I'm loving every moment and living right in the moment of where we are, and not focused on where we might be in the next.
Is this some natural shift that happens in your mid 30's? Or is this my very own God orchestrated transition of the mind? There has been a tremendous mental shift for me in the last months. One that has filled me with a peace and calm that overrides all things. Don't get me wrong, I still get all kinds of anxious when there is way too much going on all at once, but even that is different and more short lived.
Don't waste today on tomorrow....or yesterday.
That seems to sum up where my focus is at. I want to be present in the here and now. In the moments with my family I want them to feel that I was actually there and not drifted off to the next thing. Not leaving them with memories of a wife and mother who was there physically but not actually present and there, for and with them. I am remembering a lot of not just the details and facts of when I was growing up but the feelings I had. The relationships I had with my family......or the complete and utter lack of them. The combination of complete and utter aloneness with the overwhelming pressure of being an axis point to which too many things revolved around. I am realizing as I watch my kids grow, how incredibly blessed they are to have lives that are filled with so little drama that I have to strain to try to understand the magnitude of what is "big" to them. How as a 16 year old I would have done anything to trade lives with my daughter. As an 11 year old......I could only dream to live life as simply and freely as my son does.
There is so much I want to impart to them....so much to share with them....I need to make a way for it to happen.
The weather here has been crisp and cool. So very fall like in nature that even some leaves have changed and fallen. I feel so tuned in to seeing transition right now. Its like this radar has been turned on and even the slightest, most subtle transitions jump out to greet me with this welcome I feel deep in my spirit.
It is the loveliest of times. I feel the most comfortably "me" I have ever felt in my life. The weight of expectation has been cast off....who I am supposed to be has no more importance. Resting in who I am, settling in to see who He is making me into.....safety bar locked and arms up.....just going with the flow and enjoying the ride. Life is different this way. Even the greatest of impending shifts to our lives creates not even a ripple of stress.
Whatever God is up to right now, I'm excited to see whats next.
Blessings to you for arms up joy in the ride of your life,