Who do you think you are?

I think everyone has that moment when they utter the words "who am I?"  Its a question that bubbles up from the depths of a soul.

When something is cracked and broken.

We are a culture that looks outside of ourselves to find our identity.  We seek labels and neat packaging with clear indicators of the contents.  We ask people who we are, who they think we are.  We eagerly wait for responses and for some reason.....we believe them.

It's taken as truth, generally unquestioned.  Until we have taken in so much conflicting "truth" that the labels and layers of packaging are so thick we really aren't sure of the contents anymore.

Then suddenly....something deep inside those layers cracks under the pressure and out bubbles "Who. Am. I.?"

When people tell us who they think that we are...shouldn't it be taken as a comment instead of a fact? ...something to be weighed and measured for truth, dismissed when false and simply taken as affirmation of what is already known if true.  But perhaps it simply says "In this moment, this is what I see in you."   And that in general often says more about the person delivering the comment.  They are telling you what you are to them, maybe what they see in you that is in themselves - whether they like it or not.

There are times where something ugly sprouts unnoticed.  We are always growing.  Frankly there are things, like weeds, that initially look like they could be a fruitful plant, so we watch....and wait to see what it emerges into.  Sometimes we don't notice that it's become something thorny and ugly and bears no fruit until it has matured and needs to be removed by the root so it doesn't return.  But this - this kind of uprooting, this kind of "commentary" that points out those weeds in our character can only be affirmed.....should only be affirmed by someone who isn't full of their own weeds.  Someone who can see you clearly.  Someone who can lovingly help you to pull the weed without damaging the fruitful plants around it.

Currently I find myself more secure in who I am than I have ever been in my life....perhaps its age...season in life....or the fruit of labor.  At the same time I find I am seeing people around me in crisis over who they are.  Desperately seeking the answer to the question: Who am I?

A friend posted this song: 

What struck me was...there is your answer.   When there is nothing left of us, when we are broken and on our knees and we find Him.....we find ourselves.  

When we try to "figure out who we are" we are typically looking with the eyes of the world.  What they see, what their measure for success is, the worlds measure of worth.  None of that matters.  

I am not worth X if I don't accomplish Y.   Who says?  Who says that you are not exactly what you were meant to be right here in this moment?  Do you honestly think that the God of the universe, the one who created you before time began, before you were even one single cell, didn't know you would be this beautiful mess right here right now?  You think He didn't know you'd make the mistakes you have?  You think He didn't already know you'd choose to compromise what He created you to be?  You think He wouldn't give you a way out?  No.

He made you.  You want to know who you really are?  Find Him.  Find your Creator and He will show you what He designed you to be.....a reflection of Himself.  He knew the flaws in yourself that you would add to His design but He wrote the program, so they aren't permanent....they can be corrected.  

The Lord is always before us but we have such a habit of looking behind us.  Trying to change where we laid our footsteps and calculate the 'what ifs' into something that might end in a more pleasing present.  

We cannot change the past.   We can learn from it, that is all.  

Turn my eyes from looking at worthless things; give me life in Your ways."

~Psalm 119:37

Do not search for your identity in the eyes of people around you.  They didn't create you.  They don't see you completely.  The world tells us to "find ourselves"....honestly the way the world tells us to do so is to forget the world around us and look only at ourselves.  Focus deeply on "me".  Yes, there are seasons where we need to closely self-monitor.  When we are training new patterns and trying to uproot weeds, this does take some careful introspection to find them and get the whole root.  Guess who the ultimate gardener is?  

The first One.  

When we focus only on ourselves, the way the world would tell us to, our eyes are not on Him.  We make ourselves an idol before Him.....something we are carefully crafting independently from Him.  What that really is....what it really amounts to.....fruitless labor.  We cannot undo what He has created.  We cannot change the purpose He created us for....the purpose is still there.  Used improperly for a time perhaps, but the purpose still remains.  

We do so much out of selfish desire.  We whine "what about me" all too often.  You know, I think I've finally found out that when I am whining about me, that is the precise moment that I am the most miserable.  When I am in full out "its not about me" mode.....I am the most at peace.  I am the most confident and capable person when I am simply a serving vessel.  I'm sure I'll have those moments where I will slop out an exhausted "hey I'm over here, what about me"....we all will at some point and I'm nowhere near perfect.  But I think I finally get it.....when I make it about me....I make things miserable.  I wasn't designed for me, I was designed for Him....when I am all about Him....I fulfill my purpose and find contentment.

I am not who you say that I am.  What you think I am may affirm who He created me to be, but it does not define me.  Your label doesn't stick anymore.  The layers of packaging are disappearing and what is left is who He made.  Who He asks me to be.

Who are you?  

He's told you time and time again.

You are His.

You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek me with all your heart.

~Jeremiah 29:13

Blessings of beautiful brokenness that leads you to see who you really are....in His eyes only.

the Mrs.

He made you to be....

Unlocked

There is something funny about silence.  You don't just listen, you hear more.
In a room you hear the rhythmic ticking of a clock passing time.....electronics running through cycles of reving up and cooling down....the sigh of a dog as it fully relaxes into sleep....the gurgling of my stomach.  Not necessarily the beautiful song of birds but hey...it's winter here in the tundra and we've been stuck in sub-zero temps for several days.  

In conversations you start to hear tones differently.  The emotions behind them come through more clearly. Often....maybe more often than people like....I notice that people are not aware that their tone speaks an entirely different language than their words.  A pleasant exchange about coffee or some trivial thing, for instance can reveal a tone that is speaking about being exhausted, frustrated and needing a break.  But in the context of the words....just sounds angry.

Then, there is phrasing.  The one that currently jumps out at me with flashing lights and fireworks "I am".  People have locked themselves into being stuck.  "I am not a good listener." "I am not good at asking questions."  "I am not organized." "I am not a runner." "I am afraid..."  "I am a jerk, prideful, arrogant, weak, easily manipulated, a failure, a doormat, hard to love, selfish, shy, insecure, damaged...."     In there, the message is "I can't and I won't try to change."  Perhaps it's more of a being scared to try to change, or being too lazy to put the effort forth or maybe just maybe.....it's a lie that got in there somehow, someway and it was believed.  Claimed as their own and there it sits in the illusion of truth.

The real truth is that the only thing you can't change is the past.  So when I catch myself saying things like "I am not good at asking questions."  I change my phrasing..."I haven't been good at asking questions, I'd like to change that."  I am what I choose to be.  I choose to grow and change and improve.  I choose to listen to my own language and when I catch myself claiming something as if it cannot be changed...I change that "I am" to reflect "In the past I haven't been known to be ________."   Because it's in the past.  It doesn't have to be who I am right now or in the future.

Every second is a new opportunity to choose differently.

Blessings for broken locks, wise choices and freedom to move forward into a new perspective.
the Mrs.

be buoyant

Well hello!  It's me!  Yer friendly, random blogger.  Yep I've been absent.  Things have gotten dusty and stale.  Well, lets crack a window and let some fresh air in.  Its a new year and what lays before us is nothing but opportunity.

I've never been one for "New Years Resolutions".  It's always felt synonymous with "things I'll never follow through on" so I've never given it much thought beyond that.  I don't intend to make any but the sentiment of reflecting on the past and preparing for the future by setting some goals resonates differently in the here and now.   

We are in a long term season of transition here.  Be buoyant....are words that resonate deep within me.  

Websters defines "buoyant" as the ability to float, lightheartedness.  Buoy, in connection, is defined as an anchored float to guide navigation.  a life-saving device.  keep from sinking; sustain morally; encourage.  

The last month has been filled up with weighty things.  Big tests, changes in how we celebrate, family additions and heavy emotions to process.  None of this necessarily negative....just big and all at once.  For a while it felt like the pile just kept growing and the Lord just kept giving and there was this sense of being totally overwhelmed.

Be buoyant. 

Mostly I just let it come.  Riding the waves as they came, not really grasping the details but trying to be present.  I've had moments of being so overwhelmed by praise so gracious, I turned to a humble pile of tears.  My heart has given birth to a new child, stretched and challenged at how to love this woman...woman...how strange that feels to say.....when what I see and love is a little peanut of a girl who I want to hold and mend and guide and yet, I also want to learn so much from....how to love this woman right.   How be her Jesus momma with skin on and love her the way He desires her to be loved.  

Then there was the scripture.....the verses that He would bring strongly to mind and affirm them through others, media and any source He could to bring them to my face.  I took notes Lord....You saw.  There were topics and convictions and passions that were planted in mind and heart.   He showed with a clear awareness that I poured too much out.  My balance has been off for too long and I lost my ability to draw from the well with efficiency....leaving me dry and out of resources to fill up those around me.

December became about bookmarks and pause buttons.  As a wave would come there would be one thing that would be clear and within my grasp to hold on to.   A verse - bookmark that, we'll come back to it.  A theme or idea - press the pause button here, we'll come back to it.   I didn't know when but I knew He would bring me to a quiet time to put it all together.   As usual, He is so faithful.

Little indulgences with little consequences brought on overconfidence.  New Years Eve was celebrated with an extravagance that I'd been looking forward to.  A beautiful bottle of wine I purchased before Christmas just for the occasion.   We had a lovely gathering of friends and so much laughter that sides were sore and voices were left gritty.  I knew there would be a consequence but it was an infrequent indulgence....a day or two of my body being sore would be okay (alcoholic beverages are on my no-no list of items that will cause a reaction.  I generally indulge lightly only every few months.)...but not this time.  

"Sometimes God has to put us flat on our backs before we are looking up at Him."

~ Jack Grahm

Tis true.  However unpleasant these times are I know that that I will glean so much from them.  More than a week later and my body is still reacting.  Still tender and sore, weak and shaky. But....looking up at Him is more productive and peace producing than anything else I could be doing in this life.  While my body is disturbed, my heart and mind are totally at rest.   It is good.  

Together, as I've laid in a nest of pillows, He's shown me my focus for this year.  Scripture as my outline and two phrases to remember.

• Read the Sermon on the Mount - Matthew 5,6, 7 - and read it often.
• Read scripture daily - I will be using a bible ap on my iPod to read through the New Testament and Psalms.  
• 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
• Joshua 1:8-9 "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it.  For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.  Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
• James 1:2-4 "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."
• Be buoyant.
• "If it matters, you make the time.  If it doesn't, you make excuses." ~Ann Voskamp

I don't know what lies ahead but He does.  I trust that this focus, His anchor, will keep me buoyant through whatever comes our way and hopefully, by that trust....I can be His light to help guide others through the waves.

Blessings to you for solid beginnings, a view where your horizon is full of opportunity and joy that keeps you buoyant.

the Mrs.

If you teach a man to fish....

Opportunities knock.

To be in a unique place, time or relationship.

The most unexpected of blessings.   You weren't looking for it, asking for it or even thinking about it....and then there it is.   Out of nowhere, you are over the moon crazy about it.  You are willing to fight and sacrifice all while being totally baffled at how instant it was.   It changes you....how you see the world.

A random encounter last May at a wedding brought something completely off my radar and put it right in my face.  It was a God moment....one of those instances where He grips your heart and you cannot even conceive of not acting on the request.  Never in my wildest dreams would I have guessed that I'd be in the place I am right now.

Its a girl.

We have adopted her right into our hearts and love her like crazy.
Okay she isn't a girl.  She's a full grown woman.  A beautiful, 27 year old, blue eyed, sassy creation that loves the Lord and people in a way I've never encountered and she blows my mind every time she talks.

We adopted a missionary.

I didn't realize it all those months ago.  It's a small thing to do, I thought.  We agreed to be a regular supporter while she was in New Zealand for her second season, this time in leadership.  Working through YWAM first in a school setting then co-leading a group out into the mission field.

"Missionary." It always had this untouchable, strange, Mother Theresa vibe about it.....people who dressed funny and went out into the jungle and tried to bring Jesus to people who probably couldn't understand them.  It was a totally foreign, alien concept.  Probably because I really didn't think about it much....didn't really make time to even listen.

Now, my eyes are opened and I'm learning.  The phrase "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.  Teach a man to fish and he'll eat for a lifetime."  It just keeps coming to me.  She is raising up missionaries in a missionary school....in my ignorant nutshell of a description.  How beautiful is that?  One pebble tossed into the lake creates ripples but toss a handful of pebbles in and watch how far those ripples reach.

I never expected how profoundly it would effect me....us.  How it would expand our view of love...  How God's power would be on display.  How deeply touched my heart would be or how many tears I'd shed for this....near stranger that was becoming like a child to me.   Birthed into my heart.  How much God would expand my understanding of how He works.....across space and time and that He would choose me...me to speak comfort and love to someone on the other side of the world.  Something I thought was so small....was revealed to be much bigger than I ever anticipated.

It's been humbling, confusing and amazing all at once.

She's being called to go again.  This time she has a mere 6 weeks to raise the funds for a full year.   There's a travel visa to purchase, plane ticket, a new backpack to live out of on outreach....supplies I had no idea were needed.

I want to introduce you to her.
Our little missionary child....Mandi.
Prayerfully consider if the Lord may want you to help support her too.  I could not be more proud of her, who she is, her heart for the Lord or the way she loves people with every cell in her being.

This is a young woman who will change nations, one heart at a time.


Blessings to you of abundance, grace and a cup that overflows.
the Mrs.

Out of the muck.

Analysis paralysis.

A good friend asked the Facebook world if they have those moments when everything gets so overwhelming that you just freeze because you have no idea where to start.  One of the comments named the moment: Analysis paralysis.   Quite clever, accurate really.

The timing was interesting as just the day before I was having one of those days.  The world felt heavy.  I was in my head, trying to keep a million plates spinning.  This typically results in an outward display of nothingness....as all my hard work is in my head and my body just can't follow that act.

I've experienced this a million times and typically the result has been me wallowing in the muck. My nature is to nurture and sometimes I can get a little lost in the needs of those around me.  Wallowing in the muck only produces more muck in my attitude.   I would go to this place of self pity.  A "Where am I in all this?  Look at all the good that I do! What about ME!" place.  Its ugly and worldly.  A "lookit me" display of epic proportions, danced out in my head with interpretive ribbon dances and wildly cheering fans (generally they are all me as well).  Interpretive dance....frankly, it makes me laugh inappropriately.   It's ridiculous.  Somehow, the Lord gets in there and grabs my face, pulling my attention away from myself just long enough that I can snap out of the prideful haze I've created.
 
This time, I changed the game.  This time I chose to look at it from another angle.  This time I felt myself slipping into the muck and said No.  Not this time.  Instead I took time to stop and feel overwhelmed and then ask myself why, what was so big?  I started to talk with the Lord about what I was feeling and the extensive list in my head.......some were tasks, some were people in general that were weighing on my heart, some were upcoming events and things needed to plan for, frustration at playing calendar cop and getting nowhere, Christmas shopping, people asking for help or guidance, people placed on my heart to intercede for, Mr studying like crazy for the next test and then leaving for a week of training, gifts to make, regular household duties and cooking.....there was sooo much going on in my head!

First, I needed it out of my head.  I pulled out a notebook and laid it on my desk with a pen.  At the top I wrote "Write it down - THEN sort it out".   I moved though the next few hours of general tasks just thinking, talking with the Lord about everything and as something was brought to mind, on the list it went.  Slowly the overwhelming feeling started to release.  As it did, I started to become aware that I was overwhelmed because I was trying to be in charge of it all.  I was trying to keep all the plates spinning by myself.  Instead.....I should have taken the plates down and put them in His hands to hold....the only safe, unbreakable place.

My perspective started to shift.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed I started to feel incredibly blessed.....overwhelmingly blessed.  Instead of feeling self important, I felt humble.....how blessed am I that people trust me with their heart, count on me for guidance, stability and support?  People have confidence in me and feel safe to be vulnerable with me, trusting that I will comfort them and remind them of His Truth in their life.  ......suddenly, instead of feeling prideful and puffed up......I became keenly aware of how utterly insufficient I am apart from Him.  There is nothing I can do for any of them without Him.  A whole new kind of "overwhelmed" came over me.  Suddenly, it all looked different.

It was still a full page of "stuff" to figure out.  There are still a lot of tasks to try and manage.  The "stuff" didn't change, but how I see it did.  Did the heaviness disappear instantly?  No.  It got a lot lighter and still is.....but that's because I'm still loosening my grip on it.  Still translating inside what I'm trying to keep control of, what my job actually is.

Reminding myself that its not about me.  Even when I want it to be.  I'm just a tool.  Time to clear the muck out of the conduit, ensure the lines are clear so there's no more interference.

"Peace I leave you; My peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."   ~ John 14:27

Blessings for clear lines, clear perspective and only blessings that are overwhelming.

the Mrs.

the cake to my diabetic soul.

"The Devil knows just what I like and just how I like it." ~ Deon Sanders

I'm not typically given to quoting athletes but I heard him say this once and it struck me as a deep truth to remember.  So into my quote book it went.

It comes to mind often....surprisingly often actually.  One of those things that makes me aware of the Lord's deep caring of my character.  The Devil may know my buttons to push but the Lord knows me, as a whole person and provides the reminders He knows that I need.

Have you ever taken a class on spiritual gifts? When I first took the class I'd never heard of "spiritual gifts" before, even having attended christian schools all my life.  It was new to me and it opened my eyes to how specially the Lord had been working in my life in a way I'd not been equipped to see before.  My relationship with the Lord became more intimate and I saw that I had a useful purpose in life - I was useful to Him!  It was a major marker in my faith walk.  Like with anything though it can have it's drawbacks.

While taking this class was tremendously positive, it lacked a firm focus on the fact that gifts are only a tool.  We are tools and like a hammer, are only useful if the carpenter picks us up to use us.  Gifts are not individual super powers to be used willy nilly.  They do not make one person more important or special than another.  A hand is no more important than a foot.  We don't praise the hammer for pounding the nail, we praise the carpenter for his skills in knowing just the right tools to use.  It should be the same with us.  We are only as useful as our relationship is close to Him.  The farther we get the more rust forms and we don't quite function as accurately or efficiently as we could.

The farther we get, the more credit we take, the more we depend on ourselves instead of Him.   Suddenly we find ourselves as a hammer on a bench glowing about how wonderful and awesome we are, yet completely useless.  Nonfunctional and totally unaware of how far we've slipped.

Been there, done that.

The thing is, we help each other get there too.  We give each other credit for the amazing things that happen as a result of our prayers.  I'm rambling off target again, I know but stay with me.  When we know what someones gift is, we give them the credit instead of God. We reduce them to that gift, tie them to it and limit them to its use.  People have often referred to me as a "Prayer Warrior".  A title that indulged my gluttonous ego. I loved it and it sucked me in to a place where I felt powerful and singled out......and every time it would cause me to stumble and fall face first into the fluffy frosted sweetness.  My gift became my badge, my identity and then who I was as a whole person seemed to disappear to everyone - including me - except God.  In His wisdom He would pull me away from whatever I was doing and set me back into a sort of "time out".   Seclusion, not isolation, but a quiet time where opportunities for me to put my foot in my mouth were farther apart, compliments were not needed, where silence helped me review and see things with new eyes, talk to Him, confess and repent...again.  Followed by a refreshment and a newly adjusted perspective.  I've been in an extended time out.  He's shown me what ministry He wants me to do and cleared me of assumptions and rules I thought I needed to follow.  He stopped my running after peace and made me sit and experience it as He put it in my lap.

He's shown me my weakness and He's shown me how it is fed.  Compliments and credit.  Now He is teaching me how to turn my weakness into a way to glorify Him.  I've so much to learn here....how to phrase a correction, turn a compliment into a praise of Him...redirecting their attention to Him and off of me.  Some respond with an intense tone that I need to stop being so "humble" and accept the praise and ownership that He has blessed me with "tremendous gifts".   No.  Here is the plain ugly truth:

I am as arrogant and prideful as they come.   Jesus and the Devil both know it too.  Compliments turn me into a fat kid in a room full of cake and no supervision.  Jesus knows I have to turn my nose up at a compliment like its poison because the temptation to stuff my pride with those luscious words is too great a detriment to my diabetic soul.  

How to handle those moments?  I haven't mastered that yet.  Right now I think I verbally flail around until the delectable morsel ends up knocked in the dirt.  It's awkward and ungraceful....and can border on offending.  On the upside I didn't devour it.......though sometimes I do secretly dig it out of the dirt.  While my spirit is covered in dirt filled frosting I turn to Him and don't even have to say "oops I did it again".  He knows.

When you know the Lord has used someone in your life to bless you......affirm them by telling them that the Lord has used them in a mighty way to bless you in your life.  Share it with them but give credit where credit is due.....to Him and Him alone.  

"The Devil knows just what I like and just how I like it." 

Frosted.

Blessings of grace and truth, moments of beauty free from flailing.

the Mrs.

can't escape my own awesome

Okay, so I suck at this whole blogging on a regular basis business.   It's not that I don't think of it, it's just that when I do I start posting in my head and then "oh shiny" and it's all gone like someone bumped the etch-a-sketch and I'm like whatever, it's all messed up and now I have nothing to say.

What have I been doing?  Being awesome.

I know, modesty.  Anyhoo...so I made pickled veggies upon request from a friend.  Apparently they were awesome and that made me awesome and now that's the only reason they are friends with me.  They did it all for the pickles.   See....they say I'm awesome.

These same pickle lovin peeps had a party last friday.  I made vegan sugar free, dairy free banana bread.....oh dear, I don't recommend it.  It tasted great but the texture was....goobery....that's accurate as I can get it.  In the garbage it went.  It was an Xbox 360 party because they just got one.  My guys were beyond excited and I was all oh geez here we go, I'll never hear the end of how awesome it is and they will drive me crazy. I do have to disclose that we currently have a deal going with the Dude.  When he was really sick - I think I posted about this - we discussed with the doctor what his healthy weight range was and the conclusion was that he needed to lose a little over 20 lbs.  She didn't want him doing anything about it until he was back to normal of course but she actually said that an Xbox 360 with Kinect was a great way to go for someone who wasn't really into competitive sports and had a hard time finding purposeful ways to be active.  Doh.  So that's when the guys really started to amp up the "but Mo-om!"  I was all "no way" but as cold weather started to approach and we realized that the Dude needs some motivation we decided to strike a deal.  If he could lose half of the total pounds he needs to lose, we will get the Xbox to help him finish losing the rest.  Once we own it a minimum of 50% of anything played on the system is required to be physical.  In other words, I better not catch you sitting down.  He is doing well so far and I think the party was good motivation now that he has a taste of it.

We played a party game that randomly selected different sports that two teams competed at.  We had two teams of 4.  I was impressed with how accurate the Kinect was in reading the movements.  Also it was awesome to not have to hold a controller.

I am the boxing champ.  I was defeated only once....the very last match when my arms simply wouldn't move right anymore.  It was hilarious and my arms were complete and total jello at the end.  Also, they were sore for days.  Also.....I admit, reluctantly, that I loved it.  It was so cool and so much easier without controllers.

Last night the guys decided to pull out the boxing game we have for wii and start working on their skills cuz momma whooped em both!  So now I have to get back into it to stay ahead of them.  I forgot how fun it is I haven't been working out like that for a long time.  I believe my level of soreness revealed that quite nicely too....   Also....I hit myself in the face several times with the cord.....have I mentioned that not having controllers was really nice?  Guess who's on the band wagon?

I did find this crazy killer core workout that is super easy to do at home, no equipment or anything!
I found it on pinterest and then tracked it to the original posters blog.  WOW.  This chick is ripped and amazing.  Really inspiring.  Check it out here:  The Petite Athlete

The 30-day challenge ends today.  I'm looping back around to start it all over again.  The scripture is great and I feel like I need to work on more of the details of the challenge.  There was this amazing clarity that came through about attitude in general and I really felt that this 30 days ended up being about changing and growing me.  Widening my eyes about my own attitude and becoming more aware of my words and examining what they reflect about what is going on in my heart.   Now I'm going to do it again and try to be more deliberate in the areas that I fell short - the more specific statements and encouragements that were supposed to be delivered to Mr.  I don't think he missed them but he certainly deserves them.

I'll try to be back sooner.
Seriously.

Blessings of challenges met, eyes widened and a great big deep breath of awesome in your day!
the Mrs.

a random kinda week

Tis a week where routine flew out the window as if it was it's only hope of survival.

Mr is still studying his rear off and is actually ahead of schedule.  He's doing great!  We had our first work dinner - a welcome dinner.  It was wonderful and I couldn't stop smiling and nodding as his regional leader described the way the company works, the culture of how people interact with each other and how families are appreciated.  So much confirmation that this has been the right move for our family in general but even more-so for Mr to be able to merge into this wonderful work environment that so suits him.  Makes the transition even more exciting!  No delusions that the first 2 years won't be difficult but when you know that you are where the Lord wants you, even difficult times come with great peace.

Halloween is over - and I'm grateful. November is here and finally joining its temperatures that arrived ahead of it.

Remember that "Daily Do's" worksheet I made for myself?  I now have 3 100 sheet notepads of it!  I'm kinda excited about that...go figure.  I know....I'm a nerd.  But it is super helpful to have a reference point and all things on one page.  Sure makes my day go more smoothly!   Well....when the rest of the house is normal anyway....which has NOT been this week!

The 30-day challenge is on day 18 now - this morning I realized I totally forgot to read yesterdays!  Whoops!  I've decided that I'm going to loop it and start all over from the beginning when its done.  I love the insights and the daily challenges but I am finding that the broader applications are actually distracting from the more specific actions with my Mr.  An attitude of encouragement toward him is less of a challenge for me, it's one I've intentionally worked on for many years.  It has actually been challenging me in how I treat and encourage the world I encounter.  How I think, speak and generally interact with everyone.  Its really neat how it seems to be affecting all the women in the same way, opening up how their mind works, paying attention to their attitude in general.  The feedback has been really fun to read and quite similar.   In eliminating the ability to be negative and intentionally speaking positive it is affecting how they think, feel and generally interact with people.   VERY COOL!

While I am supposed to be encouraging my Mr....I came home from errand day to find a surprise on the counter of beautiful pink roses and a seriously sweet card from him!  It was so neat!  Then as I finished up putting things away he came up to comment that he had a couple things to talk about and as I rounded the corner there was a little gift bag sitting on the coffee table!  The stinker had run out while I was gone to do all this.  In the gift bag was a new iPod Touch 5!  I was totally shocked and didn't know what to say!  There were lots of giddy hugs and crazy shocked faces from me!  What a neat unexpected blessing!  I do not have a cell phone, nor do I want one but, I did have his old iPod touch.  We are absolutely awful about pictures.  One day our kids are going to give us a really hard time about that!  The ipod simply didn't have enough megapixels to take decent quality pictures and we know that a camera just isn't going to get used.  So his phone and my ipod  are our family cameras.  I had tried ordering prints of pictures I had taken and they couldn't even be printed due to the poor quality.  The Dude started campaigning for mom to get a new ipod so he could get the hand me down. :)  Needless to say, he is THRILLED that mom got a new ipod! HA!

I knew a new ipod would be nice but as I am learning how to better put it to use, I am realizing the greater blessings that comes with it.  The ability to set reminders, organize calendars, send notes and reminders to family, use siri to dictate spontaneous things.....my broken brain is so blessed by these applications!  To be able to set a reminder for my son for after school and eliminate the struggle to try and remember it all day is huge!  Yes, writing it down is good but that means I also have to remember to read it and then speak it later....which more often than not doesn't happen during that frame of time it needs to.   I am so excited to have a tool to help me remember things!

I'm feeling good and like getting this week back on the tracks!  I have some organizing things I want to do - new folders and things to revamp my home binder and some cork tiles for the inside of the cupboard.

Blessings on your day for beauty and excitement in all the small things!
the Mrs.

Witnessed in Target....

A family scoping out the dollar section, both kids (aged about 11-13) trying on turkey hats.   ....all smiles and laughter.......I smiled right back at them.

A young, frustrated mom with a 2-3 year old.  Angry voiced and ordering...I heard the 1-2-3 loud and clear at least 4 times from the other side of the isle wall.  Empty threats were made.....at every location I saw them.   Angry voice and a near empty cart.   .....put him in the cart, your angry voice won't be needed and maybe he will see his mommy smile from there......I wanted to say.

A gentleman on a cell phone greets the person on the other end with "Hello, love of my life! I just found something....."  .....I smiled as I wandered away thinking of my own Mr.

Another young mom with a little one, closely supervising him inspect picture frames.  The language was gentle but firm.... "Be careful please, we must be gentle with things that can break."  ......careful, positive instruction warms my heart.   

Two separate women on an ear-bud type phone....talking loudly.   ......both make me chuckle.....I wonder if they realize how crazy they appear.

I wandered with a smile on my face.   Each person whose eye I met received a smile just for them.  Some seemed a bit befuddled and others lit up with their own.

A smile.  It is a free gift to the world that keeps on giving.

Blessings to you for miles of smiles that emanate from within and pass on the blessing to others.
the Mrs.

organizing my thoughts...

...and my day.

Yesterday was one of those days where I wish there was some kind of Bean-O for the brain.   I couldn't seem to maintain any train of thought and caught myself just sitting there or wandering trying to figure out what on earth to do next.  I wanted to do none of it.  It was the brain fartiest of days.

So in an attempt to wake the sleeping hamster in the wheel I had two cups of coffee.  It didn't work.  Yes, I know, I "gave it up" but I'm not blindly cutting things out for all time so that I feel restricted.  I'm making choices.   Coffee is not a "can't" it's a "I don't want it daily".  Though, in the last week I've been hitting that slump that comes when sleep hasn't quite been as restful or long as it should be for too many days.  So I've been reaching for what is easy and tastes oh so yummy.   So yesterday, in a brief moment of coffee induced clarity, I realized that the coffee was probably part of the problem.  My water intake hasn't been where it usually is either.  I've not dropped to a point where I can push the precious save button on the scale in a couple of weeks and I've not been as organized in my work day as I'd like to be.

Time to get organized!

I use a planner and calendar.  But that really isn't enough.  I have my pre-made seasonal schedules that are a great guide but on a day to day basis - especially while so much is still shifting in this season of transition - I need something daily that I can modify.  There are scriptures I feel drawn to spend time in, blog posts I think I should write, people I should connect with and because it is basically just floating around in my skull it's not happening.  What I do know is that when I get really organized and get it out of my head and visually onto paper, I am much more efficient with managing my day, time and tasks.  The wonderful result is that my interactions with people become deeper and more intentional.

I need something daily.  Something to fill out and check off as I go.  Yep, I ended up on Pinterest.  I know.....you knew it.    I ended up at Simple Mom and found her free printable "Daily Docket".  It was oh so close to what I wanted but needed some modification to fit my goals.

Yep.....I'm a technological genius and have no idea why this came out sideways.  Nor how to change it.

But I'm guessing you can get the idea.  Basically this is my first try and I already have modifications I want to make.   Essentially what you see is: Top left - water intake.  I use 20oz bottles so I have 3 water glasses to check off.  The narrow bar on the top right is for the day or date.  Left column: "training ~ focus" is for a scripture or thought that I'm focusing on.  Right now that would be the verse of the day for the 30-day challenge. "Events" - meetings, tests, birthdays etc - highlight items to be aware of.  "Priority Items" - things that need to get done if nothing else does. "Daily's" - this would be where my seasonal schedule comes in.  Here is where I will put my regular daily household tasks.  These are to be done first before other tasks, I'll get to that one in a minute.  Right hand column: "meet Me here" - scripture, devotional, whatever I'm pulled to or working through.  "Whats for dinner" - I think that one is easy....but there is also a "prep" spot there so I know if I need to pull something out to thaw or the prep might take extra time.  "Connect with" - emails, phone calls etc.  "Organizing extras" - this is the project area.  The space where those random things creep into the day that I want to tackle but distract me from my "daily's".  Now, I can write it down and once the daily's are done, I can move on to this spot.  "Tomorrow" - things that didn't get done, extras I don't want to forget or just reminders.  The bottom has a "sometime this week" spot for random things.  

I'd like to redistribute some of the space, the "daily's" box is larger than I need and a "Notes" area would be helpful so I don't have random notebooks all over with things written that I find a month later....  Keeping things in one place where I can address it and organize it in conjunction with my planner will stream line things and free up extra time that I would otherwise spend wandering about the house between chores.  Not to mention the amount of notebooks lying around.  I might even get more of those "52" things checked off! 

Today will be the test run, notes on how to modify it and such and see just how much it helps.  Granted today is not a day full of tasks.  I'll be pickling veggies at the request of a friend but today is officially "food processing/cooking day" so it works.  I don't always use it as such but today I will. 

Blessings for organized productivity to you, with dashes of inspiration.

the Mrs.

30-day Husband Encouragement Challenge - day 5

It's been an odd kind of week.  The first week of the big transition......it totally would have been nice for it to start off on a relatively normal week.  On the plus side it's been a good opportunity for the kids to see how to encourage someone.  They have been around to watch me prepare cards and little treats and see his face when he sees all three of us come down the stairs with a card we all signed and a mason jar full of chex mix that Wonderteen made.  These are the moments they learn from.  Today they might be small but my hope is that they will stick and one day emerge in their own marriage, illuminated by a whole new perspective on what it meant.

Yesterday's verse: "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers." Eph. 4:29

(Note: As I share about this challenge I'll be speaking about the prior day...because, lets face it I'm not going to give away the days surprises.  I know that Mr reads this and there will be no spoiler alerts!)

This "Husband Challenge" feels more far reaching than I anticipated.  Its not just applicable to our husbands but to the world we encounter.  Family, friends, strangers....anyone who happens to be in front of us.  One of the effects I've noticed (but not been pleased with) is that where I've been disciplining myself to not bring down my husband, my words and tone have been a bit more negative with our kids.  I'm trying to be more aware of what that is, why that is and trying to be aware of it before it is spoken instead of after.  It could be due to the nature of this week......never truly alone, the sound of cartoons in my ear (like right now I have Spongebob yelling in my ear because the TV in the living room is literally 3 feet to the left of my desk), its not been a good week for sleep - Mr is restless and each night my sleep is filled with dream after intense dream that leaves me tired in the morning but without memory of what they were other than it was crazy intense.

The Lord is stirring something within me during this time that I can only describe as intense because I don't have direction for it.  My desire is to get into my bible to listen and search but the house is just not equipped to provide the quiet I need at this time.  Do you ever have those times where He just plants words, phrases and comments from all kinds of random sources that seem to be lit up in neon to pay attention to?  That's what He's up to in my life right now.   In that place where I know He is up to something because my spirit is so agitated that I can physically feel it....buzzing....vibrating with....I'm not even sure what yet.

There inlays an additional challenge.....pursue whatever this is that the Lord is pressing in with while maintaining an intentional focus on my husband without falling into a temptation to direct all my focus onto what the Lord is doing in my own life. Also....attempting to carve out moments to address these things with Him, seek out the scriptures He is presenting even though the timing is not convenient.... Maybe....these are part of the experience......testing my focus, working out those muscles of discipline and awareness.  The Lord is never singularly focused.  He is the multitasker of all mutitaskers. :)

Today, focus will be on my Mr.  It's his birthday today!  He has roughly a half day of studying but after that it will be a day of spoiling and fun!  I can't wait to give him his gifts and see his face.  He's been working so hard and has had focus I know that I couldn't pull off in his shoes, watching him makes me burst with pride and love and I may easily become the gushiest wife on the planet that makes people want to hurl.

But that's okay, I don't mind.

Blessings to you of edifying speech, a guard over your mouth that only allows passage to words filled with grace.
the Mrs.  

30-Day Challenge Day 2

What a week to start....filled with opportunity to encourage and test my self discipline.

It's Mr's birthday this coming weekend.  Monday started his first day of his new job - which is basically to study his brains out so he can pass his series 7 and 66 exams before Christmas.  It also happens to be MEA week here and the Dude is off school Wednesday through Friday and Wonderteen will be here tonight for a bit, then off to a church group sleepover and then back here during the day tomorrow.  During all this Mr needs to be studying downstairs in his new home office.  

He has a rigorous schedule to keep up with.  Daily quizzes and tests need to be accomplished and the schedule is 6 days a week.  This was an opportunity to set up a nice space for him downstairs.  I purchased black shelves and frames for the wall, ordered some prints from Shutterfly so he can have some nice pictures on the wall and set up a buffet surface with some healthy snacks, tissues, paper plates and such just like he had in his work office.  Uncluttering was maybe the biggest job as that particular area had become a catchall for the random things removed from other areas of the house.  Now he has a nice chair and coffee table along with his desk area so he can have a change of pace.

His birthday Saturday offers opportunities to bless him.  I decided to have fun with it and give him little gifts each day leading up to it.  Yesterday was flowers and a hilarious card that talks - "the pocket hot dog", it made us both laugh.  

The kids being home this week will present unique challenges.  Extra traffic to the basement shower, extra volume and footsteps....boredom and bodies upstairs in my space.  The practice of editing my words has been something I've been working on for many years now.  My mother was very negative and berating of my father.  Early in our marriage we both recognized those patterns coming through in my speech and it made neither of us happy.  In the beginning it was as if I had no control of it or clue as to how to choose different words.  My mind saw the down side, the 'poor me', finger pointing perspective all too easily.  If I couldn't edit my thoughts how would I ever edit what came out of my mouth?

My journey began there to change my view of the world, my circumstances and fully embrace the fact that all things are a choice.  My free will goes beyond just my ability to choose the Lord or reject Him.  I have the choice to train my mind.  I can choose how I see a situation, how I receive and react to words spoken to me, I can choose what I say and how I feel and what I think.  It is ALL a choice and to believe anything less is a lie, an excuse to not put in the work it takes.  

"out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" 

Matt 12:34b

What is the abundance of your heart?  Listen to your words and you'll find out.   If you think it isn't an accurate reflection.......look closer.  Either you are lying to yourself that your heart is filled with something other than it is, you are in denial about the tone of your words or you need to seriously ask yourself why your heart and your mouth don't match.  

It is a change that takes a lot of work.  I think when Mr told me that I had a joyful spirit I finally felt like I had purged out that person I thought I was genetically doomed to be.  I know there is a whole nature vs nurture theory but beyond my physical looks I choose to believe that what is in me, who I am, is not and will never be beyond my control to choose.  

So in this challenge I am encouraging my husband but I am also gifting him with an improved wife in the process.  A wife whose attitude is improved by the training of her mind.  

Things are in a big transition in our home and family.  This challenge couldn't come at a better time...time to train up my mind and make sure my attitude stays in check.  This is a time to not allow my circumstances to give me permission to be sour but to hold my mind and my tongue captive to obey Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5)  It is not my job to measure myself against another but to do and be what He asks of me.

Blessings to you for the discipline to hold your mind captive and discover the abundance of your heart, 

the Mrs.

A 30 Day Challenge.

Okay so maybe I didn't make it back yesterday...

A new challenge has presented itself.  One entirely different from the last.  Not about food, weight or exercise...or is it?  

The food would be His Word.
The weight would be the responsibility.
The exercise would be discipline...of the mind and the tongue.

While meandering through Pinterest last week I ran across a pin with a sweet looking picture of what appears to be a bride and groom sitting in the back of a truck bed at sunset.  The comment under it simply said "30-Day Husband Encouragement Challenge".  Intrigued, I followed the links.

What I found was something scriptural, focused genuinely on building up the man, daily entries were short and to the point, convicting without being condemning and gave a daily challenge that was entirely doable but also stretching.  My first reaction was to simply pin it to my "for our marriage" board and check it out later.  The Lord seemed to have other plans.  It didn't just sit quietly at the back of my brain.  It jumped full force to the front of my brain with full out jazz hands that could not be ignored.  A list of wives slowly came to mind....some who would simply enjoy the beauty that it existed and others who would love the guide and encouragement to the season in life they are in.  Share it.  So I did.

My expectation was at zero.  I thought I'd share it and if I got any response back it would be a "Thanks, that's neat!"  and nothing else.  What I got.....was much more.  Inbox messages of thanks and confession of struggling in the area.  Requests to do this as a group and support each other.   Surprise was about all I could muster at first.....then I had to chuckle at the Lord a bit.  He knows my passions, He knows my buttons and where to get me.  This would be it.  Being a godly wife by the Book is one of my greatest passions, held second only to my passion at being as consistently Christ-like as I can be - which I am significantly less successful at.  But the two connect and stretch each other....and encouraging another wife in this area is exciting.  Four, is even more!

Yesterday was our first official start date.  On day One the two challenges are set up:

1. You can't say anything negative about your husband...to your husband...or to anyone else about your husband.
2. Say something that you admire or appreciate about your husband...to your husband and to someone else about your husband.

What came to my mind was "hold your mind captive to the obedience of Christ" the verse in 2 Corinthians 10.  So When I went to look it up I found that all of Chapter 10 was just pure goodness on this subject.  Not specifically for wives but on the discipline of the mind and how that is so important.  A mind run loose is a dangerous thing and it can trample anyone, yourself included.  

Sound interesting?  Want to join in?

Here's the link: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/static/challenges/1-30DayHusbandChallenge.pdf

Blessings for a disciplined mind and tongue and encouragement that flows easily from and to you.

the Mrs.

Mission Accomplished.

Welcome to my garage....the party went beautifully and we had SO much food!  I did manage to take pictures before everything got started but as per usual, we forgot to take any pictures of anything during the gathering.  We are awful about pictures!  And the quality of mine are not so good as I'm using my old ipod touch. 

But here's how I set things up:

<-  This is the view from the side door, what you'd see as you entered.  Mr hung my garden sheets along the back wall so it would look nicer than staring at shelving and lawn equipment.

Two tables were put together in the middle - I wanted to make sure that conversation could flow and no one's back was to anyone during dinner.  On the other side is a seating area I set up so if people got tired of sitting at the table there were more comfortable chairs.

The "Rescue Center".  Tums, mints and tissues.  This was just as you entered the door.  There were also folded 3x5 cards and a sharpie for people to record what their dish was.

The start of the feast.  My Garden Bench converted to buffet.   An old burgundy flat sheet covered everything perfectly. At the right, is the start - silverware, large disposable plates and napkins.

 The end before all the desserts got there. Smaller plates, more napkins and a sharpie. I covered the tool bench with brown craft paper and on this area people wrote on the craft paper what the dish was!  It was slick!  I also put out a bowl of apples...granted that was more for me than others because I couldn't eat much but I wasn't the only one who had one. :)

Here is a shot of the two tables put together.  Those are not table cloths....they are curtains!!  I found them on clearance and bought a coordinating kitchen towel to go down the center.  Cheap and a perfect fit!  Now I can reuse them next year and for other parties too! 

Here is what the center of the tables looked like.  Extra napkins under the pumpkins, candles floating in mason jars with cranberries and two sets of salt and pepper so no one needs to reach or pass.

The bar area.  A few things for mixing, a recycle bin, alcoholic drinks in the white cooler and non in the red.  There were some napkins, stir sticks and more mini pumpkins and candles.  This is actually an old sewing machine cabinet that I bought a few years ago from Goodwill but my machine never made it in there so....I'm giving it up to the fire pit.  It made a nice cocktail table though!

The final shot - warmth.  The silver cylinder you see is a borrowed propane heater.  It worked SO wonderfully that people didn't need coats!  We even opened the side door a few times.  It was wonderful.  The two laundry baskets you see are filled with blankets and extra sweatshirts - just in case.  Didn't need any of them.

It was so much fun and I laughed so hard that my voice got all gravely like I was an old smoker.  My face hurt and so did my abs.  Best work out there ever was! :)  

The list of food, you ask???  Okay, here it is.... Stuff made with beer:  Thai Chili, Corn bread, Fruit Salsa, Pulled BBQ Chicken, Pork sliders, Garlic basil mashed potatoes, Mac and Cheese, Peanut Brittle, Vanilla pudding Bunt Cake, Chocolate cupcakes, jello shooters.  Non - beer foods: Vegan sloppy joes, apple slab pie.     Honestly I think I'm forgetting things.....there was that much food!

Blessings for a wonderful week to you!

the Mrs.

I may be back later today for another post on a whole other surprise challenge that came up!

Challenge accepted.

Sometime early this year.....or perhaps late last year but at some point in the past I cannot exactly pinpoint...we gathered a few friends to a challenge.  My Mr and a guy friend started to chat about beer and somehow ended up on cooking and the two fell together into a vote I wasn't there for.

We had our first Beer Dinner challenge - the Beta test.  I know, the name is entirely too creative.  Not entirely sure how well it would go, we moved forward and everyone was asked to come up with a dish, dessert or whatever they could think of, that they could infuse beer into.  The Beta Test was a Surly challenge.   It was all about one brand of beer and using any of the flavors they make.  The results were outrageously, ridiculously amazing.  People drooled and raved and broke out in the meat sweats and fell into swollen belly comas while laughing way too hard.  A second event was demanded.

You're curious aren't you.....you want to know what on earth was so good we needed to do it a second time.   Here's a list to the best of my memory:  Bender beef stew, Coffee Bender chili (I think), beer bread, Chocolate cake with bender frosting, Coffee Bender Chocolate Cheesecake, Furious Glazed Salmon Puffs (Profiteroles were also made with Furious), Bender Bacon Mushroom Meatloaf (pretzels instead of bread crumbs), Coffee Bender marinated steaks rubbed with a coffee brown sugar dry rub, Abrasive Jello Jigglers,   salad with....a dressing made with beer I can't remember and I know there's more I'm forgetting.  But you get the point.

This weekend will be Beer Dinner 2.0.  Any beer is fair game and the guest list doubled.  The Mr and I get a tad carried away....our list has topped out at 8.   So far I have Hell Fire Pickles and Furious Peanut Brittle.  The Toffee kinda went all wrong so attempt #2 will be today along with the much demanded Bender Bacon meatloaf I made last year, the sober-Vegan Sloppy Joes and Amazeballs.  I'll be in the kitchen if you need me....for the rest of the week.  Tomorrow I clean the house, make the jigglers and any last minute cooking things I can think of.  Then Saturday will be the Rogue Doughnut pork sliders, the 21+ Mac n Cheese and decorating the garage for the event.

Here's the funny part.....ya know all those food issues I have? I can't eat any of the food with beer in it.  Thus...the "sober" vegan sloppy joes and Amazeballs.  I'm actually thinking I'll be doing a gluten free Apple Slab pie too since one of our friends is gluten free and I'm not sure how much she will be able to eat either.  So the challenge for me is to cook things I can't eat or taste and have them actually turn out not only edible but tasting of awesome.....because, lets face it, I do have a reputation to uphold.

On other challenge notes......what do you do when you don't really own table cloths (I know, I know, my membership to womanhood should be revoked, but I'm okay with that) but are trying to make a party in your garage not look like.....a party in your garage....   You opt for creative solutions.  Knowing that this party will most likely become an annual event I made the executive decision that I need to get supplies that will be reused so I am not spending a fortune on disposable table stuff every year.  I was on a mission to find some nice table cloths I could use over and over in fall-ish colors.   Much to my dismay I found that all table cloths of any decent size were at least $16 and I need at least 3.   Time to employ creativity.  I found 3 clearance curtain panels in chocolate and eggplant for less than $10 a piece, a clearance set of napkins (to use under candle centerpieces) for $5, 3 different kitchen towels for $4 and a few candles from the dollar store will get things looking a bit nicer and smelling a bit less "garage".  A bag of cranberries, some tea-light candles freed from there little metal containers, some raffia and mason jars will be the center pieces along with the tiny little pumpkins I got last week.

I will do my best to take pictures......but we know I suck at doing that.

I'm excited to see if we can pull this off......well.....okay I know we can easily pull it off but I'm actually excited to see if I can pull off making a garage look nice for a party and not have everyone freeze to death.

Challenge accepted.

Blessings of fall fun to each of you,
the Mrs.