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Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Be still my pondering heart...

years ago in a church class we did an exercise where each of our names were put up on the board in a box.  Everyone was to put one word about the person whose name was in the box.   A common exercise, I think, usually done on paper and kept private.   This was used as an illustration.

One of the words used to describe me has stuck with me as clearly as the beautiful face of the woman who wrote it, turned to me and smiled with such a motherly glow I'll never forget it.  ~pondering~ 

In that moment I didn't really get it....maybe that's why it stuck with me.....I've pondered it ever since. :)  It's true though....she pegged me.   With the attention span of a toddler I wander form thing to thing pondering it to the deepest depths I am able to reach until I am, at the time, fully satisfied.   Then I wander to ponder the next curiosity.
Lately I find myself pondering decorating...or more accurately redecorating certain spaces to better suit the needs of my maturing family......I ponder the need to purge items that have been collected over the years and kept 'just in case' or handed down and held onto for reasons that are more heart related than any chance they'd come out of a cupboard.    I ponder wanting to learn red work and wanting to dig through antique shops and thrift stores.....not so much out of need as that I miss those odd moments with my mother, the excitement of finding a treasure and the oddity of this woman who wanted me to be so high society digging through things right next to me and enjoying it just as much.   I ponder why I love old things....things worn with use and made with such purpose and thought.  I ponder my weight and if I'll ever be a shape that makes me comfortable in my own skin......and then ponder why my drive to succeed in that area is as short and weak as my attention span...

I ponder a little country ranch house that someday I hope we have......skills I hope I'll learn...disciplines I hope I master.....and how to slow down my ponderings so that perhaps I can begin to focus on one ponder at a time to move into reality.

....it may be slower but I guess for now, I'll toddle from ponder to ponder with a smile on my face for all the abundance of blessings in my heart.


Currently......beautiful little heirloom seedlings breaking through the surface of dirt....in plastic cups...under a grow light.....in my upstairs bathroom shower. :)   
 Lookit those li'l babies! :)

Blessings, the Mrs.

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