Been around people who at one time thought so highly of you that they would call at all hours just to receive advice or comfort from you.....then, as if some alternate reality took over....it seems that any words you speak need correction because they must be wrong?
The sheer extremes of it so boggle my mind each and every time it takes me days to attempt to disengage my emotion from it. A fact I do not like to admit. My value and self worth is not wrapped up in the opinions of others....especially those who reject me so deeply......but yet, it still hurts. If I had done something to deserve such disdain (if I have I do not have a clue what it is) it might be easier to accept something I deserve. If it had been swift and direct, that too might be easier to process. The slow push, the gradual process of watching people back away, change how they speak to you and to feel the process of being devalued, unneeded, unworthy....unloved.....by a group of people you poured yourself into for so long.....I admit, it leaves a wound easily reopened.
The positives abound but the emotions of it.....are just a little harder to shut down. To be so looked down on by a stranger would not be a blip on the radar but to be so looked down on by people who were so close....
My request is that He shows me the value in the hurt. That He reveals areas where I need to change and if I simply need more grace to give, that He teaches me to do that. If my value is too found in the eyes of others, rather than Him, that He reveals that and shows me how to correct it. All experience has value, even this.
Look for a lovely thing and you will find it.
Blessings for an abundance of lovely among the thorns,
the Mrs.
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