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Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Gains and losses

There's a lot of reflecting in weight loss.  On food, what we did right and what we did wrong.  Exercise...the various options and what works for you, what makes you recoil and pretend you have no idea that it has a benefit.   Techniques, counting, posture, steps, combinations of foods, beverages, water, water, water....  What made us gain weight in the first place?  Laziness, stuffing emotions, trying to fill a hole, confusing spiritual hunger for physical hunger?   When was the last time I was at this new weight?  What was I doing at that time in my life and what did I think about how I weighed at that time?

In the last week or so I've been reflecting on that last one and how it affects me today.   I've noticed a pattern in my loss.  Each time I reach a weight that I can connect with a clear moment, memory, life event....I stumble.  I stop and seem to nestle into it.  I gain.  I can't seem to figure out why though.   Is there something I need to address in that memory?   Something I need to come to terms with?  

I honestly don't know.....but those markers are a danger to my loss.....to my motivation.   I'm in that rut right now.   I had hit my weight watchers low of 165.4.....memory attachment.....I reached this weight after Mr and I went on the Atkins diet.  I was pregnant not long after.  It was a fun time in life....besides all the fear that I wouldn't be able to conceive.    Obviously I did.

Maybe it's simply the mental hurdle of then I couldn't believe that I was that heavy and I was disgusted with myself and now I can't believe I've come this far and I'm actually seeing a number that low.   What was high has now become low.  Maybe it's just the collision of two vastly different emotions over the exact same thing?

Whatever it is, the simple awareness of this pattern needs to be put to use.  I need to address each of those landmark numbers equipped to push through, find ways to refresh my motivation in those times.  I have a goal to make....it might not be a date at this point but it is a date with a number.   I know, I know, "it's not about a number, it's about being healthy" but lets be honest......healthy is sometimes represented by a number.  That's what represents healthy to me.

I wonder if it's very common for those landmark numbers to trip others up - I don't mean a plateau but more that mental rut.

I'm here now....I recognize the pattern.....and now it's time to get out of the rut, reignite the motivation and move forward again.  I have gained 4.4lbs in this rut.   Time to kick them back out and push for the 50's, I want that half way mark!  I want to kick 30lbs in the butt and leave it in the dust!

Blessings for a motivational kick in the rear!
the Mrs.

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