Renee over at What's in an identity asked the question: Who has God put in your life that has made a difference and have you told them?
Immediately one person came to mind. And yes, I have told her.
She watched me before and after school when I was a kid. She cleaned homes for a living and often brought me with on days I didn't have school. She showed me the basics of cooking...not that I picked up on the cooking part much.....it was why she was cooking that stuck with me. She would make huge batches of food and put it in smaller containers. When she went to clean peoples homes, many of the people were older, she cleaned out the fridge and left them meals.
This woman modeled for me what it means to be a christian. She is full of selfless love. She was like a second mother to me. At first I thought she was crazy. In the morning she would bound down the hall in her night gown with a loud cheery "Good Morning GOD!!!" in this joyous sing-song voice. I was dropped off before she woke up for the day, her high school kids would leave the door open when they left for me, and I would go watch cartoons until she got up. On the way to school she would ask me in the car - "Have you talked to God today?"
Now, I was in elementary school.....I think in first and second grade when she started to watch me. It was a christian school but still....this kind of personal "chat with Me" God was not someone I'd been introduced to. God was still in the stories to me but she introduced me to His Person. I watched her and soaked it in quietly. She never preached to me or pushed me....but she lived what she said. She served those who were in need right in front of her, she did what she could with what she had.
Several years ago I wrote her a letter to tell her how she had impacted my life. That her example was a model of what I now, as a grown woman with a husband and children of my own, strive for. I learned more about what I wanted to be when I grew up from watching her than from anything I've ever done in my life.
The Lord used her to plant seeds in my young life that are still growing today. After she received my letter, I found out from one of her daughters that this letter had a profound effect on her. She proudly and tearfully shared the letter with her daughters, her small group and confessed that she thought she'd had no effect on anyone. That she'd done nothing to expand the kingdom. Knowing the effect she had on my life gave her joy and peace. It encouraged her walk.
I was shocked at her response. I was shocked at her self-doubt. This was a lesson I never forgot....when someone is a gift to you....tell them. Tell them how you appreciate them, tell them why and how they have impacted you. Share with them the imprint they have left in your life. Tell them often and tell them well.
Sometimes it doesn't sink in the first time....surprise has a way of dulling your ability to fully appreciate a compliment...some are just too humble to receive it all. If you can't say I love you too much, then you can't tell someone how much you appreciate them too often.
You are appreciated. You are loved. Thank you for being here. Thank you for reading.
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. ~ Hebrews 10:24-25
Blessings of love and grace,
the Mrs.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
the rack
The humorous things that come up when you are losing weight.....
Sunday I posted on Facebook: "I can't see the belly beyond the boobs"? It was hesitant and I ran it past Mr before doing it asking his opinion on the way I should phrase it....I said I felt weird using the word "boob" on facebook.....he didn't understand why......so I posted it and had several "likes" but no "comments". Which was fine.... cuz otherwise....awkward. Though that night my niece came by to go play volleyball with Mr and brought me a card. I was confused as I read: "Congratulations! All the miserable trips to the treadmill are paying off! I'm so proud of you!" I looked at her and she said, "You can't see your belly past your boobs, that's a big deal!" I laughed so hard. And....felt kinda awkward. BUT it was the sweetest thing!
So......on that note......everyone always says that the "girls" are the first to go when you lose weight. Right? I've heard people talk about the "elevator" and how it always starts at the top. This has always and continues to be true for me but while I was totally prepared for that particular area to shrink.....it isn't. Not kidding.
Yes, I find it funny, and yes my husband finds this to be a gift from God.....but it surely baffles me. As the rest of me slowly gets smaller....they look bigger. Here's the crazy catch too.....I went in to Lane Bryant to discuss the impending 'over the shoulder boulder holder' issue. The woman who does the sizing said that if your band size, or measurement around your ribs, goes down but your "cup" doesn't lose 'quantity' the cup size actually has to go UP to compensate for the smaller band. Wha? was my basic response, along with many confused and bewildered exclamations of how crazy this was.
It got crazier. Then I was told that the size I would need next....they don't carry.....it would be a "special order".......for real? I mean this is a "big girl" store right? No....I didn't say that out loud but in my head....ooooohhh yeah.....totally. I did however tell her to remeasure me because she must be wrong. Yeah......not so much. I left and decided to just keep what I had until I absolutely NEED something different.....I purchased nothing. So I am now a size that I cannot shop there for clothes anymore! HOOOORAYYYYY!!! Yes, that was HUGE.....or less huge....technically. But the underclothing situation will eventually hit the place where I HAVE to shop for something new......not exactly my fave shopping spree. Why do sizes have to be so weird?
So.....anyway.....I happen to find this hilarious. When I was skinny I was jealous that I didn't have much in the "girl" department, I gained weight and I thought the only good thing about it was that for the first time in my life I had cleavage...."like a real grown up woman".....now, I'm losing weight and totally fine, expecting, to lose a bit up top and.........they aren't going anywhere. Granted.....my husband is going to be a very happy man if this continues. I mean really.....I'm 5'3 when I get to 130lbs (my "lets see how I look and feel and then I'll decide if I want to lose more" goal) and the "girls" are still where they are at.....I have images of Jessica Rabbit and Dolly Parton in my head......now granted, when I look down I do not feel that I am anywhere near those sizes and I've always thought God gave me a man's rib cage by mistake BUT as a short chick.....I wonder if I'll have balance issues.
Bountiful blessings to you all,
the Mrs.
Sunday I posted on Facebook: "I can't see the belly beyond the boobs"? It was hesitant and I ran it past Mr before doing it asking his opinion on the way I should phrase it....I said I felt weird using the word "boob" on facebook.....he didn't understand why......so I posted it and had several "likes" but no "comments". Which was fine.... cuz otherwise....awkward. Though that night my niece came by to go play volleyball with Mr and brought me a card. I was confused as I read: "Congratulations! All the miserable trips to the treadmill are paying off! I'm so proud of you!" I looked at her and she said, "You can't see your belly past your boobs, that's a big deal!" I laughed so hard. And....felt kinda awkward. BUT it was the sweetest thing!
So......on that note......everyone always says that the "girls" are the first to go when you lose weight. Right? I've heard people talk about the "elevator" and how it always starts at the top. This has always and continues to be true for me but while I was totally prepared for that particular area to shrink.....it isn't. Not kidding.
Yes, I find it funny, and yes my husband finds this to be a gift from God.....but it surely baffles me. As the rest of me slowly gets smaller....they look bigger. Here's the crazy catch too.....I went in to Lane Bryant to discuss the impending 'over the shoulder boulder holder' issue. The woman who does the sizing said that if your band size, or measurement around your ribs, goes down but your "cup" doesn't lose 'quantity' the cup size actually has to go UP to compensate for the smaller band. Wha? was my basic response, along with many confused and bewildered exclamations of how crazy this was.
It got crazier. Then I was told that the size I would need next....they don't carry.....it would be a "special order".......for real? I mean this is a "big girl" store right? No....I didn't say that out loud but in my head....ooooohhh yeah.....totally. I did however tell her to remeasure me because she must be wrong. Yeah......not so much. I left and decided to just keep what I had until I absolutely NEED something different.....I purchased nothing. So I am now a size that I cannot shop there for clothes anymore! HOOOORAYYYYY!!! Yes, that was HUGE.....or less huge....technically. But the underclothing situation will eventually hit the place where I HAVE to shop for something new......not exactly my fave shopping spree. Why do sizes have to be so weird?
So.....anyway.....I happen to find this hilarious. When I was skinny I was jealous that I didn't have much in the "girl" department, I gained weight and I thought the only good thing about it was that for the first time in my life I had cleavage...."like a real grown up woman".....now, I'm losing weight and totally fine, expecting, to lose a bit up top and.........they aren't going anywhere. Granted.....my husband is going to be a very happy man if this continues. I mean really.....I'm 5'3 when I get to 130lbs (my "lets see how I look and feel and then I'll decide if I want to lose more" goal) and the "girls" are still where they are at.....I have images of Jessica Rabbit and Dolly Parton in my head......now granted, when I look down I do not feel that I am anywhere near those sizes and I've always thought God gave me a man's rib cage by mistake BUT as a short chick.....I wonder if I'll have balance issues.
Bountiful blessings to you all,
the Mrs.
Monday, November 7, 2011
measures of success
So here we are on weigh-in Monday.
I am less excited than I was last week, this is for sure. After sweating on the treadmill and wii boxing every day, counting my points and contemplating their quality, drinking all my fluids and getting in that green tea.....I have a whopping .2 loss.......that I will celebrate and then quickly leave behind.
There are other measures to consider.
Yesterday I looked down......then I smiled. I could not see my belly beyond my boobs.
Pants that once sat in the closet because they didn't fit correctly (one of those 'grabbed from the wrong pile' kind of accidents, a pair of jeans cut for someone with an indentation where a waist should be, something I did not have as I've been all kinds of round in the middle with chicken legs underneath) now.....are worn frequently....but don't fit correctly. They sag and hang loose in all kinds of places....including that waist that was once too tight.
Collarbones, buried from site have made a reappearance.
Thighs are shrinking so that even the jeans that fit, don't hug them as tightly.
My wedding ring is so loose I worry I'll lose it......but my mother's is starting to fit nicely.
Today I put on a size medium hoodie, my mother's, it zipped and wasn't too tight ( I'm not saying I made it look good, but it zipped easily). When I proudly put my hands in the pockets to check myself out.....I found a coin and a tissue left in the pocket the last time she wore it......blessings.
Attitude.....the biggest measure of success so far........seeing -.2 did not discourage me. Disappointed, sure but last week, without setting any crazy rules for myself, I made healthy choices.
I ate more fruit and veggies.
I got my treadmill pace up to 3mph, sustained for 30 minutes.
The effort I put into my work outs made me sweat, like for real sweat not just "glistening" like my mom used to call it.
The physical discipline has encouraged the mental discipline of pursuing the Lord's constant presence. The tension I felt in my spirit is lifting.....our conversations slowly extending in time. Gentle reminders that He is still there when my mind drifts.
My eyes are on next Monday and the next 2 pounds. My heart is happy, I am encouraged and motivated!
Hello -.2, thanks for dropping by! I'll have to leave you behind, I'm on to the next week and the challenge ahead, I've no time to look back if I'm going to charge forward!
C'mon Jesus, lets go!
Blessings of abundant joy to you,
the Mrs.
I am less excited than I was last week, this is for sure. After sweating on the treadmill and wii boxing every day, counting my points and contemplating their quality, drinking all my fluids and getting in that green tea.....I have a whopping .2 loss.......that I will celebrate and then quickly leave behind.
There are other measures to consider.
Yesterday I looked down......then I smiled. I could not see my belly beyond my boobs.
Pants that once sat in the closet because they didn't fit correctly (one of those 'grabbed from the wrong pile' kind of accidents, a pair of jeans cut for someone with an indentation where a waist should be, something I did not have as I've been all kinds of round in the middle with chicken legs underneath) now.....are worn frequently....but don't fit correctly. They sag and hang loose in all kinds of places....including that waist that was once too tight.
Collarbones, buried from site have made a reappearance.
Thighs are shrinking so that even the jeans that fit, don't hug them as tightly.
My wedding ring is so loose I worry I'll lose it......but my mother's is starting to fit nicely.
Today I put on a size medium hoodie, my mother's, it zipped and wasn't too tight ( I'm not saying I made it look good, but it zipped easily). When I proudly put my hands in the pockets to check myself out.....I found a coin and a tissue left in the pocket the last time she wore it......blessings.
Attitude.....the biggest measure of success so far........seeing -.2 did not discourage me. Disappointed, sure but last week, without setting any crazy rules for myself, I made healthy choices.
I ate more fruit and veggies.
I got my treadmill pace up to 3mph, sustained for 30 minutes.
The effort I put into my work outs made me sweat, like for real sweat not just "glistening" like my mom used to call it.
The physical discipline has encouraged the mental discipline of pursuing the Lord's constant presence. The tension I felt in my spirit is lifting.....our conversations slowly extending in time. Gentle reminders that He is still there when my mind drifts.
My eyes are on next Monday and the next 2 pounds. My heart is happy, I am encouraged and motivated!
Hello -.2, thanks for dropping by! I'll have to leave you behind, I'm on to the next week and the challenge ahead, I've no time to look back if I'm going to charge forward!
C'mon Jesus, lets go!
Blessings of abundant joy to you,
the Mrs.
Friday, November 4, 2011
on track
just a quick note
I feel jazzed today.....not as in "jazz hands" though I'm in a mood where I would.
Third day in a row of getting my rear on the treadmill and doing a session of wii boxing. In. A. Row. People. My house is suffering from my divided attention BUT my temple is thriving.
I'm already on my 3rd bottle of water - yep the detox stuff I posted yesterday - and I'm feeling energetic and motivated.
Why is it that after only a short time doing any sort of physical activity you suddenly feel like you are walkin around like superman? "See my new muscles?" I know the changes I feel are not visible yet but I'm glad that I feel motivated. I've caught myself thinking that since I doubled my goal last week I want to bust that one out this week....or on the opposite end that if I don't reach 2lbs it's no biggie because last week was awesome. BOTH ways of thinking are bad...I am trying to remind myself that last week is over. The only goal I am to think about, consider, strive for is this weeks goal 2 lbs. That's it. No comparing or looking back or making excuses. Only this week matters. Eye on the prize!
The only prize I have in mind is to get rid of this gut and recognize myself in the mirror again. Encouragement and striving forward to reach the goal is where my focus must lie. And with that the Lord places this verse on my heart.....
I feel jazzed today.....not as in "jazz hands" though I'm in a mood where I would.
Third day in a row of getting my rear on the treadmill and doing a session of wii boxing. In. A. Row. People. My house is suffering from my divided attention BUT my temple is thriving.
I'm already on my 3rd bottle of water - yep the detox stuff I posted yesterday - and I'm feeling energetic and motivated.
Why is it that after only a short time doing any sort of physical activity you suddenly feel like you are walkin around like superman? "See my new muscles?" I know the changes I feel are not visible yet but I'm glad that I feel motivated. I've caught myself thinking that since I doubled my goal last week I want to bust that one out this week....or on the opposite end that if I don't reach 2lbs it's no biggie because last week was awesome. BOTH ways of thinking are bad...I am trying to remind myself that last week is over. The only goal I am to think about, consider, strive for is this weeks goal 2 lbs. That's it. No comparing or looking back or making excuses. Only this week matters. Eye on the prize!
The only prize I have in mind is to get rid of this gut and recognize myself in the mirror again. Encouragement and striving forward to reach the goal is where my focus must lie. And with that the Lord places this verse on my heart.....
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that isset before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. ~Hebrews 12:1-2
Blessings of persevering energy to you,
the Mrs.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
detox water
yep, I'm going to bring up Pinterest again. I ran across something originally by Jillian Michaels - of Biggest Loser fame - that she recommended for getting rid of bloat and helping with the weight loss process.
It's easy to make and drink. Though, when I saw it posted it did not specifically describe how much tea and the reviews were that the drink was bitter. The ingredients are simple, dandelion tea, cranberry juice, lemon juice and water.
simple!.....but not the bananas...
More specifically: I steeped one cup of Dandelion tea (found in the tea isle at Target for me). 2 Tablespoons of cranberry juice (no sugar), and 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice. Mix this then add water to total 64 oz. I use a 2 liter pitcher that I keep in the fridge and a reusable water bottle that I fill through the day.
The water has some light flavor but nothing too strong. I have to share though that when I am drinking this regularly, I feel so good. I can't explain it but I can feel a difference. I mentioned this to my hubby who laughed and said "well, duh, you are detoxing your body.....of course you'd feel healthier." Yup, straight to the point....so true.
So here is one more way to get enough water in through the day, its less boring than plain water and more healthy than some packet of powdered chemicals. Yes, you do pee more....cuz I know you were wondering. Though when I drink this more often it levels out and I just feel GOOD. Though you do have to make a new batch every day since technically you are supposed to drink the whole pitcher each day.
I've got almost two bottles done (mine are 20 oz). I jumped on the treadmill this morning for at least 25 minutes and then did some wii boxing. My arms are sore from 2 days in a row of boxing but it's a good kinda sore. I can totally feel myself crashing right now.....I haven't had any green tea today and I slept awful last night. I think I fully woke up each time I moved....it was weird.
My brain won't focus on anything for long today so, I just thought I'd stop by and share this little tid bit since I made a pitcher today.
Have a great day!
Blessings,
the Mrs.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
sweet November
it evokes all kinds of emotions for me....
the anticipation of snow....the silent sound of it falling....
watching the snow fall, lit only by Christmas lights....
Christmas lights get me every time......this season is so full of joy for me.......nostalgic romance....
My husband and I met at the end of September. He lived in an apartment complex that now would probably seem much less romantic.....but at 20, living on your own, independence, was quite romantic.....the complex being called Camelot only added to the romance of it all.
The main living area contained hardly any furnishings, only one real chair and a couch that was really just a glorified cushion that folded up into a squishy couch looking thing. A broken desk stood on one end in the corner, serving as a corner "entertainment unit" holding the TV and VCR. One wall was all windows, stretching from the living room all the way through the kitchen/dining area. The room seemed big from so little filling it.
We'd had a conversation about stars one night...he knew many constellations and I knew but one....the big dipper......he thought it was funny and shocking all at the same time. Me with my snooty education knew nothing about the stars. The next time I came......he surprised me. He turned off the lights and led me to the middle of the big room and on one of the many bare walls in that same living room......he had placed glow in the dark stars in the shape of the big dipper with a crescent moon.
He hung the moon and the stars for me.
Cheap glow in the dark stars, stuck to a bare wall with yellow "tacky stuff"......still makes those butterflies flutter. Those stars and the long stretch of windows....he hung Christmas lights around the inside. Long hours of talking and getting to know each other in that room....lit only by the stars and the lights.....the windows frosted at the edges.....watching the snow fall in mountains that cars would get stuck in....including mine. We had to search for things to use as a shovel.....laughing in the middle of the night because I was surely going to be in trouble for coming home late....
Christmas lights remind me of the magic of falling in love. The lightness and wonder of seeing everything about someone with excitement and newness.....everything looks beautiful in Christmas light.
Yes, I'm a romantic. Yes, if I could have Christmas lights up all year I would. Mr, has a rule though....they can not be lit until thanksgiving and its probably better that way.....to save it as something special, something to anticipate and not be taken forgranted. I don't care much for the new LED lights....sure they are pretty and the color is crisp and clear.....but they offer none of the soft gentle light that I love.....no romance. Those old inefficient lights with the color that wares off of those tiny bulbs....the strands that half light up because you can't find the one single bulb that went out.......those are the ones I love. Efficient doesn't belong in romance....it doesn't have a place in Christmas either. Jesus wasn't about efficient......He romanced us with simplicity, with His very nature.....because He is enough. He is Love, romance, soft and gentle love that makes all things beautiful in it's Light.
I can't wait to put up Christmas lights.....the more the better.....no matter how cheesy it looks.
Blessings of His romantic love to you,
the Mrs.
Monday, October 31, 2011
week 1 - Score! and other awesome stuff
So - weigh in day! Am I smiling? You bet yer sweet bippy I am! What was that goal again? Minus 2 pounds?
Are you sitting down? -4.4 HELLLO! Yes. Yes and double freakalicious yes! I did not know I had that in me.....which apparently is now out....so to speak.
I spent the week reminding myself that two pounds was hard. I set up reminders to drink 3 20oz bottles of water a day and two cups of green tea - always loose leaf cuz 1, it just tastes WAY better and 2, it IS much higher quality for less and I can feel the difference. I stopped adding sugar to the tea....cuz that's a whole extra point. So even though I enjoy it much more with the sugar, I will drink it without and hope my taste buds get the picture....if not, I'll just chug it like medicine. It is SO worth the effect it has.
Exercise came easier than I expected - but I think it's because I didn't make a plan or a rule....ah rebellion, take that......I was on the treadmill at least twice and even did some wii fit boxing a couple of times. It's not much but it's something! Food and portion was my concentration. If I got hungry between meals I searched for fruit. I bought grapefruit because well.....it's yummy and those acids just do good things in the gut.
OH - and I made this:
Are you sitting down? -4.4 HELLLO! Yes. Yes and double freakalicious yes! I did not know I had that in me.....which apparently is now out....so to speak.
I spent the week reminding myself that two pounds was hard. I set up reminders to drink 3 20oz bottles of water a day and two cups of green tea - always loose leaf cuz 1, it just tastes WAY better and 2, it IS much higher quality for less and I can feel the difference. I stopped adding sugar to the tea....cuz that's a whole extra point. So even though I enjoy it much more with the sugar, I will drink it without and hope my taste buds get the picture....if not, I'll just chug it like medicine. It is SO worth the effect it has.
Exercise came easier than I expected - but I think it's because I didn't make a plan or a rule....ah rebellion, take that......I was on the treadmill at least twice and even did some wii fit boxing a couple of times. It's not much but it's something! Food and portion was my concentration. If I got hungry between meals I searched for fruit. I bought grapefruit because well.....it's yummy and those acids just do good things in the gut.
OH - and I made this:
 |
| frozen banana bites - yum! |
Pinterest strikes again. Lovely, perfectly ripened banana's dipped in smooth milk chocolate with a dusting of mutilated walnuts. I say mutilated because I took a metal ice cream scoop and beat them to a pulp. :) With the ingredients that I used each bite is only 1 point...but 5=4 points which is just even more awesomeness.
So now - back to this weeks goal - 2 lbs. I'm excited to see what I can accomplish because I never thought I would more than double it but what an awesome way to start!
Tonight we are going out to dinner and to a movie. I'm excited to have fun with my guys and the Dude has no idea we are going out and ending the night seeing Real Steel. He's gonna love it!
I'll try to be back tomorrow....I know I am not good at this daily thing but I'm trying.
Have a wonderful day, however you choose to spend it!
Blessings and less fluffy love,
the Mrs.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
ceaseless
Relationships and communication can be a struggle sometimes. The world is constantly talking to us about US. Products, advertisements, articles, news, radio, christian or secular.....they all come at us from a similar perspective. It's about you - what are you doing, wearing, going, saying, thinking, eating, praying, serving...how do you look, what do others think about you, what does it say about you.....before you know it....you've let it become about you.
I know that in my own mind I've been stuck in that rut. I try to force myself out for a while, a moment, an hour, longer.....but then I'm right back in that rut without even realizing it. Hmm.....here again, we arrive at goals.
Do you find yourself muttering to......yourself? Rehearsing a conversation or rehashing one that is long since over but now that you've had time to think about it you would be so much more articulate? I do that. I've always had that struggle.....I'm sure it's insecurity.....and possibly part inherited because I've noticed my father doing it since I was a kid.....maybe its a weird gene.... Whatever it is, I'm setting a goal to stop it. Again. Granted I've had this goal for years and many times. The goal is not just to stop, but to replace it, with conversation with Him.
My Lord who wants me to share with Him what is on my heart because I want to talk with Him. There was a time in my life where I'd reached a spiritual mountain top of ceaseless conversation with the Lord. I would talk with Him silently while in conversation with others, while doing the dishes, folding laundry.....He was my constant companion in everything I did. I could feel Him near and it became so natural and automatic, I couldn't not talk to Him.....it was a beautiful relationship.
While I love Him dearly still, somehow....through the ups and downs of life and trials.....my focus got distracted and it came off of Him and on to me. Our conversation went from ceaseless to sparse, from conversation to "prayer". That kind of formal thing where you are asking for help and stuff but not really having a conversation where you are waiting for the response.....because you expect one. Often I feel like prayer - for me - is a one way conversation where I am talking at Him instead of with Him. I miss the with. For too long my focus was on going back to where I used to be, the old mountain top. He has shown me that the old mountain top is gone but I learned valuable things there that I can apply to climbing a new mountain top with Him.
Like everything there are steps.....I cannot fight my human nature so completely that with a snap of a finger I can just jump up there. The Lord uses things to teach us, stretch and grow us through discipline and training. We are to "train yourself for godliness" 1 Tim 4:7. So in the same way that I know that I know the Lord can do whatever He wills in whatever way He chooses.....that He can just as easily drop me on that mountain top as cause it to rise up beneath me.....He doesn't want me to arrive there not knowing how I got there. He loves me too much to take away the learning process. If I don't learn how to get there, how will I know how to stay? I have already learned the value of His constant company by having lost it.....not because He left, but because I did. It is never He who leaves or abandons us, it is always us who provides the distance.(Heb.13:5) We get distracted and remove our focus from Him, we walk off to explore instead of walking with Him so closely we can feel His warmth.
So my ultimate goal is to climb that mountain with Him. The first step is to relearn how to hold my mind captive - 2 Cor. 10:5 - so that my flesh does not rule.
Each time I catch myself mumbling, rehearsing, planning a facebook or blog post.....I stop. I apologize and I begin to have the conversation with Him. It is a discipline and a challenge. In the past.....on that old mountaintop......it was out of an earthly need in my heart, an ache that needed filling. I had no idea there was a book about it.....people long before had written journals about their experience in this practice.
"Practicing His Presence" By Brother Lawrence/Frank Laubach
It is small, beautiful and draws me in every time....the sweet familiarity....
Now, in this season as I approach a new mountain....it is not an ache I need filled.....it is a longing for a rekindled relationship, a missing of the closeness we once shared. A void that can only be filled by Him.
The new goal - that can have no timeline - is pursuing the ceaseless conversation.
....I think there is only one step.....talk to Him.
Love and blessings,
the Mrs.
I know that in my own mind I've been stuck in that rut. I try to force myself out for a while, a moment, an hour, longer.....but then I'm right back in that rut without even realizing it. Hmm.....here again, we arrive at goals.
Do you find yourself muttering to......yourself? Rehearsing a conversation or rehashing one that is long since over but now that you've had time to think about it you would be so much more articulate? I do that. I've always had that struggle.....I'm sure it's insecurity.....and possibly part inherited because I've noticed my father doing it since I was a kid.....maybe its a weird gene.... Whatever it is, I'm setting a goal to stop it. Again. Granted I've had this goal for years and many times. The goal is not just to stop, but to replace it, with conversation with Him.
My Lord who wants me to share with Him what is on my heart because I want to talk with Him. There was a time in my life where I'd reached a spiritual mountain top of ceaseless conversation with the Lord. I would talk with Him silently while in conversation with others, while doing the dishes, folding laundry.....He was my constant companion in everything I did. I could feel Him near and it became so natural and automatic, I couldn't not talk to Him.....it was a beautiful relationship.
While I love Him dearly still, somehow....through the ups and downs of life and trials.....my focus got distracted and it came off of Him and on to me. Our conversation went from ceaseless to sparse, from conversation to "prayer". That kind of formal thing where you are asking for help and stuff but not really having a conversation where you are waiting for the response.....because you expect one. Often I feel like prayer - for me - is a one way conversation where I am talking at Him instead of with Him. I miss the with. For too long my focus was on going back to where I used to be, the old mountain top. He has shown me that the old mountain top is gone but I learned valuable things there that I can apply to climbing a new mountain top with Him.
Like everything there are steps.....I cannot fight my human nature so completely that with a snap of a finger I can just jump up there. The Lord uses things to teach us, stretch and grow us through discipline and training. We are to "train yourself for godliness" 1 Tim 4:7. So in the same way that I know that I know the Lord can do whatever He wills in whatever way He chooses.....that He can just as easily drop me on that mountain top as cause it to rise up beneath me.....He doesn't want me to arrive there not knowing how I got there. He loves me too much to take away the learning process. If I don't learn how to get there, how will I know how to stay? I have already learned the value of His constant company by having lost it.....not because He left, but because I did. It is never He who leaves or abandons us, it is always us who provides the distance.(Heb.13:5) We get distracted and remove our focus from Him, we walk off to explore instead of walking with Him so closely we can feel His warmth.
So my ultimate goal is to climb that mountain with Him. The first step is to relearn how to hold my mind captive - 2 Cor. 10:5 - so that my flesh does not rule.
Each time I catch myself mumbling, rehearsing, planning a facebook or blog post.....I stop. I apologize and I begin to have the conversation with Him. It is a discipline and a challenge. In the past.....on that old mountaintop......it was out of an earthly need in my heart, an ache that needed filling. I had no idea there was a book about it.....people long before had written journals about their experience in this practice.
"Practicing His Presence" By Brother Lawrence/Frank Laubach
It is small, beautiful and draws me in every time....the sweet familiarity....
Now, in this season as I approach a new mountain....it is not an ache I need filled.....it is a longing for a rekindled relationship, a missing of the closeness we once shared. A void that can only be filled by Him.
The new goal - that can have no timeline - is pursuing the ceaseless conversation.
....I think there is only one step.....talk to Him.
Love and blessings,
the Mrs.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
cuz its good to have goals?
Goal setting does not come naturally to me. I've never had a five year plan or had any sort of aspirations beyond growing in my faith or character.......or growing out my hair (duh, don't cut it. gee that was hard.)
So I've been thinking about how often I've failed at losing weight. How many times I've tried, had success and then as soon as real change it seen...I drop the ball. I get too comfy in that spot and all of a sudden, it starts creeping back on. So as I realized that I lost my happy little "5% lost" star in Weight Watchers - it turned a very sad grey - I realized I need to stop the pattern. I need to find a new way to do this.
I've read all kinds of inspirational stories and they get me all ramped up but that only lasts until the next morning. Then I'm too preoccupied taking care of my family and just doing my daily job. So I started to wonder.....why do I slip? How to I set a new focus, a different one than I've used before? Well....all of a sudden I realized that I don't know how to make a plan to get from point A - choosing the goal, to point B - the goal itself. There are all these in between steps and mini goals that seem so random and cloudy. Other people seem to get the specifics much better than I...who seems to choose the goal, visualize it as a reality and then wander off into the woods without a map.
SO. It's time for a plan.
Since focusing on a long term goal doesn't seem to maintain my attention, I need short term ones. I know, I know, I know all about setting a 1 month goal or a 10 lb goal........weight watchers has those percentage goals....which are awesome....BUT my brain is not registering that. The math or the time frame...whatever it is, it just doesn't have impact. I've been wandering through my week, counting or not counting points and waiting to see how much I will get to record that I've lost that week. Instead I need to set a weekly goal. That is the kind of "short term" I need. Something reachable, something I can actually wrap my brain around and not wait for but work for.
So here's what I came up with (if I've done my math right):
The big picture is 50 lbs lost between October 24th and April 16, 2012. (This does not include any weight I've already lost.)
That's 25 weeks from now - weigh-in days are Mondays.
Which equals a short term goal of 2 lbs lost per week.
Weight watchers says not to lose more than 2 lbs per week for real, sustained, long term loss. So 2lbs is within a safe and realistic zone. I haven't chosen something crazy or beyond my grasp. I have hit 2 lbs twice at this point. So it will give me something to work for and be intentional about - with only one week to focus on it. Then, move on to the next 2 pounds and the next week. I have a little box on every Monday from next week through April 16th to mark out my losses. Our family Christmas celebration happens to fall on a Monday so I have a "midpoint".....well, kind of mid point......goal written in my planner on that day to have hit (at least) 29 lbs total lost since I started - and 18 of the 50. I'm hoping that as the holidays near that gives me extra incentive to stay on track so that I can add this to the celebration that day.
Maybe there should be some sort of midpoint "reward" or celebration but ....I can't think of anything right now. So for now that's the details I've worked out. I'm not adding any extra requirements on myself or putting workouts into my schedule.....once I put too much structure or "rules" on things that's when I start to screw it up. I'm going to let that happen on it's own.
I think that this is something I can actually pull off. Feel free to hold me accountable and ask me whats happening if I don't mention it for too long. It's time to feel comfortable in my skin again and to simply be good to my body and bring it back into a healthy shape.
So far so good this week! Actually I've already surpassed the 2lb goal for the week BUT no counting chickens before they hatch! :)
It's time for one day at a time. I'm working through today, and I'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow and Monday when it gets here. I honestly think that the Lord is going to do wonderful things with this journey and will use this in other areas of my life - to grow and nurture me in other ways. I'm excited about the possibilities and to see what is in store.
Love and blessings to you,
the Mrs.
So I've been thinking about how often I've failed at losing weight. How many times I've tried, had success and then as soon as real change it seen...I drop the ball. I get too comfy in that spot and all of a sudden, it starts creeping back on. So as I realized that I lost my happy little "5% lost" star in Weight Watchers - it turned a very sad grey - I realized I need to stop the pattern. I need to find a new way to do this.
I've read all kinds of inspirational stories and they get me all ramped up but that only lasts until the next morning. Then I'm too preoccupied taking care of my family and just doing my daily job. So I started to wonder.....why do I slip? How to I set a new focus, a different one than I've used before? Well....all of a sudden I realized that I don't know how to make a plan to get from point A - choosing the goal, to point B - the goal itself. There are all these in between steps and mini goals that seem so random and cloudy. Other people seem to get the specifics much better than I...who seems to choose the goal, visualize it as a reality and then wander off into the woods without a map.
SO. It's time for a plan.
Since focusing on a long term goal doesn't seem to maintain my attention, I need short term ones. I know, I know, I know all about setting a 1 month goal or a 10 lb goal........weight watchers has those percentage goals....which are awesome....BUT my brain is not registering that. The math or the time frame...whatever it is, it just doesn't have impact. I've been wandering through my week, counting or not counting points and waiting to see how much I will get to record that I've lost that week. Instead I need to set a weekly goal. That is the kind of "short term" I need. Something reachable, something I can actually wrap my brain around and not wait for but work for.
So here's what I came up with (if I've done my math right):
The big picture is 50 lbs lost between October 24th and April 16, 2012. (This does not include any weight I've already lost.)
That's 25 weeks from now - weigh-in days are Mondays.
Which equals a short term goal of 2 lbs lost per week.
Weight watchers says not to lose more than 2 lbs per week for real, sustained, long term loss. So 2lbs is within a safe and realistic zone. I haven't chosen something crazy or beyond my grasp. I have hit 2 lbs twice at this point. So it will give me something to work for and be intentional about - with only one week to focus on it. Then, move on to the next 2 pounds and the next week. I have a little box on every Monday from next week through April 16th to mark out my losses. Our family Christmas celebration happens to fall on a Monday so I have a "midpoint".....well, kind of mid point......goal written in my planner on that day to have hit (at least) 29 lbs total lost since I started - and 18 of the 50. I'm hoping that as the holidays near that gives me extra incentive to stay on track so that I can add this to the celebration that day.
Maybe there should be some sort of midpoint "reward" or celebration but ....I can't think of anything right now. So for now that's the details I've worked out. I'm not adding any extra requirements on myself or putting workouts into my schedule.....once I put too much structure or "rules" on things that's when I start to screw it up. I'm going to let that happen on it's own.
I think that this is something I can actually pull off. Feel free to hold me accountable and ask me whats happening if I don't mention it for too long. It's time to feel comfortable in my skin again and to simply be good to my body and bring it back into a healthy shape.
So far so good this week! Actually I've already surpassed the 2lb goal for the week BUT no counting chickens before they hatch! :)
It's time for one day at a time. I'm working through today, and I'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow and Monday when it gets here. I honestly think that the Lord is going to do wonderful things with this journey and will use this in other areas of my life - to grow and nurture me in other ways. I'm excited about the possibilities and to see what is in store.
Love and blessings to you,
the Mrs.
Monday, October 10, 2011
just another manic monday........
OOOOO, ooh, ohhhhhh
SO today I am babysitting my great-nephew. He's nearly 4 and a super talker! He is hilarious. We have already debated the yummyness of boogers - I took the con side. Discussed what monkeys eat - apparently they swing from trees to pick and eat corn.....cuz that's where the corn grows ya know. Then he made me laugh hysterically when he started a rendition of "brown chicken, brown cow" from the backseat. Oh this kid is funny FUNNY! And he quite obviously picks up on anything said around him.
We have gone to the grocery store - wow, I haven't done that with a toddler in a LONG time! He's a good kid tho so it wasn't too hard....just lots of questions and remembering to keep the cart just far enough away from things to keep him from grabbing them. Now we are in a Disney movie marathon.
So today, I'll try to get some laundry done and my plan is to get chili going. I just know my Mr will be overjoyed at that one since he's been asking for it. :) Babysitting throws me off just a bit but I think I compensated well by tackling most of my grocery list last night, so it's one less thing on my list today. Oh man....just realized I haven't even written today's to do list down or flipped the page to this week in my planner.....see....penny on the railroad tracks. Derailed already! Oh well! It's a joyful derailment! :)
Random mention here: I have to say that Pinterest has totally made coming up with new meals easier. Not to mention keeping track of the recipes! I am horrible at writing things down especially when I'm in a hurry but with this, I can peruse when I have time and then just pull it up when I'm ready to cook or make my grocery list.
Alright - time to gather up all the clothes and then get some lunch going!
Hope you are all starting off your week feeling blessed!
Blessings and love,
the Mrs.
SO today I am babysitting my great-nephew. He's nearly 4 and a super talker! He is hilarious. We have already debated the yummyness of boogers - I took the con side. Discussed what monkeys eat - apparently they swing from trees to pick and eat corn.....cuz that's where the corn grows ya know. Then he made me laugh hysterically when he started a rendition of "brown chicken, brown cow" from the backseat. Oh this kid is funny FUNNY! And he quite obviously picks up on anything said around him.
We have gone to the grocery store - wow, I haven't done that with a toddler in a LONG time! He's a good kid tho so it wasn't too hard....just lots of questions and remembering to keep the cart just far enough away from things to keep him from grabbing them. Now we are in a Disney movie marathon.
So today, I'll try to get some laundry done and my plan is to get chili going. I just know my Mr will be overjoyed at that one since he's been asking for it. :) Babysitting throws me off just a bit but I think I compensated well by tackling most of my grocery list last night, so it's one less thing on my list today. Oh man....just realized I haven't even written today's to do list down or flipped the page to this week in my planner.....see....penny on the railroad tracks. Derailed already! Oh well! It's a joyful derailment! :)
Random mention here: I have to say that Pinterest has totally made coming up with new meals easier. Not to mention keeping track of the recipes! I am horrible at writing things down especially when I'm in a hurry but with this, I can peruse when I have time and then just pull it up when I'm ready to cook or make my grocery list.
Alright - time to gather up all the clothes and then get some lunch going!
Hope you are all starting off your week feeling blessed!
Blessings and love,
the Mrs.
Monday, October 3, 2011
So much for consistency!
Okay....so I said I'd be writing more about life in general and not limit myself huh....so why haven't I been on?
I am still not in the swing of the season. Strangely it's taking longer than usual BUT I have pulled out my schedules again and am going to get back on track. I have seen so many people have routines in their Homemaking binders, or whatever you may call yours, and they all vary so much. I came to the conclusion that a rotation worked best for me. So I work with four sheets, one for each week of the month and I have four sets - one for each season. Because lets face it, I'm not gardening in February when there is 5 feet of snow outside.
I also got myself a day planner....hmm....maybe I mentioned that already...anyhoo...so far I feel like it's helping. As the kids get older and with my Mr's work stuff I need to keep things organized or something will fall straight off the radar!
I am still not in the swing of the season. Strangely it's taking longer than usual BUT I have pulled out my schedules again and am going to get back on track. I have seen so many people have routines in their Homemaking binders, or whatever you may call yours, and they all vary so much. I came to the conclusion that a rotation worked best for me. So I work with four sheets, one for each week of the month and I have four sets - one for each season. Because lets face it, I'm not gardening in February when there is 5 feet of snow outside.
I also got myself a day planner....hmm....maybe I mentioned that already...anyhoo...so far I feel like it's helping. As the kids get older and with my Mr's work stuff I need to keep things organized or something will fall straight off the radar!
Here's my schedule and day planner. I have a copy of my schedule in my binder (of which I now have two! - one for home and one for family) but the ones I use are in plastic sleeves and held together by a metal ring. That way I can move them easily from place to place without messing with my binder but still keep track of what I need to be doing.
I am in an epic fail cycle with weight watchers. Before school started I took a break from counting and managed to hold still for nearly a month....then....September hit and I just seemed unable to get back on track and I couldn't figure it out. Now we are in October and I have regained about 5lbs - 5! It may not seem like much but considering where the weight goes and my 5'3 frame - they are visible. TOTALLY visible and they mock me. Lame. SO, I had some sort of light bulb moment and realized that my fairly extensive vitamin regimen was off. I hadn't taken vit C in weeks and a couple of other things were out.....so I wondered....and then I read some random link between hunger and vitamin C levels and figured, what the heck! SO I reordered and restocked - and guess what just came to the door!
Yup those are all mine.
I've never been so excited to pop pills. :) Hopefully I can get my body back to feeling normal - for me - and crack the whip on points and getting activity in daily. Something has got to give!
On other notes - today is the 13th anniversary of the day I married my Mr. All those years ago people didn't think we'd make it. It was silly for us young 21 and 22 year olds with a little one to think we could be grown ups. But we did it. Today I am so proud of our story. I am so thrilled and blessed to have had a front row seat to watch what the Lord was going to do in our lives, how He was going to grow my Mr into such an amazing (not to mention smokin hot) man of God. Our anniversary is so cool because it's also the anniversary of us becoming a family. I got a package deal - wife and mother in one swoop! She's gone from my punkin head to my wonder teen - she went to homecoming last weekend! Craziness.
Happy anniversary to the most amazing man I know. I could not have dreamed up a man as wonderful as God has made you. I am blessed to be your wife and with each year I fall more deeply head over heels for you. I love you so much!
I'll be back......hopefully sooner than later.... :)
Blessings,
the Mrs.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Sauce anyone?
This post brought to you via iPod touch......let's see how this works with a technology challenged user at the wheel. :)
So the last few days I've been converting 6 boxes of tomatoes into spaghetti sauce.
I would like to not touch another skinned mushy tomato any time soon, thank you very much!
I leave you with these images.....before and after.
Or an after and before since I can't seem to flip the pictures around.... 8}
Blessings and saucy love,
the Mrs.
So the last few days I've been converting 6 boxes of tomatoes into spaghetti sauce.
I would like to not touch another skinned mushy tomato any time soon, thank you very much!
I leave you with these images.....before and after.
Or an after and before since I can't seem to flip the pictures around.... 8}
Blessings and saucy love,
the Mrs.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
permissions and restrictions
I have begun and ended several blogs. Some public, some private. In the end the failure comes from the rules I set up in my own mind.
I read many blogs. Some have focus on one particular area or topic, some are just sharing life...They are done well and I've learned many things from reading. When I set out on this particular blog "fit for him" I intended to focus in on just my journey of searching out what it meant to be a godly wife. I intended stay put right there and not drift off to other topics. When something came to mind that I didn't think fit into those parameters....I determined I couldn't post about it and therefore...there was no post at all.
I restricted myself right out of my own blog. Brilliant.
I was reading a new blog yesterday and this woman talked about giving herself permission in certain areas of life...it sparked thoughts in my mind and once again I found myself, telling myself, that it didn't fit....no post. Then I remembered reading a post from someone long ago where they said.."its my blog. I'll write it if I want to." And I thought.....I'm giving myself permission. It's my blog. I need to take it out of the box.
Then as I puttered around I began to think about what I've been doing and thinking over the summer. The thoughts and experiences I've had...seasons in life and in nature that rotate through. I contemplated if the title needed changing.....if I opened wide my subject matter to all things, thoughts and seasons.....would it still "fit"?
Yes.
In all seasons and rotations I am both striving to be fit for him, while simultaneously being fit for Him.
My Lord made me fit for Himself because He made me just how He wanted me. Muddled, reflective, pondering, serious and a little wacky.....He wired me to nurture anything and anyone I came in contact with. He made me strong and stubborn so that when crazy crash-lands in the road, I cling hard to the guardrails and cannot be thrown. My scars become lessons to love on others......sweet wisdom instead of bitterness.
I am learning to be fit for him....the husband I love with all my heart. I have grown as a wife and mother because I strive to learn from Him what I should be for him.
I am also striving to be fit. In the last several months I joined Weight Watchers with my Mr and we have both lost weight. 25 for him and 15 for me. I feel better physically but even more so, I feel more confident in my skin. So I'm striving to be fit for Him and him in many ways every day.
It fits.
So moving forward.....there will be more random posts. More reflections, hopefully more pictures and even some of that wacky side.
So what have I been up to while I've been banning myself from posting?
Till next time!
Blessings with love,
the Mrs.
I read many blogs. Some have focus on one particular area or topic, some are just sharing life...They are done well and I've learned many things from reading. When I set out on this particular blog "fit for him" I intended to focus in on just my journey of searching out what it meant to be a godly wife. I intended stay put right there and not drift off to other topics. When something came to mind that I didn't think fit into those parameters....I determined I couldn't post about it and therefore...there was no post at all.
I restricted myself right out of my own blog. Brilliant.
I was reading a new blog yesterday and this woman talked about giving herself permission in certain areas of life...it sparked thoughts in my mind and once again I found myself, telling myself, that it didn't fit....no post. Then I remembered reading a post from someone long ago where they said.."its my blog. I'll write it if I want to." And I thought.....I'm giving myself permission. It's my blog. I need to take it out of the box.
Then as I puttered around I began to think about what I've been doing and thinking over the summer. The thoughts and experiences I've had...seasons in life and in nature that rotate through. I contemplated if the title needed changing.....if I opened wide my subject matter to all things, thoughts and seasons.....would it still "fit"?
Yes.
In all seasons and rotations I am both striving to be fit for him, while simultaneously being fit for Him.
My Lord made me fit for Himself because He made me just how He wanted me. Muddled, reflective, pondering, serious and a little wacky.....He wired me to nurture anything and anyone I came in contact with. He made me strong and stubborn so that when crazy crash-lands in the road, I cling hard to the guardrails and cannot be thrown. My scars become lessons to love on others......sweet wisdom instead of bitterness.
I am learning to be fit for him....the husband I love with all my heart. I have grown as a wife and mother because I strive to learn from Him what I should be for him.
I am also striving to be fit. In the last several months I joined Weight Watchers with my Mr and we have both lost weight. 25 for him and 15 for me. I feel better physically but even more so, I feel more confident in my skin. So I'm striving to be fit for Him and him in many ways every day.
It fits.
So moving forward.....there will be more random posts. More reflections, hopefully more pictures and even some of that wacky side.
So what have I been up to while I've been banning myself from posting?
- I've been counting points with Weight Watchers on-line....which by the way is the easiest most helpful no-brainer way to lose wight while eating NORMAL NON DIET food. It's all about portion control people and I'm finally getting it......or getting rid of it.
- I've been gardening. It's been a tough season for gardens here between a really screwed up spring, lots of rain and then mega heat with temps over 100 and now we've already had frost. My tomatoes didn't do well...no ones did. That was a bummer.
- I spent the summer watching how my kids have grown and loving how well they get along. 10 and 15 now they are both competing for listening ears....especially the teen. Wow, did I talk this much and that fast at 15? Was I THAT random? She is becoming amazing to get to know as a person not just a child to parent.
- I abandoned books for lack of concentration over the summer and got completely lost in the chaos...as did all my routines around the home.
- I found Pinterest and got addicted. Seriously, I love it. I've found awesome recipes and have been vicariously "shopping" pictures to learn what my style is. I figured out that I had lost any sense of individual style when I gained weight and simply settled for things that fit and didn't make me want to hide.....granted I felt that way anyway. I'm short. 5'3 short. So on me small amounts of weight make a big difference in either direction. So while 15lbs may not be huge (especially when the ultimate goal is 60lbs lost) it means I've dropped from a size 18 to a Large in tops (I've no clue what number that is). THAT IS HUGE! Not much is happening around the middle yet where most of the weight is centered but I believe I've lost one size there....I'm feeling a bit uneven. haha!
- School has started now, which I LOVE. Not because my kids are gone but a bit because my kids are gone. I love the structure of the school year. The concrete daily markers that do not move; morning routines are set, drop off/pickup times are steady and it gives me structure to my work day and my brain. So now that the second week of school is done and I've begun to create order out of chaos and try to catch up on things that were let go.....canning season has hit with vengeance.
- canning....I've made LOTS of pickles this year, refrigerator and bread and butter. Remember that early frost? Yep that means that tomatoes all had to be picked and the day before the frost was our local farmers market......I bought 6 - yes SIX - boxes of tomatoes. I got thru
Till next time!
Blessings with love,
the Mrs.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
When the burn of insignificance lingers.....
Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap,
they have neither storehouse nor barn,
and yet God feeds them.
Of how much more value are you than the birds!
Luke 12:24
As the Father has loved Me,
so have I loved you.
Abide in My love.
John 15:9
Can a woman forget her nursing child,
and not have compassion on the son of her womb?
Surely they may forget,
yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.
You walls are continually before Me.
Is. 49:15-16
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Ps 147:3
I love those who love Me,
and those who seek Me diligently will find Me.
Prov. 8:17
Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you;
He will never let the righteous fall.
Ps. 33:22
I am your Creator.
You were in My care even before you were born.
Is 44:2
Draw close to God and God will draw close to you.
James 4:8
No mere man has ever seen, hear or even imagined what wonderful things
God has ready for those who love the Lord.
1 Cor. 2:9
Because the Lord is my Shepherd,
I have everything I need.
Ps. 23:1
Be still,
and know
that I am God.
Ps. 46:10
For the Lord God is living among you. He is a mighty Savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With His love, He will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.
Zeph. 3:17
For God has said, I will never fail you.
I will never abandon you.
Heb. 13:5
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;
He rises up to show you compassion.
Is. 30:18
The Lord will fight for you and you have only to be silent.
Ex. 14:14
My soul thirsts for You.
Ps. 143:6
You O Lord are a shield for me.
Ps. 33:3
To the world you may be one, but to One you are the world.
Blessings,
the Mrs.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Anniversaries and growing
The 4th of July brings celebrations, gatherings, good food and dazzling displays in the night sky....for most.
The last time I truly celebrated this holiday of Freedom and Independence was the eve of my mother's death. We may have had the best party we've ever hosted.....the neighborhood fireworks just over our house were spectacular and we all had a blast until the wee hours of the morning. I was woken up on the 5th by a stunned and shocked husband who didn't know how to tell me that my mom had died in her sleep the night before.
I have not celebrated the 4th since.....not properly anyway. It has been 7 years. I carry guilt that my family misses out on celebrations...fireworks....but as much as my husband craves more social activity and strives to push me, as gently as he is able, to create new happy memories....I seem to just get stuck at this time of year. Its not conscious.....but seemingly independent of my own choice. My spirit remembers before I do I think. I find myself as the day approaches and wondering why....."that time of the month?" I ask myself.....many times I don't figure it out until the calendar makes that connection a day or two before.
But....I know that the Lord blesses us through trials.....He stretches and grows us into being more than we were. I am stronger and more capable. When my mother was alive my independence was wound around her approval. I moved through grief and confusion and one of the darkest seasons of my life to find freedom and independence. Neither are easily gained......both are a process and sometimes a war is needed to break free.
This morning I almost feel as if He has allowed a new ray of light to shine on this event in my life. So often I tell people that if you take a hurt or situation and you can just turn it on it's side and examine it from a different angle/perspective, it looks so much different. Many times it's much less menacing.....sometimes the loveliness buried inside of it just spills out and the blessing is discovered right there at your feet.
While I miss my mother terribly.....and all too often I have that moment where I look around at my life and wish she were standing next to me to see it all....to see my kids and love on them the way a grandmother should.....I love the Lord for His wisdom. I don't blame Him and have never been angry at Him. I know without a trace of doubt that He loves me without hesitation and His vantage point of my life is so much bigger and better than mine. He knows best. He knew that the only way I would become independent in life was to be independent of her. He knew that the bond we had held me back, that fear of her disapproval put chains on me that He didn't desire me to carry.
He knew what was necessary for my freedom to become a reality....there was a time of being carried through.....and then my loving Father set me back down and walked beside me through the war that waged for my soul. He made me, He knew I was strong enough....He knew I would be silent for a while and He knew when I would cry out for Him. He knew I would walk away with sharp edges and would need time to be aware that those places had formed within me and then ask Him to help soften them again.
He knew that without her I'd be capable of more than with her. She was a good mother, she loved me so much she put me at the center of her universe.....I have wonderful memories and He has blessed me with her laugh. Jesus is all too aware of the goodness that comes out of trial and pain. It's how He purchased our freedom. He knows that we need to fight for ourselves sometimes.....that while we are already free, there are still battles to be fought and chains to be broken to be aware of the freedom we really have. To claim it as our own.
Today is the anniversary of our nations independence.......but for me....this might just be more than an anniversary of missing and grief......but an anniversary of growth, freedom and my own independence.
Today I need to learn to claim this gift. To see it as He intended it.....what is best for His child.....that I am no longer who I was. I am better. Stronger. Independent. Free.
Happy Independence Day.
With love and blessings,
the Mrs.
The last time I truly celebrated this holiday of Freedom and Independence was the eve of my mother's death. We may have had the best party we've ever hosted.....the neighborhood fireworks just over our house were spectacular and we all had a blast until the wee hours of the morning. I was woken up on the 5th by a stunned and shocked husband who didn't know how to tell me that my mom had died in her sleep the night before.
I have not celebrated the 4th since.....not properly anyway. It has been 7 years. I carry guilt that my family misses out on celebrations...fireworks....but as much as my husband craves more social activity and strives to push me, as gently as he is able, to create new happy memories....I seem to just get stuck at this time of year. Its not conscious.....but seemingly independent of my own choice. My spirit remembers before I do I think. I find myself as the day approaches and wondering why....."that time of the month?" I ask myself.....many times I don't figure it out until the calendar makes that connection a day or two before.
But....I know that the Lord blesses us through trials.....He stretches and grows us into being more than we were. I am stronger and more capable. When my mother was alive my independence was wound around her approval. I moved through grief and confusion and one of the darkest seasons of my life to find freedom and independence. Neither are easily gained......both are a process and sometimes a war is needed to break free.
This morning I almost feel as if He has allowed a new ray of light to shine on this event in my life. So often I tell people that if you take a hurt or situation and you can just turn it on it's side and examine it from a different angle/perspective, it looks so much different. Many times it's much less menacing.....sometimes the loveliness buried inside of it just spills out and the blessing is discovered right there at your feet.
While I miss my mother terribly.....and all too often I have that moment where I look around at my life and wish she were standing next to me to see it all....to see my kids and love on them the way a grandmother should.....I love the Lord for His wisdom. I don't blame Him and have never been angry at Him. I know without a trace of doubt that He loves me without hesitation and His vantage point of my life is so much bigger and better than mine. He knows best. He knew that the only way I would become independent in life was to be independent of her. He knew that the bond we had held me back, that fear of her disapproval put chains on me that He didn't desire me to carry.
He knew what was necessary for my freedom to become a reality....there was a time of being carried through.....and then my loving Father set me back down and walked beside me through the war that waged for my soul. He made me, He knew I was strong enough....He knew I would be silent for a while and He knew when I would cry out for Him. He knew I would walk away with sharp edges and would need time to be aware that those places had formed within me and then ask Him to help soften them again.
He knew that without her I'd be capable of more than with her. She was a good mother, she loved me so much she put me at the center of her universe.....I have wonderful memories and He has blessed me with her laugh. Jesus is all too aware of the goodness that comes out of trial and pain. It's how He purchased our freedom. He knows that we need to fight for ourselves sometimes.....that while we are already free, there are still battles to be fought and chains to be broken to be aware of the freedom we really have. To claim it as our own.
Today is the anniversary of our nations independence.......but for me....this might just be more than an anniversary of missing and grief......but an anniversary of growth, freedom and my own independence.
Today I need to learn to claim this gift. To see it as He intended it.....what is best for His child.....that I am no longer who I was. I am better. Stronger. Independent. Free.
For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yolk of slavery. Galatians 5:1
Happy Independence Day.
With love and blessings,
the Mrs.
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