It feels odd to be in such a state of peace as we move closer to changes and transitions....excited even.
There is a quietness that is settled over me. As programs are rolled out for the fall church season and friends start asking what we will participate in.....I quietly and confidently say "I don't know". Because, I don't. I don't know what fall will bring, I don't know what middle school will look like for Dude. Will he need the down time, more time for homework or will he want to do after school programs? I don't know.....neither do I feel a strong pull toward anything. I simply feel this calm and an ease to go with the flow. That during this season in life I am not to make commitments.
Its a funny feeling to finally feel this settled in my spirit...makes me want to laugh.....perhaps that's the joy bubbling up. I love the season we are in!
I'm excited for our daughter that she is going to be a junior! That she is really coming into her own and has found she loves drama and is actually excited about tryouts. That she's excited about prom already and that she seems to have a new confidence and ease about her.
I'm excited for what middle school will be like for our son. Granted there are many prayers for him that it is NOTHING like my own experience. I love that he is so excited for the opportunities....all the clubs and extras that he wants to participate in (though I have a feeling we will have a conversation about how he can't do them all). I love that he is so relaxed, so at ease and confident at his age. It blows my mind. No nervousness at all....he never has. First day of school? Mom, get a grip, it's no big deal, I can walk myself in. Every year, not once, not even pre-school or kindergarten, would he let me walk him into class. He wanted to do it on his own. The first few years I think it was me who needed my hand held but now, he's taught me over the years that his first day experience is so much different than my own. Mine were full of nerves and questions and what-ifs...but his, relaxed and go with the flow.
As parents, its a new season for us. Our kids are so self sufficient now that I sometimes need to remind myself. We don't need babysitters anymore. That is so weird! The need for us to do things for them has changed and now what they need from us is guidance and teaching to do things on their own, building up their skill set. Its a great mental shift for mom.
I've been working on transitioning our home to better suit older kids and make the basement area function better for them to have friends over. It used to be the grown up hang out and now it's all about the kids. Gotta make it cool!
The household diet is changing so the menus will be changing, the day of the week I shop on has changed and what I buy has changed.
So many areas of transition.
Such great peace.
Blessings of anticipation for what the Lord has in store for you and protection from the desire to do anything but go with it.
the Mrs.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
the one with the 5 in the middle
I haven't wanted to totally jinx myself.
To say it out loud and claim it for fear it would become elusive again.
But I've seen it....that number with the mythical 5 in the middle.....and it didn't go anywhere.
one 5 nine
Its a 5. Not a 6. But a 5! That six got kicked in the arse and has made its way off to who cares where!
It was last week....Bon Jovi started to sing to me in my head about living on a prayer and being half way there. It was delightful.
I've since changed my weigh in methods. Numbers don't compute or stay well in my brain. My scale has memory functions and keeps track of my start weight, goal weight and 5 saved weigh ins at a time. It tells me how much I've lost total and how much I have left to lose. I was only saving my weight on Mondays and then periodically weighing in during the week to check in on how things were moving. The frustrating part would be the days that I would be down over 2lbs but at the end of the week the saved weight didn't show that highlight - or that after the good drop I'd gained back some. So, my new method: weigh in several times a week as I remember - but always on Mondays. When there is a good successful drop Save THAT one and track from that point to maintain motivation and drive - as well as the reward of success in hitting that save button on a good note! Those are the only numbers that get saved though. Only the good ones. So if I start to slip up....the scale feedback builds. Instead of a +.2 one week and then next being a +.1.2 I'll get the total of +1.4 so my brain will SEE that it's not JUST a small gain this week but SEE the accumulation of how far from that success point I am getting. To me that is more motivating - to be able to hit the save button again! :)
Oh 5, you are ever so lovely.
Added bonus.....I gave my daughter 3 pairs of my jeans. They required a belt and were saggy and baggy...totally unflattering and I wasn't going to wear them anymore. She's been waiting for that moment. She's already worn all three pairs. They look better on her anyway. She's 8 inches taller than I and they hit all the right places on her slender but curvy teen bod. I'm still pretty boxy in the middle. I think I accidentally got a mans rib cage, for a short chick I've always had this broad ribcage. Granted it does wonders for the 'girls' but really.....they don't need assistance the way they did in high school. Once school starts the Mr and I will be having a little shopping day of our own. I only have 3 pair of pants now....in total. Oh darn! :)
Blessings of your own kind of fabulous 5's in your life,
the Mrs.
To say it out loud and claim it for fear it would become elusive again.
But I've seen it....that number with the mythical 5 in the middle.....and it didn't go anywhere.
one 5 nine
Its a 5. Not a 6. But a 5! That six got kicked in the arse and has made its way off to who cares where!
It was last week....Bon Jovi started to sing to me in my head about living on a prayer and being half way there. It was delightful.
I've since changed my weigh in methods. Numbers don't compute or stay well in my brain. My scale has memory functions and keeps track of my start weight, goal weight and 5 saved weigh ins at a time. It tells me how much I've lost total and how much I have left to lose. I was only saving my weight on Mondays and then periodically weighing in during the week to check in on how things were moving. The frustrating part would be the days that I would be down over 2lbs but at the end of the week the saved weight didn't show that highlight - or that after the good drop I'd gained back some. So, my new method: weigh in several times a week as I remember - but always on Mondays. When there is a good successful drop Save THAT one and track from that point to maintain motivation and drive - as well as the reward of success in hitting that save button on a good note! Those are the only numbers that get saved though. Only the good ones. So if I start to slip up....the scale feedback builds. Instead of a +.2 one week and then next being a +.1.2 I'll get the total of +1.4 so my brain will SEE that it's not JUST a small gain this week but SEE the accumulation of how far from that success point I am getting. To me that is more motivating - to be able to hit the save button again! :)
Oh 5, you are ever so lovely.
Added bonus.....I gave my daughter 3 pairs of my jeans. They required a belt and were saggy and baggy...totally unflattering and I wasn't going to wear them anymore. She's been waiting for that moment. She's already worn all three pairs. They look better on her anyway. She's 8 inches taller than I and they hit all the right places on her slender but curvy teen bod. I'm still pretty boxy in the middle. I think I accidentally got a mans rib cage, for a short chick I've always had this broad ribcage. Granted it does wonders for the 'girls' but really.....they don't need assistance the way they did in high school. Once school starts the Mr and I will be having a little shopping day of our own. I only have 3 pair of pants now....in total. Oh darn! :)
Blessings of your own kind of fabulous 5's in your life,
the Mrs.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Can YOU say "transition" boys and girls?
There are so many tiers of it going on right now I can't even begin to describe how many places I see it. While that sounds overwhelming - on so many levels - looks overwhelming to type, it feels entirely, unexpectedly different.
I'm loving every moment and living right in the moment of where we are, and not focused on where we might be in the next.
Is this some natural shift that happens in your mid 30's? Or is this my very own God orchestrated transition of the mind? There has been a tremendous mental shift for me in the last months. One that has filled me with a peace and calm that overrides all things. Don't get me wrong, I still get all kinds of anxious when there is way too much going on all at once, but even that is different and more short lived.
Don't waste today on tomorrow....or yesterday.
That seems to sum up where my focus is at. I want to be present in the here and now. In the moments with my family I want them to feel that I was actually there and not drifted off to the next thing. Not leaving them with memories of a wife and mother who was there physically but not actually present and there, for and with them. I am remembering a lot of not just the details and facts of when I was growing up but the feelings I had. The relationships I had with my family......or the complete and utter lack of them. The combination of complete and utter aloneness with the overwhelming pressure of being an axis point to which too many things revolved around. I am realizing as I watch my kids grow, how incredibly blessed they are to have lives that are filled with so little drama that I have to strain to try to understand the magnitude of what is "big" to them. How as a 16 year old I would have done anything to trade lives with my daughter. As an 11 year old......I could only dream to live life as simply and freely as my son does.
There is so much I want to impart to them....so much to share with them....I need to make a way for it to happen.
The weather here has been crisp and cool. So very fall like in nature that even some leaves have changed and fallen. I feel so tuned in to seeing transition right now. Its like this radar has been turned on and even the slightest, most subtle transitions jump out to greet me with this welcome I feel deep in my spirit.
It is the loveliest of times. I feel the most comfortably "me" I have ever felt in my life. The weight of expectation has been cast off....who I am supposed to be has no more importance. Resting in who I am, settling in to see who He is making me into.....safety bar locked and arms up.....just going with the flow and enjoying the ride. Life is different this way. Even the greatest of impending shifts to our lives creates not even a ripple of stress.
Whatever God is up to right now, I'm excited to see whats next.
Blessings to you for arms up joy in the ride of your life,
the Mrs.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
An update, a weigh in and heavy compliment
Well mark me absent. Sorry. A lot of life happens in August!
So that porch project I mentioned a while back......or at least I think I mentioned it.....who really keeps track? It circled the bowl for a while and disappeared, thanks to city codes. So that idea morphed into "lets just get some patio furniture and make that weird, uninviting space more inviting" because hey!, good timing, furniture in the patio variety is going on clearance everywhere. On a Monday morning I saw a tent sale outside a new furniture store and it was full of patio stuff. Tuesday evening we went to check it out and it was gone. Like the tent never was. So we went inside thinking we'd ask or at least find the last few reject pieces to look at. Nothing. Since we were there we figured we should look around because we made the trip and we've been thinking about (and saving for) new living room furniture for years but not decided what we really wanted. Turned out they were having a big sale. We took the week to think about it and set a budget. Saturday we looked again, calculated over and over, discussed, sat, laid down, rearranged and measured, sat some more, made ourselves reaaaaaally comfy and finally decided. Part of the new set arrives on Thursday! A sectional big enough that, for the first time since we've been married, my 6'6 husband can actually lay down comfortably and all of us will be able to be on it, at the same time, EVEN if he is laying down! I'm a tad excited. We haven't owned a new piece of furniture (that wasn't someone else's first) in about 10 years. A new coffee table and end table arrive in about 6 weeks (on back order).
School prep is in full swing. One boy down and one girl to go. Tomorrow its schedule pick up and then off to shop for her new fashion identity for this year. She's been Pinteresting like crazy!
The Dude's bedroom Transformation is 99% complete. Just a few little things left to hang.....which I keep forgetting about.
I am currently in conflicted mommy mode. I am so excited and ready for school to start and to get into a normal rhythm as well as get some alone time back and be able to get things done in the house in a more efficient manner.......but school starting also means that we go back to barely seeing Wonderteen. It feels forever between weekends and considering how much closer we've all gotten this summer, it will probably feel worse. Watching these kids grow and come into themselves is so amazing and the school year tends to bring on explosive growth. It always seems that school starts and within a month I'm noticing big "growing up" changes in conversation and responsibility.
Weigh-ins have continued. I feel like I've been driving toward 160 with a bungee cord attached to my butt. I push to get there and right when I think its within my reach I am pulled back a pound....or even two. It's been frustrating. Though while the number dance has been happening I've noticed definition happening. My face continues to change, my collar bones and arms look different. Watches and rings continue to get bigger. Belts are still losing notches and those shorts that started to feel baggy are now looking baggy and unflattering. I finally had to bite the bullet and get the girls some new gear......yes, I had to do the dreaded bra shopping again. Though this time I actually purchased. When they measured me they didn't tell me "uh, you need an F, we don't carry those". Instead I heard the great news that I officially am down a band size into the 30's instead of the 40's but.....lets just say that a double turned into a triple and now that my mid section is starting to slim more, the girls are just.....OUT THERE.
As of yesterday I am solidly at 160.0. I didn't buy avocados this week, I am going to avoid oil like the plague, I bought one bar of chocolate and marked each piece with a day of the week so I can have one square per day and it will be easy to see when I have had too many. Though I didn't eat one yesterday.....amazing. This week I am hoping to FINALLY get into the 150's and break through this wall. I read about all these people who make the switch to a plant based diet and just start dropping pounds left and right....it's not happening for me! Its frustrating but I know that my body has held on to the pounds tightly. Friends are dropping as much, or even in one case double, what I have already lost and they've done it in at least half the time. I've now been doing this for well over a year and I'm only down 32 lbs. I'm not saying that 32 isn't any big deal - it is a big deal and it's a lot of weight - I just really thought I'd be done by now. Exercise....well, that really hasn't been happening. It took several weeks for my hips to recover from the cabin jogging I did and a couple weeks ago, then I attempted the treadmill and my hips went all kinds of painful crazy. So it appears that being a runner is not in my future and I've been avoiding the treadmill as I like feeling comfortable walking. Once school starts I plan to start working some Pilate's into my day, as that is gentle on the joints, can be done in short increments and most positions are laying down which should be easy on the hips.
In more romantic news....Last week Mr schemed with the kids to get me out on a surprise date. He sent me flowers and asked me out just like he did for our very first date. We went out to dinner and to see the new Batman in Imax (still loved it by the way). While we were at dinner he stopped and looked at me, really looked at me, and told me that since we've been married, I've never been more beautiful. Other than the first 6 months we were together (when I was a tiny 115 and a size 4....who knows what size that would be today though) I've been heavy. It started with beginning birth control and packing on a whopping 50 pounds in less than 5 months. It just wouldn't come off.....that combined with the diet change of "mommy and daddy's groceries" to "living on your own groceries" it just did bad things to my body and I haven't looked the same since. For years I've looked in the mirror and not recognized myself. Flipping back and forth between a vision in my head being smaller than reality and then looking in the mirror and feeling much larger than reality. Now however...in my head I see myself at my goal weight and size and my body feels uncomfortably big and in the way. It causes frustration.....and humor......one day I was laying down and put my hand down at my waist and felt this bulge. At first I thought "what the heck is that!" and then.....I realized it was a fat roll and laughed myself silly. Even the fat that is still there is different. Everything is changing, fitting differently, looking differently....my face probably fascinates me the most. I've seen this fat girl so long and focused on what I wanted my body to look like for so long that my new slimmer face surprises me. When I see pictures, I think whoa....that is me??? Crazy.
The heavy compliment? It came from Mr as we walked into the furniture store. We were having a conversation about people we know with negative attitudes, how it seems like they search for things to complain about and can't seem to see the good in anything. Then Mr says "They don't have a joyful spirit and aren't lucky enough to have a wife who has a joyful spirit to teach them." It went something like that...but it really hit me and I didn't know what to say as I felt tears start to well up. Of course those had to be stuffed down because we were going into the store and I really didn't need to be that girl at the moment. Those words though....it is a heavy compliment. Its both something to live up to and affirming something I've striven for most of my life. To take all of the trials and challenges life has handed me and make myself better with them.....never bitter. It's always been a challenge to mentally not pull the "oh poor me" card or fall into that trap the world seems to set for people "oh you've been through so much, I'd be a little angry at the world too". NO. Adversity is NO excuse for a bad attitude, anger, bitterness or an invasive negativity that is toxic to everyone around you. Adversity is an opportunity, to grow, to learn, to be stretched, to have the ability to stand in someone else's shoes and be able to mean it when you say I understand. Adversity is an opportunity to gain wisdom. Don't focus on the love and support you needed and didn't get - you can't go back and change your experience in life any more than you can change the ingredients in last nights dinner. Focus on how you can use that experience. Love and support someone else the way you needed it. Give to others what you wish you'd received. Missing out is not a valid reason for withholding from others. It might just bring you healing in the process.
A joyful spirit.... Wow. Me? He really thinks that of me? ......that may be the compliment of a lifetime.
Blessings to you, for a joyful spirit in all things transitional and stationary, may the blessing of laughter and joy bubble up from within your soul and be displayed on your face.
the Mrs.
So that porch project I mentioned a while back......or at least I think I mentioned it.....who really keeps track? It circled the bowl for a while and disappeared, thanks to city codes. So that idea morphed into "lets just get some patio furniture and make that weird, uninviting space more inviting" because hey!, good timing, furniture in the patio variety is going on clearance everywhere. On a Monday morning I saw a tent sale outside a new furniture store and it was full of patio stuff. Tuesday evening we went to check it out and it was gone. Like the tent never was. So we went inside thinking we'd ask or at least find the last few reject pieces to look at. Nothing. Since we were there we figured we should look around because we made the trip and we've been thinking about (and saving for) new living room furniture for years but not decided what we really wanted. Turned out they were having a big sale. We took the week to think about it and set a budget. Saturday we looked again, calculated over and over, discussed, sat, laid down, rearranged and measured, sat some more, made ourselves reaaaaaally comfy and finally decided. Part of the new set arrives on Thursday! A sectional big enough that, for the first time since we've been married, my 6'6 husband can actually lay down comfortably and all of us will be able to be on it, at the same time, EVEN if he is laying down! I'm a tad excited. We haven't owned a new piece of furniture (that wasn't someone else's first) in about 10 years. A new coffee table and end table arrive in about 6 weeks (on back order).
School prep is in full swing. One boy down and one girl to go. Tomorrow its schedule pick up and then off to shop for her new fashion identity for this year. She's been Pinteresting like crazy!
The Dude's bedroom Transformation is 99% complete. Just a few little things left to hang.....which I keep forgetting about.
I am currently in conflicted mommy mode. I am so excited and ready for school to start and to get into a normal rhythm as well as get some alone time back and be able to get things done in the house in a more efficient manner.......but school starting also means that we go back to barely seeing Wonderteen. It feels forever between weekends and considering how much closer we've all gotten this summer, it will probably feel worse. Watching these kids grow and come into themselves is so amazing and the school year tends to bring on explosive growth. It always seems that school starts and within a month I'm noticing big "growing up" changes in conversation and responsibility.
Weigh-ins have continued. I feel like I've been driving toward 160 with a bungee cord attached to my butt. I push to get there and right when I think its within my reach I am pulled back a pound....or even two. It's been frustrating. Though while the number dance has been happening I've noticed definition happening. My face continues to change, my collar bones and arms look different. Watches and rings continue to get bigger. Belts are still losing notches and those shorts that started to feel baggy are now looking baggy and unflattering. I finally had to bite the bullet and get the girls some new gear......yes, I had to do the dreaded bra shopping again. Though this time I actually purchased. When they measured me they didn't tell me "uh, you need an F, we don't carry those". Instead I heard the great news that I officially am down a band size into the 30's instead of the 40's but.....lets just say that a double turned into a triple and now that my mid section is starting to slim more, the girls are just.....OUT THERE.
As of yesterday I am solidly at 160.0. I didn't buy avocados this week, I am going to avoid oil like the plague, I bought one bar of chocolate and marked each piece with a day of the week so I can have one square per day and it will be easy to see when I have had too many. Though I didn't eat one yesterday.....amazing. This week I am hoping to FINALLY get into the 150's and break through this wall. I read about all these people who make the switch to a plant based diet and just start dropping pounds left and right....it's not happening for me! Its frustrating but I know that my body has held on to the pounds tightly. Friends are dropping as much, or even in one case double, what I have already lost and they've done it in at least half the time. I've now been doing this for well over a year and I'm only down 32 lbs. I'm not saying that 32 isn't any big deal - it is a big deal and it's a lot of weight - I just really thought I'd be done by now. Exercise....well, that really hasn't been happening. It took several weeks for my hips to recover from the cabin jogging I did and a couple weeks ago, then I attempted the treadmill and my hips went all kinds of painful crazy. So it appears that being a runner is not in my future and I've been avoiding the treadmill as I like feeling comfortable walking. Once school starts I plan to start working some Pilate's into my day, as that is gentle on the joints, can be done in short increments and most positions are laying down which should be easy on the hips.
In more romantic news....Last week Mr schemed with the kids to get me out on a surprise date. He sent me flowers and asked me out just like he did for our very first date. We went out to dinner and to see the new Batman in Imax (still loved it by the way). While we were at dinner he stopped and looked at me, really looked at me, and told me that since we've been married, I've never been more beautiful. Other than the first 6 months we were together (when I was a tiny 115 and a size 4....who knows what size that would be today though) I've been heavy. It started with beginning birth control and packing on a whopping 50 pounds in less than 5 months. It just wouldn't come off.....that combined with the diet change of "mommy and daddy's groceries" to "living on your own groceries" it just did bad things to my body and I haven't looked the same since. For years I've looked in the mirror and not recognized myself. Flipping back and forth between a vision in my head being smaller than reality and then looking in the mirror and feeling much larger than reality. Now however...in my head I see myself at my goal weight and size and my body feels uncomfortably big and in the way. It causes frustration.....and humor......one day I was laying down and put my hand down at my waist and felt this bulge. At first I thought "what the heck is that!" and then.....I realized it was a fat roll and laughed myself silly. Even the fat that is still there is different. Everything is changing, fitting differently, looking differently....my face probably fascinates me the most. I've seen this fat girl so long and focused on what I wanted my body to look like for so long that my new slimmer face surprises me. When I see pictures, I think whoa....that is me??? Crazy.
The heavy compliment? It came from Mr as we walked into the furniture store. We were having a conversation about people we know with negative attitudes, how it seems like they search for things to complain about and can't seem to see the good in anything. Then Mr says "They don't have a joyful spirit and aren't lucky enough to have a wife who has a joyful spirit to teach them." It went something like that...but it really hit me and I didn't know what to say as I felt tears start to well up. Of course those had to be stuffed down because we were going into the store and I really didn't need to be that girl at the moment. Those words though....it is a heavy compliment. Its both something to live up to and affirming something I've striven for most of my life. To take all of the trials and challenges life has handed me and make myself better with them.....never bitter. It's always been a challenge to mentally not pull the "oh poor me" card or fall into that trap the world seems to set for people "oh you've been through so much, I'd be a little angry at the world too". NO. Adversity is NO excuse for a bad attitude, anger, bitterness or an invasive negativity that is toxic to everyone around you. Adversity is an opportunity, to grow, to learn, to be stretched, to have the ability to stand in someone else's shoes and be able to mean it when you say I understand. Adversity is an opportunity to gain wisdom. Don't focus on the love and support you needed and didn't get - you can't go back and change your experience in life any more than you can change the ingredients in last nights dinner. Focus on how you can use that experience. Love and support someone else the way you needed it. Give to others what you wish you'd received. Missing out is not a valid reason for withholding from others. It might just bring you healing in the process.
A joyful spirit.... Wow. Me? He really thinks that of me? ......that may be the compliment of a lifetime.
Blessings to you, for a joyful spirit in all things transitional and stationary, may the blessing of laughter and joy bubble up from within your soul and be displayed on your face.
the Mrs.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
AHHHHHHHHHawwwwwwwwwgust
The month I love and drives me crazy.
As a creature of habit, large swings to our normal activity tend to throw me off. August means talks of school come up more and more often. All those projects that have been procrastinated on get put into motion so they can be done before school starts. Activities tend to slow down and Wonderteen is here for the whole month (instead of the every other week summer routine). We look forward to August. The Dude dreads when it ends. He absolutely adores his sister and the feeling is mutual.
August is a humorous blend of love and crazy. LOVE the talks and the nearly endless laughter.
The lack of silence, down time and structure....make me crazy. Which adds to the laughter.
LOVE the way my kids get along.
By next week I will start hearing things like "back off", "stop touching me","get away" and "get out of my room" for the first time all summer.......driving me crazy. But secretly, I'll love it...it makes me laugh and smile about how rare those moments are for them and how one day those moments will turn into stories they'll laugh at.
Love the sweet teenage rambling....always wanting my ear for things from big to small to "what on earth are you talking about!?"
The constant auditory stimulation driving me a bit crazy.......
Love the changes and plans that come up. Whether its decorating (shifting bedrooms, painting, a piece of furniture needing to be replaced etc), planning for a new school routine, shopping for school supplies or clothes or this years favorite of mine - planning a whole new style that reflects who she is and who she wants to be. .....and that she wants my help. LOVE. yes.
Crazy......it feels like a lot to try and cram into one month while still trying to maintain the regular things that need attention not to even begin to mention the other random activities clogging our weekends.
August is when the art of balance and humility is tested. Grace needs to be handed out like candy at the fair. While we as a couple and parents try to grasp a few quiet moments together and cling to our sanity, we also need to strive to remember that for our kids August is a month of hesitation, anticipation and intensity. The hesitation of what a new year might bring, the anticipation of daily seeing friends and the intense need to cram in as much crazy and fun as they can handle before heading back into the structure and work of school. Combine that with all the hormones and you easily get to the crazy part.
August is all about the crazy love. We all know we are a bit crazy but we love it.
Blessings of crazy happy love to all of you,
the Mrs.
As a creature of habit, large swings to our normal activity tend to throw me off. August means talks of school come up more and more often. All those projects that have been procrastinated on get put into motion so they can be done before school starts. Activities tend to slow down and Wonderteen is here for the whole month (instead of the every other week summer routine). We look forward to August. The Dude dreads when it ends. He absolutely adores his sister and the feeling is mutual.
August is a humorous blend of love and crazy. LOVE the talks and the nearly endless laughter.
The lack of silence, down time and structure....make me crazy. Which adds to the laughter.
LOVE the way my kids get along.
By next week I will start hearing things like "back off", "stop touching me","get away" and "get out of my room" for the first time all summer.......driving me crazy. But secretly, I'll love it...it makes me laugh and smile about how rare those moments are for them and how one day those moments will turn into stories they'll laugh at.
Love the sweet teenage rambling....always wanting my ear for things from big to small to "what on earth are you talking about!?"
The constant auditory stimulation driving me a bit crazy.......
Love the changes and plans that come up. Whether its decorating (shifting bedrooms, painting, a piece of furniture needing to be replaced etc), planning for a new school routine, shopping for school supplies or clothes or this years favorite of mine - planning a whole new style that reflects who she is and who she wants to be. .....and that she wants my help. LOVE. yes.
Crazy......it feels like a lot to try and cram into one month while still trying to maintain the regular things that need attention not to even begin to mention the other random activities clogging our weekends.
August is when the art of balance and humility is tested. Grace needs to be handed out like candy at the fair. While we as a couple and parents try to grasp a few quiet moments together and cling to our sanity, we also need to strive to remember that for our kids August is a month of hesitation, anticipation and intensity. The hesitation of what a new year might bring, the anticipation of daily seeing friends and the intense need to cram in as much crazy and fun as they can handle before heading back into the structure and work of school. Combine that with all the hormones and you easily get to the crazy part.
August is all about the crazy love. We all know we are a bit crazy but we love it.
Blessings of crazy happy love to all of you,
the Mrs.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
When the Lord comes knockin, you best be ready.
Oh how the Lord speaks and makes me laugh!
Remember how earlier today I said I minister at the kitchen door? Remember how I said I'm in a new comfort with myself and that in the summer I do not achieve anywhere near the productivity I intend and things get all out of whack?
Apparently all of these needed extra highlighting and emphasis today. This morning I intended to take advantage of the morning by getting on the treadmill. So I skipped the shower and intended to take one after being on the treadmill. I intended to do the dishes after said shower so I would have enough hot water. I also intended to make a to do list, start the bible study book I received last week, get the laundry folded and figure out how the carpet cleaner (which was purchased 2 months ago) works, as well as start getting the next few months of calendar ready for the start of school so we are organized going into it.
Here's what actually happened.
I ended my blog post by following up with a couple emails, checking facebook and dropping in on Pinterest. Found a pin on organization which lead me to this post on 52 weeks of organizing where I fell in love and printed out the form to make my own list of 52 organizing projects. I read a bit there and then my guts told me they hadn't eaten yet, so I had elevenses (yes, that's a hobbit meal reference and I use it often and well) at 10am.....the irony is not lost. After lunch I decided I needed to get on to figuring out the calender issue so that I could give a proper answer on whether I could babysit for a friend in August. Putting my calendar together is time consuming with all the different things that need to be consolidated (2 different school district calendars, Mr's work/golf/etc, church, birthdays/anniversaries and WT's parental rotation schedule). The Dude arrived home from school while I was in the center of a calendar whirlwind. He was barely done with lunch when his buddy called to come play.
At this point I considered that I should set things aside and just get to doing other things.....intended things. But not wanting to leave a project unfinished ignored all else....hmm....no to-do list means no ta-daaaa.
So an hour or so later the buddy's mom arrives at my kitchen door. Filling me in on a host of trials going on for their family. I attentively listened and expressed as much encouragement and understanding as I could to someone I'm not well acquainted with and therefore was unsure of what she may need in the moment. The homemaker in me was horrified as my unshowered self stood before the mother of my child's friend, in my SO messy kitchen with the garbage to the top and the recycling poking out (which is of course located in direct eyesight of the entry we are standing in) which was only to be topped by our very senior aged dog walking behind her to vomit in the doorway right behind her. No, I'm not kidding. As I dragged the old dog to the back door to let her outside, in case there was anymore to come up.....I found a present to top off the beautiful experience. One of the little dogs had decided at just that moment to take a poo right there on the kitchen floor. Mortified.
Yes....here in one fell swoop I had an opportunity to minister a new person at my kitchen door while cleaning up poo and vomit off of my kitchen floor, unshowered, hair a mess, no makeup, trying to push dirty vomity poo filled paper towels into a too full garbage can while trying to reassure an overwhelmed mother that her son can come over any time and to please let us know how we can be helpful.
Really? I am surprised she let him stay after she left. After she left and I had time to sit and think about it....all I could do is laugh. Quite the reality check sent in affirmation.
Yes - you do minister at your kitchen door.
Yes - you've gotten comfortable with who you are enough to pick up poo and vomit off the floor in your too messy house and not be overly apologetic or completely insecure about your place in humanity. You did it with grace and without panic or frustration.
Yes - you have slipped in your duties. Yes, you have allowed your home keeping to fall out of priority.
Here is your moment of awareness that you are indeed in a very good place but your inefficiency at your work can compromise the opportunities I give you for ministry, the ones you are very aware are spontaneous. It is your job to just be ready.
Father forgive my procrastination and laziness! I have full confidence that You can turn this messy moment into a good thing.
There's my confession for the day. I was an unprepared mess when the Lord brought someone knocking. I have fallen down on the job and need to totally reassess how I manage my time in an effort to bring balance to keeping home and mommydom.
Blessings of preparedness for when the Lord comes knocking unexpectedly......with the laughter and smile to go with it.
the Mrs.
Remember how earlier today I said I minister at the kitchen door? Remember how I said I'm in a new comfort with myself and that in the summer I do not achieve anywhere near the productivity I intend and things get all out of whack?
Apparently all of these needed extra highlighting and emphasis today. This morning I intended to take advantage of the morning by getting on the treadmill. So I skipped the shower and intended to take one after being on the treadmill. I intended to do the dishes after said shower so I would have enough hot water. I also intended to make a to do list, start the bible study book I received last week, get the laundry folded and figure out how the carpet cleaner (which was purchased 2 months ago) works, as well as start getting the next few months of calendar ready for the start of school so we are organized going into it.
Here's what actually happened.
I ended my blog post by following up with a couple emails, checking facebook and dropping in on Pinterest. Found a pin on organization which lead me to this post on 52 weeks of organizing where I fell in love and printed out the form to make my own list of 52 organizing projects. I read a bit there and then my guts told me they hadn't eaten yet, so I had elevenses (yes, that's a hobbit meal reference and I use it often and well) at 10am.....the irony is not lost. After lunch I decided I needed to get on to figuring out the calender issue so that I could give a proper answer on whether I could babysit for a friend in August. Putting my calendar together is time consuming with all the different things that need to be consolidated (2 different school district calendars, Mr's work/golf/etc, church, birthdays/anniversaries and WT's parental rotation schedule). The Dude arrived home from school while I was in the center of a calendar whirlwind. He was barely done with lunch when his buddy called to come play.
At this point I considered that I should set things aside and just get to doing other things.....intended things. But not wanting to leave a project unfinished ignored all else....hmm....no to-do list means no ta-daaaa.
So an hour or so later the buddy's mom arrives at my kitchen door. Filling me in on a host of trials going on for their family. I attentively listened and expressed as much encouragement and understanding as I could to someone I'm not well acquainted with and therefore was unsure of what she may need in the moment. The homemaker in me was horrified as my unshowered self stood before the mother of my child's friend, in my SO messy kitchen with the garbage to the top and the recycling poking out (which is of course located in direct eyesight of the entry we are standing in) which was only to be topped by our very senior aged dog walking behind her to vomit in the doorway right behind her. No, I'm not kidding. As I dragged the old dog to the back door to let her outside, in case there was anymore to come up.....I found a present to top off the beautiful experience. One of the little dogs had decided at just that moment to take a poo right there on the kitchen floor. Mortified.
Yes....here in one fell swoop I had an opportunity to minister a new person at my kitchen door while cleaning up poo and vomit off of my kitchen floor, unshowered, hair a mess, no makeup, trying to push dirty vomity poo filled paper towels into a too full garbage can while trying to reassure an overwhelmed mother that her son can come over any time and to please let us know how we can be helpful.
Really? I am surprised she let him stay after she left. After she left and I had time to sit and think about it....all I could do is laugh. Quite the reality check sent in affirmation.
Yes - you do minister at your kitchen door.
Yes - you've gotten comfortable with who you are enough to pick up poo and vomit off the floor in your too messy house and not be overly apologetic or completely insecure about your place in humanity. You did it with grace and without panic or frustration.
Yes - you have slipped in your duties. Yes, you have allowed your home keeping to fall out of priority.
Here is your moment of awareness that you are indeed in a very good place but your inefficiency at your work can compromise the opportunities I give you for ministry, the ones you are very aware are spontaneous. It is your job to just be ready.
Father forgive my procrastination and laziness! I have full confidence that You can turn this messy moment into a good thing.
There's my confession for the day. I was an unprepared mess when the Lord brought someone knocking. I have fallen down on the job and need to totally reassess how I manage my time in an effort to bring balance to keeping home and mommydom.
Blessings of preparedness for when the Lord comes knocking unexpectedly......with the laughter and smile to go with it.
the Mrs.
a new era welcomed
The winds of change are coming. I can feel them. Transition into a new season for our family.
No more elementary school. No more need for babysitters. The boy has a J O B for goodness sake!
Wonderteen will be a Junior. 11th grade. Amazing to think my tiny little pumpkin head has grown into such an amazing and beautiful young woman.
Mr and I are entering into a new era. Older kids. More freedom to be spontaneously social and building a new core of relationships. Our marriage continually growing stronger....and in a way makes me laugh at how we've grown into this beautiful relationship that also mimics the intensity of young love. We often tease our daughter and her boyfriend about that high school love where things are so intense you immediately miss each other when out of sight. Time apart can be crushing. Oh the days of young overwhelming love! ...and we discuss on a fairly regular basis how wonderful retirement will be when we can be together all the time or his regular comment that if only we could win the lottery so he could be home with me everyday. The million times we say I love you, sometimes less than 5 minutes apart...yes, that is our truth. We are silly, cavity inducing, head over heels crazy for each other. And we don't care how many times people tell us to get a room. Our affection is not hidden, nor excessive. We keep it G people....maybe PG sometimes. :)
In this new era the trappings of formal ministry obligations have been thrown off. The kind that tie you to a place, time and topic. Nothing wrong with them, I'm not being critical of formal ministry. As I've gotten older I have become more and more aware that I am personally in a constant state of ministry. Some refer to my maternal nature with those around me. It brings me to minister to whomever is in front of me at the time. It isn't conscious or premeditated.....it is simply how He has grown me, wired me. Formal ministry wears on me more quickly than I'd like to admit because of this. My ministry is my family, my home and whomever may be placed in my path. Facebook is so trivialized but I have spent more time ministering to people on there than you may believe. I minister via email and kitchen door. Yes, I have a young man who just shows up at my kitchen door, unannounced and just to talk. He is 20 years old now, he calls me mom and has been showing up for several years.
Perhaps is the natural growth of being in the second half of my 30's. Or maybe it's that I'm in a season in life more typical for one in their 40's. Maybe it's my confidence coming forward with over 30lbs shed. Either way I feel a new settling in myself. A disinterest to please simply for the sake of keeping others happy or not tarnishing someones view of me. Who they think I am does not make me who I am....anymore. Its a lovely freedom.
I will probably always be a one track person. Whatever current focus will probably always be THE big deal until it isn't anymore.
I am not a crafty person. I won't pick up scrap booking or stamping. I am capable of crafts but that does not make me crafty.
My kids school work will still be mostly thrown in the trash. Because who really looks at their spelling tests from 4th grade? This isn't a treasure to me. Exceptional works of art from them, yes. Essays that depict who they are or their unique point of view at the time, those are things I will keep for them. The funny, the deep, the personal, the beautiful. Perhaps that's cold. Though I take great pride in watching my 11 year old purge objects more efficiently than any adult I know because he doesn't form deep emotional connections to objects. He loves people and that is where love should go.
I'll always have a horribly immature sense of humor. And that is okay.
I'll always be strong and stable.
I'll always have a heart that breaks easily.
I'll always be a homebody who loves, loves, loves solitude and quiet.
I'll always be passionate about the truth but frustratingly calm and non-argumentative.
I will always care about doing what is right more than what is popular.
I will always be trying to grow and improve and learn about something.
There is unknown on the horizon but it's not scary. The Lord always has a plan and it is always amazing. The only plan I have is to try and walk through it with as much joy and grace as I can, no matter how things feel. Feelings are deceiving and often not rooted in truth. A fact that is hard to remember when we are in the middle of them but it is something good to remember.
It's been a good couple weeks here. Lots of fun, lots of crazy and lots of me remembering how every summer I think I'm going to accomplish SO much and never do because I simply can't get it done while my kids are home. They want attention and talk time or maybe just hanging out not talking time. If that is what they need then that is what I try to give them, with measures of work in between. The school year is my most productive home keeping season. This year I hate to say even the garden has not been tended to the way it deserves. It has been a disgustingly hot and humid summer though.....I have not wanted to even venture out there.
Time to get some work done. This is the last week of summer school and Wonderteen is off on a trip with her mom and girl scout troop this week. My last week of any alone time. I want to make the most of it!
Blessings of peace and calm to welcome whatever new era comes to greet you.
the Mrs.
No more elementary school. No more need for babysitters. The boy has a J O B for goodness sake!
Wonderteen will be a Junior. 11th grade. Amazing to think my tiny little pumpkin head has grown into such an amazing and beautiful young woman.
Mr and I are entering into a new era. Older kids. More freedom to be spontaneously social and building a new core of relationships. Our marriage continually growing stronger....and in a way makes me laugh at how we've grown into this beautiful relationship that also mimics the intensity of young love. We often tease our daughter and her boyfriend about that high school love where things are so intense you immediately miss each other when out of sight. Time apart can be crushing. Oh the days of young overwhelming love! ...and we discuss on a fairly regular basis how wonderful retirement will be when we can be together all the time or his regular comment that if only we could win the lottery so he could be home with me everyday. The million times we say I love you, sometimes less than 5 minutes apart...yes, that is our truth. We are silly, cavity inducing, head over heels crazy for each other. And we don't care how many times people tell us to get a room. Our affection is not hidden, nor excessive. We keep it G people....maybe PG sometimes. :)
In this new era the trappings of formal ministry obligations have been thrown off. The kind that tie you to a place, time and topic. Nothing wrong with them, I'm not being critical of formal ministry. As I've gotten older I have become more and more aware that I am personally in a constant state of ministry. Some refer to my maternal nature with those around me. It brings me to minister to whomever is in front of me at the time. It isn't conscious or premeditated.....it is simply how He has grown me, wired me. Formal ministry wears on me more quickly than I'd like to admit because of this. My ministry is my family, my home and whomever may be placed in my path. Facebook is so trivialized but I have spent more time ministering to people on there than you may believe. I minister via email and kitchen door. Yes, I have a young man who just shows up at my kitchen door, unannounced and just to talk. He is 20 years old now, he calls me mom and has been showing up for several years.
Perhaps is the natural growth of being in the second half of my 30's. Or maybe it's that I'm in a season in life more typical for one in their 40's. Maybe it's my confidence coming forward with over 30lbs shed. Either way I feel a new settling in myself. A disinterest to please simply for the sake of keeping others happy or not tarnishing someones view of me. Who they think I am does not make me who I am....anymore. Its a lovely freedom.
I will probably always be a one track person. Whatever current focus will probably always be THE big deal until it isn't anymore.
I am not a crafty person. I won't pick up scrap booking or stamping. I am capable of crafts but that does not make me crafty.
My kids school work will still be mostly thrown in the trash. Because who really looks at their spelling tests from 4th grade? This isn't a treasure to me. Exceptional works of art from them, yes. Essays that depict who they are or their unique point of view at the time, those are things I will keep for them. The funny, the deep, the personal, the beautiful. Perhaps that's cold. Though I take great pride in watching my 11 year old purge objects more efficiently than any adult I know because he doesn't form deep emotional connections to objects. He loves people and that is where love should go.
I'll always have a horribly immature sense of humor. And that is okay.
I'll always be strong and stable.
I'll always have a heart that breaks easily.
I'll always be a homebody who loves, loves, loves solitude and quiet.
I'll always be passionate about the truth but frustratingly calm and non-argumentative.
I will always care about doing what is right more than what is popular.
I will always be trying to grow and improve and learn about something.
There is unknown on the horizon but it's not scary. The Lord always has a plan and it is always amazing. The only plan I have is to try and walk through it with as much joy and grace as I can, no matter how things feel. Feelings are deceiving and often not rooted in truth. A fact that is hard to remember when we are in the middle of them but it is something good to remember.
It's been a good couple weeks here. Lots of fun, lots of crazy and lots of me remembering how every summer I think I'm going to accomplish SO much and never do because I simply can't get it done while my kids are home. They want attention and talk time or maybe just hanging out not talking time. If that is what they need then that is what I try to give them, with measures of work in between. The school year is my most productive home keeping season. This year I hate to say even the garden has not been tended to the way it deserves. It has been a disgustingly hot and humid summer though.....I have not wanted to even venture out there.
Time to get some work done. This is the last week of summer school and Wonderteen is off on a trip with her mom and girl scout troop this week. My last week of any alone time. I want to make the most of it!
Blessings of peace and calm to welcome whatever new era comes to greet you.
the Mrs.
Monday, July 9, 2012
a sweet little monday
I have to get my license renewed today.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be celebrating 36 years of living......awesome.
Humble I know.
Wonderteen and I have this running joke that I obtain awesome on many levels and the older I get the more awesome I become so one day she will inherit my awesome. Considering our lack of biological connection....there in-lies the humor but with the whole 'nature vs nurture' thing....I say she's already got quite the touch of awesome.
A new picture to carry around of myself for the next 4 years. It could be lame. BUT I think I shall think of it in terms of improvements. As in the picture of myself I'm required to carry around and show people from time to time will be an improved picture. Less one chin no less.
I plan on trying to get the grocery shopping done today as well and maybe tomorrow I will drop on over to "the boutique" as my mother used to refer to Goodwill, and see what kind of goodies I can find. I've been pinterest shopping like crazy lately and for all my effort my closet hasn't changed one bit. Funny when you realize in the last 10 years you have gone shopping only with a serious plan in mind to only purchase specific items out of necessity. Then you try to put an outfit together to do something you haven't had to think of in who knows how long and you realize you are fairly limited in your options. Then you get there and you get a band shirt. All that agonizing for no reason. But ya got a new shirt! :)
The sun is shining and it isn't hot enough to melt your face off, so I'm going to enjoy this day for what it is instead of what it was. It's a beautiful monday, and there are no complications or sick people or dead people or anything crazy.
I am loving this beautiful, normal, boring, nothing out of the norm day.
This face, is a happy face today.
Blessings for love and sunshine in all the normal mundane beauty,
the Mrs.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be celebrating 36 years of living......awesome.
Humble I know.
Wonderteen and I have this running joke that I obtain awesome on many levels and the older I get the more awesome I become so one day she will inherit my awesome. Considering our lack of biological connection....there in-lies the humor but with the whole 'nature vs nurture' thing....I say she's already got quite the touch of awesome.
A new picture to carry around of myself for the next 4 years. It could be lame. BUT I think I shall think of it in terms of improvements. As in the picture of myself I'm required to carry around and show people from time to time will be an improved picture. Less one chin no less.
I plan on trying to get the grocery shopping done today as well and maybe tomorrow I will drop on over to "the boutique" as my mother used to refer to Goodwill, and see what kind of goodies I can find. I've been pinterest shopping like crazy lately and for all my effort my closet hasn't changed one bit. Funny when you realize in the last 10 years you have gone shopping only with a serious plan in mind to only purchase specific items out of necessity. Then you try to put an outfit together to do something you haven't had to think of in who knows how long and you realize you are fairly limited in your options. Then you get there and you get a band shirt. All that agonizing for no reason. But ya got a new shirt! :)
The sun is shining and it isn't hot enough to melt your face off, so I'm going to enjoy this day for what it is instead of what it was. It's a beautiful monday, and there are no complications or sick people or dead people or anything crazy.
I am loving this beautiful, normal, boring, nothing out of the norm day.
This face, is a happy face today.
Blessings for love and sunshine in all the normal mundane beauty,
the Mrs.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Vacation eats
For one whole week we had this glorious view.
Top left to right: clausen dill spears, behind that is the frozen enchilada mix and the peppers that are thawing. in front is the bag of breakfast cookies, laying on top of a bag of cooked white rice. Behind that is a bag of cilantro and I think the bag under it is the spinach. The yellow container in front has lettuce in it. Resting on top is my fav Trader Joes Chipotle Hummus along with zip lock bags with red and yellow peppers and leftover diced tomatoes. On the right you'll see Simply OJ, with water, corona and whats left of the jar of spaghetti sauce. (next shelf) lunch meats, cumin spiced black beans in the white container, baked potatoes (thrown on the still hot grill after a dinner so there were days worth of potatoes) big bowl of fresh Pico De Gallo. (Next Shelf) Strawberries blue berries, eggs, alfalfa sprouts (requested by wonderteen) other beer and pop.
The drawers were filled with apples, oranges, lemons, limes, peppers, cukes, onions, mushrooms and anything else we fit. I also had a basket of bananas and tomatoes on the counter.
As a treat for the family I packed all the dry ingredients for their favorite gluten free chocolate chip cookies. Old peanut butter containers are AWESOME travel containers! Wash and save! We have used them for so many travel purposes. Mr loves to take a small one and have it filled with MnM's or nuts and keep it in his golf bag.
yes, it was hard to leave!
Considering I didn't want to spend the whole week in the kitchen I cooked some things ahead and planned for simplicity. I brought key safe foods I knew would be hard to find, like the organic beef hot dogs my son likes, whole grain tortillas and sandwich flats, lunch meat for the meat eaters etc. I also baked several batches of breakfast cookies and froze them, along with pre-cooked peppers and onions, a batch of sweet potato/black bean/spinach enchilada filling and I also brought a jar of last summers homemade spaghetti sauce. Here's what the fridge looked like:
The drawers were filled with apples, oranges, lemons, limes, peppers, cukes, onions, mushrooms and anything else we fit. I also had a basket of bananas and tomatoes on the counter.
As a treat for the family I packed all the dry ingredients for their favorite gluten free chocolate chip cookies. Old peanut butter containers are AWESOME travel containers! Wash and save! We have used them for so many travel purposes. Mr loves to take a small one and have it filled with MnM's or nuts and keep it in his golf bag.
I used two containers for the dry mix and brought a post it with the remaining wet measures that were needed. As you can see, I made due with what I had. Some tin foil over a pizza pan and cookies were made without needing to wash the pan! They came back from fishing to a cabin smelling of cookies!
My plant based cookbook in the back of the cupboard, surrounded by canned beans and the rice, sugar and popcorn that was transported to the cabin via old Jif jars. It was SO handy!
Food was a piece of cake. I loosely planned basic meals: 1 mexican night, 1 pasta night, 2 grilling nights, a fish fry night, and a random night of leftovers at the end to clean up and take less food home. The kids thought mom was ultra creative by using large mugs to refrigerate leftovers. My daughter was very pleased and loving her veggie filled sandwiches and trying new things. We decided to try mushroom burgers together and we both very much enjoyed them! Though we did realize that she likes hers more well done and I'd prefer mine more rare. Our big note to self was to prepare better for the first day and the first nights meal. Day one was a bit on the sparse side for food because we didn't realize the tiny town grocery was so limited on what it carried - even in produce. So we went into town the next day and finished up our grocery shopping.
We had a wonderful time and even came home lighter than when I left! Only -.8 but hey, who can say they lost weight on vacation! ME! :)
Plant based on vacation. It CAN be done and without stress!
Blessings for a beautiful day!
the Mrs.
Thursday, July 5, 2012
that day
that day when you feel like you are totally on the wrong end of roshambo.
hard as you try to pull some goodness out, your brain just turns its back - arms folded, nose in the air, "you can't make me" hmph
the tiredness creeps in
the pity list starts going
...and then your own words come out to do battle with all of the above.
Find the lovely.
Smile at the big picture.
Don't focus on all the little things going wrong, you'll miss the good stuff.
but
its the 5th of july.
and on this day there is something in me that goes on autopilot.
the tears are just below the surface.
irritability flies out of my mouth faster than I can comprehend its happening.
no matter how "fine" I think I am....it still catches me a bit off kilter.
8 years ago today.
my mom died.
the day plays back in my mind...all on its own, because I really have no desire to dwell on it
but here I am
feeling stressed, tearful and so, so tired of being the grown up.
the rock.
the stable, she'll take care of everything and us and it will all be okay because she makes it okay, person.
its not often that I don't embrace the reality of my role in life
but today is one of those days.
my mother died on the 5th
was buried on the 9th
my birthday is on the 10th
it was a week I will never forget.
the Lord kept me tucked tightly to His chest and I was intimately aware of how tightly He was carrying me though it.
but the evening of the 9th
when all was done and the people were gone
He gently set me down
where I stayed in a heap for 2 years
8 years later the impact of this week is less than it was.
it softens a little bit each year
but still surprises me with a strong aversion to 4th of July parties and big fireworks displays.
This year was looking to be calm and easy. The impact was no where to be seen or felt.
Until yesterday morning when my father said he wasn't feeling well.
A trip to the ER revealed a bowel obstruction and a stay in the hospital until they deem it taken care of.
No telling how long he'll be there. He's handling it like a trooper cracking bad jokes.
I have some serious anxiety about driving into downtown areas.
that is where the hospital is.
So this morning I wake up in a July 5th fog of funk to find that my shoulder has a knot the size of texas and as it turns out, if texas is in your shoulder it's hard to lift your arm or move your neck.
Perhaps there might be a touch of stress I'm experiencing.
So my head is a bundle of lists
things that need to be done
picking up his mail and the neighbors because they are out of town
watering his plants
cutting my daughters hair - which I was going to do yesterday, like so many other things.
my house is a mess (in my eyes)
I've not been able to teach her the things she wanted to learn this week
there are two loads of laundry that need rewashing because they were forgotten...and are now smelly
my garden needs attention
and the voice in my head starts to whisper
it's all on you though
you are in charge
you need to be the one to talk to the doctors
if any decisions need to be made, its all you lady
don't whine that you are the youngest or its not fair
life isn't fair, stop being selfish
there isn't anyone to stand in the gap, you can't check out
you are securely on the hook
it's all on you.
And that knot gets a little tighter as texas gets a little heavier.
But when life kicks you square in the berries you need to stop, catch your breath, suck it up and move on.
This too will pass. Texas will get lighter eventually....at least for a while.
The Lord knows my strength, it's His so I will trudge through this and figure it out as I go. Probably begging Him to help me not throw up in traffic as I try to drive to the hospital.
Filtering through the fog, nestled there in my heart is His peace. So if you see a smile on my face today, it is only that, shining through the muck.
Blessings for lighter loads, peace beyond understanding and His smile shining on and through you.
the Mrs.
I have no idea why these highlighted blocks keep appearing over certain sections.
hard as you try to pull some goodness out, your brain just turns its back - arms folded, nose in the air, "you can't make me" hmph
the tiredness creeps in
the pity list starts going
...and then your own words come out to do battle with all of the above.
Find the lovely.
Smile at the big picture.
Don't focus on all the little things going wrong, you'll miss the good stuff.
but
its the 5th of july.
and on this day there is something in me that goes on autopilot.
the tears are just below the surface.
irritability flies out of my mouth faster than I can comprehend its happening.
no matter how "fine" I think I am....it still catches me a bit off kilter.
8 years ago today.
my mom died.
the day plays back in my mind...all on its own, because I really have no desire to dwell on it
but here I am
feeling stressed, tearful and so, so tired of being the grown up.
the rock.
the stable, she'll take care of everything and us and it will all be okay because she makes it okay, person.
its not often that I don't embrace the reality of my role in life
but today is one of those days.
my mother died on the 5th
was buried on the 9th
my birthday is on the 10th
it was a week I will never forget.
the Lord kept me tucked tightly to His chest and I was intimately aware of how tightly He was carrying me though it.
but the evening of the 9th
when all was done and the people were gone
He gently set me down
where I stayed in a heap for 2 years
8 years later the impact of this week is less than it was.
it softens a little bit each year
but still surprises me with a strong aversion to 4th of July parties and big fireworks displays.
This year was looking to be calm and easy. The impact was no where to be seen or felt.
Until yesterday morning when my father said he wasn't feeling well.
A trip to the ER revealed a bowel obstruction and a stay in the hospital until they deem it taken care of.
No telling how long he'll be there. He's handling it like a trooper cracking bad jokes.
I have some serious anxiety about driving into downtown areas.
that is where the hospital is.
So this morning I wake up in a July 5th fog of funk to find that my shoulder has a knot the size of texas and as it turns out, if texas is in your shoulder it's hard to lift your arm or move your neck.
Perhaps there might be a touch of stress I'm experiencing.
So my head is a bundle of lists
things that need to be done
picking up his mail and the neighbors because they are out of town
watering his plants
cutting my daughters hair - which I was going to do yesterday, like so many other things.
my house is a mess (in my eyes)
I've not been able to teach her the things she wanted to learn this week
there are two loads of laundry that need rewashing because they were forgotten...and are now smelly
my garden needs attention
and the voice in my head starts to whisper
it's all on you though
you are in charge
you need to be the one to talk to the doctors
if any decisions need to be made, its all you lady
don't whine that you are the youngest or its not fair
life isn't fair, stop being selfish
there isn't anyone to stand in the gap, you can't check out
you are securely on the hook
it's all on you.
And that knot gets a little tighter as texas gets a little heavier.
But when life kicks you square in the berries you need to stop, catch your breath, suck it up and move on.
This too will pass. Texas will get lighter eventually....at least for a while.
The Lord knows my strength, it's His so I will trudge through this and figure it out as I go. Probably begging Him to help me not throw up in traffic as I try to drive to the hospital.
Filtering through the fog, nestled there in my heart is His peace. So if you see a smile on my face today, it is only that, shining through the muck.
Blessings for lighter loads, peace beyond understanding and His smile shining on and through you.
the Mrs.
I have no idea why these highlighted blocks keep appearing over certain sections.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
but first.....about your face.....
Yes, I'm aware I have been gone for an entire week and I have bloggy things to say about my vacation and even took a few pictures and planned a post about plant based eating while away from home.
In the words of Bob the Builder...."YES YOU CAN!"......yep, I just did that. Sorry.
So I'm back from a week of relaxation and I'm out doing my grocery shopping yesterday. I'm smiling and casually making my way around the stores....noticing peoples expressions.
Are you aware of the expression you hold as you wander through life? As you choose clothing or produce or just go for a walk, have you ever concentrated on the expressions that cross your face? What do they say about you to the world you encounter?
I often find myself wondering if people are really as miserable or angry as they look. Some of the people I saw, I smiled at....carefully, considering they appeared ready to rip the heads off of babies should they look tasty enough.
This isn't my first foray into pondering facial expressions. It is a recurring theme for me but most often repeated during grocery shopping. I have often caught myself with a scowl on my face and had that conversation with myself: Dude, what is my deal? I don't know. Am I ticked about something? No. Sad, depressed or just not happy that I'm doing the shopping? Uh no. Then get your head out of your rear and let your face reflect that you actually like your life and despite any trials claim joy! SMILE! ...and I do. I start making a point to smile at people who pass. Funny how the more you smile the more you actually want to.
I'm not advocating putting on a happy face to fake to the world that you are not miserable or having difficulties. What I am saying is that if I'm going to go to the trouble to do my hair, makeup or put thought into my clothes - all of which send a message about me to the people I encounter - why not put just as much effort into the expressions we carry because they reflect more about us than any of the other things. It also indicates our attitude...... The person who happens to be having a trial in life - whether it lasts 5 minutes or 5 years - that is focused on the trial going on and allowing the trial to color the big picture will miss every blessing that passes them by because all they can see is the big stinking wart in their life, and it will be bigger than its reality. But the person who sees the big picture in life and chooses to give each and every blessing credit in their life will balance out the trial and put it into a realistic perspective.
It's not about the glass being half full or half empty but about noticing the beautiful glass holding the contents.
Is your face an accurate representation of who you are an what you are about? Does it say I am loving and approachable? Or.......gee that baby looks tasty, get out my way! Grrrrr arg.
Don't hide who you are. Put your real face on!
Blessings of joy that oozes out your beautiful face.
the Mrs.
PS I also do not advocate eating babies. ya know....FYI.
In the words of Bob the Builder...."YES YOU CAN!"......yep, I just did that. Sorry.
So I'm back from a week of relaxation and I'm out doing my grocery shopping yesterday. I'm smiling and casually making my way around the stores....noticing peoples expressions.
Are you aware of the expression you hold as you wander through life? As you choose clothing or produce or just go for a walk, have you ever concentrated on the expressions that cross your face? What do they say about you to the world you encounter?
I often find myself wondering if people are really as miserable or angry as they look. Some of the people I saw, I smiled at....carefully, considering they appeared ready to rip the heads off of babies should they look tasty enough.
This isn't my first foray into pondering facial expressions. It is a recurring theme for me but most often repeated during grocery shopping. I have often caught myself with a scowl on my face and had that conversation with myself: Dude, what is my deal? I don't know. Am I ticked about something? No. Sad, depressed or just not happy that I'm doing the shopping? Uh no. Then get your head out of your rear and let your face reflect that you actually like your life and despite any trials claim joy! SMILE! ...and I do. I start making a point to smile at people who pass. Funny how the more you smile the more you actually want to.
I'm not advocating putting on a happy face to fake to the world that you are not miserable or having difficulties. What I am saying is that if I'm going to go to the trouble to do my hair, makeup or put thought into my clothes - all of which send a message about me to the people I encounter - why not put just as much effort into the expressions we carry because they reflect more about us than any of the other things. It also indicates our attitude...... The person who happens to be having a trial in life - whether it lasts 5 minutes or 5 years - that is focused on the trial going on and allowing the trial to color the big picture will miss every blessing that passes them by because all they can see is the big stinking wart in their life, and it will be bigger than its reality. But the person who sees the big picture in life and chooses to give each and every blessing credit in their life will balance out the trial and put it into a realistic perspective.
It's not about the glass being half full or half empty but about noticing the beautiful glass holding the contents.
Is your face an accurate representation of who you are an what you are about? Does it say I am loving and approachable? Or.......gee that baby looks tasty, get out my way! Grrrrr arg.
Don't hide who you are. Put your real face on!
Blessings of joy that oozes out your beautiful face.
the Mrs.
PS I also do not advocate eating babies. ya know....FYI.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
why do you do...that thing you do
Do you ever go back to basics and really contemplate, why? We make such deliberate choices about our cars, daycare, schools, clothes, jobs, electronics.....but the stuff that actually sustains and feeds the necessary functioning of our body - the one thing on that list that can't be replaced - we are mindless about it. We choose so much in life based on a basic code of who we want to be but often there is no code when it comes to food. Food is reduced to the importance of taste, speed, cost and convenience. Sure, we will justify having a $400 car payment but the price of an organic apple? Craziness. What do we value? What is our priority? Are we aware that we are putting tainted fuel into our bodies? If it was our car that was getting cheap additives that shortened the life of it's engine....we would be calling for our money back and a recall of the bad quality product.
Do we make decisions based on the opinions of others, which can be easily changed by their suggestions or do we make informed decisions and stand firm in them so that pressure and suggestion don't "toss us about like the waves of the sea"? (Eph.4:14)
What does "diet" mean to you? Is it a short term goal or a way of life?
Diet:
UPDATED: I have no idea what the highlighted wonky stuff is going on in the beginning of this post or how to fix it....so you have my apologies for the wonkadoodleness.
Do we make decisions based on the opinions of others, which can be easily changed by their suggestions or do we make informed decisions and stand firm in them so that pressure and suggestion don't "toss us about like the waves of the sea"? (Eph.4:14)
What does "diet" mean to you? Is it a short term goal or a way of life?
Diet:
- (Noun) The kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.
- (Verb) Restrict oneself to small amounts or special kinds of food in order to lose weight: "it is difficult to diet in a house full of cupcakes."
In trying to be purposeful about not pushing my diet on anyone and not shouting to the hills or getting all crazy about it, I've been listening more. It seems as if everyone is ON a diet (verb) instead of choosing a diet (noun).
I'd like to settle into noun. I'd like my "diet" to be stable, defined and comfortable - for me. No more diets (verb) of temporary fluctuation, doing this "for now" with the intention of changing it all again later when I get to my goal. I am making a conscious choice to be as intentional with my food as I am with other things in my life. When I make big decisions I do my research, I see if it lines up with my moral compass, my philosophy and approach to life. I shared not too long ago that I cancelled weight watchers, stopped measuring or counting.
My life choice is to eat a plant based diet. I will eat when I'm hungry, avoid animal products and oils will only be used sparingly during cooking. Will this potentially slow down my weight loss? Probably...but what is my main, "big picture" intention? Health. I feel amazing! My body is getting smaller and feels more healthy. I feel stronger and have more energy than I have in a decade or more. My food choices no longer cause panic and the risk of reaction has dropped to nothing. You can't change the ingredients in a tomato or lettuce! If the weight slows down, I'm okay with that because slow is better than nothing. There will be ups and downs sure but overall a bump in the road is nothing compared to the overall direction of how healthy I feel. Over the course of my life I suspect that my weight will continue to drop slowly and eventually stabilize out to where I should be. If I want to lose more, then I should move more.
Plant Based, Atkins, eat for your blood type, Mediterranean, cabbage soup, calorie counting, low carb, high carb, low fat, high protein, Vegan, Vegetarian, Slim Fast, Slimgenics, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Med Fast......it's no wonder people are confused! These are all labels, descriptors of how we choose what to eat and why....but I think we've stopped asking why and just said "okay, whatever you say."
None of them say the same thing! There are so many labels and some are moderately defined or so individual they carry no meaning. Others are programs based on restriction and other programs....well they kinda blow my mind. "Don't eat that banana but here, eat this packet of powder." All in the name of weight loss....not health....but if we were eating REAL food in healthy portions we wouldn't need to lose weight in the first place. There are redeeming qualities in a lot of programs but I'm coming to the conclusion that they all have the same flaw - they are temporary.
Yesterday our daughter (16) and I got into a conversation about food.....I don't remember what she asked but it started this conversation about diets, nutrition, the differences between vegan/vegetarian/pescatarian/plant based, protein needs and food in general. I started to have trouble answering questions, I never want to answer questions incorrectly (and teens talk so darn fast!), so I suggested that she watch Forks Over Knives because it would answer more clearly some of what she was asking. We would both have the same information and be able to have a conversation more easily about her questions. I wasn't equipped with the clinical answers and didn't want her to get the idea that this was a "fad diet" but that there was a great deal of research done about it. Regardless of what her opinion was at the end of the film, I was interested in what she thought.
So we watched it together and she asked lots of questions during the movie. At the end she said "I think I want to be pescatarian. I LOVE fish, I don't think I could give it up but the rest....I could do that." She followed it up with making a bold statement on FB about adopting a whole foods, plant based diet and eating fish. I expected interesting conversation but not that she would make this bold decision. What and how I eat has been a topic of conversation for years...she always has good questions and is curious. Last weekend it was about what vegan meant and was I a vegan.
I explained that I wouldn't call myself a vegan. The term is attached to a political/activist view point. I don't approve of the mistreatment of animals but animal rights has nothing to do with why I don't eat them. I don't care that they have a face or a mommy...some of the tastiest animals are pretty darn cute and I am not giving up my leather boots. (Don't shoot me.) I don't eat them because I feel so much better NOT eating them. Frankly I don't believe we were originally created to eat meat. My base line for eating a plant based diet is health, original design and the reality that most of my life I haven't felt good in my own skin. Some of that is weight, some of that is physical injury but most of that is illness. I still have weight to lose to increase that comfort factor but what I started for vanity has merged into wellness and health for my body...and my mind (sure there is vanity tossed in there as well...lets be real). I have made myself clear to her that this is HER decision, she will not receive any pressure or critique from me. Help on the other hand is available in abundance - but she needs to ask, and I'll help equip her with recipes and knowledge to merge into this as easily as she can. NO negativity or criticism about choosing to still eat fish. Its her choice and as she learns she may change her mind, but its hers to change. In the long term I think at the very least making a decision like this is a wonderful step of independence and will carry lots of lessons in making choices that aren't necessarily popular and how to stand your ground when others who don't understand your choices try to push you to conform to what they want for themselves. She's growing into such an interesting, intelligent and amazing young woman. I am so proud to be in her life!
Do you think about why you do the things you do? Why you eat what you eat? Do you care?
Blessings of firm ground to stand on and strength to stand against the crashing waves,
the Mrs.
Monday, June 11, 2012
happy Un-breakfast
"The first meal of the day is the most important." In my book typically the most un-enjoyable as well. I am not a breakfast eater. I simply do not enjoy breakfast foods. Much to my husbands disappointment, cold pizza or spaghetti for breakfast will make my eyes light up with delight....not pancakes or waffles. The idea of going somewhere on purpose to eat breakfast food kinda makes my nose crinkle and my eyes roll. Bleh.
BUT in this new "plant strong" lifestyle (it's not a "diet", those are temporary) breakfast IS important so I can keep going. I need those calories, at the very least, so my guts don't start to wrestle and see who gets to be the cannibal before lunch. As usual, I turned to Pinterest. Faithful friend and resource for all things easy to find and neatly categorized. And I found this awesome gem: Banana-Maple Oatmeal Cookies and made a few changes.
I went straight for the ground flaxseed in 2 tbsp of water for the egg replacement (ground fresh in a coffee grinder we use to grind spices) though I've not seen it "thicken" for me.
BUT in this new "plant strong" lifestyle (it's not a "diet", those are temporary) breakfast IS important so I can keep going. I need those calories, at the very least, so my guts don't start to wrestle and see who gets to be the cannibal before lunch. As usual, I turned to Pinterest. Faithful friend and resource for all things easy to find and neatly categorized. And I found this awesome gem: Banana-Maple Oatmeal Cookies and made a few changes.
I went straight for the ground flaxseed in 2 tbsp of water for the egg replacement (ground fresh in a coffee grinder we use to grind spices) though I've not seen it "thicken" for me.
- old fashioned oats because it's what I have.
- Organic whole wheat flour - not "white" whole wheat, something in the process of that kind of flour gives me that drunk reaction so I know that something is done there that isn't "natural".
- Instead of raisins I used either finely chopped prunes or dates. In the last batch I made I doubled the recipe and used a 1/4 cup of each.
- Walnuts. Like a whole cup of them broken up in to pieces. This made them a million times yummy.
The assemblage.
100% maple syrup....yum.
Chopped dates/prunes into a fine mush.
Breakfast is served.
I plan on doing a little more playing around with this recipe and seeing what I can do with it. I keep mine in the fridge because this is a really moist cookie and in the summer heat it will spoil faster. This is SO easy and so fast. I didn't use a mixer or anything. Just that wooden spoon and then two metal spoons for scooping onto the parchment.
Here's my version of this recipe so you don't have to jump back and forth.
Maple Nut Oatmeal Banana Cookies.
Makes roughly 18 cookies.
Refrigerate.
- 2tsp ground flaxseed mixed with 2tbsp water
- 1 cup oats (old fashioned or whatever you have)
- 1 cup organic whole wheat flour
- 1/2 tsp baking soda
- 1/2 tsp baking powder
- 1/2 tsp salt
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 1/4 cup finely chopped dates or prunes (pitted)
- 1/2 tsp Vanilla
- 1/2 cup Pure Maple Syrup
- 1 banana (thinly sliced or mashed)
- 1/2 tsp lemon juice
- 1/2 to 1 cup walnuts (or pic your favorite!)
Preheat oven to 375
Combine your ground flax and water first and set aside. It's supposed to thicken a bit but so far I haven't seen this....I may be doing something wrong but it works out fine anyway.
Throw everything in a bowl, adding the nuts after stirring until things are well incorporated. Adding the nuts last makes it easier to stir, toss those in and stir until they are evenly distributed.
Scoop onto a parchment lined cookie sheet and flatten them out a bit.
Bake 8-12 minutes, until lightly browned on the bottom.
Easy peasy! Sweet, chewy, crunchy and filling! LOVE them!
Blessings on your Monday for a beautiful beginning to a productive, wonderful week!
the Mrs.
Friday, June 8, 2012
veggies made me do it
To some the changes I've made recently would seem extreme. ....frankly in the past I considered something like this extreme or excessive. I've struggled to wrap my head around someones choice to just be a vegetarian....let alone a vegan.
Why in the world would anyone CHOOSE to give up BACON???
Yet, here I am. Eating plant strong and feeling the best I have in years. The energy levels that I am feeling are seriously blowing my mind. I (you may want to sit for this) got on the treadmill the other day just because I was feeling like I NEEDED to expend some energy! .....aliens have not invaded my body.....I don't think...
My mind is so much clearer. I don't feel like I'm walking in a fog anymore. I feel stronger and like I have a spark, my spunk is back! I asked Mr if he'd noticed any differences and he said that he sees more energy and that I seem happier. Happier? Yes, that is one of the crazy things I've noticed....I wasn't UNhappy before. I would say that in general I am a fairly happy and positive person but now? Pollyanna ain't got nuthin on me!
I feel like I am actually getting to watch myself change in the mirror every day. My face looks different. My cheek bones are starting to be more defined, my jawline too and that second chin I thought would never ever make its way back to wherever it was from.....its disappearing. Clothes fit differently. Shorts that were tight not that long ago slide on easily now and with extra room in some places! New clothes I bought only 2 weeks ago are now baggy! I had to buy new undies too. The weight is coming off slowly, but the fat....the visible markers of weight.....are melting off. I can see it in my hands, face, shoulders, legs....all over! Yesterday my brother in law saw a new picture of me on facebook....."this may seem like a dumb question but is that you?" I assured him that it was me and he proceeded to tell me how great I looked in the funniest best way possible that a younger brother in law can. It made my day!
I cancelled my weight watchers account. Yep, I did. I don't have any need to count or measure anything anymore. $$$ saved.
If you've been reading here for long you know that my struggle with food has been exhausting and consuming. My relationship with food has been more based on fear than nutrition. When I talked about food my only perspective was to preach about its danger.....this didn't go over well in many ways....but it was authentic. It was my truth and where I was standing, food had lost its goodness and was more of a cage for me. It was about restriction.
Not any more.
For the first time in several years I feel a freedom and enjoyment with food that goes beyond my kitchen. Last night we planned to go out to dinner to celebrate the Dude graduating from elementary school. (no kids menu for him, thank you) I checked out the menu ahead of time and decided I'd have a greek salad, no chicken, cheese or pita and a plain baked potato on the side. NO ANXIETY. No fear. Hesitation and negativity were not my dinner companions. There was no cloud of resentment or boredom hovering over me. I didn't need to struggle to not make negative comments about being bored by the same old restaurant dinner. I enjoyed it. Even my very first baked potato without butter was good! I felt full and satisfied at the end. No mental cloud or wave of confusion, no bloating or intestinal discomfort. I felt GOOD. I enjoyed going out!
This is one of those times where I feel so good I want to shout to the world that everyone should do this! Everyone should eat this way!! Like the euphoria of falling in love making you want to fix up everyone you know so they too can be THIS happy. Yep, that's how amazing this is. But I've learned from my past. Preaching to people who haven't asked or expressed interest....doesn't get you anywhere. Kinda works the same way with Jesus sadly. Restraint is my companion now. I have made choices that are working for me. I have made choices that are enhancing my life and even my relationships....because my attitude is positive. Preaching the poisons and sins of meat and processed foods will get you nowhere fast....and reduce your conversations quite a bit too. Before - fear and restraint were heavy in my conversation. Now, I am taking a new approach. I am living. I am living my choices, making them with joy and enjoyment and letting the world see the change in my body, my demeanor...me. I am choosing to allow the world to ask instead of getting on a soapbox and pointing my finger at the offenders. My job is to take care of MY body, not everyone else's. The nurturer in me struggles with that. Others in my life need to make their own food choices....even those closest to me....and I need to be able to respect them even if their nutritional choices concern or disgust me. It's not going in my body, so I need to shut up and be an example instead of a downer.
In my heart I would love for everyone I know to try this for a week, 2 weeks or take the Engine 2 challenge. I would love for everyone I know to feel this good and see the benefits that I have. Reality tells me that most will look at the choice I'm making and slap on the "vegan politics" and see "restriction" in neon flashing over my head. I don't feel restricted though. My craving for meat or dairy is totally gone. Has it been tough to learn to do a few things differently? Sure. All new adventures have their challenges and puzzles to solve but among all the food based Rubik's cube puzzles I've had to solve, this one has been the easiest.
Do I miss ice cream? Yep. But I'll figure that one out in time. For now I've figured out how to make amazing sherbet. (I'll show you how soon!) I have discovered the most amazing maple banana nut breakfast cookies and I am totally in love with them. They are so fast and easy to make! Double the recipe and freeze some. When you are in a pinch and don't have time for a full meal - grab and go! I've done it, it helps! I'll show you those too! Last night I had popcorn. How? I popped organic kernels in a paper bag in the microwave, drizzled a little walnut oil on and sprinkled with salt. It was good enough (even though I did slightly burn it) that Mr stole more than a handful...or three.
I hope to start being able to show you more of how I'm doing this and that it isn't hard at all. If you want me to address anything specific let me know.....though that would require someone to comment....ever....for this to not be just a one way conversation. ehem. Just sayin.
Blessings for a wonderful weekend to officially kick off summer!
the Mrs.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Best seat in the house.
We are merging into a whole new era in life. I could feel it coming but I didn't know it would be quite so quick. Our Wonderteen has been in her teen adventure for a while now, full of challenges and searching out her identity in life. She constantly impresses me and I love how our relationship is evolving as she grows and matures. The Dude though.....is morphing in the fastest most surprising way.
Today is "graduation" day.....from 5th grade.....essentially from elementary school. Next year is middle school. There is this whole other level of "graduating" happening underneath all of the obvious stuff. As the end of the year approaches its like he is transforming before our eyes.....from a little boy to a young man. There are lots of little things we are noticing that are totally surprising us that seem totally out of his norm - but in good ways. Here's the kicker though.....now that he is too old to be a participant in Sunday school at church, he wants to volunteer to help out with the younger kids and he asked if he could get a job at the farm behind our house.
The Dude is 11 years old. He wants a job. A real job. He wants to volunteer.
This graduation from 5th grade is morphing from some cheesy little graduation ceremony for the kids into something so much deeper....he's graduating from being a "little kid". End scene.
Enter....a young man. I'm not a mom who hates to see her kids grow up and wants them to stay little. I love it all. I love every year they get older. I love every new season in their lives and development into who they will become. It is one of the most exciting things I could be a part of as a human being, let alone as a mother. Now, with our second child....it's time to start walking next to him. Letting him take a bit of the lead, helping him detach the apron strings and gain his footing as he slowly merges into this new era in life. As parents it's time to start taking our hands off the wheel and letting him try steering a bit more. It's time to guide and counsel him through decisions as he starts to learn to make them on his own.
This young man is merging out of his norm, showing more grown up interests and being more adventurous. Whatever we expect him to do or say at this point needs to be thrown out the window.....it's time to watch and see. Its a front row seat to creation happening right here, right now, in all its mind-blowing amazingness.
Happy Graduation day Son. You impress me more than I have words to express. I have the best seat in the house for the best show on earth.
Blessings to you for an unobstructed view of the amazingness in your life.
the Mrs.
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