how to course correct...pleased that I don't get quite as far away as I used to.
He doesn't have to come get me anymore. I don't wander so far that I can't see how to get back. Now He patiently waits for me to notice I've gone off track. Always teaching me. Always improving me.....refining me.
Fall found me in the brambles. Confused, weary and feeling completely sucked dry of any goodness at all. Honestly, at times just the thought of having contact with people made me recoil. Already a solitary person, this drove me deeper into quiet solitude. My regular weekday is naturally quiet and fairly void of people but when the weekend arrived, dread would slowly build as Sunday morning approached. Once I got there I would hide as best I could, pretend I didn't see people.....hope they wouldn't see me and maybe, just maybe the Lord would block out the world and it would just be He and I in that pew. .....He doesn't work like that though... I still find myself hiding a bit. Trying to shake off the label and maybe have an identity of my own.....maybe just maybe, at some point, feel a part of the place....at home. Trying to have moments where I say Hi....first. Too often I am unaware that "don't speak unless spoken to" is still ingrained in my behavior.....I am not that child anymore.....but usually I wait, for eye contact, for someone else to make the first move.....giving that silent permission. Adults can speak freely.......but I also have a desire in my heart to listen more than I speak.....when I do speak I often speak too much. Ah, the conundrum of two conflicting intentions!
For now I renew my conversation with Him. I can feel more energy in those conversations with Him now. Before, when my mind and spirit were so tired I didn't know what to say......or what to share. The more I talk with Him the more energy fills me. The more efficient I become. When my mind wanders He draws back my attention and with a quick apology for drifting off we enter back into conversation. At this point my ability to focus on Him is growing but I still spend more time drifting than in focus. Still.....there is a "riding a bike" kind of feeling....in moments of conversation over mindless tasks - when focus is easier - I remember the feeling of being able to be fully aware of Him, conversing with Him in the quiet of my mind, while having a conversation with others. Memories like that spur me on.....and I talk about that with Him.
This week it seems something is different. I have an energy and an active heart again. He reminds me that He is my energy. He is my sufficiency. He is my Light, the love I give, the drive to serve and care for my family. HE is my mojo. Funny how when you lose it, you forget what it really is in the first place. Makes it hard to find when you don't remember what it looks like.
Today I focus on today. I will talk with Him as I go about my business hopefully remembering to write things down as He brings them to mind (He so helps me to be more efficient) or ask Him to remind me...He's good at that too. :) Tomorrow will take care of itself but I will be talking to Him a lot about the Dude's IEP meeting tomorrow. Its time for speech review and any meeting with this group of teachers makes my guts churn. I'll be asking Him to start preparing my heart and mind today....for tomorrow. I'll be talking to Him about doing the same for the teachers and staff involved. .....empty me of any trace of bitterness or resentment....fill me instead with grace and wisdom. Make me soft when my human heart wants to harden for protection.
Blessings of His sweet embrace today, knowing that He bends down to listen to YOU, that He hears and answers your prayers.....no matter how big or small....with His infinitely perfect love.
the Mrs.
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