Thanks

It appears that 1,000 views has come and gone.

Like I said.....I'm not sure what a blogger does with that but I thank you for reading - whoever you are, where ever you are in the world.

The blogs of others have touched my heart and taught me so much.  A mere 5 of those 1,001 views chose to hit the "follow me" button.....or whatever that thing says.  Whether you choose that or not.....I can only hope that if you come here regularly, you find encouragement....something real, honest and transparent.

Just one woman muddling her way through life, trying to do it right....falling down a lot......but always looking to my Savior to get me through.

May the Lord bless you richly with His presence,
Many thanks,
the Mrs.

a brief ponder....

I just noticed I'm approaching 1000 views.

Not exactly sure how excited I should get.....while still thinking that it's pretty darn cool.   What does one do when they reach such a number?  A little dance?  Buy myself something pretty?  A simple thank you?  This is unknown territory.

on another note - I have been trying to abstain from negativity....there is just so much of it everywhere.

Be the light you want to see.

I said.

What happens when you put that out there?  Negativity comes knocking on the door, dancing and shakin its rump right in your face.  And in your dreams, by the way.  I'm attempting to fight my way through and not engaging in conversation where there is opportunity to join in on the party.   All yesterday afternoon I opted to not answer my phone.....which may or may not have been wise considering people kept calling and then NOT leaving a message.

What else is my answering machine for?  It needs work people....otherwise it will just sit there and get fat.  No one wants that.

Blessings to us all for the mental discipline to fight the negative nelly's of the world, 

the Mrs.

permissions and restrictions

I have begun and ended several blogs.  Some public, some private.  In the end the failure comes from the rules I set up in my own mind.
I read many blogs.  Some have focus on one particular area or topic, some are just sharing life...They are done well and I've learned many things from reading.  When I set out on this particular blog "fit for him" I intended to focus in on just my journey of searching out what it meant to be a godly wife.   I intended stay put right there and not drift off to other topics.   When something came to mind that I didn't think fit into those parameters....I determined I couldn't post about it and therefore...there was no post at all.
I restricted myself right out of my own blog.  Brilliant.
I was reading a new blog yesterday and this woman talked about giving herself permission in certain areas of life...it  sparked thoughts in my mind and  once again I found myself, telling myself, that it didn't fit....no post.  Then I remembered reading a post from someone long ago where they said.."its my blog.  I'll write it if I want to."   And I thought.....I'm giving myself permission.  It's my blog.  I need to take it out of the box.
Then as I puttered around I began to think about what I've been doing and thinking over the summer.  The thoughts and experiences I've had...seasons in life and in nature that rotate through.  I contemplated if the title needed changing.....if I opened wide my subject matter to all things, thoughts and seasons.....would it still "fit"?
Yes.
In all seasons and rotations I am both striving to be fit for him, while simultaneously being fit for Him. 
My Lord made me fit for Himself because He made me just how He wanted me.  Muddled, reflective, pondering, serious and a little wacky.....He wired me to nurture anything and anyone I came in contact with.  He made me strong and stubborn so that when crazy crash-lands in the road, I cling hard to the guardrails and cannot be thrown.   My scars become lessons to love on others......sweet wisdom instead of bitterness.
I am learning to be fit for him....the husband I love with all my heart.  I have grown as a wife and mother because I strive to learn from Him what I should be for him.
I am also striving to be fit.  In the last several months I joined Weight Watchers with my Mr and we have both lost weight.  25 for him and 15 for me.  I feel better physically but even more so, I feel more confident in my skin.   So I'm striving to be fit for Him and him in many ways every day.
It fits.

So moving forward.....there will be more random posts.   More reflections, hopefully more pictures and even some of that wacky side.

So what have I been up to while I've been banning myself from posting?

• I've been counting points with Weight Watchers on-line....which by the way is the easiest most helpful no-brainer way to lose wight while eating NORMAL NON DIET food.  It's all about portion control people and I'm finally getting it......or getting rid of it. 
• I've been gardening.  It's been a tough season for gardens here between a really screwed up spring, lots of rain and then mega heat with temps over 100 and now we've already had frost.  My tomatoes didn't do well...no ones did.  That was a bummer.
• I spent the summer watching how my kids have grown and loving how well they get along.  10 and 15 now they are both competing for listening ears....especially the teen.   Wow, did I talk this much and that fast at 15?  Was I THAT random?  She is becoming amazing to get to know as a person not just a child to parent.
• I abandoned books for lack of concentration over the summer and got completely lost in the chaos...as did all my routines around the home.
• I found Pinterest and got addicted.  Seriously, I love it.  I've found awesome recipes and have been vicariously "shopping" pictures to learn what my style is.  I figured out that I had lost any sense of individual style when I gained weight and simply settled for things that fit and didn't make me want to hide.....granted I felt that way anyway.    I'm short.  5'3 short.  So on me small amounts of weight make a big difference in either direction.  So while 15lbs may not be huge (especially when the ultimate goal is 60lbs lost) it means I've dropped from a size 18 to a Large in tops (I've no clue what number that is).  THAT IS HUGE!   Not much is happening around the middle yet where most of the weight is centered but I believe I've lost one size there....I'm feeling a bit uneven. haha!
• School has started now, which I LOVE.  Not because my kids are gone but a bit because my kids are gone.  I love the structure of the school year.  The concrete daily markers that do not move; morning routines are set, drop off/pickup times are steady and it gives me structure to my work day and my brain.  So now that the second week of school is done and I've begun to create order out of chaos and try to catch up on things that were let go.....canning season has hit with vengeance.
• canning....I've made LOTS of pickles this year, refrigerator and bread and butter.  Remember that early frost?  Yep that means that tomatoes all had to be picked and the day before the frost was our local farmers market......I bought 6 - yes SIX - boxes of tomatoes.  I got thru

So.....that's a small summary of highlights and random tidbits that I actually remember at the moment.    Now it's time to try and tackle the mess that is my kitchen....so I can get at that sauce and put it in jars.   It will all be worth it this winter when we are buried under feet of snow and subzero temperatures and I can open a jar filled with summer freshness.

Till next time!
Blessings with love, 
the Mrs.

the journey begins....

I am my mother?   Oh no, you didn't......

My husband had identified a pattern I had not seen.   I literally kept him at arms length....."you don't hug me back, you keep your arms between us..."   Ohhh, how that hurt.   Immediately I had flashes of seeing my mother push my father away.  An affectionate man, I remember as a child he was always trying to hug or kiss her.....she would give him a brief second and then push him away with the loud declaration "okay, that's enough...".   uh oh......what had been modeled for me?  Did I know how to love my husband?   Did I know how to be loved? 

Life came into question.    The man I loved was flawed, sure, but how much of that was really me?   How much was I projecting?   How on earth was I going to figure out HOW to love this man the way he should be loved?

What on earth does being a "wife" really mean??   What does it look like?  ........{gulp}......do I need to....{shudder}....change?      .....where are the answers?

The Lord had been working on drawing me back for some time.   I was a private school kid.....frankly I don't remember a day without knowing the Lord (I didn't grasp the vastness of that blessing until a few short years ago).  In my 20's, married with an instant family......it was an interesting reality.   I'd gone from living at home with my parents to living with Mr and wham!  .....becoming a step-mother.....yikes.  (Never did like that "step", we don't really use that word unless clarification is needed with someone new to our lives.)

There was a lot of adjusting going on.  The kid stuff I was totally comfortable with, other than having to share this child I loved beyond my own understanding with someone else who had all the control.....it was easy.  We'll call her "The Teen" now....at the time I met Mr, she was around 6 months old so she knows nothing different than me being in her life.    But the WIFE part?    Well, I just thought it would go on like when we were dating.....um....no.

Okay so back to my "....what the?" meltdown/revelation moment.....The Lord had been calling me back.  It was year 3 of our marriage and I was on my own at that time, as the Mr had no desire for anything church related.   I was a miserable, trapped in my pride, human being.    Married life wasn't what I thought it would be.   We had our son ~a beautiful (be careful what you ask for) answer to prayer ~ who was a nightmare challenge as an infant.  I was exhausted, lonely, miserable, poor, living in a really bad area and the only thing keeping me in my marriage was my pride.   I would not, under any circumstances, give anyone the ability to say "I told you so".   I would not admit to being wrong and "divorce" would not pass my lips.    I was stuck. 

Lord give me the strength.   I began to pray.    Where do I start?  I remembered that when I was little the woman who watched me before and after school would listen to a christian radio station.   I found the same station and played it day in and day out.  Pour goodness into my decaying brain.  Give me hope. 

We were a one car family so I was stuck just as literally as I was figuratively.  Books.   What did I already own?......I started to dig.   Ah, a gem I never even read (purchased in my spiritually high post graduation life): Living Free in Christ by Neil T Anderson.   I devoured it in one afternoon.   I couldn't stop reading, couldn't put it down.....I sat there at the kitchen table and moved only to tend to our son (I'll call him "the Dude").   Now in hindsight I see how the Lord knew I would need this book.   I can actually remember the day I purchased it and I never picked it up again until this time.  He knew the moment I would be stuck and need something to grab hold of to pull myself out.   In the back of the book are the Steps To Freedom in Christ.   Essentially it's a spiritual self cleaning.    A crud removal system from all the junk we accumulate over our lives, things we touch and are touched by in times when we have no idea what they really are.

I sat at that table and felt the Lord's Spirit wash over me and fill me up.  It was a physical sensation I cannot fully describe.....but it was a turning point.   Not long after as I was listening to that christian radio station, I heard guest speaker Stormie O'Martin, talking about her book "The Power of a Praying Wife".   Something in me clicked....I had to have it.....I knew this was a tool I needed. 

I began the book with a smug feeling that it would satisfy my desires to be right and to change him.....that was slapped out of me in the first few sentences:  "First of all, let me make it perfectly clear that the power of a praying wife is not a means of gaining control over your husband, so don't get your hopes up!  In fact,  it is quite the opposite.  It's laying down all claim to power in and of yourself, and relying on God's power to transform you, your husband, your circumstances and your marriage."  Ouch.  Well then.....{deep breath)....okay, keep reading....  Here is when I made the choice to stop nagging, stop talking about church and shut my mouth until I knew what I was doing (because clearly I didn't).  It was an act of pure discipline.....that I failed miserably on many occasions but try, try again....it got easier.   So I decided that when he watched TV in bed I would read my book right there next to him.   He would see that I was praying for him.   ....but I didn't say anything..... {so clever}

The change in me began here.   Learning to rely on the Lord who loved me and provided for me years before I would know what I needed or where I would be.  It became a real and personal relationship....no longer "abstract object to be worshiped" and "worshiper" but a walk with me talk with me relationship. Here is where I learned to pray.   Here is where I chose to make the Lord my husband and I would serve Him by being what the man next to me needed. 

Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.

1 Peter 3:1-2 

A choice that brought me on a beautiful walk with Him and transformed me, my husband, our circumstances and our marriage.

I am not a writer.  I am not a scholar. I'm not even college material.....but my hope is that the Lord will help me to share what He has taught me and maybe......it will help you the way it helped me.

Blessings, the Mrs.

Whats the dealio.....

For years I've had people tell me to "write a book".   About what, I have no idea.....my life?  I can't imagine that being a good read or even how to put it onto paper....er....screen?

Anyway.....about 10 years ago I realized that if I didn't set out to learn what a godly wife looked like, my marriage wouldn't survive.  I had not had this modeled for me and I had no idea what it looked like.  I knew I needed to be intentional in seeking out everything I could.  I needed to watch other women, read as much as I could get my hands on and dive....deep.....into scripture.   What role did God design for woman to fill ~ originally.   What was His hearts desire for us?    What did that mean for me and how on earth was I going to change?

Yeah.....I had lots of questions and not a clue as to the answers.   

I believe that my mother wanted me to be a powerful career woman.   I was raised with impeccable manners and class.   I was dressed in beautiful clothes, jackets with matching muffs and hats, gold jewelry at an early age and did not speak unless spoken to.   Today you would never know.   ...yeah there are traces of all that good breeding and champagne taste beneath the jeans and t-shirt girl.   Funny now to think that I knew which fork to use but had no idea how to do laundry or even cook rice.

What must have gone through Mr's head when he had to teach me how to do laundry.....hot and useless, that was me.   Could have been a sitcom considering I actually did turn the first load of whites pink from one random red item.   I'd never had a "ramen noodle" in my life and had no idea how to make rice....not sure I knew what hotdish was either....  

We were the perfect scenario for failure.   We moved in together after 5 months {sinners - gasp, I know}, we were only 20 - both college drop outs, he had a child and I was spoiled and overly sheltered....we got engaged 2 months later and married 1.5 years after that.   Seems incredibly ridiculous when I look back....our wedding was so big and expensive......we didn't pay a cent.   All taken care of by parents....mostly mine.   And Mr and I were so poor we couldn't even afford the postage to send out our thank you notes.   Still embarrassed about that....    It was a beautiful wedding and an amazing day.    MAN did he look good. :)

anyhooo.....it wasn't all flowers and fun.  We were broke, with a kid.  We had no idea HOW to be married.  I made so many mistakes.   I was selfish and wanted to be served....entitlement was all I knew.

12 years later I love what I do and have such a passion for serving my family.  What I have learned about being a wife and running a home has changed my life and brought me more contentment and joy than I ever could have imagined.

The Lord is so good.....He has blessed me beyond what I deserve.   I hope to use this blog as a way to share what He has taught me and provide myself with some accountability to put into practice what I have learned while I continue to pursue His will for my life.

Thank you for visiting.....I hope you enjoy the journey.