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Monday, March 26, 2012

weigh in monday 21 - 5 bucks

+.6   yeah.....not exactly wanting to write this post today.  BUT transparency and accountability need to go hand in hand to do their work.  Right?

Today is a day that weighs heavy in more than one way.....a final meeting with the school, test results and recommendations, if any.   I have been wound so tight about this meeting for so long (since before Christmas) that I'm not sure I recall being unwound anymore.  What I desire to do this afternoon and what I need to do are very different things.

What I would love to do is march in there and tell them to keep their "findings" to themselves and any suggestions they have, they can shove.  My boy is fine, happy, content and doing very well in life.....in every one's eyes but their tiny little group.  He is not required to fit into their box.

What I know I need to do is pray all day that I will listen more than I speak, that I will be slow to anger, that I will understand what they say - especially since they choose to speak in a way that assumes I speak their teacher language - that I will not cry and be all emotional because yes - AGAIN - the meeting is right when my "femininity" chooses to arrive with bags of hormones. (Funny story - this meeting was first scheduled to happen nearly 2 weeks ago but within 48 hours of being scheduled it was changed...twice.  It's like they were trying to calculate my cycle - for maximum effect - and the original estimation was off....you did indeed calculate correctly the last time.  Thanks.  I mean what would a meeting be with me as a normal, not overly hormonal, person? We will never know....) I need to remember that while these meetings are so heavy, negative and draining to me as a mom......it doesn't mean that the outcome will be.

I've found comfort in that other mom's feel the same dread, weight and negativity attached to these meetings even when the anticipated outcome is positive.  Deconstructing your child in this way is just plain unpleasant.  Knowing others feel this same build up of yuck helps me to feel a little less "crazy mom".  

I feel as rainy and gross as the weather outside today.

5 bucks needs to go into the jar.....guess I need to make that jar now.  Awesome.

Blessings for the weight you carry to be lifted from your shoulders today,
the Mrs.

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