The Word tells us "the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9) Our emotions get the better of us all too often don't they? We get wrapped up in the fear, pain, or even the joy of an experience and lose all sense of judgement and can't grasp of the reality of the big picture.
I found myself there yesterday.....as was obvious in my post. Each time I tried to share with Him my fears and hesitations about it, my mind would wander off into rehearsing how I would come to my son's defense. Time and again, I would have to come to a stop and realize how pointless the train of thought was.
Stop, turn around.
Start again, move forward and ask for peace. Trust that He has this under control and His plan for my son is better than any dream I could come up with for him.
As I got ready I pulled out my iPod and selected two songs. Thy Word. and Doxology. I listened and soaked it in.
Then I moved to sit at the new place I've carved out in the house (a "command central for mom" I guess) I knew I needed to stop and refocus. Be still. I looked up at the wall and the neon green post it I put there months ago screamed at me.
Yes. I hear You. You're right. I'm focusing on all the wrong things.
I sat with that a moment. I grabbed my devotional "Morning and Evening" by Charles Spurgeon. I opened it's broken and worn pages and read the entry for Morning. "My Heavenly Father". Sweet reminders in the words of how much He cares and how much more He desires for us. I settled into that for a bit. Then I reopened my Bible to where I'd left off the day before....1 John 2 "Christ Our Advocate" was the heading to that chapter.
I hear You. Okay....I'll stop thinking and start talking. Today I dropped the ball....or maybe more specifically.....I took it from Your more capable hands. I'm no good on my own.....with You I can do anything. I'm sorry. Take it back. I'm Yours. He is Yours. This, is Yours.
I left early to sit in the pickup line. Jesus Culture in the CD player started up with the engine....I hear You.
Opening my book - Practicing His Presence - the next chapter meeting me where I needed "Recalling the wandering mind". The first phrase: "Yours is not an unusual experience." Further on: "If your mind sometimes wanders or withdraws from the Lord, do not be upset or disquieted. Trouble and disquiet serve more to distract the mind further from God than to recollect it."
By the time I entered the meeting I was at peace. When we left I remarked to my husband that it was the very first team meeting (in the 1.5 years our son has been at this school) that was more positive than negative. The very first time I heard genuine comments about how responsible he is, how confident he is....
True. Honorable. Just. Pure. Lovely. Commendable. Any excellence...
....anything worthy of praise....
He took care of my heart.....cast away my doubt and fear and reminded me who is really in charge. I praised Him on the way home. Resting in His hand, joyfully.
This morning that post-it drew me in again. Sharing with at least two people....His words not mine.....firmly replanting the reminder in my own mind as I did. Warming my heart that they needed it as much as I did.
Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart.
~ Jeremiah 29:12-13
Blessings of deep, abiding love, drawing you nearer to Him,